I’ve been doing ok overall since my mom passed day before Mother’s Day. Short crying spells and heart pangs here and there. Always missing her but so grateful she is no longer suffering, but today the dam broke when I found the Mother’s Day card I never got to give to her. It was one I found that had a special meaning to us. It was a cute mother and daughter. For lack of a better word, fluffy tops that (sends off the little white floaters when you make a wish). I knew she would love it. She remembered always that I made a dandelion necklace for her one Mother’s Day when I was little. It sure hit out of the blue and was so very hard. I still feel shaky. Hubby and I just got back from our short anniversary trip that had been postponed while she was in hospice. It was very nice to get away and have time with each other. Maybe reality is finally setting in, after all the busyness of the funeral and details settling her accounts, etc. I even find myself re hashing and regretting all the arguments over the years we had before she FINALLY was put on the right MH medications in rehab and all the nastiness and paranoia was gone, but I try to concentrate on feeling so blessed that I can hold onto the memories of our last 3 months together. I saw her every day except for 2 and that we had the chance to make our apologies to each other and became so close. The last week was very brutal as the lymphoma advanced so quickly....I am waiting for a new session of Griefshare to start. Thanks for listening. It helps to write about it. But I miss her so very much.
Your feelings are completely normal.
When memories come back it can be heart wrenching.
Your mom absolutely knew how much you cared. So, please forgive yourself for anything that happened in the past.
You know that your mom would never want you to torture yourself.
Wishing you peace. Sending love and hugs your way today.
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what you are going through is normal, you will have these moments and that is going to help you get to the point that those memories make you smile.
lean on your spouse and feel peace knowing you were there for your Mom.
There are times when it hits me and I cry. I can be listening to a song on the radio one day and it is just a song...next time I hear it I breakdown in tears. No rhyme or reason.
Time will lessen the hurt. But there will still be times that it will feel like you have been kicked in the gut. First Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas without will be hard.
Give yourself time, let yourself grieve. Ignore those that tell you it is "time to move on" Your time is your time.
((hugs))
I've been under a lot of stress lately for various reasons and it's these times that I really miss my Ma. She had such a calming way about her. We could just sit silently together and it was never awkward. I've never found that with another person.
Keep coming on here and writing about it if it helps. They say writing things down in a journal helps but I've found just coming on this forum and pouring my heart out is cathartic too so feel free.
I hope that Griefshare helps you.
It's been 6 years. I find the last Birthday card my mom gave me, and I dissolve. I heard her favorite song from Carousel--You'll Never Walk Alone...and I dissolve.
As someone said the other day on Exvee's thread on the topic of recent grief, the only way past it is through it. It's not easy and the unexpectedness of it makes it a bit weird.
Give yourself time and space. (((Hugs)))).