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I am back. The job went well and I was grateful I could do an hour and change and keep it all together. It has been over 10 years since I have done that and I only had one show so had to get it right. Thanks for the kind words everyone and I hope you guys get through Christmas with only good things happening.
When my stepdad has a really bad insulin reaction, there isn't time to find gloves. He practically has a seizure. Caught him today looking punk, and got him to eat something before it got too bad. Wish his insurance would pay for a continues glucose monitor. He is 82 and been diabetic for 50 years now.
To all you denture freaks out there and that includes everyone. Put on gloves before you touch them and drop them straight into a container with water. Take them to the bath room and rinse them under the tap. You don't need to look at them to do this. Put them into a closed clean container and return them to the . if your loved on can not clean their own follow the same proceedure and then clean still waering your rubber gloves. The gloves don't need to be surgical just as long as you keep them for this purpose. My husband was once travelling with his boss - the managing dorector of a pharmaceutical company when the bosses dentures broke. Imagine the surprise when a stewardess presented her self to the captain in the cokpit and said a passenger had requested that he repair the dentures. When I was in high school we had a staff vs student game of the English form of basketball (netball). the principal's teeth fell out and landed right in front of his sneakers which happened to have hole in the toe.
EWW, I know what you mean, MaryArena. My step dad is diabetic, very brittle anymore. When he has an insulin reaction, I have to get his dentures out, so he doesn't break them. They usually are covered with food. He feels bad later, when his blood sugar is back up, and he is lucid again.
Am I ever so happy reading y'all (I was feeling guilty too).. Mom has done several things that have made me hold me breath and try not to pass out..(I've always had a weak stomache) Mom has taken off her underpants and sat and poopie on a chair not her commode, or she opens her mouth and wants me to remove her dentures..yuck! I try not to show her my disgust and prompt her into removing them and placing them herself in it's container.
Hey, Bob. Good luck with the stand up job. Let me know if you are near Chicago cuz I would love to come see your stand up!!! Jen, I'm so sorry your misery continues. I know caregiving for my dad took so much out of me and I will never be the same person I was before caregiving. But, in the end, I personally find myself thankful that I was able to give back to my dad for all he gave to me. I know it's not the same for everyone here and after all is said and done, if I didn't have the relationship I had with my dad, I would not feel the same. I still question if he wouldn't have had a better quality of life in an assisted living place where he would have had more interaction with other people his age, especially once he was not able to drive anymore. But, selfishly, I am grateful I had the time I had with him, getting to know him as not only my dad, but as a human being. Growing up I never realized how knowledgable and interesting he could be. So I am glad I had the chance to see that side of him. And I will always cherish the last few days with him, where he knew where he was headed even when I wanted to pretend like I didn't realize he was on his way to a "new destination". As a daughter as well as a nurse it has given me so much more perspective into the dying process. I wish all caregivers to find that same experience, that same reward, I guess, for all they have given up in the process. It won't change the whole experience but may make it, at least a little bit, worth it. Wishing all here a peaceful, rested holiday. I pray for all to have the strength to get through another day, another week, another month. Cheers~Kuli
It's 3am. Heading to the airport for that stand up job. Be back in a week or so. Hope everyone keeps posting and remembers to Vent and Live. Love you guys.
All the work, none of the authority and a constant run around from health care staff who basically can't answer the big questions, like when is it health and when is it just the dying process...? If you are not here, if it is not your worry 24/7...if you don't lose sleep, your temper, you free time, your hobbies, your friends other family members, your job, or at least the full connection to it and your mind, if you are not bone tired weary worn out and wondering god can this get worse/ better/ Ever?...if you have not altered your whole world to the care function of another human being, you don't know care giving. I bet it starts out as giving, till you have given so much, it becomes a parasitic relationship that just sucks you dry, leading to depression, anxiety, damaged health and a feeling you are always, always missing something, late, forgetting something, screwing up, not enough, not here, not living anymore...
