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What about my balls...? jen
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Jen!
I have been consumed with happenings here at the marina and haven't checked in.

Your post is balls on right and as usual, written so well.

Thank you for your voice of reason and empathy, humor and insight.

It Is Up Ahead.
Brilliant.

love ya Jen,

Bobbie
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Gah mica, you are living the nightmare. I KNOW this one from absolute personal experience, my posts on Grossed are littered with my grousing, praying and begging that all this crap would just get over with would fill, well, a short and smarmy booklet on how not to do elder care. But I am a coward and I rarely think to just get up and do something about a situation. I understand my tactics or lack there of frustrate people, but really, who can know another's life. A lot of things in life seem easy to fix when you look at them from the outside.
Listen to your self, you know your needs your limits your boundaries, what you an and cannot do, what you are capable of and what you can live with.
It is a hard way to live and to many it sounds pathetic, but if everyone was a Type A sort of person, I mean, the world is full of people who simply can not get up and go and just "get over it".
You have to live your life as best as you can and not beat yourself up for wanting something else and not quite being able to make it happen. Granted no one else will and those serendipitous lucky moments are usually stuff of Hollywood, but Just keep a little tiny grain of hope for yourself that things can get better, can change, you can and do have something to look forward to in life, even if it seems like you don't and you really can't see it.
I am not a nice person, I am a professional grouse who literally prays a family member would die (94) so my mom and I can be free and have a life. I have been praying for this for ten plus years. Some would say that is giving up, no giving up is me committing suicide. Whining and grousing is me venting and doing what 90 percent of the planets doing at any one time...Wishing things could be...better...
If wishes were horses...Yes, quite. And still...
You are in the tunnel Mica. There is only standing still and moving forward, and life goes on regardless. Know you are not alone. The fact you are here proves it. You can escape. It may not be tomorrow or next month but eventually.

By definition a tunnel has two ends or it wouldn't be a tunnel, therefore it has a beginning and an end. In metaphor a tunnel in life doesn't usually have markers and is almost always pitch dark. When you are deep inside it, there is no way of knowing how far you are from the beginning or how close you are to the end. Believe the light is up ahead, this is no fallacy. It Is Up Ahead...Jen
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Thank you guys, and ((Hugs)) all around... Yes, I am a coward who wishes for her life on her own back after fighting for it after leaving an abusive relationship.
The one time I mentioned this to him the pained hurt look that came upon him was too much for me. Sorry, trying to keep this on topic about being grossed out- he is a person who sees a dr and then doesnt do what he is supposed to= like his diabetes is not controlled either. I have purchased many things and provided medications for him.
Yes, I am like Jen's reality person :-/
I clean and then an hour later everything is covered with skin again and here you cannot help but see it, so I get angry inside.
I am trying to look after myself in trying to get out of apt. to walk and socialize, but that doesnt help with the gross factor- or the fact that I have no alone time to pray or meditate, since there is no bedroom.
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MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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Oh Mica that is hard. you are dealing with two sensitive issues, being grateful for someones help when you needed it and an issue of someone personal hygiene. Never a fun one to deal with. I would try as gently as possible to let the helper know you have noticed the skin condition and ask if there is anything they think wold help. Let them know you are grateful for their help and would like to assist them with something they might be having trouble with.

Ideal.

Reality: I am a coward and would not say anything for like ever, become angry and resentful and hurt and just wish and pray the person would grab a clue or move out...

I do not envy you the situation. Do what you can to look after yourself. Jen
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Hi Mica, I would suggest that you buy him as a gift , a big tub of Ceravee cream, which is a thick, luxurious cream, good for all skin types, which would help him to not have such DRY SKIN from his Psoriasis, and then the majority of dry skin would wash off in the shower. I would come at your friend from a helpful and concerned approach. Plus, 300 square feet of floor space doesn't really require that much vaccum time, maybe a couple of minutes a day, and he would be appreciated in your concern and acceptance of his condition, which is often embarrassing for people to talk about, especially men! He might be surprised how nice his skin feels and responds, if he takes proper care of it. Surely he will understand that this is unpleasant for you! Hope this helps!
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Hi there Mr Room mate meet Mrs vacuum cleaner, she likes to be turned on every day.
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Gee Mica, I'm so sorry for your situation. Well, you came to the right place to vent. I bet many on the Grossed Out thread will chime in. Honesty is the best policy, I think but I know that would be hard. Maybe you can turn it around and place "a change in the ways things are" on you. Meaning, tell him, "I need a change in how I live and I need YOU to change with me." Not sure....just talking out my a@@ again!! Does he see a doctor about the psoriasis??

