Do you feel guilty?

I read many posts where a caregiver feels guilty about what they've done or not done with respect to their LOs` care. The feeling of guilt is often associated with the commission of an illegal act. But many guilt feelings have nothing to do with illegal acts, but instead are about what a caregiver did or didn't do in caring for their LO.

Whether caring for your parents, your spouse, or another LO, you may feel guilt if -
You were a difficult child
You mistreated your LO before their diagnosis
You wished your LO died
You placed your LO in a care facility
You wanted time apart from your LO
You got angry with LO
You feel guilty for what you should have done, or what you didn't do.
Etc., etc.

None of these are illegal “should have” or “shouldn't have” feelings, but they are feelings of guilt, nevertheless. Often the feelings of guilt are part of the grieving process. The two can co-exist. But one can grieve w/o guilt. One can also feel guilt outside of the grieving process. Guilt can be overcome, and grieving can be more difficult and last longer but can also be worked through. All of the above feelings I mention above don't have to result in guilt.

Realizing there is no playbook for dementia care, and that you're doing your best, can help fight off the guilt trips. Although there are many resources that can help manage the caregiving experience, no two experiences are alike, so it's mostly a matter of on the job learning. Videos of Teepa Snow, books like The 36 Hour Day, Surviving Alzheimer's, and Learning to speak Alzheimer's, can be very helpful but may not apply to your situation. You may have to “figure it out”. Dr. Peter Rabins, coauthor of the 36 Hour Day, offers ways to prevent guilt in caring for a LO. Visit this link to Alzheimers Weekly:

http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2015/01/6-ways-to-stop-guilt-from-dementia-care.html