Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

I haven't seen a whole lot of venting on the thread lately but I'm going for it anyway. Maybe someone will get a good laugh at my horror. :)

I Just picked up MIL's dirty laundry since her washer broke three weeks ago and the repairman is waiting on a part. I'm disgusted.... She only has 3 pair of dirty panties in three weeks!!!!!! When I asked her about it she said "well I wear them several days unless I sweat". I tried to tell her she should wear clean ones everyday but she says that's "silly". GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bobbie - glad you were not affected by the storms. I am doing ok. Husband has health issues. Mom in NH, holding her own but losing a little weight each month. The last set of strokes hit her very hard. She can walk but her speech is all confused. Mixes up he and she, so you never know who she is talking about! Rarely a noun in a sentence, so I just nod and say, "Yes!" Ugh poor little thing. And to quote her, there for the grace of God go I!
Enjoy the day everyone!

-SS

Thanks Meanwhile,
I appreciate you thinking of me.
We are all ok since we are north of those storms.
I am scared to pieces of tornadoes. You get those in Texas, have you ever been through one?
They freak me out.

How is everybody here doing?

lovbob

Bobbi, sure hope you are OK after that storm.

Oy Jen!
Sounds like you're trying to reduce the Drama which is great so wtf mom?
She's overwhelmed and you are just exhausted with it all.
Jeeze.

Weather here about to get cold but not like where Cuz is and Jen!

Deef!!

lovbob

We're going down to nursing home again tomorrow. New issues is a roommate who may have Dementia issues and is using G stuff...I offer to make roommate a little toiletries box of his own to use, with his name on it and Mom shoots me down like it is some kind of HIPA violation! Jesus Ma, it' be a plastic box with a name on it! What ever, I'll just stand back and let her turn it into an International Incident as is her want.

Sure are a lot of young celebrity deaths of late. Sad and sad...And old pervert pants just keeps on breathin'. Why?

Bake, mop, organize, go to bed...Stay warm, those of you entering the deep freeze again! Jen

Hmnnn still debating about the hug. Maybe a discount...%30 even.

Hey Everybody,
I would have had to drive out of state to get a ticket so I didn't.
Consequently, I didn't win haha.

haha pargirl, Jen calls everyone Dude!
That was funny though, love it.

kellse, did you get 4 bucks? Almost a Happy Meal.

Cuz! How's Mike doing?

We've had major drama here at the marina, new owners!
At least we get to stay a little while longer and maybe longer than that but who knows?
They are very nice and I look forward to some improvements as we move forward.

Veronica! You get the prize for best daydream for sure!
I really like the '…gently pat me dry.' Good one.

All I ever think about is having a safe place and a boat. It really would be cool to have a big boat with a crew.
Even when my boat is moving I like it when someone else drives and I can sit on the bench in front of the pilothouse with the breeze in my face.
Sure wish some of you guys could come and hang out, after all that's how a lot of this started.
Veronica I know it won't be you because of the seasick but hey, that Dramamine works pretty good.

OK, getting into the bed, got up early and tomorrow I have to take a bid on piling repair under the boathouse. WooHoo about time.

lovbob

I didn't win boo hoo
but I think I won 4 dollars

If I came out and gave you a big hug would I get my loan for free? HUUUUUUUGS
luvCuz

I aint' got it no more anyhow. I turned it into another Powerball. Maybe double down and I will win 8 bucks, then I will offer loans at the bargain basement fee of.... %37.

Well I've got my ticket so maybe I can afford a single room in the NH, OR maybe have a whole staff for home care. Staying home sounds better, then there will be no one to try and get me out of my room to play Bingo or do the afternoon mind puzzles to keep my brain from rotting. I won't need a butler but maybe a chauffeur
to drive me around in my luxury disabled van. A fancy wheelchair with a nice comfy seat. At the ones at the hospital just had the thin seats and they get uncomfortable for my bony rear end in a few minutes.
I would not mind traveling but on my terms not struggling on commercial flights. maybe a private jet. I wonder where I can find a chauffeur with a pilots license.
No cruises as I easily get sea sick but luxury hotels with Jacuzzi tubs and two strong nurses to lift me in and out and gently pat me dry. Well I can dream. Hubby says he won't check the numbers till he hears where the ticket was sold.

You do NOT get your 40% just because you called me a DUDE!!! Forget it! I just dug out 2 bucks from the seats in my cushions! The youngins of today don't even carry cash. :)) To bad....I was going to share with you.

