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Hi ya gals. I wan't on last night because we had my MIL (95 1/2) in the hospital last night. They thought she had a uti but it turned out to be some type of bacterial blood infection. They are treating it with anti meds etc. She had a temp of 103.5 and had a high blood pressure also. When we left at 12:30 am they had the temp down and the blood pressure normal and told us she had a mild case of pnemonia. THis morning it was changed to the blood thing. She is doing real good but has to stay a couple of days for the meds. Will keep you posted OK?
Hugs to everyone out there.
luvCuz
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Oh, I forgot. My sister's old horse has hives. Poor thing. Tomorrow I'm scrubbing him down with baby shampoo. He seems to have developed an allergy to the fly spray. We left it off today, and he is much better. So hope that's all it is. He is 31 years old (same age as my old horse that died in May). I'll have to bore you guys with Gryphon stories someday. He's a pretty amazing horse. My sister brought him home 24 years ago. She paid 47 cents a pound for him. That tells you where he was going when she bought him.
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Oh, Mame, you did great to hold it together with your son being injured, and taking care of your mom. Glad to hear he is going to be home soon.
Diane, so good to hear from you. Just keep telling yourself you did the best possible for your mom, because you did. Hope you can take some time for yourself soon.
Welcome, Allie. Nasty dental floss, yuck. At least she flosses her teeth. I work for a dentist, and many older patients have such poor dental hygiene, and then start having major dental problems. But, leaving it around the house, EWW..
Jen, how did you build that fence all by yourself? I hate building fence, it is hard. So I'm very impressed.
Bobbi, save some of that tequila, someday I'll get boat time.
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Buzzed on tequila....

Mame!! awful but I am glad that your son is coming home. I hate football for these very reasons....

Austin! good as always to see from you and it's also good to hear your take on the nursing world.

flex! good to see from you too! How is your knee? Missed you!

more later.... really am feeling no pain... good for me.

Cuz!! What's going on with you and everybody?

lovbob
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Hi Crew,

I've missed you!!!! Sorry I have been MIA but my laptop is dying on me and I only get online once in awhile. I know those of you on FB must think I'm online all the time, but my computer freezes then powers off before I can do anything.

I'm doing pretty good overall, but I do have my days that I cry at the drop of a hat. I still suffer from the immense sense of guilt, like I didn't do enough or wasn't good enough. I know I'm processing my grief and I'm eating way too much. Since April I have gained 25 pounds :( I am keeping busy with work but really haven't focused on finding something fun to do for myself otherwise. Trying to recover financially has been quite a challenge as well.

I haven't gone back and read your posts, so please forgive me. Mame, I did see you post about your son and theblood clot. That is very scary. I know how torn you must feel between your duty to care for mom yet you want to be with your son. I know how I felt when James had his heart attack and he was in ICU for 10 days yet I had to care for mom too.

Let me hit send before this laptop kicks me out again. Love to you all!