xo
-SS
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This is difficult to say, but I will try.
When I was going through one of many breakdowns caring for my parents, I agreed to have someone stay with me for what was supposed to be a few months. It has been over a year now. He has VERY bad psoriasis and it is in Piles all over this 300 square foot apartment. I am daily grossed out by the toilet, the shower, the floors,the furniture, and omg the bed....a full-sized bed, which we have shared platonically.... He sits all day in his pajamas but has helped me tremendously in the past whenever needed.
Please, I know I should tell him to find his own place, vacuum more than once a week, etc. but I am worn out, depressed and unable to open my mouth :(
I just needed to tell someone.....
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Of course it's not over! This is MY life we're talking about here. And thanks to the wonders of modern medicine the pneumonia cleared up in three days and he is back to his chipper, talkative... "Is that Jenny over there?" Self once more. God.
Took flowers out to cemetery for grandma, come get him now please....
History is a perverted, inappropriate old bastard. Who to this day flirts with me in public, no matter how unattractive I am yes. And other people see it and just don't care. Started when I was very young...He is 94 in June if I am so unlucky in life as to...
What, that is like four months away, why wouldn't he live that long. He is a sick and sick old man at 93, but nothing life threatening. IN THE AGE OF WE HAVE MEDICATION FOR THAT!
Oh, here's one...He has herpes on his stomach they are treating. Jesus, why am I not surprised. The fact mom's tones are so hushed about it, one does wonder.

Deef maybe he will go fast and not have to be hospitalized.

G current roommate I noticed was in the forestry business. Pics of an outdoor active life all over his half of the $12,000 a month 20 by 10 room. He looks to be in his 50's Can you imagine...The Okanogan forest to that. I'd rather have just died in the accident.

The sun has returned. Thank God! Only snow here is muddy shrinking piles in parking lots.

Have a good weekend everyone. Jen
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Update on brother Mike. He is still on pain pill but hasn't had the shock to his right foot since he got back home. He does use the walker at home but he drove over to my house and didn't have the walker. He had gone to a chiro practure to crack his back and see if that would help. Said he was feelin better then he drove back the 13 miles to his house. Selling has gone down some but not alot. His weight is still over 300# but he has been using a stronger dose of the pee pill so will have to see what happens. Thanks for all the thought and wishes. Hugs to everyone.
lovCuz
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Cuz, been there and done that with dad. Was deemed healthy enough to go back to his apt after having stent put in because he did everything that was asked of him. I said no, you will come home with me (long story, but had been sent home before instead of rehab and it was disastrous) and day after he passed out and had to be taken to a rehab hospital. I don't know WHY er's and hospitals do that. I think it's terrible and in the "olden" days before all the red tape and insurance crap they WOULD have admitted him for some other reason. Anyway, good luck and God Bless.
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Wanted to make sure my comment would post!! Fil came home from rehab yesterday. My sil brought him home. My husband went to sit with him so sister could go and get her things to spend the night.
Husband said he seemed fine. Got himself out of his chair and walked to the bathroom on his own with the walker. As i was getting ready to cook dinner, the phone rang. It was sil calling in a panic saying fil wanted to go to a nursing home!
I'm thinking what the hell happened in the hour since my husband left them.
We went back over there and I brought mom's wheelchair just to have in case he needs it. He was a mess and didn't want to listen to what I was trying to tell him. This is a man on borrowed time, he's 105!!
We would like him to spend his last days at home, but sil is beside herself. Doesn't want to change her lifestyle at 73!! She has a boyfriend and travels a lot. Fil came home with fluid. Feet all swollen. Tried to explain to her that it backs up in the brain and wreaks havoc with the mind. I could tell he clearly wasn't himself, but she didn't believe me.
She and my fil think they can just call the nursing home and he can go right away. I said dream on!! So I'm gathering all the aids i know and making sure we h ave 24/7 coverage for now. The rest I'll fill you in on later. I have a care plan meeting at 10-15 for B!
Jen, keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Cuz, sorry about your brother. You're doing the best you can.
Meanwhile, what a mess! Hope things work out.
Pargirl, you sure have your hands full!
Bobbie!!!! Sounds like fun times at the marina. Just when i thought I was home free, all hell breaks loose, again!!!
Off and running, love Deef
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Here I go again!!
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Cuz, so sorry to hear about Mike.
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Hey Pargirl,
It's Jen's grandfather and she will have to tell you what the backstory is.
Not my story to tell but not a great story for Jen for sure.