Well....O.K. but I want %40 interest....Dude I gotta cover any possible fallout here!

jsomebody.....could I borrow 2? I'll pay it back when I hit the big one tomorrow night. :)

Won four dollars...no relatives calling....

The Powerball for us here in Michigan is at 1.2 Billion dollars for the next draw. The chances of winning are like 1 in 280 million. I know people that have bought over $400.00 worth of tickets. Thats crazy. Hugs to all. Getting ready for the big snow to blow in Monday night thru Tuesday. 6 to 8" inland and over a foot by the lake. I'm ready. Temp right now is 13 above with a feels like 3 cause of the wind.
LuvCuz

Dooggies. Poop handles. I always just assume there is POOP everywhere and treat it accordingly. Wipe down any reachable surface. It is like a wasp in the room. I agree with bobbie. I'd go in with and watch, that way you know where it is before you put your hand on it unsuspectingly. Shit, it happens...EVERYWHERE.

Bought a ticket. would rather have a million than 800. 800 is move away change yer name fight off law suits and 24 degree relatives for the rest of your life. Something about a wind fall. People don't feel entitles to your money if they think you slogged it out down at mill day after day. But if you come into it, or it just happens to run into you, some how it is a free for all. That lucky thing coulda happened to anybody, so why not me! Now give me some! Seems to be the way of thinking of a windfall.

Have not checked numbers yet, I'll let ya know if that misery descends on me. Or maybe I'll just.....

Good Sunday Morning All,
I wrote a big old post 2 days ago and lost power here due to wind and lost the post.
Just didn't have the horsepower to get it back again but here I am now…

Jen, you have that right.
I'm watching the crazy and listening to it on the phone and being left to do a 2 man job alone for days at a time.
Getting just about over it but, just like in caregiving, when you think you can't take any more there seems to be reserves that you dig in to.
Of course, digging into those reserves has a cost and that was my physical and mental health.

Kellse, poop on the toilet handle is all part of this insanity.
When my mom got to that stage I just took her to the bathroom and handled it myself. In the long run it was easier and at least I could see what she was doing and where her hands went and keep it all clean from the get-go.
Not saying it's the only way, just saying it was way easier for me to not upchuck when I walked into the bathroom because I knew that it was spic and span because every time my mom needed to go I was there.
Part of why I probably had a nervous breakdown as well.
Ugh, not everyone is cut out to be a nurse and I know I sure wasn't.

Nice day at the marina here, Captain Sh!tstain should be moving his gross boat out soon and we can get back to normal here.
Talk about someone that needs a caregiver to take him to the toilet….
He is just oblivious that anyone else is here and ruins the bathroom many times a day.
I will probably end up telling him that I took care of a Dementia mom that didn't make half the mess he does. This guy is out of it on a whole different level.
We still have let the other boaters know that he is the only one using the mens' room and the only other guy on the dock uses the ladies' room because we can't keep up with 5-6x a day explosive poops.

I never dreamed in a million years that after going through what I went through with caregiving I would have to face something like this.
At least the marina owners get me and they don't mind my management style which is: knock it off or get out.

Will be seriously considering whether to continue with all of this or not.
Crazy making and it's not my crazy. Already been there and done that with MY crazy.

Hey Cuz,
Hope Mike is doing better. It has to be a rough and tough situation.
I remember all of us in your dad's boat at Silver Lake.
That's what I hang on to. Glad I got to see him and your mom when they came South.
Love to all, Cuz.

OK, Veronica, good to see you and if you talk to Austin tell her I said hi.

JesseBelle! I have read many of your posts and you always have something good and supportive to say. Very nice to see you here.

Making tomato sauce and pasta today. Tomato gravy been on the stove doing its thing since 6:30am. Will make a baked ziti with some of it and send it with the Boat Angel so they have at least one home cooked dinner when he is with his folks.

If I don't do all of the cooking, he will just eat peanut butter and bread and he's diabetic. The last 2 days he flew into a rage on 2 separate occasions and it still takes me a minute to realize that his blood sugar is swinging.

I make fresh short grain brown rice and different beans and greens EVERY DAY so he can get what he needs but I can't hold him down and force it in. I know it would be nice if I mixed it up but hey, if someone made me that every day I would dig in and STFU haha.

Just hard for me to crank out 3 a day. I did it for mom but jeeze, cook for me once in awhile. Whine whine whine hahahahaha.
Sounds like a first world problem, doesn't it?
I should be the one to STFU. Ya, I know it…..