Diane
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My Mil likes to leave me little gifts of her nasty, gunk covered used dental floss all around the house. Disgusting!
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Mame I am so sorry about your son but blood thinners do a great job-just ask about diet restrictions-if he is on Coumadin he has to be careful with some vegies-not to have a big serving one day and none or a small amount another day-it throws off the blood test-the hospital dietician should give you info on that before discharge.
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My brain feels like mush. The red cross is going up in my roof again. My son was injured-badly in Football. That was bad enough but a blood clot in his leg is now in his lung! I have been freeking out inside. Running to see him and make sure he is well (in ICU at hospital near his college) and making sure mom is cared for too is about to put me over the edge. I am better than I was-which is why I am able to write about it. But it has been a bad week! Son will be home with us for a week after he is discharged. Should be fun as he is miserable. But at least he is ok. He will need knee surgery later in the year after the blood thinner does it's trick... So, he will have to go off it for surgery and then back on it after. I am in shock. Poor kid. I believe his football days are over... He knows they are for this season... we will see what fall '14 brings. I kinda hope he never plays again... And this happened in practice!!!!!
Mom is doing ok. I had a chat with her about taking care of herself-or at least helping me take care of her. She won't remember but she is getting out of bed by at least 11am now instead of 1pm! We will see how long it lasts. Visiting nurses are discharging her tomorrow. On our own again! I told her she had to drink, drink, drink! so as not to end up in hospital again. And she answered me with, "well, then I'll be drunk!" She is a funny one! (Shaking my head.) I will say she is very concerned about my son...kinda sweet...and she tries to "help" me more cause she knows I am stressed. She's a doll.
I must say, that when mom had blood clots in her legs I was worried-but having my son have one-wow! Scary sh*t!!!
Well, that is what is going on here! Glad Juju checked in! Jen-nice to have a little privacy-good going with the fence. Austin-I bet you got much more respect from your patients! Meanwhile-glad you got out on your horse. Hey Cap'n Bobbie! Hi Sharyn, Cuz, & the rest of the gang. Welcome Gr8ful and Wherewerethey. Talk to ya later! Mame
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I know what you mean Austin...The nurse at the psychiatric ward said she really hated the new procedures and system managed patient care, she says all she does is fill out paper work on a computer, she hardly has any time for interaction with her patient anymore...Something has go to give...

The FENCE is up and it looks really good! It is six feet of lovely noise reducinging, peeper eliminating, security adding Wonderwall...It is only along the back, we can't afford the side which is sixty feet but this make a whole world of difference!

Jen...
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Got to ride my horse for about an hour this morning, but spent the rest of the day washing windows at the adobe house. Another stray cat hanging around, thin, and skittish, trying to feed it so I can catch her (before she gets knocked up).
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Didn't know you were a nurse Austin. I worked 20 years in hospitals as a medical technologist. Nursing is a much tougher job, but I know what you mean about the paperwork. It has just taken over hospitals.
Jen, hope; you are surviving the weekend. Company can add stress to an already stressful situation. Hang in there, it's almost over.
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I was a nurse but taking care of the abusive drama king husband was another kettle of fish-with a difficult pt. you have others there to help and most pt's respected me. I could go home at the end of my shift even though I got there early and left late-I was accused of spending too much time with my pt.s-thank God I am not working these days when documentation is more important than pt. care
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Cha bobbie...yeah, have not had a simplest most important thing here yet...spent yesterday trying to build a fence along back and keep an eye on fart pats as he kept rolling to the end of the concrete toward falling off into to ally and just would not be told his wheel was ON THE EDGE, not close or near but ON it and he could be pitched right outa his chair onto the ground...No I would NOT care but I will be damned if we get in trouble for not looking after his safety! Yes a house guest like a radio that can not be turned off...God, Sunday is a LONG way a way!!!
I can't eat I just feel sick now...bah blah blah, I know Jen shut up...I will, eventually...
Thanks meanwhile...we live by mind reading here. SO NOT a good plan...
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Good Sunday Morning Crew,

Jen! Is your Aunt there? Hit her up for some cash and go to the movies!! Oh ya...

Juju! Good to see you and I bet you both are going nuts with all the construction and hotel living. Hopefully you guys will be back in a beautiful house soon!

Hey there Wherewerethey! Welcome to the Home of Vent and Live!
Glad you laughed! That is exactly why I wrote it so and I am glad it still works after all this time.
I figured that I wasn't alone in the gross out department and at that time no one was making light out of all of the crazy that a family caregiver was facing... Like seeing your mom pee off the side of the bed for instance. If you don't have a sense of humor while facing this it can kill you.
Hope you keep posting! Welcome!

