They closed the original thread, so AC must have thought this was all over.Ha ha, so did I! But no. Updating (unfortunately) with "It's baaacccckkkk" and the appropriate scream. The Alien has left seedpods and they are marched all along the bottom of my breast in a perfect circle of pearls. The worst KIND of pearls. Picture me dressed as Ripley to fight back.
So, it is back through it now with Ma Kaiser on the phone as though she's my daughter. This nurse and that nurse and the other.SO far the plan is (and it could change dependent on tomorrow's PET SCAN:1. PET Scan tomorrow 1 p.m. 2. Meeting with the whole tumor board, surgery and oncology team on next Tuesday. 3. Surgery on the 21st for mastectomy.
The PET, if it lights up like a Christmas tree (one without presents), may change plans; not sure. And closure may be a problem for this with questionable skin involvement; I could luck out with a surgeon (I love mine) and a plastic surgeon both toiling over this old rag of a body.
It's a day at a time. Y'all were so very kind in the past, but there's no need to love bomb me. Just give me a thought. And know that I will be DEAD FOR 6 MONTHS before I stop writing on AC. You were afraid of that, weren't you?
I won't be doing any big cancer journey at 83. My journey now if more looking ahead to MAiD. Had my first mastectomy in '87. Had some GREAT years cancer free since then, until it caught the second breast a year ago.
I wanted to go directly to FLAT, but it was suggested, age and all, we did lumpectomy with wide margins. I have declined node testing, radiation, treatment (with this a triple negative, it's unlikely that would have done a thing but relieved me of what little hair I have left).
All at Kaiser here are a marvelous team. They fully understand my wishes and did since last year's lumpectomy. Those were/are:
1. If it spreads into the breast, go with full mastectomy (that's now scheduled for April 1st tentatively dependent the PET doesn't show it "everywhere".)
2. If spread then we will allow it to do it's worst, monitoring it for symptoms and with the palliative care team. Go for the good drugs while I am comfortable "enough".
3. If I get the magical "6 months" prognosis at any point I can go for the MAiD laws I worked so hard to promote. You may know the process. You speak with psychologist; your team says these have been your wishes always, etc. etc. I will be assisted with that in the Kaiser system.
My goal is to contain. If no containment then take my final exit as quickly, painlessly, and with as little muss and fuss as can be achieved. My family all aware and supportive. And strong.
It has always has been my wish to pre-deceed my guy. It would be awful dealing with end of life without him; I am well ready"to go" if going I am. I have always been, as an old RN, a bit of a death junkie. Not afraid of death, only of mess and only of pain and only of torment for family. I am hale, hearty, walk, garden, do a ton of stuff. That's the quality of life I want. When I can't have it I am ready to relieve the taxpayer of paying out SS to someone past her sell-by-date.
I am good. Let's say I am as good as I can be given my normal anxiety. I hate tests. I hate the whole routines. I hate being in scanners. I hate being inundated with calls. I get claustrophobic. I hate "waiting rooms" where you sit until you get the facts. I fear the unknown. All that stuff. And I am in for a full month of that. Coward that I am I shall simply have to MAN UP . as Geo. Bush said.
Thank you for your offer of help; it is incredibly kind, but until you take your Death Doula training, I can decline. (God I would have been GREAT at that).
Positive vibes to you!
We are with you.
Which Kaiser for surgery?
I'm in the East Bay in Dublin if you need an Atheist bi***h handy. Will you come to the new Kaiser Hospital Cancer Center in Dublin? I'm 5 minutes away.
Defcon 5, one day at a time. Sending strength across the Bay right now.
I am afraid in this case I will have to give her the breast. I wouldn't want to let her take the kid, however.
But I like Lealonnie, believe in miracles as well, along with the power of prayer too, so I will keep you lifted up before the God of the universe's throne.
Sorry to hear that .
Sending support your way .
If that wasn't short enough, I am committed to go for a mammogram appointment in April, after avoiding it for so many years.
Thanks Alvadeer.
Fight on, girl, and we will be supporting you, thinking about you and praying for you and your LOs.
May you receive supernatural healing and the peace that transcends understanding.