Yeah sign me up...
I can only half b*tch because I do not care for the subject of my care giving, if it was my mom, I'd be dead now. the veil of hate and resentment is a nice buffer for me. That his endless and increasing care is killing my Mother, just adds to my resentment... I'll do whats right, but I don't have to like it...or... "Glory in it.." tehehe Remember that one...
Caregivers are invisible. they are the most important person on the team but they get the least amount of help and attention and frequently sh**t all over both literally and figurative. They are left on the hind t*t. Nurses are unfortunately treated the same way by their employers. They are the most vital part of the team but who works nights week ends and holidays often with no choice. The Admin staff enjoys holidays with their families, while even staff dining rooms may be closed or have very restricted service. Like all oppressed groups caregivers need to be recognised and rewarded.
Caregivers do feel invisible -that is what I told our Director of our Office of the Aging a few weeks ago some of us former caregivers are. trying to get another caregivers support group going at our Senior Center.
195Austin... I'm so sorry. Surely we don't continue caregiving (and all that comes with it) for recognition, nevertheless no one should have to feel invisible. People outside of the caregiving world pop in for 2 minutes then move on with their lives & have no stinking idea of the challenges with which we are left alone to contend. They are not aware of the ONGOING stress of constantly being on edge. They don't know about our repeated self denial of the simple pleasures they take for granted. They are clueless about our total exhaustion from sleep disturbance / deprivation. They may mean well but they do not know the cumulative effect of all of our responsibilities or our fluctuating ability to master them- lest they master us.
It girl it is sad that no one else gets it-once the church friends came over to our house to visit Richard and after being up most of the night dealing with his self imposed low blood sugar I was so tired I put my head down on the table and almost fell asleep and NO BODY NOTICED.
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding me?" he barked,
"I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
Bobbie, Victoria, Austin... Truly you are acquainted with the miriad of emotions connected with making this decision. Thank you for truly grasping how difficult this is as NO ONE who has not done this ever could. After doubt this alone 6yrs, I appreciate the support more than I can express. I guess I too have been waiting for someone to come and rescue me. Someone who would come and make it all better, make it alright. I guess this princess has got to figure out how to save herself because no one is coming. I've been trying to bathe her food in turmeric and use other homeo pathic cures and remedies enough to "fix" her. Sometimes she seems better- or maybe it's just my will-it-to-be-so wishful thinking.
I have her out running errands w me and she is now substituting words when she speaks so we are having 2 different conversations as she offers inarticulate nonsensical responses to me as I watch her sit next to me and fidget with her gloves in an almost feverish panic. The fidgety Hans I believe I would lead to the colostomy exploration and subsequent biohazard disasters. THIS WHOLE DADGUM THING SUCKS! Ok...Trading in my whine for some wine before bed :-) Feeling not quite as alone. Thank you all for that gift.
#alldayeveryday...basically... the hashtag for care giving... God we may be about "There" the cut off...He says he can't get up out of his chair...well if he can't he is out of here, because we have no room for a hoya lift (yes, my mother would get one if she could get it in my old room) She is really wiped out, and he never runs out of shit to complain about...
Question on the other side of screen here... "How do you deal with life after care giving?"
YOU HAVE ONE !!!!!
Yes, I am that bitter, that angry, that tired here...
What does he think, if it is to hard to get up out of the chair he can just sit in a dirty diaper for days on end? Does that really compute in his brain?!
Bobbie, I hope you are right and this is the close! cause anymore will kill us!
itgirl Bobbie and Victoria said it better then I can but I do agree-you still will be the most important person in her life and you will continue to care for her but just not 24/7-a caregiver knows when the time to make that hard I was complaining to my counselor at the time that know one understood what I was going through with the husband and she said that I was waiting for someone to rescue me and that was not going to happen-at first I was mad as hell at her but after a few days I said to myself she is right-soon after at a meeting at rehab I announced that he would have to be placed-everyone one there the nurses and PT and social workers all agree except the husband -he said no and I said you would not go to ADC and I did not make you even though I needed the break now this is not your decision in the end his health went downhill before I got the Medicaid paperwork done but I felt stronger making that decision and did rescue myself. You will get support here for sure because we all get it and I know family and friends do not get it-we belong to a special group of folks.
