My post deleted again. Regarding telling honestly your elderly LO how caregiving affects your life.

Hi Alvadeer, you said  “My only thought again is that rather than telling your LO who is likely no longer in complete control of her faculties any more”

Incorrect. My Mom is in control of her mental faculties.

It is OK, under some circumstances, to say directly to your LO, how you feel about the whole situation of helping.

By the way Alvadeer, I’m not a caretaker in the sense of hands-on. I organized daytime caretakers for my Mom. I’m a “caretaker” in the sense of helping with many problems.

A caring LO (with full mental faculty) wouldn’t want to drown you in problems. They would care about how it affects your life. They wouldn’t want your life to drown. They would want to see if there’s a way to make life easier for you.

There’s nothing wrong with discussing all that - on the contrary a bit crazy not to discuss it.

Thanks Glad, all this time and never knew that.

Hi Gladimhere, Right, I set it on privacy mode, “unfollowed”.

Hi JoAnn, Thanks! I also see nothing wrong with the question (Who else has honestly told their elderly LO how caregiving has negatively affected their life?).

I already learned a lot from the responses I got. For example, my attitude now is: I refuse the status quo.

The member has the ability to deny access to the "Following" area in their profile. This poster does not want for others to see what she is following.

By the way, like you, I don’t consider myself to be my Mom’s caretaker. Like you, I live in my own home. But whatever I want to call it, the fact is, I am, the one helping, solving, etc.

Verystressed, I would report this to Administration. We usually can go on peoples Profile page and see any profile info and click on "following" and see the posts you have made and the ones you have read. I click on "following" and it won't let me in. Usually, I find, when this happens the OP has left the group.

I see nothing wrong with this question. I too, will report my response.

I completely, completely understand you. My compassion to you, and all, caught in painful/difficult situations. I wish us to be “un-caught”.

I don't consider myself to be my Mom's Caretaker. Not signing up for that. I am the only one who sees her (twice a month) or calls (daily), with the exception of the occasional monthly visit from Stepbrother who thankfully has POA.
My Mom is Borderline + NPD + Early Onset. Total pain in the arse. Everyone feels this way. Sad but how it is ..until next steps. Can't help with anything w/o her screaming & cussing so it's limited pitching in when I am there twice a month: watering plants-dishes-trash-take her to Docs & grocery shopping. Can't organize or clean..or purge (her stuff, not my Dad's). Nonstop yelling and cussing from her. And she is a hoarder (not as extreme as those on TV but close 2nd)... I can't wait until I do more at her house... I just hope it happens before I die. I fantasize re: a dumpster in the driveway + donating personal items.
Last Friday she voiced few times over how I could live there or vice versa, etc.. I blurted out "No more of this talk.. I will not.. I would be MISERABLE..I have my Kids, my career..their future sig others & future G Kids"... not doing it! Nope.. I will speak my truth to her on this. I have asked her if she wants to revisit previous decades--have me explain why I feel this way. She responds with a "no." Sorry not sorry, not sacrificing more of my soul to her.. We are complete opposites. She wants a punching bag.
I hate the paralysis she has mentally. Instead of gifting me & my Sister...step siblings with being agreeable...being positive...she complains & criticizes non stop. Takes me 2 wks to recover after each visit... And the daily phone calls.. Only do one a day..
My Dad passed in Jan. She blames him for abandoning her. OK?? He set her up for life & then some. She couldn't allow him to pass at home. Yelled non stop at him last year of his life (actually for decades).. She didn't see him last few mos of his life.
I was never close to her bc of her Alcoholism, Mania...mental instabilites... The irony of it all that I am the only one who will do these basics... I understand & I don't blame them for backing away.. I resent that my Mom is so unteachable and unwilling. (I am beyond loving to her in her presence)..but I carry on and keep my walls up...protect my spirit.

Thanks! I'll do so. I think it's important - under some circumstances - to express oneself politely to one's LOs, how one feels about the situation. In any case, a caring LO would want to know, and hear, how you feel. And they would want to find a way to make life easier for you.

VSO, reach out to @agingcareCM, which is the collective admin account, or just report my post to get their attention.

Your question was not to most users inappropriate, but they have the final say.

This can happen when you post the same or very similar questions more than once, Stressed. So glad that you got answers that helped you. My only thought again is that rather than telling your LO who is likely no longer in complete control of her faculties any more, that you tell a Licensed Certified in counseling Social Worker in private practice, or other psychologist to help you iron out your feelings, and any possible options for you to help yourself. Going to someone already in a fragile state is likely to tip that person over; she is likely the worst one to tell. On the other hand, gently discussing a real incident, a real response, is helpful. For you both.
Sure do wish you good luck going forward and sorry this is happening for both of you.