My Dad ask me could he move in a small apt next to my house that my husband and I own when he no longer could drive. He was 93 at this time and turned 94 in Nov. First off he did not like my tv service. He wanted boxing and old western channels. So I changed to direct tv which cost double but he did agree to pay half. He gives me 500 a month for his rent which includes elect and water. He ask me to provide his evening meals. I agreed. When we go grocery shopping I have to use his cart. He waits untill we get in the store and throws a fit if I try to get my own cart. He takes a bath about on average twice a month. Once he went 6 weeks. I tell him when we go somewhere to clean up and sometimes he does but usually not. Now his sister went into a nursing home and wants me to take him every week. He told his other sisters and brothers he would go see her every week. Its 35 minutes from here. I told him I was not taking him once a week and that my sisters need to come take him once in a while and he got mad and blew up and said the only reason why i moved over here is because you dont do anything. I have grandkids that i pick up once a week and transport two of them to there mothers for my son twice a month. I also work on this house we bought as it was in bad shape when we bought it and also do lots of art work. I have no life anymore. He controls me. I am a retired nurse but am getting to my witt ends with him. What do I do. I am getting depressed over this. This is not all that he does to me. And also may I add that have caught him playing with himself. He wont even lock his door.
You mentioned about your sibs setting an example to their kids about visiting in old age. People do in fact look to others as an example. My mom was an only child and when her mom couldn't live alone, she moved grandma from CO to TX to live with her and my dad. Mom let her mom know every day how much she resented taking care of her (I wasn't the only one my mom was mean to). Poor grandma. So one time my mom was being particularly ugly, I told her what I had observed and what kind of example she had set for me. I also reminded her, that if I were less of a person, I might be treating her as she had treated her mom. My mom knew what I was talking about and didn't say a word. I doubt it meant anything to her but it was a life lesson I've always kept in mind. Just sharing.
maybe do things WITH HIM..NOT JUST hand him food..k .play cards..
to an outing..park..etc.
its just how some are knwing that they are at an age&Alone.k