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Bernadette, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. So many others here have experienced your grief. Rip, Miz, Kuli, Bobbie and many others. Please still stop in occassionaly and let us know how you are doing. We will still be here for you.
My Mother, Bernice passed away yesterday. She went quickly to her Lord. I was there with her. I miss her already with every atom in my body and every nuance of my soul. Mom just turned 80 in December and had a long well loved life. Although her last years were physically difficult for her, in the good times she was the same old happy loving Mother I always adored.
Blessings to everyone here for your support through the last few years. Although I became a bit distant recently, I still feel connected to each and every one of you. My caregiving days are somewhat over, and the future is sitting in front of me patiently waiting to be discovered. In the midst of unbelievable grief, I know my Mom is in Heaven and that gives me the most peace.
ok, any post that ends with 00, then next one coming up is 25,900, gets boat time. That's an invite to the boat.
Some of the caregivers have already been here to the boat, like Miz and Linda and a few others. There's a few that are planning to come out later this Spring since the boat is still in refit (it's a long process) and there have also been caregivers from this thread that have been able to travel to meet each other and stay in each other's homes.
It's a beautiful thing.
So, just to break it up and have a little fun and to remember that there is a life after caregiving, when someone hits a double ought, someone else will usually holler out: Boat Time!
Welcome to the boat.
DEEF!! Glad you are feeling better. I know that you were really sick and I still don't know how you do it all. I love what you have said about letting the guilt and anger go.
Also love that you mentioned so many in your posts. Used to have that energy but haven't in months and months. Just is. Maybe it will come back.
OK, have to go and make something for dinner. Tomorrow we work some more on a boat.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know, lovbob
Lildeb! I just realized I missed you in my last post!!! Yes, the repeating is definitely enough to drive you crazy!!! I learned years ago to change the subject or in dementia terms, redirect. Do yourself a big favor and don't try to answer the same question or comment over and over. They are easily distracted, therefore, distract them by directing their attention to anything not related to what their brain is stuck on. If you are in the car or outside, "look at the pretty sky!" for instance. If you are inside, how about "would you like a snack?" Anything to get their mind unstuck! If they are asking about loved ones that are long passed, change the subject! It will do more harm to remind them over and over that someone is dead. Memory loss will cause them to grieve every time you remind that that someone is no longer here. Mom occasionally would ask if my dad was home yet and I would just say "not yet. But he'll be home soon." It would be just enough to ease her mind and move on to something else. If they insist, just generic answers like okay, or uh huh will be enough to let them know you are listening and they will move on. My best advice is to stray away from touchy subjects that upset them and redirect and distract whenever possible!!! Good luck!!
I'm here Jen! Been back and forth with feeling lousy to feeling better. Mom is finally back to feeling better and back to daycare also. It's been really hared being sick and having to take care of her and 2 apartments and 2 sets of bills and meds and..... Got a bit down after what was probably my worst holiday season ever. Had caregivers that didn't show up when I needed them. Family that was too busy to help and all kinds of things that I didn't get done when both Mom and I got sick. Now I am busy trying to catch up on bills, cleaning, organizing and trying to get myself feeling better. I got great news today that Mom is approved for another day at daycare. Now she will be going 4 days a week and I will save $500 plus/month on care givers. Mom's LTC $$ is all gone, so I have to get frugal and either do all the care giving myself, or find ways to cut back here and there. Instead of having someone here all day, I may split the day into 2 shifts so that someone is here to help me get her up and dressed and fed, then have them come back in the evening to help with dinner and getting her to bed. She is getting to be too much for one person to handle alone. I want to thank everyone for the kind words at the passing of my friend. I know she is at peace from a lifetime of blaming family and friends for bad things that happened in her life, and she is also no longer in the severe pain she had lived with for the last 5 years due to a broken spine and other issues. Kuli, good to see you popping up here and there! Miz!!!!!! So good to hear from you! Diane, What can I say? I'm with you all the way! Meanwhile, glad to see your mom is up and about again. Cat, I remember lining up in grade school for MMR, DPT shots and polio drinks. I was always first in