My 80yr old mother is chronic pain. Myself too at 58yrs old. Bad neck and spine. My husband is wore out taking care of us. Me too as i do her pills, meals thrills, chills. I had made that big promis! She sokes and has a small dog tthat is the love of her life. She is seeing things that arn't there and has soo many burn holes in everything. Her only spleasure she says is smoking and her dog. Anursing home would forbid that. I hurt so bad some times i can't even go next door to tend to her pain. I cryed all night as to what to do.
We all know what you are going through on some level. The members are right. You need to take care of yourself and set limits as to what you can do. Your DR. can set you on the right path and help you find some of your answers. I took mom and her cat, but it is working out. As for the future????? I don't know what it will bring, but as I told my daughter, don't make promises in the heat of emotions- you really can't keep them all!!!!
In the nursing home that we frequented (hubby's dad was there), the nursing staff kept the patient's cigarettes at their desk, then accompanied this woman outside to smoke; even in the snow. It was so pitiful, because this woman was on oxygen (probably due to smoking) but still wanted to enjoy her habit. She looked terrible, and probably died smoking.
As for the dog, many nursing homes see the benefit in Pet Therapy, as restorative to patients. The one my FIL was in let residents keep their doggy right in the same room with them. How compassionate is that?
Annlidiot is right, you need to consider your own needs; not necessarily at the expense of your mom, but for both your benefit. I think of all the positive things a good nursing home can provide: companionship, tag team, activities, recreation, stimulation, friendship, physical therapy, etc. Sometimes more than we could provide from our own home. I sure wouldn't have the energy to do all they do for my loved ones. Yet, I can visit (rested) and participate to my heart's content. They don't tire of me, nor me of them. And they often get comfortable in their surroundings, and it becomes home, and us, welcome visitors. That's better than working ourselves into an early grave, and providing limited care, as often a small family or individual does. (One can only do so much.)
And because of their expertise, they can provide Pallitive Care to those who suffer from painful conditions. Best wishes to your mom and family, and hope you all find a solution that works for you. Take good care of yourself, as well, because it's so important.