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for those who follow law and court cases...
😉

"If you have the facts on your side, pound the facts; if you have the law on your side, pound the law; if you have neither the facts nor the law, pound the table."
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What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom when she wouldn’t go out with him?

”Why? I’m a fun-gi.”
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Happy Easter Sunday!
🐥🐥🐥

“No bunny loves you like I do!”
😍🥰😘
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My mom really wanted to have a Easter dinner at her house today, but she wanted to make it. She gets really upset if you don't want her cooking. She really wanted cake and lamb. When this morning rolled around, she refused to go to church because it was raining so I went without her. When I got to her house, she had made me pureed Cole slaw and a baked sweet potato but had forgotten to cook the lamb that she wanted so badly, and that we had went to purchase together at the grocery store on Thursday. A trip that was supposed to be for 6 items but that took 2 hours and only ended when it did because we needed to get to a salon appointment to get her hair washed.
I brought her strawberries to have with her cake but she forgot to take the cake out of the freezer. I don't know where else to park this, but it is pretty funny so I'm parking it here. Because I am guessing we are the only ones in the world who had pureed coleslaw and a sweet potato for the Holiday today.
So yeah. Easter Dinner 2025. Pureed coleslaw, a sweet potato and some strawberries. She was happy. That is what matters.
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stand-up comedian on stage:
😉

If you’re in here tonight
and you’ve never contemplated suicide, then you’ve never been in love.

If you’re in here tonight
and you’ve never contemplated
murder, then you’ve never been divorced.
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😉 Advice for writers who’re having writer’s block:

Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.
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🙂
The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you. A lot more will make sense after that.
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I’m giving up drinking until Christmas.
Sorry, wrong punctuation.
I’m giving up. Drinking until Christmas.
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😍
Not all relationships will lead to marriage, some will help you discover new restaurants.
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Why does the Easter bunny hide eggs?


Because they're little chickens!
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“The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you. A lot more will make sense after that.”

Wise AND funny BOJ. Made me LOL.

I need to keep this in mind when certain parties decide to critique my posts. Hmmm. Might be good stitched on a pillow.
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BOJ
Then I listened to a short podcast and decided it was too reactive. But it did make me laugh which is what the thread is about. Oh well.

https://drchatterjee.com/the-5-minute-morning-habit-to-reduce-stress-overwhelm-negative-thoughts-dr-rangan-chatterjee/
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useful comeback:
🙂

You're a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
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🙂
I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
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🙂
You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
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🙂
There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
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🙂
 I believed in evolution until I met you.
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🙂
Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
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🙂 more comebacks:

If somebody says. “What are you looking at?” I respond with, “I’m asking myself the same thing.”

or alternatively:

“What are you looking at?”

“How many guesses do I get?”
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🙂 several comebacks:

“Ohh so you’re one of those people.”

——
If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, "He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.”

——
“The difference between you and I, is that I actually like myself.”

——
“You will never die of brain cancer.”

——
"How old are you?"

——
“Don’t make me make love to you!”

——
"Hope you will say something smart one day."

——
“You are not invited to my birthday party.”

——
"Do you know who I am?"

"Why, don't you? Did you lose your memory? Are you lost?"
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🙂 stand-up comedian:

I had a rough childhood because my parents
aren’t divorced.
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Did you hear about the Irishman that is impervious to bullets?

His name is Rick O'Shay.
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It took me a while to get that one ITRR lol
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Thanks,
humidity.
I always wanted to look like a lion.
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Tired of yelling to get your kid's attention? Try these:

--use the bathroom
--relax on the couch
--open a chocolate bar
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Everyone has a bad hair day.
The trick it to not have it on picture day.
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My body was screaming for a cup of water,
but I gave it a mini donut instead,
because nobody tells me what to do.
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Remember my name.
You'll be screaming it later.
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Before kids: I'll never let my kids do...

After kids: Here, lick the rock, just please stop screaming.
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🙂 stand-up comedian, with a genuine, friendly smile:

Calm down. You’re doing great. You’re doing great.
I’m telling you, you’re doing great.

Life isn’t perfect. It never was. And it never will be.
We’ve all got stuff to deal with. You’re doing great.
So what, you’re fat. Who cares?

We’re all fat.
You’re either really fat, kind of fat, or trying not to be fat.
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