My mother is in extremely bad shape and may pass soon.
My father called the radiation doctor and thinks he will straighten everything out. He is deaf and confused. (my father)
My mother is wasting away and everyone is mad at her oncologist.
They get hysterical when I say I am going to call her doctor. What is up with that? They are both incapable of taking care of themselves but are scared to death if I get involved with anything.
The oncologist has been absent and he kind of sucks but if he was being called regularly it may be a different scene. yes?
I would be making calls left and right, I know what to ask and I know I could handle it.
This is very frustrating and confusing. Has anyone else had this go on?
Thanks
but she never settled her legal affairs and they can't do that when she is in hospice.
I asked her to do this months ago, I begged her and she couldn't deal with it and here we are.
She can't deal with anything she never has been able to
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My family makes me sick :(:(
I have to walk away
I keep saying I am going to but I keep going back.
Ugh can I go back to my life before this? It wasn't great but it didn't rip my heart out
/self pity off
He is ordering a cat scan for my mom and they are also doing bloodwork
I have to go to the hospital to meet her at her scan appt, she is taking a van. I have to meet her at the hospital
It sounds as though your mom is pretty close to death. I hope and pray that the nursing home doc has the wherewithal to prescribe the sorts of meds that hospice would ordinarily supply to ease her pain and agitation at the end.
(((Hugs)))
ETA: Are you medical POA? I would use it to bring in hospice for an evaluation. They may be better able to talk to mom about the benefits.
Calling the doctor is a mess waiting and waiting and waiting. It seems so cruel :(
he did finally call yay
The nursing home said her organs are failing, her cancer doctor says he needs more info and he never heard from the nursing home but I was there and they said they called him twice
next step is a scan but it doesn't look good for her but she refuses hospice and wants to know what organs are failing that have nothing to do with the cancer
he says blood tests will give a lot of info but he still recommends hospice
She just wants to know what is failing and what isn't, why is that so hard?
If your parents don't have one set up you can set one up using their information. I had to set one up under my late husbands name, so I could contact his doctors prior to any of his appointments so they could know exactly what was going on and were better prepared.
And like already mentioned I would call and get hospice involved too. You can contact them yourself and they will come out and do an evaluation on your mother to see if she qualifies for their help.
I'm guessing she will, and hospice will supply all needed equipment, supplies and medications, plus a nurse to come out once a week to start and aides to come bathe her at least twice a week, all covered 100% under your mothers Medicare.
I would try and get Hospice on board. Talk to the ALs head Nurse. Maybe you can bring them in as someone just checking on her. The AL nurse can give her any medication Hospice provides. Morphine is one used for pain and ease of breathing. Maybe when they are there, someone can take Dad to the common area or out for a walk.
Time to contact Social Services with the next hospitalization.
It sounds as though treatment (for cancer?) isn't going well for your Mom. The wasting would indicate that. Without someone in charge here there is no chance of honest discussion and hospice care. However, your father does, if at all competent, remain the lion at the gate if your mother has nothing to say.
And can I ask, Mary, where IS your mother in all this. What does she have to say. How badly does she want to fight? Does she want you to be her MPOA or not? Does she want Hospice? Does she want you to receive her medical information.
Because for me, it is your Mother who seems to be missing in this equation, and SHE IS THE PATIENT. You DO say that your "parentS get hysterical" when you say you will call the doctor. Does that mean your MOTHER? Because, honestly, if your MOTHER doesn't want you calling the doc then you need to honor her wishes absolutely.
Or, you can send a note to the oncologist explaining that your Dad is hard of hearing and also may now be cognitively impaired, and that you're trying to help manage your Mom's care in his stead.
Docs can give guidance but they can't make or force patients to follow any of it. An oncologist once told my husband that most cancer patients die of malnutrition. If your Dad isn't coaxing your Mom to eat, and/or your Mom is refusing... how is this the doctor's fault?
Or, consider hospice care for your Mom. I think her doctor needs to order this for her.
I'm sorry everyone is suffering in this situation. May you receive peace in your heart during this journey.
I realized that this wasn't serving my mother's interests well when ay age 65, she had her FIRST mammogram ( they discovered a lump and it was cancer. She only lost one breast).
When I asked her why she hadn't been getting mammograms since age 50 (that was the recommendation at the time) she said "If my doctor thought I needed one he would have told me."
Mom was appalled at my questioning of her doctors. She thought she would get worse care. She didn't.
Call the oncologist with your concerns and report your mom's condition.
Ask especially if it's time for hospice.