I took care of my father for 2 years prior to becoming his caregiver, recently things have changed. What can I do?

The VA isn't paying you to power wash the house.

Get a list of duties that are paid for and tell them they have to do everything else because now you *don't have time* as you're being paid to sit next to him and make sure he's comfortable and can't waste time being outside power washing.

What you can do is stop doing so much for your mother! And also ignore terrible comments like the one from Burden2Fam who obviously IS a burden to her family fgs! In her mind, not only should you NOT get paid by the VA, but you should power wash the house and when you're done, get out a jackhammer and redo the driveway that has a crack in it. With your bare hands and a cement mixer, then thank your mother for allowing you to do it for her. Ridiculous.

Use common sense and and the word NO once in a while, too. Remember that you are being paid a PITTANCE to work 24/7, so don't let a senseless guilt trip about 'being paid' lead you to believe you're an indentured servant to the woman. Ask your brothers for the EXACT type of help you need and tell your mother to button her lip about it if she wants ANY help from you at ALL. And if she doesn't like it, QUIT. Your folks can hire someone else to be their chief cook & bottle washer b/c you're done.

Since when is pressure washing the house part of caring for your dad? I am amazed that your mother expects this of you. That is totally ridiculous.

When I was pregnant and on bed rest due to complications and being high risk, I hired a housekeeper come in to help.

My housekeeper did basic cleaning. I never asked her to do anything extra without paying more for that service. If I wanted my refrigerator cleaned out I asked how much extra would it cost and included the additional amount in her paycheck.

Get an estimate for pressure washing and ask your mom if she wants you to make an appointment for them to come out and clean the house. If she wants free labor then she can see if that is negotiable with your brothers.

Ever think about if it was you like your mom? Or dad? Ever think mona feels bad cause she can't do what she used to? It's very hard and sad to get old and lose the abilities you once had. You may not think it bothered our ageing parent but I yes it def does. Ask your self how you plan on being took care of if you mk it to their age. Ask your self a lot of questions. It's hard to only be careful taker for like 6 hrs a day. Older ppl mostly need someone long. Ask your self lot of things. If you can't ask questions, I'd be glad to write them for you. Oh and you don't get paid for washing house . Why not get brothers to help so pressure washing and big things like that and you do your job . Take care of your moma and dad and be happy you can. Don't you get paid. One day they won't be here. Will you even care. Sorry but I can't stand way ppl whin about taking care of their parents. There's always a way. Get more help. Just do it slowly. Make sure your mom and dad have time to get used to it. You only have one mom and dad.. Better love and enjoy while you can.

Find out how much you are going to get paid, and how many hours of care that works out per day. Tell your mother that’s how long you are paid to do. When the time is up, stop completely. Or better still, ration the time out so that you are only doing things for Dad. When mother finds that she is ‘suffering’ herself, she may be more reasonable. Explain to your brothers first – they need to be on side as well, because they will be getting more calls for help.

Ignore 'I did all this for x years and I never got paid'. You aren't married to your father, she is.

Your mother sounds resentful that you are getting paid you take care of dad. I suppose she thinks you should do it for free and is being passive aggressive. I am sure whatever the VA is paying you is peanuts compared to what you could make working for someone else. Your family sounds selfish and petty.

Your being paid to care for Dad. Not do the pressure washing, the cleaning, the laundry, the dishes...just care for Dad.

You need to ask the VA what is your job discription. What do your duties entail to get paid. Then you tell Mom and Dad what they are and that is it you are being paid for. Power washing I really doubt is part of the discription. VA did not hire you as a maid and handy man just a Caregiver.

If you were a hired CNA your duties would only be caring for the client. If they live alone, yes u do the laundry do some light houskeeping, wash even dishes they dirty. But u do no outside work.

If there is another member in the household, your duty is only to the clients needs. If you get that client meals, yes you clean up. Its common sense if the client soils clothing and bedding that you throw them in the wash not wait for the other family member to get home or expect them to do it. If you do any cleaning, its to keep the clients area clean. You make no extra work for the other member of the household. The Caring you do is for the client personally. Does not include power washing or anything else that does not pertain to physically caring for the client.

Dad is now ur client. Everything not pertaining to his care is "not ur job".

Did your brothers help out the 2 years prior to you becoming your father's paid VA caregiver? How much do you get paid? What is that pay for? (Is it supposed to include pressure washing their house? Or can it be for anything?) How many hours a day do you get paid for? What is the pay?

Is it worth it?