line because I did not want to see kids puke or pass out when it was their turn! Grannyto8 Dentures are my nemesis! I gag every morning and at night when I have to remove or put Mom's denture back in. I've even thrown up when they are particularly slimy!! Jen, Bobbie, and everyone else, great words of wisdom to Stormy about her predicament. I have been accused of not loving my mom because of my practical, clinical approach to her care. I try to be very detached from the day to day. I has helped me get through some really tough stuff over the past 5 years at home with Mom. I am doing as she did when she cared for her dad with dementia, over 20 years ago. I am my mother's daughter and the most like her of all of her 7 children. Keeping my emotions in check helps me get through each day. It may feel cold to others, but it's a lifesaver for me and allows me to keep Mom at home for much longer than most care givers can tolerate. I do vent and have temper tantrums and so far have been able to keep guilt at bay. I'm going to tell every one of you to let the guilt go if you can. It will only fester and destroy you in the end. Just the fact that you are a care giver shows you care enough to do the best you can in each of your situations. My first 2 years were tough! I wanted to blame my sibs for my predicament and their lack of help. I wanted to blame Mom for being most comfortable with me and needing me to the point that I wanted to run away. One day I decided to let go of all the guilt and anger towards my sibs and just stopped calling them for help or to vent about Mom. That's when things got a bit easier and I had less thoughts to depress myself with. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do for everyone, but give it a try and stop feeling guilty for doing the best you can. Stormy, there isn't one of us that has not had the same thoughts on a daily basis! When Mom had that episode a few weeks ago, I found myself very calm and detached and almost a bit angry that she recovered unscathed. That doesn't make me a bad person, just someone who would like her life back! Barb, Have you checked your area to see if there is an adult daycare that would take your mom a day or 2 a week? Check for an eldercare service that would help fund the cost and leave you with a small copay. It has saved my life many times! Well, sorry I have been MIA for the past week, but I'm feeling better and will check in more often. Almost time to go get Mom at daycare. Will check in later! Deef!!!!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?' The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
'What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'
MIZ!!! WooHoo!! Hey there stuff! Glad to see you here Ms Miz. Life after caregiving can be brutal without the right support and a lot of support and I know that you had it rough.
You guys say the nicest things and I thank you.
Miz I hope you post for awhile and let us know some details of how everything is going in your life. We miss you!
Diane, I wonder if Lucy knows about boat time.....?
Lucy! Boat Time!
Austin! You have a sweet and generous heart and we all know you to be a loving person. I like what Miz said about your mom.
We are all delicate and fragile and yet we do our best even if it's not good enough for some, maybe it's all we have for that moment.
Glad to see you Stormy. Give some of that stuff a try and maybe it might take the edge off so you can make your escape plans better!!
I'm so sorry, Austin. I know what that is like to stay at the hospital with your mom almost 24/7. Bobbie got me through that time. I'm so glad your mom thanked you. I would like to think that it was for more than just the drink of water.
Miz it is good to see you back and my heart breaks for you for all you have had to go through Bobbie continues to be our Captian. My mom passed away in Oct. at almost 94 years of age and I was the one who stayed in the hospital day and night for a week from the time I arrived at the hospital after the call from my sister that she was failing-even in her weakened state she gave me dagers but the night before the stroke that took her life two days later she actually said thank you to me after giving her a drink of water. She was frail but was able to go to my nephews wedding in LA the beginning of Oct-and was sharp as a pin and continued to say whatever she wanted to when she wanted to express herself.
Hi Everyone. I really don't know what to say, I have been gone so long. Life really does go fast sometimes and I also think I've needed to stay away to keep my depression from getting worse. Right now, seeing you all, I just want to cry. My life is having it's ups and downs. I think I still have PTSD from taking care of Mom and all of the shit that happened after. I just feel bad bad bad bad that I have not checked in. I'm so sorry. I have not read many posts. I am so impressed with my wonderful Bobbie that she has kept this thread going and is still here to help you all deal. I will try to get on more often. Love Yous, Miz.
Not sure if everyone knows but, Jam loss her husband. It is posted under "No one ever asked how the care.." Jam, again I am deeply sorry for you loss n wish I could be their for you.
