I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
Heart cath on the docket dad?
His answer: "One of the doctors thinks it should progress and one does not .. so I guess they have to consult with one another to decide".
Me asking brother and him unaware of that conflict .. brother's approach .. I told dad when I visited with him .. need to stop throwing pork chops and tap dancing dad .. let em do it . and brother telling me .. "he needs to just let them go ahead with it".
Dad .. wanting me to . and I will .. tomorrow . .get a lawyer on a DPOA .. for me as designate. Him wanting me to go pull down a form off the internet for POA and my refusing .. "no dad .. if you want me DPOA it's gonna be all airtight and legal . by an elder care firm we dealt with for MIL .... with your wife being so suspicious and so territorial .. I am not gonna go play a lawyer on the internet and make out some form that I can then be dragged into a court of law as to its validity . if you want me DPOA .. it's gonna be done airtight by a lawfirm .. and you're gonna have to pay for it'.
Him agreeable.
Him asking me . today on the phone .. if I'd go by his house . get his ckbook, .. pick up the bill for the phone .. for his cc (uses his cc monthly to pay his bills then writes a check to pay the cc) . would I get his cc bill, his ckbook . his phone bill .. and come see him (already covered the ground with him that 1 visitor now allowable . and so will do so) . would I bring that .. and/or have his wife sign to pay those two items. Told him I'd do so.
But .. as I suspected .. calling his wife ... she will not . she was nice as sugar about it, . but I won't be coming into her house to dig up his ck book and whatever else, I mean afterall she can do that for him . now that they allow visits . she'll take those items with her and get the attention to them . with her visit there.
Uh .. okay ... well that means she can . and likely will set out and go there .. possibly get lost on the way there .. and a silver alert to come perhaps ... and when/if she gets there lookout dad, . she's gonna set up shop there and stay around the clock .. and be a nuisance to you and to staff there ...
So be it.
Called dad back . "won't be going to your house to get the items you requested ... she can take care of it, just ask her .. intends to .. so expect a call from her, . and not only that, she's likely on her way now that she knows I was gonna go there, and visitors are allowed.. suspected as much would happen .. so be ready . she's gonna call you and likely show up there ready to stay around the clock".
Dad: "Ok, .. well you did what you can . let me know if you get ahold of those elder care atty's".
Me: "You got it".
And so yes, . that wonderful portal that I walked thru to the beautiful scenic peaceful mountains . someone shoved me back into the other side, and now I can't even find the doorway to that portal again.
not eating/drinking these days .. without assist .. staff do try to get her to eat, . and trying to stay on top of the hydrating and make her take sips .. and so forth . outside of that eating/drinking doesn't occur. Even with assist to eat .. she eats very very little, staff reports, . not interested. So what's wrong .. what's happened in the last week or so that she . she's almost like someone drugged .. and over medicated. But nothing she takes is of a sedative nature.
Wknd nurse telling SIL upon her asking .. "you guys work with elderly every day have you seen anything like this", answer given . "yes . sudden onset dementia can look like this ... we've seen it .. you need to prepare yourself .. she could slip away".
SIL: "You mean . .like with dementia to this level .. the brain doesn't communicate to the organs to breathe and they just stop breathing".
Wknd Nurse: "Yes .. very much so .. we could go in to check on her, and find that she's slipped away".
From there forward the rest of the wknd has played out with MIL in and out of lucidity .. mostly out.
Yesterday she had a few Skype visits with family members and the finding was she was a little better than what's been mentioned here, but that's a "LITTLE" .. not much, ... only a little bit.
DH .. having heard that .. scheduled himself for a window visit today knowing we'd be back. Went there, for said window visit .. with DD .. and they couldn't rouse her to bring her to the window .. too out of it. Skyped with her .. and .. out of it .. barely audible, barely able to be communicative .. from her bed, not raising her head . barely opening her eyes, mostly dozing . and mouth gaped open and not responsive ...
DH came home from that visit with a couple of screen shots from that Skype visit and she looks like someone about to breathe their last breath.
