Complaining mother. Any advice?

This post is from Sept. and OP has not been back.

I want to start off by saying that you owe your mother absolutely nothing.
She abandoned you when you were two years old and your grandma had to raise you. Grandma is your mom, not the complaining mess in the nursing home that calls to hurt and insult you because you're not doing what she wants.
Let me ask a question here. Did your mother abandon you with your grandmother at the age of two because of drug addiction?
Your mother is a drug addict and addicts are very good at manipulating their enablers to get them what they want.
The woman who gave birth to you wants Oxycontin. That has been her drug of choice for you say 15 years. DO NOT bring her in any, Let her call her dealer if she needs it so badly. Or she can fight with her doctor and the facility staff to get some.
If you're planning on keeping a relationship with your mother, protect yourself and limit your exposure to her. If you're on the phone with her and she starts up about you being a bad daughter, end the call. If it's in person, end the visit.
For your own sake you should find an Al-Anon or Narc A-Non meeting to go to. These groups are support for people who have alcoholics or drug addicts in their lives. They will help you understand addict behavior and how to deal with it.
Good luck to you.

I tried to read your 'run on sentence'/paragraph and couldn't make heads not rails of it.

Sounds like mom is addicted to oxcontin? This is something you can't manage and will need medical help. For one thing, she can't get opiates w/o seeing a dr.

And. no, you are not the worst daughter in the world.

But you do need to learn how to set some boundaries.

@Bluemoon2nite: I didn't write this post, I responded to it. And I stand by my comment, 100%. No doubt the mother is in pain, which is what starts an addiction off to begin with. But now it's time for drug rehab.

@leilonnie1

Personally, I think it's difficult to judge another person's pain. Both sepsis and abscesses are significant health conditions. That was what I was taught in nursing.
However, clearly her behavior is affecting your life.

Time outs don't just work for children, you need a break from her for awhile. She's putting you in a terrible position by asking you to bring her meds from home.
Never do that. Say you do bring her pain meds, which she can take as much as she wants whenever she wants & the nurses are giving her prescribed opiates, she could stop breathing & die.

Bad backs are painful! My husband has chronic back pain. N mCan you talk with the nurses to see if they can have the Dr prescribe what she gets at home? Or something stronger to manage her pain effectively and anxiety. I would be hesitant to mention you think your mom is abusing her meds. Unfortunately, the Opiate crisis both affected/created not only addicts but people who legitimately needed for pain relief.

I have a friend on Suboxone who has chronic pain. Her pill mill Dr discontinued her m
Opiates cold turkey after being exposed on the nightly news. She was on methadone as well for several years but that requires a clinic visit each day.

Good Luck to you. Both of you have had significant change & adversity to face. Be gentle with yourselves & each other.

Repeat to yourself whenever needed: you are Mom's daughter.

You are NOT her Nurse.
Not her Doctor.
Not her Physiotherapist.
Not her Pharmacist.
Certainly not the Pharmacy delivery person.
These are all outside your role.

Be realistic with what you can do & tell her, at every call or visit if need be.
Mom, I am your daughter. I m so sorry you have pain & this is so hard for you. Please keep talking to your Doctor & Nurses to improve your health & get the right medications.

You can, as her Advocate (as others have said) speak up for her rights. You know her better than staff & can alert professionals that she is really doing it tough.

Your mom is addicted to pain medication, opioids to be exact, and that's all she wants: more pain medication because she feels horrible without it. You don't have POA for her, so your hands are tied in what you're able to DO for your mom. Nothing much, really.

Your mom needs drug rehab now; a comprehensive treatment program where she stays/lives in the facility and gets help to get clean from the pain meds she's been taking for a long time now. Speak to the social worker at the rehab she's in NOW and ask about getting mom drug rehab treatment.

In the meantime, do not bring her anymore oxycodone, if you have access to that drug. It's not up to YOU to decide what drugs she should be taking while she's in rehab. Nor should you bring her medications from home that are not prescribed and authorized by her doctor at the rehab she's at now. If she wants THAT particular medication, she will have to ask her doctor for it and have him write a prescription for it at the rehab she's at now.

If your mother is causing you a lot of stress and upset, then minimize or cut your contact with her. Do let the social worker know about her drug addiction and that you feel she needs DRUG rehab treatment, and then let it go. Because in reality, there is no way to successfully 'deal' with a drug addict who only wants you to get drugs for her, that's ALL she wants. She can't help it, she's addicted and her body is screaming for more drugs all day & night.

Wishing you good luck with all of this.

You probably cannot get her medications. Her dr calso cannot 'call them in'. Dr must write a new prescription each time for a drug as powerful as oxycontin. According to the facility's rules she either has to have someone get the meds from the pharmacy or have you do it. But on your own--not likely the dr will prescribe unless they are 100% YOU aren' taking them. IDK. Mom was addicted to pain meds for 40+years. As she began falling a lot, the dr refused to let her have any more. She really was in pain the last 10 years and I felt her dr was kind of severe--but she really didn't seem to care, luckily.

And really? She probably is in a lot of pain and that clouds your thinking severely. What's the worst thing that can happen if she gets her pain meds and can be out of pain, or at least not suffering from constant pain. You can be her ADVOCATE and not be the deliverer of said meds. Just help her out when you can and don't when you can't.

Personally, I think we UNDER-medicate our elders who are in pain. As a chronic pain sufferer, I KNOW what's it's like to have pain 24/7 and the relief when I can take something that will ease my pain. Yes, I am probably addicted, but under a dr's care and I stopped listening to people who are judgy of me.

She probably WOULD be better off with her rehab if she had less pain. Just my opinion. She can't OD on them if the rehab facility is doling them out.

Just a little compassion is needed here. I'm sure mom would appreciate somebody being in her corner.

Nobody's headstone says "Died drug free". The drugs are there for a reason.

I know my spelling and writing awful. But how it sounds is actually what I’m going through.My mom is so addicted to oxycodine for pain meds, she’s begging me to bring them to her so she can get threw her rehabilitation. Every time she cries and pleads for it I walk away. I feel bad but she refuses to corporate. I think I have to place her in long term care. But I need to get power of attorney over her, I only have temporary medical right now.

Mocorino123, wish I could help, but I've been trying to read your post but without any punctuation, groups of words can have different meanings.

Thanks I do ignore that I usually walk away and don’t talk to her for a while There’s been so much going on and I feel it’s time for a permanent place for her but the docs thinks she’s rehabable she’s been there a week and has done nothing but lay in bed and sometimes saying I just want to die and her Medicare will probably run out soon I guess I need to talk to the social worker there and I think I need a elderly lawyer to get full power over her because she still is capable of making some decisions her mind isn’t gone anyone know how Medicare works or should I just get a lawyer

She is addicted to oxy and her behavior towards you is manipulative to get her drug of choice. Don’t give in and ignore her complaints.