Oh great… Captain Sh!tstain just tried to start his boat and it didn't sound good and engines quit right away.
Please boat, run and run well. And run outta here.

One of our cool boaters sent us a video of them moored in the Abacos shot with their new drone and GoPro cam. Ah…. to have unlimited funds, right?

Who's buying a Powerball ticket?
If you bought one what would you do if you won?

Somebody please tell us that they would keep it all and buy something ridiculous.
Of course you would want to help people and do this and that, but what incredible, crazy dream would you make come true?

Hope you guys post and tell us all; would be fun reading!

lovbob

Gah, B being on the periphery of stupid is worse than in it I think. Can make em see sense, can't shoot em, just gotta watch the crazy!

Install a foot flush!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, lawd. You poor thing

All I really have to say is poop on the toilet handle

Morning Cuz. Mike is holding his own right now. Been in the hospital twice in two weeks cause he gets fluid in his lungs. His weight is still 305# MST of it is water but he can't get rid of it. Love ya got to go

Jen!
Like I said, You Can Write!

Smokin Post.
Love you Girl and Keep on.
As for as that tired line that I know you have to hear about god never giving you more than you can handle…
Bullsh!t.
Typically spoken by the criminally clueless to the eternally exhausted.
Explain suicide. Fatally overwhelmed. God has zip to do with it.

I am amused to see you write about the baggie/pill thing.
The Boat Angel started that with his folks about a month ago and it only took 2 days for it all to go to crazy.
The mother gets the pills into the stepdad and then forgets to take hers,
OR the baggies, which have all been labeled with name and day of week and date, get jumbled up and even though 'professionals' think Dementia patients can read, they CAN'T so then it's hysteria while the Boat Angel sits on the phone since he is an hour and a half away and tries to talk the mother through it.
AND of course, the stepdad has 2 grown children that live about 15 minutes away but they can't be bothered to drop in around dinner time and make sure meds go in or do anything else.
But if they do come they bring their dad, who is Diabetic, cases of Gatorade and Coke and those big plastic jars of Animal Cookies…..

Gah, I so do hate Stupid.

So here we are again and even though I am only on the periphery of it all the crazy/stupid is still getting to me and I don't have it bad at all.
I worked hard to get my head to this place where I wasn't laying awake for hours consumed by anger and grief and I can't even imagine what you are coping with even though you spell it out in the most articulate way possible.
I think I would run away.
I know that would be cowardly and I know at the end of the day I couldn't leave my mom but I guess that's why I kept thinkingabouttheboat.
I WAS running away. In my head.

Jen, please get into that Amazon thing so we can read your book. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it; let them try and write one.
Easier said than done.

I want to read more JEN!

Oh, and I loved Tootsie. Larry Gelbart. Same guy who wrote most of the Mash series. In fact, just for fun, y'all Google him and see what he wrote that you loved.

My favorite thing in the world:
Tell Me A Story….

lovbob

"My God I begged you to get some therapy."

Line from Tootsie.

Helping and prolonging. Just saw an add for a pharmacy that will make baggies by the hour and put them in a roll up box for a week. Sort your pills for when you need em. Kinda of a good idea and a nod to independence but also a tacit nod to denial and sure we can do this and all you have to do is remember to take them at the right time, not lose any, not take too many or at the wrong time etc etc. At some point, you NEED assistance. Fighting the concept won't help anyone!
Aside from the die hards... Most people are reely not up to what they will get into with extended elder care. It is one thing to want to take care of aging loved ones, ( if you do ) another thing to be able to. People live longer and longer sicker and sicker now, somebody is getting rich off this generation burn out and it isn't us.
You do what you can. Doesn't that apply to all thongs really.
That tired old phrase of "The Lord doesn't give us anymore than we can handle." Was not written in regards to long term care giving. Unless going broke, losing friends and mates, ending up homeless and contemplating suicide after a decade plus of mind numbing, thankless, emotionally abusive, laborious and endless care giving is in the common wheel house of things one can handle...
Maybe it is and I am just a bitter screw. Doesn't matter, it just goes on...