Talked to his sister .. and the sister called the mom on the phone and found her a little more with it .. able to interact .. she didn't remember that DH had been there and skyped w/her . didn't remember a thing about it, and that DD was a part of it.
That's how it's going these days with her. Don't know what kinda fog has enveloped her that she seems to barely peek out from under some .. but mostly she stays in a fog these days of not very oriented and lucid. It's odd .. maybe it's as that wknd nurse described . sudden onset dementia .. (we know she's had a dx of moderate dementia some months back) .. but maybe it's gotten markedly worse .. for whatever the reasons/cause in the last week or so .. and she is slipping away . bit by bit ..
And on the front w/my dad . brother texting as to any updates .. seems dad was being pushed by cardio doc .. to have that heart cath done . and him tap dancing around declining that .. consistently... and brother even drove up to visit and was present when cardio doc . who was obviously frustrated with his refusal to proceed with heart cath ... evidenced that she was frustrated .. stating something similar to .. "well we've really done all we can do for you here at the hospital setting so we'll get it set up for yo to go to rehab . but you're going to land right back here with chest pains".
Him then deciding I guess o'nite that he'd proceed with heart cath . telling me that over the phone (can't believe he could reach me, my cell normally didn't work in the mtns). I asked him if he informed staff of that and he said "I think they'll do that in the rehab place", me telling him no . they won't . you need to let staff know there at the hospital and let them do it before you go to rehab ..
Him telling me he keeps . in his stupor .. getting out of bed and falling . Brother confirming no .. he has a bed alarm . he isn't getting out of bed . he's delirious or something . told brother that same story and brother confirmed . no . he's on a bed alarm . not getting up outta bed at all.
Heart cath . asked him today on the phone since I'm back now
While we were away ... SIL texted .. "can you get texts". It was a group text sent to both DH and myself. I don't know if he ever responded to it, .. I did. My answer (and it was the truth) "Sometimes, .. mostly no . it comes thru .. as downloading but it never does actually download . the text".
That was the response I sent.
I never got anything further from her, ... I didn't ask DH if he responded to it, .. he didn't, because it was a group text, I'd of seen any response he sent.
Later in the evening, we were back in the hotel (more civilization) and SIL called. Seemed that the rally the day before, with MIL and DH on the phone w/his mom had ebbed back into the abyss .. seemed their mom .. on a phone call with SIL earlier that day .. didn't know who SIL was .. "Yes, mom it's me ... SIL .. you know, your daughter", to her mom's response, "I don't know, you have the wrong number" and hung up . this after mutiple attempts to reach her, .. DH tries as does his sister, the phone rings into infinity .. her sitting right there .. asleep usually .. or . .. one of them, usually SIL will call a staff member to go rouse her, to the phone. Seems to be the only one can talk to her nowadays ..
SIL had called her mom earlier that morning, this was Friday . and found that her mom didn't know who she was. Subsequent, SIL called the wknd nurse, who she's familiar with .. and yes, that wknd nurse .. aware .. all too aware .. not sure what's going on with her, seems to be slipping moment by moment into an out of lucidity .. and .. questions .. more questions as to whether family wishes her to be transported to hospital .. and SIL left trying to answer that on her own .. absent input from her brother who was in the mtns and away from any real ability to communicate .. and her struggling to know what to do ... should I pull the trigger and have her sent to the hospital . something is wrong ... even MIL .. in her more lucid moments states that her brain is scrambled and she can't quite make sense these days .. that she's struggling to put her brain back in order, .. this you get in her more lucid moments, which are fleeting . mostly you get, she really can't talk, is so out of it .. almost like if you woke up a really old old person from a deep sleep is mostly what you encounter.
This .. SIL found in having called her mom in the AM . and then staff .. and so SIL trying to decide whether to pull a trigger on sending her mom to the hospital . not wanting to do so .. all vitals are fine. Blood/lab work came back . the 2nd panel . .and that only showed a slight uptick in the WBC .. and so they started her on an antibiotic .. (infection origin unknown if one).