Hi again all, I posted yesterday for the first time in a long time, having been "lurking" and getting good advice. My mom has jumped from a level one care assistance at her ALF to a level 3 in just one month give or take. The decline was so fast it surprised me even tho the only predicable thing about this disease is its unpredictability. They are talking memory care soon, as she doesn't get involved in activities at her place due to her hearing loss, her cognitive function (or lack of it really) and she basically sits in her room all day doing nothing but packing, crying and moving her things because "the man" is going to take all of it and make her move. It is so sad to see waht used to be my mom, and even tho I have siblings they are step siblings and in another state, basically leaving mom in her declining mental state and eventual death for me to take care of. It makes sense, I guess, as I am her only biological child and we do have a close bond. We did have her live with us for a year 2 years ago when she was relatively mild in her progression of dementia, then she moved back to Oregon for a year and my step brother took on the responsbility of her finances, doctors, visiting etc. Now she's back in Vegas with me and I'm responsible for the day to day she doesn't yet get at the facility, like making sure she's wearing her hearing aids (which I found in an empty kleenex box yesterday), or that they have batteries, a lens from her glasses fell out, she lost her partial dentures, clean her cat's litter box, make sure it has food. (I have to hide an extra bowl of food under mom's bed for the cat when mom can't figure out she has an automatic dry food bowl and she fills it with water thus making it a big inedible wet glob) It does feel sometimes like I've been left to "clean up the mess", but she's my mom and I love her and will do what I can. But like all of you, I feel resentful at times and then guilty for feeling resentful. It's a vicious circle that was smothering me at first, but with time you learn to put things into perspective hopefully. I just want to thank all of you for your warmth, and love, and support and good advice...and HUMOR! I lost my sense of humor for a long time, I think my wake up call was when my husbad told my daughter that I hardly talked to him anymore. I was shutting everybody out to spare them the venting of my angst...no relationship should suffer because you are caregiving and this site is a great outlet to vent and get some advice from someone else who is in the same boat...pun intended bobbie...lol. Thanks again, I will be checking every day from now on. My thoughts, prayers, hugs and thanks to all of you!!
So sorry to hear about Jam's husband. Stormy, I loved my husband dearly, and didn't want to lose him, but there were still times I just wanted it to end. He died from cancer over a year ago. Can you tell your sister you have to go back to work? And can't take care of your Dad every day? As I write that I realize I'm getting ready to quit my job, and take care of my Mother and Step Father. Mom fell New Year's eve, and couldn't walk for a week. She is finally getting around again with her walker.
Did anyone else watch Dr. Phil? I was very disappointed in the show overall. I don't think it really did anything to protect elders or enlighten society about the care of elders.
Good Morning Crew. Ended up just too pooped to post last night. Cattails! you and I must have been writing at the same time last night! Great post. Stormy! So happy that you came on and read all the support for you and your situation.
Sorry to hear about Jam's husband. How very sad. Angels to her.
Glad to hear that Dr. Phil is starting to address this subject. Maybe there will be more help for caregivers as a result of more publicity.
I will check in later. The yard has me hopping today.
bam thank you for sharing that info about Dr. Phil it is something that is not talked about much and I think one reason because when people visit someone in the NH they see clean and well fed people sitting nicely in wheelchairs they do not see the other 23 hrs of their care.