Itgirl you love your mother dearly and want to keep her safe and have the best possible care. It takes a team to do that and you are only one. Let her be some where that there are eyes watching her 24/7 and cleaning up one shitty mess is no different from the last one, However much they care and however much devoted service they give her, it is not their Mom and that is the difference. So be at peace with letting her go. Once she is settled you can spend as much time as you are able to without the worry of what is she going to do next. If she is able let her choose the furniture she wants in her room but make the final choice and keep it simple, there will not be room for much and a lot of clutter will confuse her. Get something familiar to go on her bed and a nice lap robe. Make sure it is washable because there will be spills. If you are buying new buy two of everything so she does not fret if something needs washing. She may not but many people are upset and confused when something is taken away to launder and can get very agitated looking for it. Above all be at peace with your decision it is the loving thing to do.
My heart is breaking for you as you come to terms with Dementia and your mom. It's brutal to all involved and if you can find a good spot where you can spend time with her, you will become a daughter again.
This is the hardest thing to do ever. Nothing anyone can say can prepare you for the feelings that are on the way.
All we can say is that we're here and most of our stories are the same in that many of us have lost someone to Dementia and some of us have almost lost ourselves as well.
Please don't be hard on yourself because the situation is already hard enough. Just take the time you need to make your decisions and be good to yourself.
Just so you know, it can take 3 people to care for a late stage Dementia patient. Doing it on your own has the potential to destroy you and I know this from personal experience. You tear yourself up physically as well as mentally.
The disease is progressive as I am sure you know. It just gets worse and the increasing weight on the caregiver can be debilitating. I am so sorry.
We're here and there are so many amazing caregivers on this site and this thread that are listening. Vent on and talk it all out because we get it.
Thanks so much Bobbie for the consolation, empathy & the info about the wipes. Nice to see the support so willingly offered as this has been a very lonely, isolating, frustrating, financially draining, long winding road! Spoke with a facility today and they do have one room available in a locked memory unit or she would have her own single room and furniture from home. Now just trying to be the other family ( who wants it for their loved one ) to the punch. Made a few calls immediately afterward so now waiting for The doctor to reply and paperwork to be done. Still feel guilty because she's been so fantastic and such a wonderful gift to me that it just feels wrong to send her away. I guess that's the hurt scared little girl in me speaking because no one has ever loved me like she has & when she's gone I am all alone in this world. The adult me however knows & lives with the knowledge that this condition has morphed her into some loopy rebellious alien I no longer recognize - she's a stranger in my house and I must realize this is beyond what I can continue to do on my own. But then I think I could just get a sitter for more hours & hold on to her a while longer. Forgive me if you see repeated versions of the same post. I TRULY am struggling with letting her go because to me it is also A step closer to losing her from this life and just the thought of it breaks my heart. A double minded person is unstable but fortunately that's me right now. Thanks 4 listening.
Sorry your mom is a shi!!ing machine. It really blows.
I have used the Clorox Germicidal Wipes, not the supermarket ones, but the hospital ones. Nothing is going to make this less gross but knowing that you are at least killing every microbe with these wipes and friction does help a little.
I found them on Amazon after I had to learn how to deal with my own C-diff and I have them on automatic delivery every month. I save a little and don't have to worry about running out. I believe that they have been the main reason I haven't relapsed. The wipes and the discipline to use them every time. Wipes me out! Oh haha I kill myself.
Good luck on the facility. Those that know me for all the time I have been posting know that I advocate for the caregiver and for the Dementia patient to be placed.
Caregiving Kills.
My health is still messed up and I am 4 years past active caregiving.