SIL talking to her mom later in the day and found her mom more lucid than she'd been in the prior call .. never great .. sounds like someone awakened from a deep sleep .. and she is .. sleeping a lot these days .. a whole lot. And waking her, for years . that's been the way it goes . if you awaken her . she's . .for years . been that way . in a stupor .. but it seems even worse nowadays with whatever is going on w/her.
She did find her mom a little more lucid in two more phone calls that day . and no . didn't want her mom sent to the hospital but torn .. what to do ... something is wrong .. but what. And send her to the hospital for what end? Something is wrong .. she's sleeping a lot more these days .. and .. as a result . anytime you call her, .. mostly she doesn't answer, unless you prompt a staff member to go rouse her .. and when you do get her, . which isn't every time .. as used to be the case . .you get someone really really in a fog .. and not all that lucid.
She's not getting up and into her wheelchair .. she's not eating
Glad to hear things with MIL are stable. Hopefully your hubby can relax and enjoy the time away now.
Still not quite back to baseline for her (may never be, who knows) but can at least interact on a somewhat better level.
DH did go with me. We got word while traveling, via SIL ... it seems a turnaround of sorts has dawned.
DH talked to her while we were traveling... and no, baseline isnt steady footing at this point.
But improvement yes.
I hope Dorker went to the reunion and I bet DH did not. He would never forgive himself for leaving when his mom is sick. Sad. all the things they've skipped doing b/c of MIL.
She's 90 and in such poor health I am amazed she is still among the living. They can test her for everything under the sun but there's not one test that says "You have outlived yourself".
My mother STILL says "Oh, if your grandfather could see this! He be so shocked" I am kind of a snark and reply "I BET he'd be shocked as he'd be 121."
It's hard for Dorker---she is constantly being tugged and pulled by so many people. I am hoping for her she has an enjoyable and relaxing weekend!
How was MIL the last you heard? And your father? Is H coming with you on your trip?
When there is no specific area of pain or symptoms to address- just what are the hospital doctors suppose to do - look for treat - based on a initial symptom/diagnosis of “lethargic”? Seriously - I’d be willing to bet 50% of the population currently living in nursing homes under quarantine lockdown would fit that bill.
I know Catscans can be rather quick and look at large areas - but not so with a MRI. I had one from the middle of my neck down to the base of my spine and it took over three hours. Either way - I’ve never heard of either procedure being done in an exploratory manner - when they don’t even know where to begin. Maybe a head scan - like you said - looking for a stroke... Still, it just seem beyond what my experiences have shown hospitals willing to do even in the non Covid19 era. Not without at least another symptom present.
Sorry if I’m babbling. The situation just strikes me as so odd...
But, I did want to say I think it’s the right call - letting your DH make the decision on whether he goes or stays. Should it go badly and you had pressured him into going - you’d likely have that thrown back into your face for the rest of your lives together. Not to stereotype- but I find most men to be very passive/aggressive. I know mine is and it makes me crazy.
If his mom were hospitalized .. I think he'd rather be here .. and go see her. He hasn't been able to see her . other than window visits .. since mid March (Covid).
Personally .. (though admittedly I AM NOT MEDICALLY TRAINED). I really don't see any good reason to send her to the hospital. I don't ....
She's had a clear UTI
Clear chest xray
Vitals are good
CBC .. all good so far, . some other aspect of that CBC . comes in tomorrow but so far all good
I don't know why it struck me, .. not medically trained at all, but looking at the results of that CBC . and the part of it that measures kidney function .. for some reason .. it struck me, 'ya know, you always hear about someone's kidneys shutting down and you think organ failure .. yea that person is toast'
Her's are functioning fine accdg to that portion of the CBC.
As are her vitals reading all fine .. so far.
So .. I guess, me and not trained medically . I kinda ponder what good reason is there to put her in a hospital . so they can do what? An MRI/CT ...???..... why???