Just a little information...Dr Phil's show today is about a brother and sister fighting about the care of their elderly parents (brother is mother's full time caregiver and daughter accused of taking parents money. Also talking about elder abuse in nursing homes. Barb
Bobbie, Mishka, Cat, Jen, Lil deb, Lucy, Dtflex, Barb- It is so wonderful to know that ya'll understand how I feel. I have no one else I can talk to about these feelings. I used to be able to talk to my sister about anything but this is something that she would not understand. She has a different relationship with our father. A better one. My brother and I feel the same towards dad. Although my sister does not know of my feelings of just wanting it to be over with. Our brother does not help anymore with dad. He rarely comes to visit anymore either. Once in awhile if we need him to carry dad to a drs appt he will do it. I envy him because he has just taken his self out of the whole situation. And I am mad at him for leaving it all up to me and sis. We have tried bringing in a lady to stay with dad and she was good, I mean she was just a sitter but in the end dad said he could stay by his self. I think sis was glad that we didn't have a outsider coming in the house. Why I don't know. She wants whatever dad wants. I feel like its two against one. Dad and sis against me. I know I bring alot of these feelings on myself. I let it eat away at me. This would be so much different if this was my mom I was caring for. My mom and I were so close. It would have been a honor to take care of her but I did not get that chance. Yet I don't know if my heart could have taken seeing her with the problems that dad has. I do know that things could be so much worse. And I am grateful that they are not. I see so many of you here that are dealing with dementia, alzheimer's disease and having to take care of two parents and I am in awe of all of you that are having to deal with such difficulties that come with those diseases. I don't know how you do it. Someone said that its the time of year that brings this on I think and they are right. In March it will be 3 years that we have been caring for dad. I always get depressed and feel hopeless around the time that all this started. I just wish I could just fast forwarded through to April. Dad will also be 80 years old in March. And I see where some of you are caring for parents that are close to 90 and I think My God is that going to be me. Is Connor going to be grown when I am still looking after dad. I just do not like even thinking that thought, let alone realizing that it could be a good chance. Hell, I never, ever, ever thought that this nightmare would be going on this long. And then I keep thinking about what am I going to do when Connor gets out of school for the summer. I do not want to have to carry him over there everyday throughout his summer vacation, but my sister will expect me to do so. Oh, hell she sees it as dad getting to see Connor. I see it as a f@#$ing nightmare for me and Connor. Excuse my french, but it is the truth! Before I had the daycare that kept Connor throughout the summer, now I don't have that. Ya'll if you think I am crazy now just wait until school gets out. I am not going to be able to take that everyday having to look after dad and keep Connor happy over there. Connor already does not want to go when we have to go, what am I going to do for 3 months when he is out of school. I am stressing already about it got to get off of that subject. Someone said something about taking antidepressants and I was taking them until I found out I had hypothyroidism and that it causes severe depression. Well, I figured that was why I was having the bad thoughts and feelings and that once I started on the thyroid meds that I would be in a better place with the depression. Wrong! So now I am wondering if I need to get back on them. I guess I will talk to my dr about it next time i see her. Ya'll I got to go Connor just woke up crying. Love ya'll all stormy. Thanks again.
Stormy, you are definitely not a horrible person. You are a person of incredible love and kindness. I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I have been taking care of my Mother forever. Once my husband and I moved in with her, we knew our lives would be changed, but I couldn’t even imagine that it would be like this. In the last 10 months, my life has become consumed by taking care of Mom 24/7. My mother was a beautiful person, a loving wife and mother. Most days I now have to help her with the simplest tasks, telling her how to pick up a sandwich and take a bite or how to place her pill in her mouth and take a drink and then swallow it, not chew it. Everyday I grieve for my beautiful loving mother and my greatest fear is that when she does pass, I will for just one moment feel relief. I have never been a depressed person, but living with and caring for a person with dementia that has progressed into the mid to later stages is depressing. The simplest tasks are beyond her comprehension. I finally arranged to get a caregiver to come 3 times a week to bath Mother and give my husband and I one evening to have a night out together. That’s 12 hours a week. The rest of the time, I am with Mom. If I had not done this, I’m not sure how long I would have been able to maintain my sanity because even though most of the time Mom is still very loving and appreciative, sometimes she still wants to be the parent and knows what to do to push my buttons. I have the greatest admiration for the caregivers I have met through GO and other threads on AC. Those that are caring for abusive parents, those that are caring for more than 1 parent or grandparent, those that are still raising families, working and caring for parents or grandparents and all of the other caregivers on this site. I know that I am very grateful for a place to vent and learn from others that are in the same or similar situations. Good night everyone.
Hmmn Church Porn?...And the pale but determined middle aged ladies who come and give their services to clean and beautify with flora the church and it's surrounds on Tuesdays and Fridays at once undressed and addressed their services to the attractive new young pastor in the assembly hall.....
