Update on my solution.

After over two years being the only caregiver and feeling trapped as others, I finally followed the advice of people here and after a fairly minor accident where my aunt was taking into the hospital. I asked for "rehab care" to make sure was safe to come home. That facility was paid for by Medicare (up to 100 days). When she was ready to discharge, instead of bringing her home I found a memory care place that could take her in. Going directly from rehab to the assisted living made the transition "doable". The memory care facility costs $5800/mo. It has in-house medical which costs after Medicare about $50/mo. Hair cuts $25 (on request), Adult depends about $40/mo (anybody know how to find then cheap???). Her social security and pension covers less then half. But she has a house which I intend to sell. I can now visit her as often as I can. And not worry that I am dropping the ball trying to cover every act she can do. I would prefer picking up a second job then pulling the toilet to unclog it or cleaning up feces from under everything. I know costs are different everywhere, but wanted to give some people actual numbers.

Oh and for the record, I want to punch anyone in my family that in the last two years keep saying "Oh you are such a good person...." and they do nothing...