So they tell you (maybe, who knows) .. "oh yea, okay we see here a little stroke damage, that explains why she's so tired/lethargic . she's had a bit of a stroke". And btw, they've done the stick out your tongue, lift your arms .. that whole thing as to stroke assessment and she doesn't meet any markers there.
Can't turn the clock back on that issue .. and certainly can't do anything invasive at her age . and state of being .. so .. hospitalize her for what end?
Cuz she mutters .. "I want to live".
Well, .. in my not medically trained mind ... I look at the various tests/the readings . and I think .. "you aren't dying" .. nothing of the readings would indicate that.
I am going . I'm handing the baton of my dad's situation over to a brother .. and he can do the phone work I've done .. and so be it. My dad is probably much more dire than is she.
But I don't feel compelled to sit right here ..
BUT
It is a different relationship between me and my dad, . and MIL and her kids . for certain.
I don't know, letting DH make his own call on that. I won't chime in. I have MO's . but I'll keep them to myself .. I wouldn't want that on my conscious if the woman breathed her last breath ever .. and DH could've been there and wasn't because I'd dug in my heels and made him go with me. Nope.
((I don't think that's imminent though . truly))
BTW - NH who prohibits visitors at present (Covid) . does allow EOL visits ..
I don’t know how to say this without sounding callous but.....I fail to see why your DH should stay home from the trip. I can’t see the logic in putting life on hold because his mother isn’t feeling well. She’s never feeling well. She is what, 90 now? You should both go and enjoy the trip knowing that whatever will be, will be. There’s no reason to think MIL is actively dying right? So what good will come from staying home while they try to figure out why MIL isn’t well? Is he even allowed to visit her right now? I say, let SIL run the show from IL. If she thought the situation was that dire, wouldn’t she high tail it down to FL?
When is enough enough?
They are administering the 2nd course of IV fluid at this point. So lethargic she isn't really drinking like she should.
All the blood work, even the 2nd set ordered which was a CBC .. everything has come back okay.
Chest xray - cks out ok
No UTI
I asked SIL if they can do an EKG there or order a mobile service to come do one. She didn't know.
I guess if no better tomorrow, she'll be jetted off to the hospital . and there, I guess they can do MRI's and CT's and whatever else. I don't think it's all gonna be all that useful . but it's not me that's suddenly inexplicably lethargic.
Sad thing is .. if she goes off to the hospital . upon return she will be quarantined for 14 days there in the NH. They have a special area cordoned off for just that reason .. .and thus far, .. no one in that section of the NH . .it's vacant.
If she wasn't already depressed she dam sure will be by then, stick her in what is essentially solitary confinement when she gets back.
Finally talked to my dad for a few mins this afternoon . said he hadn't had any chance to read the letter I sent, fine. Oh well. I wrote it, . as was said earlier by someone else, to assuage my own conscience that I'd done all I can do.
He did have that lung aspiration this morning . though it doesn't seem to have improved (not that I can tell) his shortness of breath, that he too complains of.
Is still on 4 liters of oxygen . and that was supposed to help .. maybe it takes time, or who knows .. maybe they'll do another scan and find more fluid has come to his lungs, I don't know.
No talk at this point of any discharge to rehab . but wouldn't surprise me .. they seem to jack em outta there, quickly, even before what I'd think was a stable patient, but what do I know. Have handed that baton to my brother to carry ... and will head of town . ..
Somewhat aggravated .. that it seems these elderlies .. (more to the point, MIL) and their constant drain of health maladies .. once again, up ends plans on our end. I haven't heard whether DH will indeed be going. Came in . 5 seconds and was gone again, to a church meeting tonight .. so I haven't asked him .. I guess if he's sitting in the car beside me, he's going . .if he's not .. oh well.
But, her body may not be in agreement. Isn’t there a bible verse about that? “the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Not so much.
SIL presenting that option "are you just tired, ready to go, want us to leave you be & not do the poking and prodding, just make you comfortable.
And her answer, "I want to live"
I guess she's not ready for that cloud afterall.
is living with by way of Covid19 restrictions is at the root of the problem.