Stormy...We can't fix it, but we sure can understand it. Like bobbie says find any resources you need, care giving is the most draining and crazy making avocation, job, sentence, task, chore, choice, action that I have ever known or heard about! It is as stressful as psychology and police work, as labor intensive as crab fishing, has rewards similar to social work, sometimes yes, sometimes no, as opened ended for scheduling as parenting but with out the joy of little successes and growth patterns and more thank less even. You often get more help with parenting, who doesn't want to watch the baby. And then there is the added history your child just doesn't have of the resentment of once being in control of your life and needs, and their own, and very likely their awareness of this will be the last to go...No one, who hasn't done it has any clue.... Whether it is a beloved task for a parent or spouse or sibling or friend that you take on with all your heart to comfort, care for and ease anthers way or a chore you dread the very thought of daily and fear the increasing costs and needs for minute by minute, Care Giving is a tremendously heavy burden, that so often falls to just one or two people, and you have to plow through it the best you can and try and maintain your own health and sanity and well being in the process, and if you feel any little bit of assistance is needed seek it, and if you feel you can't do any more, give yourself some courtesy and kindness and where ever possible find others to take on the burden of care giving for both your own safety and mental health and for that of your charge...Trust me we have ALL been there or are there or will get there. Be easy on yourself. This was never going to be a light, short term, un complicated part of your life. Never....
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Blessings to everyone here for your support through the last few years. Although I became a bit distant recently, I still feel connected to each and every one of you. My caregiving days are somewhat over, and the future is sitting in front of me patiently waiting to be discovered. In the midst of unbelievable grief, I know my Mom is in Heaven and that gives me the most peace.
-Bernadette
ok, any post that ends with 00, then next one coming up is 25,900, gets boat time. That's an invite to the boat.
Some of the caregivers have already been here to the boat, like Miz and Linda and a few others.
There's a few that are planning to come out later this Spring since the boat is still in refit (it's a long process) and there have also been caregivers from this thread that have been able to travel to meet each other and stay in each other's homes.
It's a beautiful thing.
So, just to break it up and have a little fun and to remember that there is a life after caregiving, when someone hits a double ought, someone else will usually holler out:
Boat Time!
Welcome to the boat.
DEEF!! Glad you are feeling better. I know that you were really sick and I still don't know how you do it all.
I love what you have said about letting the guilt and anger go.
Also love that you mentioned so many in your posts. Used to have that energy but haven't in months and months. Just is. Maybe it will come back.
OK, have to go and make something for dinner. Tomorrow we work some more on a boat.
Love you guys way more than you'll ever know,
lovbob
Yes, the repeating is definitely enough to drive you crazy!!! I learned years ago to change the subject or in dementia terms, redirect. Do yourself a big favor and don't try to answer the same question or comment over and over. They are easily distracted, therefore, distract them by directing their attention to anything not related to what their brain is stuck on. If you are in the car or outside, "look at the pretty sky!" for instance. If you are inside, how about "would you like a snack?" Anything to get their mind unstuck! If they are asking about loved ones that are long passed, change the subject! It will do more harm to remind them over and over that someone is dead. Memory loss will cause them to grieve every time you remind that that someone is no longer here. Mom occasionally would ask if my dad was home yet and I would just say "not yet. But he'll be home soon." It would be just enough to ease her mind and move on to something else. If they insist, just generic answers like okay, or uh huh will be enough to let them know you are listening and they will move on.
My best advice is to stray away from touchy subjects that upset them and redirect and distract whenever possible!!! Good luck!!
Got a bit down after what was probably my worst holiday season ever. Had caregivers that didn't show up when I needed them. Family that was too busy to help and all kinds of things that I didn't get done when both Mom and I got sick. Now I am busy trying to catch up on bills, cleaning, organizing and trying to get myself feeling better.
I got great news today that Mom is approved for another day at daycare. Now she will be going 4 days a week and I will save $500 plus/month on care givers. Mom's LTC $$ is all gone, so I have to get frugal and either do all the care giving myself, or find ways to cut back here and there. Instead of having someone here all day, I may split the day into 2 shifts so that someone is here to help me get her up and dressed and fed, then have them come back in the evening to help with dinner and getting her to bed. She is getting to be too much for one person to handle alone.
