I moved in with my boyfriend 8 yrs. ago. And she was living with him at the time. As soon as I moved in it started. She would say how he didn’t like certain foods or he wouldn’t like this or that. Telling me how to do his laundry or clean the house. I started packing my bags about 3 yrs. into our relationship but I stayed. Hoping that things would get better lol, that was a joke. She pushes every button! I clean and she’ll mess up and just leave it there, like it wasn’t clean when she used it. This has been going on this whole time. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but nothing ever gets done about it. I’m at my breaking point 8 yrs. of her is way too much. I stay in my bedroom a lot just so I don’t have to interact with her. Or I leave and go to my dad’s and stay awhile lol it’s ridiculous. Him and I can’t even have a conversation without her coming around and standing there listening to us talk. When she does that I just go to my room. I cook every night for all 3 of us and she never offers to help clean the kitchen, NEVER ONCE. She’ll leave her dishes by the sink for the maid to get. That’s how I’m starting to feel, I’m their maid. He also texts her when he’s getting a package in the mail and she’ll wait on it by the door. We recently remodeled the kitchen. Him and I boxed everything up and literally tore out everything ourselves. With no help from her. She’s 69 and in great shape no health problems. She never offered to help with anything. So when we finished the kitchen after 10 months lol she thought she was going to bring in her decorations lol I told him that wasn’t going to happen. She never helped do anything why should she decorate it? She told me someone gave her the things she set out and I told her they didn’t match the kitchen, which they didn’t and she moved them. I immediately put my home decor out before she put anything else out. For Christmas one year she gave him a pair of boxers that looked like Santa’s outfit that was inappropriate. I think she has a weird thing for him. Like they act like they are married sometimes. It’s disgusting! Lord help me! I already feel deep down that I’m the one that’s going to move because he has picked her over and over again. 😔
You are free to choose again.
To change your mind at any time.
"I already feel deep down that I’m the one that’s going to move because he has picked her over and over again."
What does your BF say in response to you explaining those feelings?
Since his mother is seeing her son as a child, she is also viewing you as an intruder as in her mind her son is too young to be in a relationship. His Mom is trying everything to make you want to move.
As for his Mom helping remodeling the kitchen, believe me at 69 that would have been difficult for her to do. She does have a "health problem", it's called age decline that hits all of us once we hit a certain age. Some earlier than others.
Is there a reason you are not working outside of the home, working someplace, any place to get some get away time from boyfriend's Mom. At least to make some money so that you could move out and be on your own.
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I think you know this is doomed. Move out ASAP. It’s scary to have so much change at once, but this is no way to live your life.
I had something similar with my MIL. My DH bought our house before we married. He remodeled it and his Mom helped to paint and made drapes for every room of the house. She also sirt of decorated it. When the remodel was done, DH asked me to marry him. How I decorated was all left up to me. So, as time went by I changed things to my taste. But my MIL would still buy things for the house. My DH told her it was now my home and there was no need for her to buy things anymore. There was one more incident. Not long after that we had to replace the front door knob...she did not get a key.
You should have left 5 yrs ago. 8 yrs is a long time to put into a relationship that has really never worked. Time to get out on ur own. He can visit. May be better than you have now.
You can add in all the "lol"s you'd like, but there's nothing funny about the situation you've willingly accepted for the past 8 years.
What is your plan to change it?
2. You're temporary, she's permanent.
3. She was there first.
I would have been gone long ago, and that's what you now need to do.
You deserve SO much better!!! Do you not see that?
His mother should never have moved in with him to begin with, especially since she's in good health and has no good reason to not be living on her own. Except the fact that they do have an unhealthy relationship, and now you're caught in the middle of it.
Tell your honey your moving out and get on with your life. And PLEASE learn from this mistake to make sure you don't end up once again as the third wheel in a relationship.
Your dutiful little boy has shown you where he stands, for 8 years, you believe him yet?
Go get a life and leave these 2 to it.
Oh, a mom buying funny underwear for her son isn't inappropriate. He is her little boy.
i know this will not be your preferred solution, but:
how about you break up with him, move out of his house, start a new life, and fall in love with another man?
in addition to all the other problems you mentioned in your post:
8 years and he doesn't want to marry you. not a good sign. better alone, than badly accompanied.
don't stay longer, lose more time, get older, and later regret you lost even more time. you can start a new life now. hug!!
It isn't clear to me whether or not you are married or this is you BF, but it hardly matters. It WAS clear to you early on that it didn't work. Nothing has changed.
In my book your only choice is then clear, isn't it? The ball (your own life) is in your court and I wish you good luck with decision making. You have had some tough lessons with past decisions (like moving in and staying). But some of the best lessons are the toughest. Best out to you.