Let’s be honest - unless one is able to get up and move around - participate in the planned activities and social interactions - nursing homes in general are not the most stimulating environments at best.
Now, MIL is stuck in her room, with a deaf roommate and the TV for company. I imagine even the most healthy of folks would find themselves becoming brain numbed and more than a little depressed. Increased time spent sleeping just seems to be a foregone conclusion.
Unfortunatly, someone MILs age and condition - all the excessive sleep is probably the worst thing she could be doing. Hell, even time spent looking out a window would be more stimulating to her brain.
I don’t think going to the hospital will provide any real answers or solutions. It might just be that MILs body is winding down - the old gal is 90 after all - and her cloud is drifting towards her doorway.
Word from SIL who called there this morning to the NH .. the chest xray was all clear ....
They have sent off more blood work, expect those results back this afternoon.
Starting another IV of fluids . as her lethargy . .she doesn't drink adequately. The tell SIL .. "if the blood work doesn't give any clear indication of some deficit that we can fix .. something obvious .. we're going to need to send her to the hospital".
SIL then talking to her mom (because the thinking . between she and DH is that their mom has just lost the will to live) . . so her then talking to her mom: "Mom . do you want us to just leave you alone . you know they are talking about sending you to the hospital .. is that what you want? If you're tired, . and ready to go . and don't want all that poking and prodding .. we don't want to keep you here .. if that's what you want, are you ready to go . and we need to just let you go"
MIL to SIL on the phone: "I w.a.n.t. t.o. l.iv.e.".
SIL: "You know . that means they will send you to the hospital .. and when you get back you'll have to be quarantined for 14 days .. you want to go to the hospital?".
MIL: "I do .. I want to go to the hospital".
So .. I guess at this point, we wait for the blood work . and see what/if anything that reveals .. and a 24 hour course of IV fluids .. and ... I guess if status quo is still the case, . she will be sent to the hospital .. maybe this time tomorrow .. who knows.
That means .. likely .. DH will not go on this trip .. if his mom is sent to the hospital.
Hospitals are allowing 1 visitor .. have to be wanded for temperature . and wear a face mask . .and so . he'd want to be here, to go in and sit bedside with his mom.
Slated to leave here tomorrow AM . about 9'ish .. and I don't guess we'll have "all" the answers as to the direction things are taking with MIL . and so .. he may decide to forgo this trip in lieu of being here, in case.
My dad .. I haven't been able to get thru to the nurse, other than briefly . earlier, the did do that lung aspiration and things were said, at that point, to be stable. But .. he was still on a "mask" for oxygen . so I didn't call him.
Have tried a couple of times since then .. to reach the nurse caring for him . to find out if that mask has been removed, in which case, I'll my dad. But can't get thru to the nurse. Call the nurse desk, and they just defer to the nurse handling his care .. so that's no answer.
Myself, .. I'm sitting on complete frustration . really am. Why can't things just go smooth .. why?
I mean a lot of folks have constraints with trying to pull away from work, . that is our situation also . thus the reason we rarely go anywhere. But add into that the elderly we have in our hemisphere . and it's just .. so problematic.
That and I have to laugh .. I just had to stop dead in my tracks and laugh .
I was .. big load of laundry to do . going from my kitchen . open the door to enter the garage .. as I do a million times . and the door handle busted. So now, I can't get to my washing machine unless I wanna go outside and thru the garage to do it.
Of all times . the dam door knob has had 364 other days this year to bust . and today is the day it decides to hang it up .. and bust on me.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/23/health/seniors-elderly-coronavirus-symptoms-wellness-partner/index.html
Me, DH and g'daughter.
Good idea, .. I'll get a spray bottle and fill with alcohol and water, better than nothing at all.
Don't know if MIL was told, ..
I could see that SIL .. aware we were leaving town .. maybe mention it to her mom in passing along the way .. just conversational .. maybe DH do the same, just conversational ..
