My brave aunt and her death.

I was included in a group email last night about my aunt. She died yesterday morning at the age of 86.

She had a sad life. Husband died in his 50s after a stroke. Only child died in a car accident along with spouse in their 20s; (they were both drunk). My aunt endured so much grief and pain.

Despite all the sadness in her life, she was a sweet person and always interested in the rest of us. She was remarkably "upbeat" when I would visit her. She was included in a lot of family activities by two of the cousins in my hometown who were very loving and helpful to her. When she couldn't live on her own anymore, she didn't heap a lot of guilt on either of them to keep her at home and become her caregivers. She only asked if they would help her find a nice AL. She gave them POAs so they could make decisions for her. They sold her home so her finances would be supplemented. She went into AL when she was about 78. She had a lot of joint problems and surgeries and had a terrible time getting around and she knew she belonged there.

A while back she started having memory problems. She was moved to the MC part of her facility and at first didn't like it much, but she rarely complained about anything. According to the emails, she just got "quiet" and didn't do much. There was also a big concern that her financial resources were getting low. Cousins had seen a lawyer and were considering the next steps.

Then she got a cancer diagnosis about 2 months ago. She was told it was stage 3, but they could try chemo. She said she wanted time to think about it.

About 3 weeks after the diagnosis, she said she wouldn't be getting the cancer treated and she stopped eating. Of course, she got very weak. She was pushed to eat by the staff, but she told them to leave her alone about food, that she wasn't interested, and that living wasn't fun anymore. Email said she told cousins "I am finished. It's my life and my decision." So, cousins told the staff to leave her be. She became bed bound and requested Hospice and it was given and she then stopped taking any liquids. And she passed yesterday.

I am grieving for her loss and have cried a little. But I can't help but compare her to so many elderly people who I have read about on this site who drive their adult kids crazy by insisting on staying in their homes and putting pressure on their adult children to make that happen. And I also have thought about my own parents who are in such terrible physical/mental shape but insisting on every possible treatment and medication to keep them alive.

I respect my aunt for her decision. I hope I will be as brave when I get bad news in the future.

Hugs.