I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
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I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
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Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *Walks away*
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I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
The man replied, "Yes, I do."
FYI ... she told 3 people within 10 minutes & never worried about it again
The wife, amused at first, chuckles
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.
"Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!"
She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!"
The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
He responded: "Explain the children to me."
(Not one to make a fuss)
But I can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end
The way I think it octopus
hehehe just a bit of memory problem
That's a real "Thinker" of a joke and so true.I think broken bones don't hurt near as much as when someone stomps on my heart~
Thanks for sharing that one~
Don't break anybody's heart; they only have 1. Break their bones; they have 206.
Isthisrealyreal
Now that IS funny. hehehe
Indeed, you are correct I am
Beautiful
Intelligent
Talent
Charming and
Happy.
How did you know?
My girl friend and I were driving from Las Vegas to LA, of course two young friends talking excitedly about the vacation they have just embarked on in my new T-Bird. Boy can that thing drive, I would have never guessed I was going 90 mph, so we get pulled over by highway patrol, I so do not want to start my vacation with a huge ticket.
This big gruff, mean looking patrol man gives me the what for, driving at such speeds kill.
Me in my most innocent voice, apologizing profusely, I ask if instead of giving me a ticket, would it be okay if I bought a couple of tickets for the policemans ball?
In his gruffest manner, he looked me right in the eyes and said, "Lady, we're Highway Patrol, we don't have balls!"
After he picked up his dropped pen, he walked back to his car and drove off. Never looked our way again.
This was 35 years ago and I still laugh at how I beat that speeding ticket.
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
lol He should have kept his mouth shut (or stopped at the letter 'H')
Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating."
The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence."
Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo."
Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence."
Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater."
Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence."
Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt.
He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
.. He felt different yet couldn't figure why.
.. he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers.
.. He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name.
The chief answered in his typically poetic way.
.."When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest.
.. and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth."Then, the boy said to the Chief.
.. And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky.
The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name.
.. And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe.
. White Bear's mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby's birth. Then he asked the boy.
.."Why do you ask, Two Dogs Humping?"
My brother came home from school and said they made singing clothespins today. He had a clothespin that was painted gold and had a design glued to it. He opened the clothespin wide and started signing one note. What he made was a note holder.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.
They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499.
Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Sceptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"
The redhead replies,
"She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
Anybody can roast beef.
99 Bonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
(99 soft legs one wooden)
This was the tenth ATM that I tried this week that had insufficient funds!
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."