But really .. MIL and her orienting to day/time . .etc . that's never good, even on a good day. Tell her, "oh we'll be leaving the end of May for a long wknd".
To her .. that's about like talking in Swahili .. end of May? What month is this? Is this May? Oh I didn't even know, you know, days they all run together with me ..
She really doesn't ... even when things are good . have a lot of orientation as to day/dates/etc.
Oh well, .. I won't fret about that which I have no control over. If she nose dives and DH needs to stay behind . I'll go without him. Not what I want .. but I won't fret about it, so be it.
"**And just in case anyone might think .. oh you guys shouldn't of told her you were going out of town . she's pulling this so you guys won't leave**
I'm not aware if she was told we'd be leaving ... perhaps DH or SIL did in passing .. mention it along the way . not sure . .."
Wait a minute...I thought it was just you and your GD that are going to KY? I could see her possibly being upset if you were all to go out of town.
Regarding the lack of hand sanitizer, do you have a spray bottle? If so, fill it with an alcohol/water mixture, and that should do for your stops while driving.
So here we are, on the precept of leaving town . and with two elderlies .. hanging on the edge of a cliff that could send them reeling.
Two schools of thought ..
Mine: "My dad . he's in the best place . .if he nose dives and it looks as if the end is near ... then I will cancel my plans .. wouldn't want my worst enemy to die alone . .and so .. I'd cancel my plans. Short of a nose dive . there's not a reason in the world for me to stay here ... and I won't, he can be cared for in whatever setting . there at the hospital or xfer'd to Rehab .. once that lung thing is done . if ever .. and .. they are far better equipped than me .. ".
DH .. he and his sister of the hand ringing sort: "I think mom is just trying to die .. I really do .. I think she's just giving up and wanting to die .. I mean .. I think it's a depression and she is just giving up .. it's .. I mean .. she's in that NH . and of course, they are all quarantined . we can't go see her . other than window visits .. or Facetime or Skype .. she's been too sick the last several days to do either .. and .. she can't even go visit her neighbors there .. they want them in their rooms . and now out and mixing and mingling . and now PT has stopped . she can't even do that . she's just giving up. And here I am .. trying to go out of town .. if she nose dives .. I'm not gonna be able to go Dorker .. I'll need to be here . they'll let me in . for EOL .. if it looks like she's dying".
Me; "ok"
Very frustrating ...
Truly .. we aren't travelers .. we rarely go anywhere .. DH's work constraints mostly at the crux of that ...
But then you make a plan and try to do just that .. and one of the elderlies .. I guess teetering on the brink of .. will it get worse, do I go .. will it not get worse, . do I go . do I stay ..
Frustrating.
Such is life .. I guess.
Have no idea what's going on with MIL. Symptoms that were first noticed on Friday . would lend itself to firm UTI dx . but that was done . and initial as well as the cultured one . both negative for UTI . .and blood work/lab .. all okay. So I guess .. we just don't know, til they do an on site chest xray . see if that reveals anything . and some other panel of blood work .. we don't know.
In the meantime any attempt to talk to her, . it's almost like talking to someone who has been way overly sedated .. (she doesn't take any sedatives).
**And just in case anyone might think .. oh you guys shouldn't of told her you were going out of town . she's pulling this so you guys won't leave**
I'm not aware if she was told we'd be leaving ... perhaps DH or SIL did in passing .. mention it along the way . not sure . ..
Just don't know.
Looking around locally to be able to take more than just my little personal size that I keep in my purse, .. just a normal desk size might be nice, .. not finding any anywhere.
Since our trip will likely incur some stopping off for potty stops . would be nice, . going in and out of doors and door handles . to have some hand sanitizer in the car, .. keep the hands as clean as possible. Too much to ask I suppose.
Never did hear from my dad, not surprised. YD did stop in to see him on her way out from work yesterday . .and says of him only that he's just real weak .. wearing an oxygen mask (this they tell me is because the cannula .. he .. I guess is a mouth breather, . not a nose breather . and so the cannula not as effective .. so the mask now) .. 4 liters of oxygen.