Cuz! always love to see your jokes and I hope that everyone is doing ok up there. You guys have had some insane weather!
Jen! good luck with this whole situation hopefully drawing to a close. I think of you every day.
Still wondering how Juju is and Mame and SharynMarie and and and …. Austin! Meanwhile! Kuli! Linda! Everybody!
Hey Itgirl…. you don't have to stay on topic on this thread. You can crack jokes or just be ticked off about the whole thing and vent vent vent.
We all roll like that for over 4 years now. Keeps us from finding a clock tower and sniping!
Staying on topic, I am grossed out yet again. Went to bed early to get a good nights rest only to wake up to my house smelling like a horrible open bottom non-flushing roadside rest stop! So I'm cleaning fecal matter all over moms room and Her person at 4:30 AM. Work is my only break (how sad is that!) unless I creep out to the gym once I'm sure she is asleep. Clearly there's a whole shi--y world of activity happening the moment I rest my head in an effort to recover from the shi--y day before! I refuse to eat at home out of my own kitchen after the last incident so I've put on about 10 pounds which does NOT work & makes me feel slow & tired those causing me to fall behind at the office. I feel guilty but am Working on getting her into a facility but it's slow going as have no help or time left to take off from work (I have used all of my days over the last several years and even gone into the red on my time). This is tooooo much but for now Im stuck like Chuck and just have to take it. I always to find something positive to focus on in our situation but I confess that it is difficult and exhausting
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past eighty-five). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?' 'Oh no,' I replied. I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' 'I said, 'Not much ... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy! ''Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling? ''No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex? ''No,' I said ..
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a sh*t
wish he would meanwhile... shopping is off again, as he has another dr appt tomorrow and no ADH, so who knows...maybe it is something fatal... made fits batch of give away Xmas cookies. it is good they taste good they were a bitch to make! mopped and cleaned get a shower and deal with what ever comes next...unless it is more yelling at my mother, I am getting really god d*mn tired of that!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am back.
The job went well and I was grateful I could do an hour and change and keep it all together. It has been over 10 years since I have done that and I only had one show so had to get it right.
Thanks for the kind words everyone and I hope you guys get through Christmas with only good things happening.
lovbob
My husband was once travelling with his boss - the managing dorector of a pharmaceutical company when the bosses dentures broke. Imagine the surprise when a stewardess presented her self to the captain in the cokpit and said a passenger had requested that he repair the dentures.
When I was in high school we had a staff vs student game of the English form of basketball (netball). the principal's teeth fell out and landed right in front of his sneakers which happened to have hole in the toe.
Heading to the airport for that stand up job.
Be back in a week or so.
Hope everyone keeps posting and remembers to Vent and Live.
Love you guys.
lovbob
I bet it starts out as giving, till you have given so much, it becomes a parasitic relationship that just sucks you dry, leading to depression, anxiety, damaged health and a feeling you are always, always missing something, late, forgetting something, screwing up, not enough, not here, not living anymore...
Yeah sign me up...
I can only half b*tch because I do not care for the subject of my care giving, if it was my mom, I'd be dead now. the veil of hate and resentment is a nice buffer for me. That his endless and increasing care is killing my Mother, just adds to my resentment... I'll do whats right, but I don't have to like it...or... "Glory in it.." tehehe Remember that one...
Jen
"Pour some hydrogen peroxide on it, if it bubbles, it's blood..."
I got it, poured some, nothing... too bad....
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.
He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding me?" he barked,
"I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
Welcome to the golden years..............
I have her out running errands w me and she is now substituting words when she speaks so we are having 2 different conversations as she offers inarticulate nonsensical responses to me as I watch her sit next to me and fidget with her gloves in an almost feverish panic. The fidgety Hans I believe I would lead to the colostomy exploration and subsequent biohazard disasters. THIS WHOLE DADGUM THING SUCKS! Ok...Trading in my whine for some wine before bed :-) Feeling not quite as alone. Thank you all for that gift.