Hey there Greatful! Welcome to you too. I see that you are promoting the website: Aging with Dignity. I looked it up and it looks like a nice resource.
I guess that those of us on this thread and on many here on this site are way past the point of living wills. It's a good thing if you catch it in time but in so many cases with Dementia patients and the grown children that care for them that time has come and gone and we are left to piece together what's left and make the best out of what comes.
For instance: If a parent doesn't want to be in a facility and makes their wishes known, what happens when the 24/7 care of that parent with end stage Dementia seriously threatens the health of the caregiver? Do we die taking care of our parent or do we understand that wishes granted before we knew how devastating the 24/7 care of a demented person are not the single most important thing in keeping them and the caregiver safe. There is NOT just one person in this equation, there are at least two and many times entire families with the burden of care of a demented person.
This is a convoluted issue not solved just by living wills or buying a pack of toothbrushes at Costco.

Many of us 24/7 family caregivers have come to distrust the 'professional' who speaks in sound bytes about how this and that is the single most important thing we can do. We have learned that these well meaning folks who have just shown up on this site don't really grasp the gravity of the situations we are in.
I know you mean well and I read your profile where you cared for your mom and can see the struggle you faced with her care. But, in no way am I going to be able to ascertain the grief and pain you faced and are still facing.

All we can say here is keep writing it out. Keep venting. I think if I were to think about it, Venting is the single most important thing that will keep us all safe. To lose ourselves in the care of another, especially when we are NOT nurses and never had a desire to be a nurse or a caregiver is an unnatural and unjust position.
We do our best in the face of all kinds of people and all kinds of judgement.
We do our best to simply hang on another day.

lovbob
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I'm sorry I can't help but laugh, I know it's gross but it's an easy fix. Throw it away and hide the new one.
I guess the most gross thing I have had to deal with other than catching my MIL sitting on the side of the bed urinating on the carpet is when she called me in her bathroom and she had messed up her depends... 1 & 2... and had shredded it to pieces ,and it was all over the floor, because she couldn't figure out how to get it off.
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The single most important thing you csn do for your elderly relative is be sure they have a LIVING WILL. That way, their wishes are known. You won't have to wonder or fight when your out-of-town siblings come in and try to take over jmaking changes. One form, "5 Wishes," is available at www.agingwithdignity.org
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Ahh, Jen, seems like your mom says one thing and means something else. Your supposed to read her mind.
Juju, glad your mom is feeling better. Hope you get back home soon. It does sound exhausting.
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Aunt coming in a few hours from Iowa. Mom said two days ago she"didn't want to do a whole house clean..." So I scrubbed tub out, removed dust bunnies and cobwebs and now Today she is dusting and scrubbing like gang busters, three hours before her sister gets in...Why Ma? why?...Gonna be along week here...Jen.
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Glad to hear from you Juju !!

Hope everyone is doing as best they can with what they have to deal with.

meanwhile! Those Marfa lights sound very interesting. Keep us posted. Going to look them up on Google when I get off of here.

Mame! That's always the way it is which is why it's so hard for hospice to make a proper call and why I wish they would rely on the caregiver more but the other side of that argument is that people would take advantage to be sure.

OK, off to stock up just in case we go to war.....