Were never able to do that lung aspiration yesterday . whatever number it is they look for as to his co-agulation in his blood .. needs to be lower than it is .. and so they are continuing to work for that goal . and hope for today as to that lung aspiration .. but thus far, haven't been able to reach the nurse to ask what's on target with that. Haven't tried to call my dad (nor has he called me). From what I understand . yesterday .. someone called him .. he with oxygen mask on his face . and I guess he took it off to try to talk on the phone (don't know who would've called him ) and it then set off bells/alarms .. oxygen level dropping out . and so .. haven't called him . and cause that kinda upset .. Don't know if he's still on mask, . haven't been able to reach the nurse to ask, left a message.
On the other front .. MIL . and her teetering right on the bring of hospitalization herself. DH and his sister want every possible measure taken before sending her off to the hospital. And NH .. sounds like they concur and are doing so.
MIL very very lethargic .. more disoriented than is her normal . .sleeping all the time ..
UTI both initial and culture .. came back all clear. Initial blood work came back okay ..
They are now ordering a chest xray on site (no congestion or cough though) .. just to look at that, make sure . and some other panel of blood work. Trying to dial down on what's wrong.
It's supposed by all who ring their hands at the whole thing . perhaps she's fallen into a deep dark depression. Ya know, her precious poochie .. that went home to IL w/SIL back end of November, when SIL departed. He had to be euthanzied .. about two weeks ago. MIL was a part of that whole thing .. in that SIL routinely skypes with her mom and made poochie a part of all that, and MIL could see his health deteriorating . and didn't want him to suffer. So she was aware . not like it came as a huge surprise.
She seemed to handle it okay . relatively speaking, was sad of course .. at first .. as all of us would be. Didn't seem to linger in that space though . and that was almost two weeks ago. In fact, SIL .. questioning any deep dark depression in the fact, .. mere days before MIL fell into this pit of whatever is going on w/her, . Friday it seemed to come on .. SIL marveling that she'd skyped with her mom two days prior and her mom hauling the ipad around with her, to go chit chat . and bring SIL along to chit chat . with other residents .. and so .. she wasn't in any deep dark depression the few days before whatever befell her on Friday this past week, . and she remains . in whatever state it is that has taken her down . sleeping all the time, lethargic .. no complaints of pain or illness . but sleeping all the time, . disoriented (of course, anytime you wake her up .. even when things are good .. she is disoriented when being awakened) but right now, it seems sleep is her normal .. every hour of every day .. and so .. when you talk to her, . she is disoriented . and all she wants to do is sleep.
Some big lungfuls of mountain air. Repeat multiple times a day.
Good food. Good company. Lots of laughs. Repeat several times a day.
Beverage of choice PRN.
Deep sleep. Every night.
Do not take 'worries about the future' 😁
Have fun 😍
Have a fun and safe trip!
Not your problem Dorker, you were kind to do so much for him already. Go enjoy your week off! Your granddaughter will never forget this special trip!
indigestion .. oh and remember to print out maps . you know how much you hate it when you get up that way and the GPS on the phone goes bonkers, cuz there isn't a clear signal ... print out some maps in case ..
Oh yea, run by the dollar store, . grab some dried flowers, . will want those to put on grave sites .. up on the family cemetery ..
And that doesn't even begin to cover the ground of .. taking 6 yo with us and so .. making sure her mom packs for her, .. kid tylenol just in case ... and .. whatever else she might need, *just in case*.
I laugh because, yes there are stores there ..
But it's not like here. I can be inside of a Target or Walmart, in 5 mins here . and get what I need. This is rural . out in the sticks . and so getting to a Walmart, or Walgreens or whatever .. plan on a drive of about 20 mins . and thru . what I consider treacherous windy mountain roads that scare the bejeebers outta me.
That people live that way. I guess they don't know any different . that one can live somewhere, where there is a store .. and close enough one can be there in 5 mins . .. I guess it's all they know there.