Why do we find it hard to follow the advice we give to others?

@exhaustedcarer
A really wonderful answer, so true. thank you.

Thank you @need. I like your reply. Like exhaustedcarer I agree with what you are saying. As for the therapy though, my therapist is nature :) give me greenery, flowers, trees, water, wildlife. The only thing is getting to spend more time around it. I guess finding the time is a problem for most folks on this forum. It's amazing how just looking at leaves calms the soul. The only time it does not have an immediate effect is when you're fresh out of an argument or other stressful situation. I also use this forum as therapy. @exhausedcarer hit the nail on the head quote: "So it's easier in retrospect to share experience or suggestions with others on a similar plight because most often it's what we'd do for ourselves if we could."

@beatty, great logic. beautiful. The forum has helped me during my plight, firstly, by reading other people's plight and seeing how it compares to my feelings; many people are in a worse immediate situation, whereas mine is prolonged consistent stress caused by other people. It helps me to "maybe" be helpful to others going through painful times. As @Venting said it's easy to write and help others, trying to apply that action to oneself is hard.

I do feel we all need some kind of creativity in our lives, something we do physically, keep moving, keep doing things.. Blessing everyone.

@MidKid58 I've always enjoy reading your answers on posts, thank you. I believe I will need this forum a lot in the future for as you say sanity, I may not have immediate people around me, like most people do. I believe some may use this forum for survival, a means of connection to other people sharing compassion and some to get satisfaction from helping others through experiences of their own (I think this is amazing) I also know a lot of people would not get help on a forum if they didn't know how to use a computer, there are many like this that need help, I wish everything would not go completely digital for people like this.

@Geaton777 thank you.

@bianca 40 years that's impressive giving help to so many for so long. I see what you mean, yeah I hear you. thank you. I hope your personal situation is better now than before, Blessings.

Because saying or writing words is easy. Taking actual action is hard.

;)
Having written that, let’s see how much action I take today.

It’s so easy to become blind by our own situations. Often, we are too close to be objective.

We may not be ready to accept the harsh reality. We either deny the truth or we lie to ourselves that it isn’t that bad or that we can handle it.

This usually doesn’t end well for us. Sometimes, we push ourselves beyond our limitations.

Have you considered speaking with a therapist who can be objective about your situation.? You can work through your issues and look at viable options to resolve your issues.

Best wishes to you in your caregiving journey.

Some early advice I recieved from the forum for one of my problems was short, sharp & sensible.
Common sense really.

Which made me look at myself - why didn't I see that? Or did I see it but discount it? Why?

I can read a question & suggestions start formning quickly. When I am IN it I believe that old F.O.G is at work. I just cannot.see clearly. Cannot see the right question to ask. Common sense answers out of reach, warped or muddled.

So I step away. Literally.

Take a long walk. Take the time & physical space & then the FOG drifts & I SEE more of the right questions to ask myself. Once I have questions, I can get to some common sense answer.

It is common, for example, social workers who work with drug addicts cannot handle the issue if they have a child with addiction issues, they are some of the worst enablers. Same may apply to people who work in AL, MC & NH, nurses.

Posters many times know what to do, but are so fearful and frozen in guilt that they cannot stand up for themselves, so they deflect the right thing to do on others.

It is a strange thing yet I see it everyday not only here but in my real life.

When we're too close to the source, it's not always easy to take a step back and put things into perspective. Most of us also don't have the means and or time to take respite, have a change in scenery by going somewhere to hit reset and rest. Time apart can help gain clarity on conditions we are challenged by, but not all of us have the monetary resources or physical capability to take extended leave.

So it's easier in retrospect to share experience or suggestions with others on a similar plight because most often it's what we'd do for ourselves if we could.

Half of life is showing up, the other half is getting through it. Be gentle with yourself.

I give pretty good advice that I cannot take for myself.

And people are wonderful to offer ME advice that I probably can't employ into daily life.

BUT--there have been many 'aha' moments when I see something that CAN be used by DH and his sibs.

This site has kept me sane during this year as MIL's health declines and she is getting battier by the day.

Even my CARDIOLOGIST gives me advice--she's concerned about ME and the stress that having DH so enmeshed in his mom's life is on me.

I appreciate it, but I can't take it. I have no voice in MIL's care, and in fact, am summarily dismissed whenever I make a comment. I hate feeling impotent and useless.

Often, it's just the ability to vent our frustrations that helps.

Yes, there is a Burnout care topic:

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/30/burnout

We are all emotionally connected and involved with our own caretaking relationships in complex ways. I just retired from a 40 year career as a psychotherapist. While I cared about my clients lives, it was my own situation that kept me sleepless, sad, angry, and searching out this forum for folks with whom I could “feel felt”.