Not really a question - just frustration!

Question

We moved my 87 yo mother and her husband into assisted living earlier this week. My mom has done nothing but complain all week. The place is beautiful and so nice and attentive, but she finds everything to complain about. Granted her decrepit husband was trying to do most everything for her (my sister and I helped - a lot!), but he’s not any healthier - just gets around a bit better. She can barely walk 10 ft with a walker, needs help to shower and dress. Hasn’t even been in the kitchen in months. She was basically homebound. She was out of her apartment 3 times in 6 months - all for UC care visits that turned into hospital stays. They were a broken hip or heart attack waiting to happen. During the last hospital stay they wanted her to go to skilled nursing and she refused. I hope they will at least make an attempt to enjoy the help and the environment 🤞🤞🤞

Mysteryshopper · Accepted Answer

My LO is in a lovely facility as well, but the complaining does get to me.    I could go on and on about the various problems she sees, but living independently is no longer an option and hasn't been for quite some time.  The facility she's in has a large day room with glass walls, so it's easy for me to get a glimpse of her before she realizes I am there.  She's usually smiling or at least looks pleasant.  This matches up with the reports I get from the staff - that she's generally happy.    I think she doesn't want to acknowledge her acceptance of the situation - for multiple reasons.    I've seen it many times where people don't want to acknowledge being OK in a facility.

JoAnn29 · Answer

Don't listen to her.  Don't do anything for her she can't do for herself or an aide can do.  Maybe you should not visit for a few days.  Let them get used to things.  We have had posters say their parent complains and then the poster shows up for a surprise visit and there is the parent having a good old time.

MissGypsy · Answer

Sorry to hear of your frustration, but you are not alone.  This is the best place to vent and receive support and ideas.  My Mom is in a 5-star continuing care community (skilled nursing unit) with all the best staff, programs, menus, activities, etc. and yet she complains every day and says she doesn't want to be there.  AND, she's on Medicaid so she pays a fraction of what personal pay residents dish out ($12,000/month).  So, hang in there as you will eventually find your rhythm with the whole situation.  Let her vent for 5 minutes and then explain that you want to hear all about the positives (meals, people, events, etc.)  Good luck and hugs!

Not really a question - just frustration!

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