Death is inevitable for all of us.
I don’t think there is a ‘right or wrong’ way to feel about death.
Some people will sit vigil by their family member’s side. Others don’t have any desire or they simply aren’t capable of doing this.
I would not suggest to others that they must sit vigil at another person’s deathbed if they are not willing to do so.
Nor would I tell a person to leave if it is important for them to be there. It’s a personal matter. I do feel that they should take care of themselves by taking breaks from time to time.
We have no control when a person dies. We can sit with a person who is dying and hope to be there at the end, but as soon as the person leaves the room they die. There shouldn’t be any guilt if this happens to you.
Ignore any insensitive comments from others. Perhaps they don’t understand the situation.
The social worker at my mom’s hospice told me that there are people who are dying that want someone to be at their side, and others would rather be alone when they die.
When my aunt and uncle died, we took in my cousins.
The very first thing my mom said to us was, “There will be no yours and mine. It’s all ours to share.” There was no difference between us.
Mom and her sister married my dad and his brother. We were double first cousins but became siblings.
Another thing, social security checks were put in the bank and mom gave it to them when they turned 18.
I guess my parents were unusual. They could have used the checks for necessities but chose to save the money to give to them when they turned 18.
They spent the same amount of money on all of us. I am proud of my parents for not making any differences between us and my cousins.
Money was tight at times but my parents made sure they provided for all of us equally.
That’s terrible how some people suffer more trauma.
My daughter in law was orphaned when her mother died because she had no idea who her father was. Her mother had been previously divorced , and never told anyone who my daughter in laws father was. Her mother made up a fake father name on her birth certificate , and told my daughter in law that her father died in a car accident .
After my daughter in law’s mother died she went to live with her much older brother and his wife. She became the slave , babysitting their kids, housework , mowing , cleaning chicken coupe, and horse barn, feeding all the animals .
She grew out of her clothes and they wouldn’t even buy her any , so she started babysitting for money for another family , sleeping at their house while they worked night shift . Meanwhile all this time her brother was receiving money from social security that was supposed to be used as child support for my daughter in law . My daughter in law was an orphan so she was to receive money from social security to support her until she was 18. Her brother was keeping all the money other than what it cost to feed my daughter in law .
Then my daughter in law began being abused by a friend of her brother. She told her teacher . My daughter in laws older sister said she could not take her in . So this teacher took her in for her last year of high school . My daughter in law saved money from a part time job for a car . Then she left for college and has been on her own ever since . The college worked with her as far as housing during summers when dorms were closed because she was homeless.
She had to work during college for clothing , food , keep up her car . She lived very poorly . But got some financial aid and took out loans for college. She could easily have just given up from this mess as a teenager , run away and been on the streets . It was not easy for her .
My daughter in law still would see her sister from time to time and her aunt during and after college . The aunt got sick and when she was terminal she told my daughter in law that her father was not killed in a car accident but she didn’t remember the man’s last name . My daughter in law did ancestry and found
him by matching up the DNA . She first matched up with a woman that ancestry said was most likely a first cousin . It turned out to be her half sister . The man claims he was also divorced at the time as well when he dated her mother but they broke up and he had no knowledge of the pregnancy . The aunt denied knowing why the mother kept his identity a secret and said he was dead . At first the man did not want to meet my daughter in law . His other 3 girls though embraced their new found half sister . So a few years went by and he finally said he would meet her and they did . He’s very elderly , he was old when my daughter in law was born so was her mother but not as old as him .
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Yeah, people are afraid to die for different reasons.
My friend had trauma in her life. Her father died when she was five years old. She had two younger sisters. The one who she was close to died from heart failure and she isn’t close to the other one.
Her father died in their home when it caught on fire. Her mother cracked up and the kids went to an orphanage.
My friend is super religious due to being raised by nuns. She is afraid of going to hell. It’s tragic that she can’t be consoled. She didn’t respond well when she went to therapy and won’t even go now.
Her husband died and she has a rocky relationship with her kids. One son died years ago.
It’s interesting how some people are greatly comforted by their faith and others are horribly frightened by it.
That’s sad about your daughter in law. No one should force a person to be with someone who is dying at the end.
Her mother died of cancer 20 years ago when my daughter in law was 13. Her aunt made her go sit with her Mom near the end .
I have no idea if I would be afraid to die alone. I have a friend who is terrified to die. I know that she would not want to be alone. I feel so sad for her.
I was thinking that people used to die when they got old. Now they die when they are older . 🙄, 😢
I hope everyone will check out your recommendation. Thanks!
I also like TheGoodDeathSocietyBlog.net, a project of Final Exit.