I want to thank everyone for the kind words at the passing of my friend. I know she is at peace from a lifetime of blaming family and friends for bad things that happened in her life, and she is also no longer in the severe pain she had lived with for the last 5 years due to a broken spine and other issues.
Kuli, good to see you popping up here and there!
Miz!!!!!! So good to hear from you!
Diane, What can I say? I'm with you all the way!
Meanwhile, glad to see your mom is up and about again.
Cat, I remember lining up in grade school for MMR, DPT shots and polio drinks. I was always first in line because I did not want to see kids puke or pass out when it was their turn!
Grannyto8 Dentures are my nemesis! I gag every morning and at night when I have to remove or put Mom's denture back in. I've even thrown up when they are particularly slimy!!
Jen, Bobbie, and everyone else, great words of wisdom to Stormy about her predicament.
I have been accused of not loving my mom because of my practical, clinical approach to her care. I try to be very detached from the day to day. I has helped me get through some really tough stuff over the past 5 years at home with Mom. I am doing as she did when she cared for her dad with dementia, over 20 years ago. I am my mother's daughter and the most like her of all of her 7 children. Keeping my emotions in check helps me get through each day. It may feel cold to others, but it's a lifesaver for me and allows me to keep Mom at home for much longer than most care givers can tolerate. I do vent and have temper tantrums and so far have been able to keep guilt at bay.
I'm going to tell every one of you to let the guilt go if you can. It will only fester and destroy you in the end. Just the fact that you are a care giver shows you care enough to do the best you can in each of your situations. My first 2 years were tough! I wanted to blame my sibs for my predicament and their lack of help. I wanted to blame Mom for being most comfortable with me and needing me to the point that I wanted to run away.
One day I decided to let go of all the guilt and anger towards my sibs and just stopped calling them for help or to vent about Mom. That's when things got a bit easier and I had less thoughts to depress myself with. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do for everyone, but give it a try and stop feeling guilty for doing the best you can.
Stormy, there isn't one of us that has not had the same thoughts on a daily basis! When Mom had that episode a few weeks ago, I found myself very calm and detached and almost a bit angry that she recovered unscathed. That doesn't make me a bad person, just someone who would like her life back!
Barb, Have you checked your area to see if there is an adult daycare that would take your mom a day or 2 a week? Check for an eldercare service that would help fund the cost and leave you with a small copay. It has saved my life many times!
Well, sorry I have been MIA for the past week, but I'm feeling better and will check in more often. Almost time to go get Mom at daycare. Will check in later! Deef!!!!
Where s deefer?
JAM condolences for your loss, hope all is peace and loving family beside you there.
luvCuz
luvCuz
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?' The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
'What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'
My wife hosted a dinner party for the family, and everyone was
encouraged to bring all their children as well.
All through dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across
from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in
place but, nothing stopped her from staring at me.
I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me.
I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went
quiet for her response.
My little niece said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
WooHoo!! Hey there stuff!
Glad to see you here Ms Miz.
Life after caregiving can be brutal without the right support and a lot of support and I know that you had it rough.
You guys say the nicest things and I thank you.
Miz I hope you post for awhile and let us know some details of how everything is going in your life. We miss you!
Diane, I wonder if Lucy knows about boat time.....?
Lucy! Boat Time!
Austin! You have a sweet and generous heart and we all know you to be a loving person. I like what Miz said about your mom.
We are all delicate and fragile and yet we do our best even if it's not good enough for some, maybe it's all we have for that moment.
Glad to see you Stormy. Give some of that stuff a try and maybe it might take the edge off so you can make your escape plans better!!
love all you guys way more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
Jam, again I am deeply sorry for you loss n wish I could be their for you.
Stormy, I loved my husband dearly, and didn't want to lose him, but there were still times I just wanted it to end. He died from cancer over a year ago. Can you tell your sister you have to go back to work? And can't take care of your Dad every day? As I write that I realize I'm getting ready to quit my job, and take care of my Mother and Step Father. Mom fell New Year's eve, and couldn't walk for a week. She is finally getting around again with her walker.
