Mother Lode: One of the BEST Memoirs I have Read

I will look into this book for a diversion of thought and especially something humorous. My sister who is 91 yrs old and pretty sharp called me the other day to share some funny thoughts and told me that laughter was the best medicine which reminded me something funny I told my husband and we both laughed so hard that we could hardly go to sleep. To that point one of the Church grade school classes had all in the class write a funny joke and sent them along with positive thoughts to the elderly in our church. Really enjoyed the mail and had good a good laugh! What a great teacher who helps not to forget the elderly. Need more participants on that level.
Blessings for the holiday season and all the more reasons for showing love to others not think only of oneself. Remember to do God's work with serving others with love. This is another form of medicine!

@Lily,
Mom in the book sure has control issues, and I have my own. But yes, as you can imagine, this is 6 years of caregiving, and it is progressing. For 6 years until Mom is almost 102 years old.

It would be the emotional issues that would "get me" in caregiving, and why I as an RN always KNEW I could never do caregiving for someone 24/7. Not for the best person in the world. Mother daughter issues just never go away, even when the daughter is 65, you know? I couldn't do it. The hands on care of lotion and massage and help to the bathroom and cleanup and even bedsores? THAT I could do. The other? I couldn't survive for a second, even with sister in town, who already had put in her 5 years. You are doing hands on. I never could have, and I make that clear here all the time. I knew my limitations and I knew them WELL. I would also never allow my daughter to take care of me. And she is well aware of that.

For me, a fascinating, not put-down-able book. Everyone will have their own opinion when we finally see StellaJo out, for certain.
Carry on. And best out to you.

LilyLavalle
"the author (so far) thinks caregiving is so difficult, when mom can still go for walks, clean up the kitchen, go to appointments, shopping, etc. And, the sister is a minute away and comes running to help in a crisis or spend a night or 2 to give the author a little vacation."

I often feel that way about many of the people who come to the forum, and I usually ask for clarification when someone is described as having "advanced dementia" because some peoples ideas of advanced is often... not. I have to remind my self this is all new to them and to extend a little grace.

Alva, I actually started reading this after I saw you recommended it in another thread. It definitely is heartfelt and honest. I can totally identify with the mom wanting her water heated for “133 seconds”, being scolded “you only need 3/4 cup of detergent” (when you’ve been doing laundry for 45 years), and being sent to 3 different stores for a particular brand of spinach, buts it’s perfectly fine when another sibling buys the wrong brand.

For me the disappointment is the author (so far) thinks caregiving is so difficult, when mom can still go for walks, clean up the kitchen, go to appointments, shopping, etc. And, the sister is a minute away and comes running to help in a crisis or spend a night or 2 to give the author a little vacation.

I’m not even halfway through yet, so maybe things are going to get much worse and the author will find out what real, gritty caregiving is (toileting, bedsores, etc, and having other family drop out). I’m not halfway through yet, so I guess I’ll see. I was hoping for something I could identify with. Sadly, maybe this is the direction the story is going…

@NHWM It is available in paperback from Amazon.

Homepage - Gretchen Staebler

Go to her website and she has her own caregiving community and newsletter.
just found this out.

Alva ,
I still think I’ll skip . I also haven’t gotten the nerve to read “Never Simple “ yet.

This book actually has so many laugh out loud moments for me, Way.

Kudos to anyone who could read it . The description of “angst “ in it sounds as if I would end up getting PTSD flashbacks for sure . 😬

SORRY, I mean the below about legal competency to go under my post about VSED as a method of self deliverance. It is the VSED book that has a good section about legal competency.

PS There is also an EXCELLENT short section in this book about what legal competency is. How seniors, even those in earlier stages of dementia are LEGALLY able to make legal decisions for themselves. I found it very relevant reading for our Forum.

Thanks for the lead! I'm just about to read it. I initially balked when I thought it would be a memoir of just a single year, but it sounds like Staebler was there for six or so years, which at least gets closer to the duration I require for this sort of memoir to be tolerable reading. 😂

Thanks Alva, I'm going to suggest it to my library.

Thanks!

I have never done kindle. I think it’s a great idea. I just like having a physical copy of a book. Easy to tote around.