Last week my nearly 91 year old mother was dropped by a CNA during a transfer from the bed to wheelchair. This was strictly against protocol as she was only supposed to be lifted with a Hoyer lift. Both her femur bones were fractured.
The worker was let go that day. My mother had surgery on the leg that did not have an existing knee replacement. She was released from the hospital today. I will go to the facility tomorrow. She will require PT which she generally likes if she has energy for it.
It has been so hard to process this happening. She was not mobile with her legs but she had learned to navigate the wheelchair in the facility. Now I wonder if she will regain that. The femur in one leg will have to heal on its own if possible..I am just putting this out there for any thoughts on the healing of fractured femurs or any other thoughts. Prior to this unfortunate incident I have felt her care in this facility was decent. I am at least comforted with the taking of responsibility and stating the truth on their part which they probably would have had to do. I imagine the hospital wanted exact facts.
Continued prayers for her and you.
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May The Lord be merciful.
Do you think the doctor should explain this to mom, not you?
I don't think I could do this.
When I took my father to the ER back in 2015, they told me his brain tumor had grown and they could do nothing for him at that point; no drugs, no surgery; that hospice was the only 'answer' for him. It was up to me to talk to him. I took a deep breath and went into the room; he knew he had a brain tumor; same as your mom knows she has a very bad infection going on in her body. I told dad his tumor grew & worsened, and that there wasn't any medication or surgery that could help him at his advanced age. He said "Nothing at all?" I said no and my eyes welled up. His did too. I told him that we could call hospice in to help him stay comfortable, but that it did NOT mean he'd pass away immediately; that he could easily live another year or MORE under their care. He was pretty stoic about the whole thing, and agreed to hospice care at the ALF. But I felt that he gave up then, after fighting very hard for 11 months prior (after breaking his hip and having a lot of PT/OT etc). He got a UTI a short while later, got into his bed and passed away 19 days later, which I felt was God being very merciful to all of us.
I did the best I could telling him the truth of what was happening with his health; what else could I do? I think you are in the same position, and I'm sorry you are faced with this RD. After I broke the news to dad, he thanked me for all I'd done for him, and told me I was a good daughter, which was the first & only time I'd heard such words in 58 years of life.
Sending you a big hug and many prayers for you and your mom that you can find acceptance for the unfortunate turn of events.
Tomorrow I will go to SN and do my best to explain what I can. My mother has this tremendous desire to live no matter the physical circumstances. However she does not want to be hospitalized again and the doctor discussed how futile this will be. She does not like the catheter. If she goes off it the wound will grow worse. If she stays on it she will encounter UTI's.
I guess I am asking if anyone has advice for me. She has been put on palliative care twice in the past year only to be removed from it as she was doing well. However that was before she had this serious a bedsore. I don't know how to tell her she is close to dying. I appreciate any advice.
I laughed out loud @ your DH using accents when reading to your mom! How fun is that? :)
Thanks for the update!
Clarify with the DON how mom's pain meds are ordered by the Doctor.
Are they scheduled (like every 3 hours) OR PRN (at patient's request.
After many, many, MANY months of going round and round with both my mom's pain and anxiety meds, I discovered they were both "PRN". Meaning that the nurse would come in and ask my mom "Flo, are you in pain/anxious?". Being a good girl, my mom would say "no, I'm fine".
My poor SIL would show up 15 minutes later and find mom writhing in pain or wringing her hands in panic.
It took a LOT of time to figure this out. So ask to talk to the DON and look at the orders.
We got mom on scheduled pain AND anxity meds with PRN extras if she had breakthough of either.
Don't take anyone's word for it. Ask to see the orders. I got shined on a lot at the beginning
NH's live in fear of getting accused of over-medicating their patients.
One thing that I would verify, are they giving her pain meds as needed or on a schedule? Because it takes time for oral meds to work, sometimes as long as an hour, so perhaps she is in pain.
My granny was in tremendous pain near the end and she was unconscious but, we could tell by her face and body movement that she was hurting. It took getting upset with the doctor to get enough prescribed so she could be comfortable.
Prayers for God's will to be done.
Is palliative care keeping her relative pain free? If not, ask them what can be done so she is not suffering.
My sister believed that she would utilize hospice to help her get better, so no thought of it being the end. Unfortunately, she had breast cancer that had metastasized to the bone and she would get spontaneous breaks in her spine when she moved. It took 5 of them before she sought medical treatment and at that point, it was too late. Treatment only offered an 8 week survival. She actually lived 10 more weeks without anything but hospice care.
Right to the end she believed she would walk out of that room completely healthy. She did, just not in the way she thought.
I pray that they can heal your mom and restore her to better health.
Warm hug! This is such a challenging time for your family. May The Lord strengthen you all.
I think folks who have great relationships with their parents have one kind of terrible time letting go. Those of us with ambiguous relationships are always second guessing ourselves (at least I was).
Be at peace with getting your mom good pain relief.
I don't know how effective it might be. In my thoughts., Cancer patients need the very strong stuff but maybe the simple elderly might be fine with the basics. Of course if a hospital is necessary that would happen. I had a first cousin who planned for home for her end but the multiple cancers she had were so strong and required much pain relief so she had to go to a hospital and died there. Her pain required only what allowed by hospital.
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I have to agree with Barb about hospice. To many people bring them in to late and lose so many of the benefits.
Remember, you don't have to allow the amount of meds prescribed be administered. My sister had wound care, on hospice and she decided what she would or wouldn't take. (Until she couldn't and then her mom decided, whole drama)
It is definitely worth speaking to them, at least.
Big hugs for all of you.
The NH promised me that at the end, even without hospice, they would be able to relieve her pain. They weren't . There were apparently limits beyond which they couldn't prescibe.
Have you spoken to the Medical Director of the NH? That's who helped me out, and who was abke to talk to my brother, sensibly, about relieving mom's pain.
Is she not on hospice now? If not, why not? You say, "I am not trying to finish her off." Of course you aren't, but by the same token, continuing to administer harsh drug treatments now, like IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis, is taking drastic measures to prolong her life AND her pain when she's declining further all the time. Doesn't it seem that way to you? It may be wiser to stop medical treatments at this point and allow hospice to give her comfort meds to keep her pain free and relaxed. This is the course I would take with my mother, should she find herself in a similar situation.
I know this is very difficult for you, but the signs are pointing towards hospice being the right next step, especially since you have to transport the woman to the infectious disease doc who can't even see her till early November!! You just want peace and no pain for her now, that's the only goal. When the ailments just keep piling up and UP, the treatments become too much to manage and that's how you know that hospice is likely the right decision. When my dad's brain tumor grew, the only meds were steroids which would make him very sick and wouldn't really DO anything to get rid of the tumor, so that's when we knew hospice was the best call. A bone infection can be a very hard situation to get rid of. My sister in law had one for months & months and it would not clear up, so her foot had to be amputated up to the knee. And she's only 64.
Sending you a big hug and a prayer that God will guide you to the right path w/o punishing yourself in the process.
Today she seemed faded. Very little appetite and mainly wanted to sleep. I am my own worst enemy because I ask myself why I didn't feel more joy around her when she was in AL. I have mentioned how our relationship was not ideal but I know I tried to meet all her needs once she was in a facility. Now I have to search out staff for her pain medication etc. I guess I am wondering what untreated osteomyelitis might lead to. It is located where her bedsore is. I literally don't have any friend to reach out to. Am so grateful for this site and those who help me here.