This is for MJ1929. I am not interfering, I am deeply concerned. Her dementia is not that far along.

RockyRoad, so you are with her every day and can observe the environment she is in.

Are there activities? Can you bring her animals to see her?

Have you considered asking for permission to speak with her doctor about how far her dementia has progressed and if her current setting is meeting her needs?

not knowing who your children are is a rather high stage of dementia.

I agree that the closest often have the most blindness. My Dad could never see how much my Mom had lost and they were together all the time until he died.
I think that there is a latency in people that they won't see cognitive loss in their closely aged loved ones because then they might start to question what they have lost, as well.

My mother had severe dementia for seven years and never forgot my name. That's your criteria for what's bad or not?

What I said stands. You don't know the whole story, you are interfering, and you're making it harder for your sister than it needs to be.

I get it -- it's terrible to accept, but you aren't the decision maker here. Why do you want to risk getting knocked off the visitors list by upsetting her, too?

I would venture to say that those who are closest to someone often have the most blindness as to the severity of their situation. I don't think my dad ever realized my mother had dementia. She was just forgetful and slept a lot, but she was four years into it when he died and I had to put her in a Memory Care. She did a lot better there, too, than she did at home, because my dad wasn't doing everything for her and most important, he was not there to cover for her memory issues.

Have you perhaps been covering for your sister, too, whether you realized it or not?

You hit on one of the stigmas of being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Too often, and to too many people, the diagnosis of AD means the loss of a productive life, the inability to enjoy pleasures, loss of dignity and independence. Not necessarily so. AD affects different people in different ways, it may progress at different speeds, some aggressively, some slowly. Many patients, in fact some studies, show that most patients die from the disease at home. There are books written by those who have been diagnosed with AD and how they continued being active and productive in their life. “Chicken Soup for the Soul. Living with Alzheimer's”, and “What the Hell Happened to My Brain” are two excellent books written by AD patients.