Ended up just too pooped to post last night.
Cattails! you and I must have been writing at the same time last night! Great post.
Stormy! So happy that you came on and read all the support for you and your situation.
Sorry to hear about Jam's husband. How very sad. Angels to her.
Glad to hear that Dr. Phil is starting to address this subject. Maybe there will be more help for caregivers as a result of more publicity.
I will check in later. The yard has me hopping today.
lovbob
Barb
Thanks for letting us know about Target, Ladee. Keep us update on Jam. Love, Stormy.
We have tried bringing in a lady to stay with dad and she was good, I mean she was just a sitter but in the end dad said he could stay by his self. I think sis was glad that we didn't have a outsider coming in the house. Why I don't know. She wants whatever dad wants. I feel like its two against one. Dad and sis against me.
I know I bring alot of these feelings on myself. I let it eat away at me. This would be so much different if this was my mom I was caring for. My mom and I were so close. It would have been a honor to take care of her but I did not get that chance. Yet I don't know if my heart could have taken seeing her with the problems that dad has. I do know that things could be so much worse. And I am grateful that they are not. I see so many of you here that are dealing with dementia, alzheimer's disease and having to take care of two parents and I am in awe of all of you that are having to deal with such difficulties that come with those diseases. I don't know how you do it. Someone said that its the time of year that brings this on I think and they are right. In March it will be 3 years that we have been caring for dad. I always get depressed and feel hopeless around the time that all this started. I just wish I could just fast forwarded through to April. Dad will also be 80 years old in March. And I see where some of you are caring for parents that are close to 90 and I think My God is that going to be me. Is Connor going to be grown when I am still looking after dad. I just do not like even thinking that thought, let alone realizing that it could be a good chance. Hell, I never, ever, ever thought that this nightmare would be going on this long. And then I keep thinking about what am I going to do when Connor gets out of school for the summer. I do not want to have to carry him over there everyday throughout his summer vacation, but my sister will expect me to do so. Oh, hell she sees it as dad getting to see Connor. I see it as a f@#$ing nightmare for me and Connor. Excuse my french, but it is the truth! Before I had the daycare that kept Connor throughout the summer, now I don't have that. Ya'll if you think I am crazy now just wait until school gets out. I am not going to be able to take that everyday having to look after dad and keep Connor happy over there. Connor already does not want to go when we have to go, what am I going to do for 3 months when he is out of school. I am stressing already about it got to get off of that subject.
Someone said something about taking antidepressants and I was taking them until I found out I had hypothyroidism and that it causes severe depression. Well, I figured that was why I was having the bad thoughts and feelings and that once I started on the thyroid meds that I would be in a better place with the depression. Wrong! So now I am wondering if I need to get back on them. I guess I will talk to my dr about it next time i see her. Ya'll I got to go Connor just woke up crying. Love ya'll all stormy. Thanks again.
I have never been a depressed person, but living with and caring for a person with dementia that has progressed into the mid to later stages is depressing. The simplest tasks are beyond her comprehension. I finally arranged to get a caregiver to come 3 times a week to bath Mother and give my husband and I one evening to have a night out together. That’s 12 hours a week. The rest of the time, I am with Mom. If I had not done this, I’m not sure how long I would have been able to maintain my sanity because even though most of the time Mom is still very loving and appreciative, sometimes she still wants to be the parent and knows what to do to push my buttons.
I have the greatest admiration for the caregivers I have met through GO and other threads on AC. Those that are caring for abusive parents, those that are caring for more than 1 parent or grandparent, those that are still raising families, working and caring for parents or grandparents and all of the other caregivers on this site. I know that I am very grateful for a place to vent and learn from others that are in the same or similar situations.
Good night everyone.
Barb
Hmmn Church Porn?...And the pale but determined middle aged ladies who come and give their services to clean and beautify with flora the church and it's surrounds on Tuesdays and Fridays at once undressed and addressed their services to the attractive new young pastor in the assembly hall.....
?