If I get dementia, Iβd like my family, friends and Carers to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.
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1. If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality.
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2. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think weβre visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. Iβll be much happier for it.
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3. If I get dementia, donβt argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.
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4. If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.
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5. If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.
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6. If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.
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7. If I get dementia, I donβt want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.
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8. If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that Iβve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.
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9. If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.
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10. If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.
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11. If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.
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12. If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I donβt eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.
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13. If I get dementia, donβt talk about me as if Iβm not in the room.
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14. If I get dementia, donβt feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Itβs not your fault, and youβve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.
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15. If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.
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16. If I get dementia, donβt act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. Itβs not my fault.
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17. If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.
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18. If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place.
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19. If I get dementia, donβt exclude me from parties and family gatherings.
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20. If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.
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21. If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.
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ADVERTISEMENT
I toured a beautiful assisted living facility that I was considering for my mom.
They had a huge dining room which families could reserve for birthdays parties and holiday dinners.
The woman who gave me the tour said that one residentβs family had reserved it for thanksgiving. The mother who lived in the facility thought that she had cooked the dinner for everyone just as she had done in previous years at her own home.
Her family went along with it and told her that she outdid herself by cooking such a wonderful feast! She was very happy that they enjoyed thanksgiving dinner. What a lovely family to pretend that their mom cooked dinner for them!
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