Hey Cuz!
Jeeze with the ER! I think Veronica has a point with the heart or kidney problems.
What do you think?

Glad you got Aunt Hank's lift chair for him and the walker. That has got to be so scary to have his feet and legs so swollen.
Hope it works out and he can get some relief.

lovbob
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Cuz if this happens again tell Dr Ms Superior."Well I am not taking him home so what are you going to do about it now?" They can find something else to admit him for, heart or kidney failure comes to mind with all that swelling
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Hey bobbie Had Mike back in ER yesterday and the dr today. His legs and feet are so swollen that he can't walk. ER just sent him home after we sat there for 4 1/2 hours with some Norco. They can't admit him for the pain because medicare won't cover it. I told the woman dr sure send him home and he will fall and break his hip and then would you admit him? She just walked away. Saw his primary dr today and he just wrote him another scrip for Norco. They must think he is close to just cashing in his chips or something like that. I got him back home to his trailer then went and got him Aunt Hank's old lift chair and a walker. He likes the lift because its easier to stand up and the walker gives him something to lean on for his trip to the bathroom. It is all working out ok. Hugs
LuvCuz
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Meanwhile.....I'm so sorry about your sister's SIL. What a mess and a sad situation. She really needs help.....
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Jen, who is this you are talking about? Sorry i don't know. Is situation better today?
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oh Jen,
Is this it?
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He is sick, really sick. No shaving, no dentures not out of bed....Jen
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We are going to be in the 50's Friday but it won't stay that way for long. We are really down on snow this year so far. Only have had 26" and should be around 56 -60" Thats ok. I have only used my big blower around two times but for the light stuff I use my backpack leaf blower and it works great. I can do 3 driveways in under 20 minutes. Hugs
LuvCuz
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Was in Boston this weekend. -30 !!! No joking! Geez, Meanwhile, sorry about that situation. Hang in there.

-SS
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You northerners are tough. 65 degrees here.
Not sure what's going to happen with my sisters SIL. The hospital had remove her from the premises when she showed up in her mothers room at 3 AM, drunk as a skunk.. She was trying to force feed her mother some cookies. She had just been released from jail for a drunk and disorderly charge.
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We had -8 this morning in Michigan. Had the window in the bedroom cracked a little and when we got up for church this morning it was only 46. If that don't get ya up and movin nothin will. Hugs
luvCuz
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Son is better, grandson is out of hospital, calmed dad down about phone bill, husband's heart procedure went well (although still getting use to all equipment) and now getting ready for his knee surgery on Tuesday. At least everyone else is somewhat healthy. Even went to see mom today for Valentine's Day, not that she knew it but at least I had time to devote to her.
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omg Meanwhile. Is the daughter going to be charged? I'd be terrified.

DEEF!! I know you are freezing your behind off.
I'm glad to see folks venting here too.

Jen!! You said it all right there. Amen x's 2!

FIL Caregiver! Yup, the old poop disclosures. The further you go into it the more it becomes all about orbiting the toilet. Aarg.
You just start to take care of it instead of letting them try it on their own anymore.
Easier.

Brisk and windy here on the SE Coast. The boats are rocking.

lovbob
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Jen, you are right on. Hope the cold spell breaks soon. Warm here in TX. 70's. My sisters MIL passed away. The MIL's daughter was supposed to be taking care of her mother, didn't want other family members around. Turns out the MIL wasn't getting her medications (she had epilepsy), hadn't been to the Dr in over 4 years.
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