I may have contributed to my mother's death.

I am so sorry that you lost your Mom but please know that you did what you could do and have peace about that. Some things are just out of our control. I relate to your story on two levels. First, my Dad had Pancreatic cancer. After his diagnosis I researched frantically for ways to save him but it is a horrible disease that very few people survive. I prepared myself for a very difficult process of deterioration of my Dads health and how hard it would be to see my strong, always vibrant, father succumb to being bed ridden and in diapers, etc. As fate would have it, my Dad suffered an embolism that took him in seconds. As difficult as it was that I did not have more time with him, I learned it was a blessing that he did not suffer and endure months of deteriorating health. His pride was in tact and I took comfort in that.

Secondly, I was also my mom’s caregiver who had fallen and broken her hip. She had a catheter as well because after surgery her urinary function did not return—- sleepy bladder. Well, I took her home with care givers as it was the height of covid last year and the nursing homes were on lock down. She developed ongoing infections due to the catheter and each one was more resistant to antibiotics than the previous one. Mom died sooner than I imagined she would. The antibiotics were so strong the final round that I don’t know if the infection or antibiotics contributed to her death but her body could not take any more. They listed heart failure as a cause of death. I have spent many moments second guessing decisions I made along the way in her care but I have come to a place of peace and acceptance knowing that I did the best I could and she died at home surrounded by her family. I treasure those final months caring for my Mom.

Grief is a journey. I pray that you will find peace and acceptance that you did your best and that your Mom was lucky to have you as her caregiver. The second guessing will sneak up on you from time to time but eventually I hope you are able to see that some things are out of our control. Your Mom had a tough diagnosis with the Pancreatic Cancer—-her journey was not going to be an easy one regardless of an infection.
Again, I relate on many levels and I pray you go easy on yourself. Sending supportive thoughts and hugs your way.

How sad but please don’t blame yourself as it won’t bring your lovely mother home just remember all the good times that you had and be pleased that she knew you really cared for her x

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I truly am thankful. I do love and miss my Ma.( I called her that) Im praying for peace.

Please don't torture yourself like this - the only wrong thing that you did is what you are currently doing to yourself now. I think you need to change the title of your post because to me, it sounds like you had contributed to your mother's "LIFE" and not anything else.
You were an incredible, loving, caring and selfless daughter - you even stopped working to put your mom first. The best way to honor your mom and celebrate her life is to only focus on the wonderful memories the two of you shared. You went to get lengths to help your mom and I hope you can soon release yourself of any negative thoughts and find peace and solace in all that you did do. It's so easy to ruminate and think of "what if's", but that is terribly damaging to you and you do not deserve that. Please be kind to yourself.

I have been fighting a klebsiella infection off and on for months. Its a tough thing to beat, and can cause sepsis in a hot minute, even when all the antibiotics etc. It's an anaerobic bacteria, so the antibiotics don't always work. Having been in your moms shoes, you did nothing wrong. Its a B of an infection. Please be at peace. I'm sure she was grateful for you.

I came here to say exactly what Geaton said so beautifully. God granted your mother a huge favor by taking her Home sooner rather than later; pancreatic cancer is a death sentence and a terrible way to die. To have wanted your mom to live longer, with no quality of life whatsoever, is not something you REALLY wanted to witness, or to have watched her suffer with.

You did nothing intentionally wrong to your dear mother. You are a wonderful daughter and one your mother was very proud of.

Please don't torture yourself over something you had no control over. Your beautiful mother is at peace now, suffering no pain at all, just happiness and light. Wishing you the very best life has to offer you, and the healing energy you deserve.

You are an amazing daughter - and your mom knew that and was blessed that you chose to be on this journey with her.

My mom also went to the hospital with a uti 1/21 was treated and came home with 2 very different hospital driven bacteria’s including klebisella (to which I am still fighting to clear).

You did an amazing job advocating and caring for your mom. I also understand your grief (I often think had I just treated at home mom would not be fighting the ones the hospital gave her). But we cannot look back - you are not at fault. There is only one person in charge of when it is our time.

Know your mom is watching over you and grateful for loving her the way you did.

My wife's urologist told me to expect UTI's as I treated her neurogenic bladder by 3 daily catheterizations, because most infections are caused by catheters.. She does have one occasionally but not as often as before I started. You did your best for her and likely better care than she would receive in a nursing home because you were her caregiver.

Your mom was so lucky to have you as her loving caregiver. What a beautiful relationship you must have had. Blessings to you as you mourn the loss of your beloved mom.

May you receive deep peace in your heart and be comforted by loving memories of your mother. Both my husband's grandmother and father passed from pancreatic cancer. Please forgive me for being somewhat blunt: your mother would not have lived more than 2 years from diagnosis (and that's an optimistic number). PC has one of the lowest survival rates of any cancer. Her quality of life, even with your loving care at home, would have been dismal and hard to witness. Please please do not blame yourself for her passing. You don't know where the infection was introduced and let me just say it was most likely at the hospital, the place where all germs congregate. Your sweet mom was going to pass from any number of issues caused by her PC, even malnutrition. What you feel is grief, it should not be guilt. You've done nothing wrong. Blessings to you as you move through this most painful loss.

Dear BrokenHeart, big ((((hugs))))) from all of us. Welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so clear that you loved your mom soooo much. I think sometimes in these situations, we WANT to find some way in which we were at fault so as to relieve ourselves from the total unfairness of the whole "dying at 68 from pancreatic cancer after 2 months from diagnosis"

So, your mom had terminal cancer but died first from an infection. Did the nurses at the hospital give you instructions, both written and oral, in catheter care? Did they suggest and arrange for in home visiting nursing care, or hospice?

How were you supposed to know this stuff? You aren't a nurse, or doctor, are you?

I would be angry, but not at myself; rather at the hospital system that failed you.

Please, don't beat yourself up about this. Your was terminally ill; all of the P cancer patients I've know personally died within 6 weeks of diagnosis.

Again, ((((hugs)))))).

Edited to add: it sounds much more likely that your mom picked up the Klebisella infection IN the hospital than at home. Just did some reading.