F.O.G.

Too many people fail to recognize the FOG themselves and need it pointed out to them. Getting out of FOG is a process but it also starts with making the decision to do it and summoning the courage to take the first step. Few things in life are instant. It's important to remember that there is no shame in stumbling as long as you get up. Being supportive includes reminding everyone lost in FOG to take the first step and keep going.

My favorite de-FOG-ger site:

https://outofthefog.website/

I think we all DO support one another here on the forum, just with different approaches and words. When I told you yesterday that it doesn't take time to make changes with a manipulative parent, it just takes a decision to do it.....that's a true statement. Before you came to A.C., you probably didn't realize your father was such a manipulative man, or even what FOG was. Now you do. Now you're able to see the forest thru the trees and develop a game plan for dealing with the man's games and become better at it than HE is.

Making the decision to tackle the beast is the hard part. That can take people YEARS or decades to accomplish. You did it in record time. NOW is when it takes time to put all the plans in place as to how to facilitate the changes you want to accomplish to save YOUR sanity so you're not jumping thru hoops to please a man who cannot be pleased. Thats the goal which you're well on your journey towards.

My mother tortured me for decades with her b.s. and I tried very hard to please her, for some odd reason. I always fell short, too. It took me a long time to arrive at the decision that it was impossible TO please her so WHY was I trying so hard? Then I backed off, but not till I had a lot of cuts and bruises and scars on my psyche, let me tell you. You've done a lot better in a shorter period of time than I ever did.

Keep up the hard work. Wading thru the muck and the mire to arrive at a better, more empowered place in your life is always worth it.

@sp196902 - yes! AgingCare.com is the deFOGgger!!

I totally agree.

It also takes setting boundaries, knowing what boundaries even are, and instilling new behaviors. When you are in the FOG, you may not live with boundaries because you have sacrificed them in order to make others happy and in return receive their love and acceptance. You get your value from how they treat you, and how well they are doing. You can lose yourself.

Agree it has been beaten and programmed into us for decades. Indeed it does take time, work, awareness and reinforcement to let the fog lift. However, it is soooooo worth it though once you start the journey and stay on it. I think it is nothing short of life changing, and never too late to start.

It certainly isn’t easy. It takes time. You’ll get there!

Lean on this group for support. Vent away when you need to.

You have my support.

Wishing you the very best as you continue on in your caregiving journey.

Very true. That's why this forum is so awesome. Think of it as your FOG removal system.