lovbob
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Hi everyone,
I have been so busy and just exhausted lately, I literally could just keep us feed n walked n clean for a week back few days ago. Mom is finally doing better, this leg incident really worried me, I thought maybe the pain was just to much for her but about day 10 in cast she started to come around to her old self...I was at my wits end Monday thinking this might be the beg of end and had a meltdown and a spiritual moment then Tuesday we both woke up feeling way better...she has got that happy demeanor and light back in her! I am hoping it was the time in cast to begin to heal and recover, must have been so painful prior two weeks she needed the time!
I am in chaos with the house now, still stuck in the hotel for another couple weeks looks like and I cant believe this, I cant begin to explain the bomb my insurance agent dropped 10 mins before the "holiday, haha*Meanwhile2" weekend. Cat is being a nitemare, peeing all over beds, even us when we sleeping and wailing to get out...im going to have to lock him up he wont like that much either oh well I got enuf to deal with jeeezzzzz
Hangin on by a thread with this home thing, glad ma is better this week tho I can pick up pace to get us home!
Hope everyone is ok...I have to read up later but will, I want to catch up! Miss you guys
Peace,
Juju
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Mame, sorry about the roller coaster with your mom. Worried about Juju too. Sharyn, good they figured out what your mom was allergic to. I don't like all those strong perfumes in laundry stuff either. Don't use a dryer much. Have a close line. Bobbie, sounds like your staying plenty busy.
Tomorrow starts the Marfa lights festival. About 20 miles west of where I live they have these glowing lights that come out after dark. Been sighted for over 100 years, Scientist have tried to study them, but no answers. They are like rainbows. If you try to get close to them they keep moving off into the distance, until they disappear. Not making this up. Anyway, lots going on this weekend. The hot air balloon club is in town, plus a gun and knife show. That doesn't sound like it goes well with balloons, but oh well. There is even a parade tomorrow. Love small town parades (the fire dept throws candy). Hope everyone has a good holiday weekend. I know that is hard, care giving doesn't get holidays, but take care. Shirley
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Mom wouldn't get out of bed today! Figures since Hospice was here just the other day and said she doesn't qualify! I thought about calling them Bobbie-like you said! I fed her in bed & gave meds and she just kept saying she wants to sleep. She would get up and pee and then get back in bed! She finally got up at 2:30. Ate in her living room with me. And is now back in bed! Not doing well on the roller coaster to who knows where, what or when!
Thanks Sharyn-I will look for the bounce. My husband is the same as you-all the fragrances trigger an asthma attack...
Well, I will keep you posted.... Thanks for listening, Mame
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Been worried about Juju as well. Her activitity has her posting a week ago.
Time flies and we are all caught up in our stuff but where is jujubean?

C'mon juju let us know what you are up to!

Deef sent me some pictures of her garden. Beautiful!

OK, taking off to help move a boat down the ICW a few miles back to here after a repair.

lovbob
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mame~Bounce has an unscented sheet. I get headaches from scented ones. I can't be around people who wear perfume or colognes.
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There is an unscented fabric sheet? I have to find it! My hubby is asthmatic and just bringing them into the house from the store about sets him off! Mom insists I use them. I cannot stand how EVERYTHING has a fragrance now!
Glad Sharyn and Lildeb are getting a break! Enjoy!
Meanwhile-wasn't expecting that last line! Loved it! Definitely sharing that!
Thanks for the pep talk Bobbie! And, I will keep venting-thanks to you!!!
Thanks to all of you for bringing me back to 7th grade with all those songs!!!! Ah what a fun free time of life and what great music! I have a 70's CD and may have to pop that in today! I will think of all of you while I listen!
Hey Jen!
Where's Juju?
Hello to everyone else out there! Hope you can somehow enjoy some time this weekend-the last weekend of summer... I am going to walk around my backyard very slowly...and enjoy the last of the flowers.... Well, sometimes Sept is nice....and my mums are just getting buds so, I may be able to enjoy them a little longer.... Hope you all can too! Love to all! Mame
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Meanwhile~Hahaha..that is funny!! I didn't know you had a twin sister!!
Lildeb~I understand what you mean about them being there for you and mil. I struggle with my relationship with my in laws because they wanted only their family traditions taught to our children. My family traditions had no value to them. I manged to set boundaries with them and limit my time around them but my mil really hurt me on my birthday about 3 years before she passed away. My mother and I had made plans ahead of time to meet to for breakfast that day...(my in laws do not make plans for these kind of things, very spontaneous), while we were having breakfast, my mil came by the house to give me my birthday card and present. My husband, who was working graveyard then, was up and told her I went out to breakfast with my mom. I got home around 9am, my hubby told me his mom had been by and would be back later. By 2pm, she had not come by or called, so I left to get groceries so I could make dinner (thursday was my shopping day then). Of course, mil comes while I am gone!!!! She is on her way to her weekly hair appointment. She came by on her way home...she was livid!!!! From her perception...I purposely avoided her...wrong!!! I tried to explain but she would have none of what I offered. She had a way of saying things so that my husband of oblivious to her meaning...she tied into me, basically bringing up my horrible upbringing,etc. Well I was furious...never said a word but I cut her off with my actions toward her because I felt and still feel, she went way over my boundaries. I spent the rest of the evening in the bedroom crying. She just jumped to all kinds of conclusions based on her insecurities and I had no one including my husband in my corner because of how she worded things. Just an little vent, sorry!!
I do understand about not cutting some people out completely because of the situation.

