How to tell a spouse with senile dementia he will be moved to memory care? His wife is his sole caretaker and he is afraid when she isn't present.

Of course he doesn’t ‘accept’ it. But you don’t ‘accept’ caring for him either. Just do it.

Thank you for your response. Briefly, today I tried again (just the second time) to express that I can no longer do the caregiving. The short conversation ended with he doesn't want to live apart and until the independent living facility separates us, he won't accept being apart.

OP, your profile says “From family members I have learned he has always been opinionated.... he is destroying family and friend relationships”. When the shift is done, reach out to the people who have drifted away, tell them that he is now cared for separately, that you are lonely and would love to see them again. Among other things, it may help you to cope with staying away while he adjusts.

Here is a link with 15 tips on transitioning a loved one into Memory Care Assisted Living:

https://careforth.com/blog/dementia-alzheimers-or-memory-care

Best of luck to you!

With the level of dementia he has will he be able to receive and compute this information? If so, tell him honestly that his care daily now is something you can no longer do, but that you will visit him very often, and you will make certain he is safe and secure, and you will check often on him. There really isn't a good way, and you should expect any and all facets of a normal human reaction to terrible news; there may be anger, acting out, refusal, rage, grief, tears. This is worth that, isn't it? It's a change you could never have imagined and never wanted; but it is necessary, and were it not, you would not be doing it.

The facility may guide you in not visiting over some time, often a week. The dependency he has on you is going to need to transfer to THEM now, and to those around him. Try to cooperate in that as much as you are able.

There is really no way now to predict the day to day adjustment, nor to make it any better. I am so sorry that this point has been reached but you are wise to acknowledge it and to embrace it. Caregiving that isn't any longer possible is literally a killer; where would THAT leave him?