What's something about you that has changed; for better or worse?

Age related decline at 58??? Please detail specifically the deficits of concern. Has Dad been diagnosed with medical condition that significantly contributed to his decline and need for caregiving?

That's a tough one without some deep thinking. I was happier pre-40's, good times through 20's 30's. Things change when my best friend died, plus some other things turned my life upside down, not long after my father died. Shattered my world.

Just writing and thinking about those times is hard for me.

Now I'm trying to give more than I have. So the things that have changed are I was happy at certain periods, pre 40's and now I'm mainly living, but caring for my mom. Now there are moments of happiness, instead of long periods (years) of happiness.

Sorry you asked :) people reading this may comment based on their current level of happiness.

Love & Peace.

Me I was 65 when I took over Moms care. For me that 20 months was overwhelming. I now hate paperwork. I shut down my emotions to a point so I could deal with things. I did not like being responsible for another person and when adding in the dementia, it made it harder. But, I realize I had it easier than others on this site. My Mom was easy. I think she saw it coming. I had no problem getting her to update her Will and assign me DPOA and Medical POA. She realized when things were becoming hard for her and let me take over. As she worsened, she acclimated herself to every change. Yes, I placed her after 20 months. She did well. I was lucky she had some money to get her in the door of LTC which gave me time to set up Medicaid. I was lucky the place I picked took good care of her. But...I was retired when all this happened. Don't know how it would have been if I had a full-time job too.

I know now where my strengths and weaknesses are. I know a Caregiver I am not. The only person I will take care of as long as I can will be my DH. He has not been promised more than "as long as I can"

Oops .
I forgot another important parting gift that you get for being a caregiver .
After your parent passes. you get to try to pick up the pieces of your own life and figure out how to live again .

Is this a quiz ? Here goes .

Cynical about the health care system , yes.

Appreciate my own health ? I don’t even know how to do that after being a caregiver , I’ve aged badly .
Caregiver rewards are an acquired anxiety disorder and high blood pressure.

Caregiving is isolating . You don’t have time for a social life . Plus your friends don’t want to hear the same complaints over and over . I found that caregiving took over and I had not much else to talk about so I avoided and didn’t see or talk to most friends very often . Friends can’t help much , nor do they understand or know what to say if they haven’t had the experience . Some friends who have had the experience would rather not be reminded of it by listening to your problems, which is understandable . To reiterate , yes I isolated myself .

And you will notice that most family members disappear and there’s always that one crazy one that swoops in occasionally to be critical . It’s very often left to one family member to shoulder the haul .

Bonus answer.
I don’t think anyone can be prepared for this . It’s not how you expect it to be especially if the issue is Dementia . Not everyone’s experience is as bad as mine was. Some even have said it was a good experience . Caring for my father with cancer was much easier than the frustration of caring for my mother and now father in law. Both had/have dementia and were very difficult . ( But there are some others with dementia that are pleasant and cooperative ). But you don’t know how it’s going to play out ahead of time .

Unsolicited advice.
No one your age should be saddled with this . You are young . If possible make other arrangements for your Dad, and LIVE YOUR LIFE NOT HIS .

Good luck .

Polorbear, that's what I thought as well, as there's no way that she's a caregiver for her father "with age related decline at the young age of 58."

Flawnson, your questions sound like ones you would ask for a research assignment. Is this for your school?

My caregiving was not hands on, but rather taking over the finances of a brother per his request when he was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's. To the bad changes first. It made me very anxious. I was taking on something I didn't know a whole lot about and there was a massive amount of information to absorb quickly. And had he not been the agreeable and very organized guy he had always been I don't know that I could have done it.
To the good changes? I learned a whole lot. I feel more capable. I am proud I could help him when he needed me in his last time on earth.
So I suspect for many of us there are good things and bad things, with the one certainty being change.

Surely you're kidding when you say that you're caring for your father who is ONLY 58 years old right? And you say he has "aged related decline."
I can only guess that at your young age that 58 sounds pretty old huh? Well guess what? IT'S NOT! There really isn't much if any "age related decline" at that young age.
I'm sorry but I just can't take your post seriously. When and if you ever do become a real caregiver(in like 25-30 years)you can come back to ask your questions.
Until then, thank your lucky stars that you don't have to REALLY care for anyone right now except yourself.

Balance with- life ,family, job, love, home. Challenging!
A lot depends on your parent child history as to what the forward gear will do. You might be the driver. Maybe the overseer. Try to let him be as independent as long as possible. Target his issues carefully, not emotionally. Ask for help and info. Dont try to live his life. Respect your boundaries and freedom to be you and for him to be him. You get strong and responsible and try to laugh more.

In your early 20's? Run!

FF,

I occasionally have certain triggers regarding memories too. Yeah, it’s tough. I definitely think that if a person hasn’t gone through this first hand, they don’t have a clue. I had no clue before I did caregiving first hand for myself.

flawnson, caregiving made me resentful. My parents had a grand retirement, traveling, dining out, sightseeing, volunteering, etc. until they got into their late 80's+.

How did it change me, I got stress related cancer, and the meds I needed to take caused me to have panic issues. I use to love to drive, but driving my parents everywhere they needed to go was a trigger. I was surprised we got to doctor appointments in one piece. I was a senior in my late 60's taking care of older seniors. I still have those driving trigger issues to this day, as my folks had passed 5-6 years ago. Won't step on a plane anymore, either.

Answers to your questions:

Did I get cynical? No.

Did I appreciate my own health? Yes, but I also experienced a great deal of stress when caregiving, and I developed high blood pressure.

Did I find help from others? Eventually, I did.

Did I become isolated? Yes, caregivers often become isolated.

Are you willing to answer a few questions about your situation please?

Are you working? A student? Full time caregiver? Did your dad ask for your help? Do you have any outside help?

What are your father’s health issues? What concerns do you have?

Best wishes to you and your dad.

Your profile says your father is 58 years old with age related decline (whatever that means in a 58 yr old) - in what way are you his caregiver?