G "had a fall" yesterday. "The kid" dropped him and he fell too far down onto the toilet seat and half slid off. So he is now sore, worn out, embarrassed, mad and yet too fing tired and worn out to BE mad! He did shave, was almost uncommunicative. But he'll be there on Friday and Tuesday, next Friday and the Tuesday-Friday after that... And mom will do hi snails and I'll clean his glasses and shaver and she'll put his clean but permanently stained cloths away, and she'll ask what he had for breakfast, though the Boost boxes are taking up more and more space on his dresser. She'll check his latest physical complaints, try to get his interested in his THIRD CD player. Did you look at any of your books? Why do you sit in here with the lights out, do you like sitting in the dark? Did you go to Sittersize? You got another card did you see? He can no longer open envelopes.
He sits in the wheelchair like a lop-sided lump. He sits in pee and feces on a regular basis (no matter how often they change him) He is starting to not recognize people in the photographs I put up all over the wall. He is in a low grade of pain 24 7. Can't tell one day from the next. Doesn't want to be IN a nursing home. Everyone, everything of value and meaning and use are long gone. 94.

Wife dead. Parents long dead. Job, hobbies,gone. Interests dwindling to nil. Even on anti-depressants. Why shouldn't a person BE depressed to "live" like this?
No wonder there are TV in every room at the foot of every bed and in the hallways.
Even if you are so far gone you can't tend to your own basic bodily needs, the flickering colorful pictures trick the mind into thinking it is still alive?...Still doing something.
When people prayed for a: "Good long life." I seriously doubt this is the end they had in mind.
"Don't go gently into that...." No ooze out like a crotchety, confused, demented slug, stewing in your own filth, crabbing at anyone who tries to help. Don't do anything that might help ease your situation, then be blaming and feel hard done by when you are alone, in the dark, wiping snot on your pants, and other bodily wastes. Bemoan the awfulness of life, look at pictures of people on the wall you almost recall, turn your head and look at the TV flickering images of people doing God knows what. Fall asleep, wake up for a meal or a diaper change. And be fully aware of the similarity of your life to a babies. Minus the cooing snuzzling and endless picture taking and showing off to all and sundry.
Babies is cute. New life. A tiny wonderful miracle all wrapped up in possibilities and the future.
You old man are the future too. Alone, confused, decrepit, oozing bodily fluids far less interestingly, a drag, a burden a pain. A costly reminder of what living too long looks like. And a reminder to everyone you come across, of what it could very well BE like for us all one day. Even as we all plan to go out in a blaze of glory, or die peacefully in our sleep, at home, in bed, after a brief illness of some sort...
Life, first ya coo then ya croak. All the rest is up to you.
I wonder, if there were no television, just the life lingering drugs. Would people live this long past "useful existence" in the numbers they do now? I don't know.
Bitter much? Pretty surly. As the inheritance my Mom needs to live on dwindles away in dollops and chunks for her father being dropped on toilet seats, and fed pretend nutrients in a can/box. His continued living literally has us on hold.
We can go nowhere till he is dead, do nothing till he is dead, plan nothing till he is dead. As we come up on February, he will have been in the nursing home a solid year. My Mom feels equal parts shame and relief that someone else is taking on his care. Everyone around us, feels a bit of embarrassment by "all you guys have had to do for Dadddeee" and an equal desire that it come to an end soon. But we have ALL been wishing for that for a long long time. That hoped for, peaceful death in sleep, we all pray for for ourselves and others just never seems to come.
Clearly.
Yeah Bobbie, I almost do remember 2012. I know it was a shittier year than 2015 by far. I know I was probably just as sullen and hopeful as I am now...I don't know specifics anymore. We sit and watch the on going "end" of someone elses life. The milestones are decay, daily irritations and making sure he has everything he needs to be comfortable (not dead) happy (not dead) amused (not dead) cared for (not dead).
I don't know, what else is there, we all live (and don't live0 through other people. I guess that is kind of what life is. Grab some happiness somewhere along the way and hope it isn't worse than it is.
If we end up on the streets and I have to look after my mother, well, I guess the state will handle that. Cause God never gives us more than we can handle. Yes, that's a blessing.
Jen, who else.

It'll pass everyone. It will pass. Hang on, find some good, look at the sky, shovel snow like it's done you a person harm. Remember tomorrow always come along and they thankfully are not yesterday, even if they look like it. Smell like it, read like it. Life goes on till it doesn't, so there's always a chance. Here's one, I am grateful I AM NOT HIM!!!

Hey Jen and Hey All,
Jen I left you a message on your wall about the book and don't let your negative voice influence what you're writing.
When you self publish you remove all of the barricades and just get your work out there.
You can write. Period.
I've read some of your stuff and it's good!
Write on!

