95 year old mom with dementia wants to sleep herself to death. Is this common?

I want to thank you for all your responses. It has been very enlightening and helpful and has given me a different perspective.

Let her sleep as much as she wants. At 95 her body is worn out. Why prolong her misery any longer by trying to keep her active. She is not going to get better. And I am sure she is depressed. Who in her situation wouldn’t be?

It is now time for hospice.

Beatty for the win! Yes, yes, yes, always read what Teepa Snow may have to say. She is a gem of a human being. I've been very lucky to attend workshops with her. She changed everything for me, literally everything. She made 5 years of 24/7 Alz caregiving the best thing I ever gave my mom and the gift that I needed to not die of a broken heart in the process.

Being a good caregiver is not about heroics, nor keeping them alive despite a bleak diagnosis. Just as we provide tender loving care to a new baby coming into the world, we provide the same loving care as they transition out of this world. Comfort and love. That's it. Comfort and love.

AlvaDeer is absolutely spot on, IMO. All old bodies (and many minds) have a "use by" date.

Given my dad's honesty with me, I was so relieved for him when life released him.
He truly DID know he wanted to sleep forever.
He tried to overcome it for my Mom, but boy, was he ready to go.

I think the majority here on the forum see an increase in sleeping as a sign that the end is approaching and answer accordingly, but from my own perspective I know that although excessive sleep is an end of life sign it shouldn't be taken in isolation. My mom spent YEARS sleeping more than she was awake and I suppose if I had left her to lie in bed and not eat she likely would have died sooner, but at what cost to both of us?

cwillie, you sure are right about the skin.
Bedbound and poor nutrition is a decubitus on the way. And they can go septic and lead to death.
At some point, SOME THING will lead to death.
You suggest making her walk as much as possible.
In Motherlode, the book I so often recommend, the mom walked to the age of 102. And lived that long. To what end I am not certain.
Lots depends, for us and for our caregiving, on where we stand on quantity versus quality of life.
And you are correct that absence of a bedsore is going to make quality of life greatly better.
Thing I love about this site--our advice (if confusing) varies. But I think we teach and bring to consideration, even for one another, a whole lot of thought.

Many on the forum will advise you to let her stay in bed 24/7 if she wants to but I've never agreed with that advice. I believe it is beneficial to maintain a (loose) schedule and get up to toilet or change incontinence products, wash, take any prescribed medications, eat and drink. Encourage her to walk as much as possible if she is still ambulatory because once she can no longer do that the caregiver's work becomes exponentially more difficult. I also think it is healthier for skin integrity to not always be in bed, even if they are instead napping in their recliner (or tilt in place wheelchair). Note that I'm not saying to force her to stay awake, let her nap as much as she wants between meals.

Teepa Snow, the dementia expert, names the stages after gems. She has such a lovely way of describing them.

I have found this approach to be so caring & insightful. Less 'medical' in some ways but doesn't shy away from the reality. Ruby & Pearl are the later stages. Peace to you & your Mother as she enters those later stages.

https://teepasnow.com/blog/6-gems-you-need-to-know-for-a-positive-approach-to-dementia-care/

What's killing her, in reality, is dementia, not sleeping. Your mom is not "healthy" unfortunately, the dementia is terminal. Please allow her to sleep as much as she'd like, and call her doctor for a hospice referral. At 95, mom is tired and no longer able to be active.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

I would talk to her doctor to see if she is a candidate for hospice.

My friend's Mom did the same thing and she went into hospice. She was on it for about 18 months before she passed.

Why do you want to keep your 95-yr old Mom active? To what end? She is 95 and her mind and body wants to exit. We all exit eventually... this is life, this is normal, this is expected. Make it as comfortable and pain-free for her as possible. Bless you for being there for her on this journey.

Very common. I would shift your focus from trying to keep her active to trying to keep her comfortable. Let her sleep. Offer food, drink, activities, etc. but don't push it. It will be hard but decline is inevitable.

Is she in any pain? If so, I'd get a hospice eval. There is no need for a 95 year old to suffer. Or at any age.

Best of luck.

Do nothing. Let your Mom sleep. This is common.

My own dad spoke with me about this. He said he was "exhausted with life" and he had had a wonderful life, but now just wished for the long last nap. He truly felt this way and he was wonderful talking about it.

I spent my life as a nurse and I heard this over and over and over from the elderly and they would always mourn that they couldn't discuss it with family because family didn't want to hear it.

It is hard to understand from the perspective of being young, but the old get tired. The eat less and sleep more and that's their norm. And many are ready to go. Some LONG to go, as did my Dad.

Please honor and embrace the fact that we all die. That we tire. That every single system in our body becomes exhausted. That we are ready for the peace of sleep.