Mom's rash seems to be coming from the laundry soap so we will be supplying the soap and fabric softener from here on out. Mom was using Whisk and an unscented fabric sheet so I hope that resolves the problem. As far as her tongue and lips, I am thinking it was an one time isolated incident as it has not happened since. If the Whisk causes a rash, we will turn to All that is dye, scented free. I hope your vacation is restful and fun...I know I am looking forward to mine!! Hugs to everyone!!
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Pahahaha meanwhile OMG that is funny, copy and paste...
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A friend sent me this, I guess because it so fits me and my twin sister. Fits a lot of us here too.
"Don't lead, I"ll get bored and wander off.
Don't follow, I'll get you lost.
Walk beside me and help me cause trouble.
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Sharyn, I am same way about cutting them out of life except these people r supposed to be for the mil n me. I will just never trust him ever again. Sometimes, if the washing powders is not rinsed out good, it can cause a rash all over. Tide would break us out no matter what we done. However, u mention her tongue too? Is there a liquid drink she is getting before bedtime or at supper that may be causing it or a type of cup-Styrofoam? I hope yawl r able to find out what is causing the coloring.
So far the manager has been calling me n giving me details n taking care of everything. Wow! Where was she at the beginning when we first signed up with them? Oh yeah, new management roll-over. I am taking the mil between 3-5pm so I can pack for me and the hubby. I just have to remember to call Hospice so they r aware she is their when I drop her off. Got her all packed, some of her stuffed animals, soft blanket, and fidget blanket, a picture of her n her grown son n some dollar colorful flowers with a smiley face stick balloon. I even went by the Asst.,L with mil to drop off some forms n she was getting scared again. However, with me n one of the woman n charge had her feeling much comfortable today about the situation. She will be getting a lot of attention n should be fine. The only problem may be at night-bedtime with the mil. We r Leaving Sat morning n I have my bro taking care of the critters at the house. Yeah, I think. I got my fasting lab work done for the diabetic dr. Hopefully he can explain how my blood-sugar can drop from a 145 at night to a 42 in the morning? I only take a Lantus at night n it's not suppose to drop that low. I just make sure I pack tons of
Austin, u r so right for I am normally the quiet take it all the time person n just now learning how to say, ‘no.’ ; ) I am the fish from the zodiac. Sweet n humble most of the time. Thanks for understanding.
Mame, sorry that your mom doesn’t qualify for hospice. My mil was qualified for ‘failure to strive’ for she had lost too much weight n wasn’t eating well. She still on for now even that she has gain some weight. It sounds like when they hit that certain base weight for their height is the cut-off line for hospice? I go for that house-call if it would help you any.
Bobbie, I hear ya about the education part n yet they want us to keep the person at home. That very smart idea about the dr n referrals. Sounds like u ran into that similarity problems in the past. : ) The Twisted Sisters is just going through my head right now.
Mame, sing it, sing it until its stuck in your head for that song should take out some frustration.
Oh yeah, Dancing Queen, Afternoon Delight is a soothing song. How about Another One Bites the Dust n Undercover Angles-Midnight Summer Dreams…
I hope everyone has a nice weekend just n case I don't make it back on till I get back. I may just take my laptop too when its too hot to go outside on the beach. My mouth is watering for some Dungeon Blue crabs with some warm garlic butter. mmmm
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They have another resident in memory care who is allergic to it too so it must be a heavy loaded soap because ;mom has never been sensitive to anything. Maybe it has something stronger in for killing germs or bacteria.
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