What are some of the most frustrating things about being a caregiver?

Watching your mom turn into a monster and still being there to care for her while everyone else in the family stays completely quiet.

Not only do I have to deal with the grief, but also the abuse from her and the family in their deafening silence.

For me it's the constant complaining. I'm taking care of my mom, she moved into my house. In general, she can be quite pleasant at times, and I owe her everything for her sacrifices to me and my siblings. It's just the constant fussing and yelling at me for "pushing" her when I'm just trying to keep her from falling. Her mobility is getting worse by the day. I understand her frustration at not being able to do things as she has in past. I have a PT coming in Wednesday to assess the situation. My sister has been great, I helped her and BIL when they had my dad, she helps me. I had a heads up as to what to expect. We work as a team. It disheartens me to see that as a male caregiver, I'm in the minority. That and hearing about other family members that won't do anything. My mantra lately is just get the job done to the best of my ability. It's not an easy journey by any means, and the ending to this movie is not pleasant to think about. It's just the circle of life.

I have a concerns: hygiene and spoilable food. My mom has been sharp, and at 99, if she has dementia, it is mild. But her hygiene is lacking (and she won't let me help in any way, shape, or form. She also listens to NO recommendations or advice from doctors or health care professionals), and she insists on keeping spoilable food in her room without refrigeration, because that has been her habit for her whole life (she says). My mom has borderline personality disorder (meds don't help), was severely child abused when she was little (I'm talking like...you have no idea the abuse...that bad), and at this late stage of the game, as her only caregiver, I have just about thrown up my hands and am letting her do what she wants (her doctor concurs). But even apart from the hygiene, the food thing really bothers me. We're talking explosive tantrums (as per her whole life) if she doesn't get her way. I sneak the food out and check it as often as possible.

I used to hate feeling like I had to rush home from any where, even though mom was still of sound mind.. just frail. I was always worried that she would fall, or be lonely. It took several months after she passed for me to get over this feeling.. I still felt like I needed to be home

The constant attention is a burden. If I'm having breakfast, or cleaning the house, dad keeps interrupting. I need to go to another room to have some space.

For me, it's my 99 year old mom refusing to listen to doctor's advice. As she put it to me a few days ago: "I don't care what the doctor says, I want what I want." Now, while I can understand her sentiments at the age of 99, what she wants will harm her (according to the doctor), and I don't want to be a party to helping her kill herself...which causes huge hysterical blow ups.

How long are you leaving him on the commode? Advice I read said to wait at least 9 minutes, no more than 15. With my mom it became a regular thing to poop more when I was wiping her behind - thank g*d for gloves 🥴

I think for most caregivers,(myself included)it has to be the fact that we know our loved ones(especially those with mental decline of any kind)will never get better, and will continue to only get worse, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

Vent anytime! I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation. It’s extremely stressful and exhausting.

Have you called Council on Aging in your area? They may be able to help you.

Please consider accepting help from Council on Aging or hiring help if your husband is going to be staying at home. Have you considered placing him in a facility nearby?