I know it sounds like I'm making it simple but in all reality it is.
What it also is is tedious. A ball buster of details and proofreading and editing but you can do it.

I have only one New Year's Resolution and that is to stop playing Bejeweled!
THAT is a Time Bandit for sure.
So far I have only broken it about twice a day but so far so good this morning.
It's rare that change happens immediately so I will just keep trying to Just Say No to Bejeweled.
Such a great stress reliever but getting other stuff accomplished would be a great stress reliever as well.

The cold weather finally hit here and we put heaters on the boats and dribbled the hoses so the PVC under the dock wouldn't pop.
My ears almost froze off with the wind.
All the boats are storm tied anyway so I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and stress out but man oh man that wind whipping in from the NNE was a heat sucker even though I was wearing a fat coat.
I have Southern Blood for sure!

Deef!! How cold is it up there? I know you have your garden put to bed and now have the lovely (not) challenge of heating that big house! OY!

Meanwhile, what's it doing over there in Texas. I know I could look at a weather map but it's sure more interesting to hear it from you.

Cuz! I think that you are our Northernmost member here and I can't even imagine what you are dealing with.
How is Mike doing?

The Boat Angel is in the Denial stage of dealing with his mom and stepdad.
The stepdad is beginning to garble his speech and the mom is having full on panic attacks.
Anybody know what drug works for that in the elderly?
I know Xanax is good for some but don't know wassup for older people taking statins and all that.

I can tell he Boat Angel is in denial because instead of working on getting the step dad placed and/or getting a live in helper he's going there himself and doing stuff like installing floodlights around the house.
He's a mechanical type guy so he thinks he's helping the situation and I know floodlights are nice but HEY! Quit ignoring the problem staring you in the face!

I do not want to get sucked into this again and I am not kidding.
I tell the Boat Angel you are in the Frog in the Frying Pan phase and before you know it you won't be able to come back to the marina because you will realize that you are in it and can't get out of it.
He says, no way that's going to happen, yet I see it happening as we speak.
He is there about 60% of the time now and each month he is there more days.

They have a 4 bedroom house and the whole point was to have a room for a caregiver to move into. There is a long roster of people who would love to have that job but the Boat Angel is listening to Dementia, where his mother is saying that she doesn't want anyone in her house but him and I told him that's what I did because I didn't know any better and I lost my job and my home and my future.

I don't want to go through that again.
This job is a team job and I can only hold it down so long alone.
There would be no problem in him going down once a week for 2 days but this is getting nuts.

He comes back a nervous wreck and talks about getting them help etc etc but doesn't act on it.
Even someone who went in a few hours a day would be brilliant but you got to make it happen.

On the other hand, my ex-husband, whom I still talk to a few times a week since we have been buddies since the Seventies, arranged for his mom to have meals delivered, a lady to come in 5x a week, chewed out his brother and has gotten him to show up with dinner 2x a week and has it all lined out.
My ex is driving down (5 hour drive) twice a month and spending 4-5 days and so bases are covered. For now.
His mom is 92 or 93 and does not have Dementia but is deaf as a post and becoming very frail.
My ex says that he watched me go through Hell and was determined not to lose his job and life and so became very proactive about his mom.
She's happier, the brother is happier because he is part of the solution and not acting like an idiot and my ex is happier because he is running the team and taking care of his mom so she can age in place.

OK, thanks all for letting me vent.

Vent and Live!

not going to proofread this tome……

Love you guys,

lovbob

Hey Bobbie, wondered about that too. no idea. Let me go look. What if it isn't any good. It have to be uber free as the fifty bucks i got for Christmas was all the money I have yet again.
Took more new clothes down to fp who said "Happy New Year!" and sent home Christmas decorations to save to use "next year." Shoot me in the head before that happens please!!! Jen

Hey there Meanwhile, ya the marina can be a lot of fun or a pain depending on who's here.
Just like life, right? Depends on who you're hanging out with whether you're having fun or not.

Hope that cold goes away soon. At least you got some soup out of it even though you probably would have been happy just staying to yourself.
Give all of our regards to Indio.

Watching Downton Abbey to catch up and get ready for the final season, first episode streaming Monday. Wow, what a world.

Today it's a lot cooler but the sun is out.

I roasted a turkey yesterday simply to get gravy for some mashed potatoes and sandwiches haha.

Jen!! What's going on? You ok?
I was looking into ePublishing through Amazon thinking of you…. was wondering if you had checked it out.

lovbob