God we may be about "There" the cut off...He says he can't get up out of his chair...well if he can't he is out of here, because we have no room for a hoya lift (yes, my mother would get one if she could get it in my old room) She is really wiped out, and he never runs out of shit to complain about...
Question on the other side of screen here...
"How do you deal with life after care giving?"
YOU HAVE ONE !!!!!
Yes, I am that bitter, that angry, that tired here...
What does he think, if it is to hard to get up out of the chair he can just sit in a dirty diaper for days on end? Does that really compute in his brain?!
Bobbie, I hope you are right and this is the close! cause anymore will kill us!
All this and Christmas cookies too...
Have a sane, safe weekend all...Jen
If she is able let her choose the furniture she wants in her room but make the final choice and keep it simple, there will not be room for much and a lot of clutter will confuse her. Get something familiar to go on her bed and a nice lap robe. Make sure it is washable because there will be spills. If you are buying new buy two of everything so she does not fret if something needs washing. She may not but many people are upset and confused when something is taken away to launder and can get very agitated looking for it.
Above all be at peace with your decision it is the loving thing to do.
My heart is breaking for you as you come to terms with Dementia and your mom. It's brutal to all involved and if you can find a good spot where you can spend time with her, you will become a daughter again.
This is the hardest thing to do ever. Nothing anyone can say can prepare you for the feelings that are on the way.
All we can say is that we're here and most of our stories are the same in that many of us have lost someone to Dementia and some of us have almost lost ourselves as well.
Please don't be hard on yourself because the situation is already hard enough.
Just take the time you need to make your decisions and be good to yourself.
Just so you know, it can take 3 people to care for a late stage Dementia patient.
Doing it on your own has the potential to destroy you and I know this from personal experience.
You tear yourself up physically as well as mentally.
The disease is progressive as I am sure you know. It just gets worse and the increasing weight on the caregiver can be debilitating.
I am so sorry.
We're here and there are so many amazing caregivers on this site and this thread that are listening. Vent on and talk it all out because we get it.
lovbob
Ya, Stuck like Chuck is a good way to put it.
Sorry your mom is a shi!!ing machine. It really blows.
I have used the Clorox Germicidal Wipes, not the supermarket ones, but the hospital ones.
Nothing is going to make this less gross but knowing that you are at least killing every microbe with these wipes and friction does help a little.
I found them on Amazon after I had to learn how to deal with my own C-diff and I have them on automatic delivery every month. I save a little and don't have to worry about running out.
I believe that they have been the main reason I haven't relapsed.
The wipes and the discipline to use them every time.
Wipes me out!
Oh haha I kill myself.
Good luck on the facility. Those that know me for all the time I have been posting know that I advocate for the caregiver and for the Dementia patient to be placed.
Caregiving Kills.
My health is still messed up and I am 4 years past active caregiving.
Cuz! always love to see your jokes and I hope that everyone is doing ok up there. You guys have had some insane weather!
Jen! good luck with this whole situation hopefully drawing to a close.
I think of you every day.
Still wondering how Juju is and Mame and SharynMarie and and and ….
Austin! Meanwhile! Kuli! Linda! Everybody!
Hey Itgirl…. you don't have to stay on topic on this thread.
You can crack jokes or just be ticked off about the whole thing and vent vent vent.
We all roll like that for over 4 years now.
Keeps us from finding a clock tower and sniping!
Vent and Live!
lovbob
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past eighty-five).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?' 'Oh no,' I replied. I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' 'I said, 'Not much ... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!
''Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling? ''No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex? ''No,' I said ..
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a sh*t
shopping is off again, as he has another dr appt tomorrow and no ADH, so who knows...maybe it is something fatal...
made fits batch of give away Xmas cookies. it is good they taste good they were a bitch to make! mopped and cleaned get a shower and deal with what ever comes next...unless it is more yelling at my mother, I am getting really god d*mn tired of that!