In denial about mother's possible dementia.

Old age doesn't normally end on a pretty note, unless the loved one passes in their sleep before disease sets in. If so, then we're mourning they "died too young" or dealing with the enormous shock factor involved. The best case scenario is my next door neighbor who's 93, living in her own home, healthy and fit, drives her car, shops for food, cooks, dates, flies to visit her grandchildren, etc. By 93, my mother was living in Memory Care Assisted Living, wheelchair bound, Sundowning daily, and insisting on "riding the subway" to visit her parents. Her mother would've been 137 years old and we live in Colorado. Dad passed at 91 with a brain tumor that put him in a wheelchair for a year also.

My point is, neither of them were writhing in pain with cancer eating them up, thank God. Mom lived to 95 and dad 91, far exceeding the average lifespan of humans today. I was fortunate to have them as long as I did.

Get your mom diagnosed and stop worrying about something that may or may not be true. And if mom has severe anxiety, there are plenty of long lasting medications she can take to control it, vs. treating each episode w lorazepam. If she does have dementia, you'll deal with that, too, one day at a time.

Hello! This is my very first post and I want you to know I could have written your post , word for word, myself . Please understand that you are not alone!! My mom is so very bright..and has been manipulative for many years. ..well, because of her cognitive decline ( not diagnosed dementia as of yet) she is escalated in behavioral outbursts towards me. ..to the point of intentionally falling, so I will tend to her needs.

I'm happy to have found this site. I'm learning a lot. 💕 I will be thinking of you and hope you know I appreciate your post.

Stay well🙏

Sounds like alheimers disease

Your mother could very well have dementia and doing as other have advised here is exactly what should be done to either confirm a diagnosis or rule it out.

There could also be another cause. Clinical depression that becomes despondency. It can last years.
I know this because I had it. I was so deep in for about three years that I could barely function. It just happened.
I didn't go the route of "meds" because I had different treatment that worked for me. Intensive therapy and some lifestyle changes.
Medication is also an option.

Your mother could have clinical depression.

Im very sorry...your situation is nearly the exact of ours.
I feel cursed, lost hope, faith, etc...its a total curse I can't explain. But, after about 3 years, as crazy as it sounds, between the Lorazepam and a higher dose of Fluoxetine the insane crippling anxiety has improved dramatically. These panic events have been dramatically reduced. Hope that helps u guys somewhat.
Side note, it was about to kill me honestly...u must take care of yourself and those around u that care about u/need u.

She obviously is suffering from some sort of mental issue but not necessarily dementia. She needs to see a neurologist, a neuropsychologist, and a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. Her condition may be treatable.

Why isn't your mother on regularly scheduled doses of anti-anxiety meds?

You take a lot less if you get ahead of the anxiety, instead of responding to it.

Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?

You say that a dose of lorazepam makes her your "old moml" as she used to be.

Without a diagnosis how do you know you aren't dealing with a severe anxiety disorder that simply needs medications? It is time now for a diagnosis. Without that you will remain stuck where you are, and that isn't going to help either you or your Mom.

Living in denial does absolutely no good for you or your mom. Facing reality is always much healthier and will help you be more prepared for what lies ahead with your mom.
It's time now to get your/her ducks in a row. Start with getting a diagnosis, legal papers in order(POA's, wills trusts, DNR etc.)educate yourself as much as possible about the disease and then make sure you're taking care of yourself.
It is a horrible disease and as of now there's no cure, so the best we can do is to make sure that we're making sure that our loved ones are receiving the best care possible and we're being the best advocate for them that we can be.
Instead of feeling "unlucky" why don't you turn that phrase around and feel lucky and blessed that it's now you that gets to make sure that mom gets the best care possible to ensure her quality of life, dementia or not.
And that should start with making sure that her doctors have her on the right medications for her anxiety, to keep that at bay as much as possible.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but know that you are not alone. There are millions out there is similar situations all over the world. Do yourself a big favor and find a local caregiver support group that you can attend in person. There is nothing more helpful than being able to share with other folks who know exactly what you're going through.
Wishing you well as you travel this hard road with your mom.

"We don’t have a firm diagnosis, but the hardest part has been accepting my mom could have dementia. "

The best thing that can be done for your Mom now is to make sure she has a DPoA and then get an actual diagnosis. There are many other medical ailments that can create dementia-like symptoms: some treatabable and some not, like UTI, thyroid problem, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, HBP, diabetes, stroke, tumor.

UTIs are extremely common in elderly women, and not just due to sub-par hygiene. Her best chance at an accurate diagnosis is her going to a regular doctor, and not an ER, so someone needs to manage this appointment for her. Having an accurate diagnosis will inform all future treatments, therapies and decisions for her.

What is being done to treat your Mom's anxiety? There are many options for meds to help her control it, since she is no longer able to. Please get her to a doctor.

September,

We are all hoping for that magical cure one day too!