Its only been two months since my dad passed. This will be the first Christmas without him. I'm the oldest in my sibling group. I was dad's main caregiver. I still have a lot of resentment and anger about all the things that happened this year before my dad passed. I'm still struggling. I had a terrible fight with my younger sister today about my dad. She basically told me "get over it" and dismissed my feelings, while I was crying about missing my dad. She said it was the life cycle and she didn't know why I was still upset. It seems to me, she is more upset about her divorce than she was about my dad's passing. I find her so insensitive. And now I don't even want to spend Christmas with her. I think I will go to see my dad at his gravesite and bring him some flowers. I cannot expect much from my siblings.
I lost my mom a little bit over a year ago. I was her main caregiver -- to the extent that she'd allow. So many WT*? moments, so many conversations that weren't really conversations, so much despair. And the perceptions of others were often out of line with reality. How was I sure? By the dim or judgmental or Polyanna comments people would make. And their profound discomfort when I would respond with the truth.
This disconnect has shadowed my grief and "moving on," also. That surprised me a little. Clearly some of this is just me. But wow! Am I really that aberrant? Or are other people really good at projecting an ideal??
Enjoy Chistmas and New Year's however you can. In whatever doses you can manage. It takes phenominal energy to rise above the lack of validation. Be kind to yourself.
So sorry for the loss of your dad
How insensitive for your sister to say "just get over it". Those are fighting words whenever I heard them. My sig other said the very same thing back when I was trying to recover from a very serious illness. It makes one not to want to be around someone like that.
What has been helpful for me as finding a talk therapist, someone who is around my own age, and who has dealt with an aging parent that had passed. Now when she says "I know what you are going through", she really does :)
As time passes, start surrounding yourself with people who make you happy, who can make you smile and laugh.
Go to your Dad's graveside and have your special time with your memories of him. Let it be your personal moment. All the best to you.
Maybe visit the cemetery on Xmas eve and make yourself a quiet dinner on Xmas day with a good book or movie