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well rested up and was gonna try to see what I can catch up on with you all here and I just plain cannot kick this headache for several weeks now in back neck/head area think it a stress knot but it Is a bit debilitating! and I smashed my toe yesterday baby looks like a big grape hurts like heck..ripped tonail up just hanging there....was at doc with ma yesterday and he looked at it...sed not broken but a dooozy nothing they can do, I cleaned it with there iodine stuff n move on!! ouch tho,,,,,hurting but happy! Mom has been so darn cute, really alor more vocal and animated I nearly cried at dr right there in waiting room, I rested my head on her shoulder for a minute and she said in her loud way for al lto here "awe this is nice, your my honeybunch" you have no idea how huge it was to hear her use another word baby girl...it never happens, she reached for something...my happiness Is her happiness and when I was crying at home she called me over and held my face and comforted me! I never thought I would ever have that moment with her again,,
I GOT IT!!! SHE IS STILL MY MOMMA!!! MADE EVERYTHING WORTH WHILE even if I made an idiot out of myself to purge my frustration with everyone and everything!

Hang in there, JEN BOB MAME DEEF CUZ AUSTIN everyone
take care!
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oops
well done anyway love you guys!
XOXOXOXOX
Juju
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Stubbed my pinky toe...real good ripped off nail and it looks like a giant grape on the side of my foot, hurts real good too....Had to take ma in to dr's for UTI (knew it was coming she had the runs last week bad) so had him look at it sayz not broken but mine as well hurts that bad!!!
Mama n I are really doing good again...I got back to that stress free place I got before we got off track with moms drs' and construction...I feel relaxed and she is responding well to it! she was so cute waiting room....I rested my head on her shoulder for a minute and she said :"awe this is nice, your my honeybunch" and morning I was crying and she said "oh honey what is wrong, come here, and she reached out and comforted me" This is huge, you guys, the way she sed It I thought that part of her was gone but not,,,,just like when I was young! I love her so much!!
and speaking of dr's, that went really well, I was impressed for once...almost too good as the MD popped in to oversee the NP (who was the one who never got her broken leg diagnosed properly) seemed weird tho, that they were so thorough, as they have not been in past! I did have ot to kinda tell them what I expected out of visit first,! Yay...
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M-awweee I cant even imagine the challenges you all go thru...I mean I have mine of isolation and loneliness...but she is a saint to work with, she just beyond any kind of comprehension of her own health needs at all! although a constant challenge, I do not have to argue, just prompt!!!! still tedious but less stressful!!! I really don't think we would have made it 10ys if she was like some of your loved ones are!! Honestly I am so impressed with those who do...I could not..Kudos to you all !!!

All rested up and ready for our new life and knowledge to put us on a positive path to our goals, slow but sure!! What an EyeOpening experience this journey of caregiving finally brought me where I always have wanted to be in my own self/mind...now if I can just recover financially that would be the icing on the cake...but if I don't I will survive and have achieved my one true goal: tools to deal with life on life's terms!!! I could never get it, thru my rosy glasses!

Gang---sorry for throwing up all my emotional crap, I hate being in the spotlight or ?? but I guess I had to do it!! I feel like I went thru an exorcism or something lol....trying to make myself laff about it...but really it was like getting out everything I have always wanted to tell people and didn't...well I am done being a doormat...maybe a little overconfident on A/C as to boost my resolve up I have no one here to counsel or talk with so I guess that is why I do it! anyway calm cool and collected we now know where we need to get too, and I know who has got our back and who doesn't !!!
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Meanwhile as a horse owner you very well know how true the saying is"You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink" same applies to your Mom. leave her be unless she is lying in bed in filth then call APS. do you buy her coffee? Buy decaf and out it in a regular can. She MAY not know the difference.
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My mother won't drink anything but coffee, and since she still makes her own, can't stop; her. She says she drinks water, but filling the glass up with water and taking one sip is what she means by that. She barely made it out of bed today. Refused to get dressed or showered.
Cool windy weekend, any my horse got a scratch on his heel. Not bad but can't ride. Been keeping it clean and medicated. My horse is easier to take care of than Mom. Much more cooperative.
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Mom's doing it again, Passive Aggressive but I smell it before she engages, so I blow it off. Her problem, NOT Mine! Jen
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Well as we all know the elderly are always cold...and me running around keeping quality of life stable here...cannot have the heat on...so I make sure she is reasonably covered up and warm enough as one would with an infant but she insists she is still cold and wants more blankets. against my wishes my caregivers heed to her requests, constantly to not overblanket her as when I have to get her up n changed after you leave she is soaking wet in sweat....
so the question that has been posed to all of her Med proffesionals and not answered is what is better for her....to feel a little chilly when adequately covered up or to be drenched in sweat....I feel the latter Is not good cause then when I do unblanket her and she is wet/moist she does then get a real chill..could lead to pneumonia, sp?..therefore more dangerous than maintaining my way!

So am I wrong in being upset that my support staff are making their own call on this???? I think not!!!

and.....Same with the coffee.....that Is the only thing I can get her to drink without a fight and she always ask for it....no matter who I tell no coffee they do what they like....especially "in rehab facility" we already are struggling with liquid intake I need good electrolytes and plain water in her not just coffee.....and caffeine is a dehydrator so must be decaf if anything!! when challenged, nursing home says....oh she's old let her have what she wants, she deserves it...WTF....who put you in charge of my mom's health!
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and I lost several thousand dollars on the cruise and now have to fight to get that back or maybe might be forced to put someone on that boat as to not loose money...of course I was told I would not be penalized and they did it anyway. it was a freaking nightmare working with them and i will get an attorney if nessecary to get my money back!!!
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Hey guys, I am so sorry I have been ranting like crazy this week... ever since I tried to help a friend and I was so sleep deprived from a busy week and two days of that stress I lose my ability to filter anything, and actually sleeptype again, laying there trying to sleep so bad, just surfing and nodding off here n there. if i don't watch tv or surf/read is my sleeping pill usually,lol, i cant fall asleep just to a quiet dark room...but was completely stressed out and not able to get a deep sleep for days. I could not even see straight to drive down block for milk.. anyway all caught up on sleep finally feeling human again!!! I am so sorry but I am so alone most of the time with no one to talk to and a lot on my mind...this stupid computer is my only link outside this house! that is probably why I hate it!! but then I just keep feeding it!!
anyway forgive me for being a nuisance...I don't like to be like that, and I hate attention. but sure drew it this week...

sorry if I overwhelmed or offended anyone! i just have hope for the very first time in a very long time and a dream and a lot of time on my hands so why not try, nothing else to do as pleasant anyway!!!

I also cancelled the cruise, i would have never booked such a nitemare mess had my friend not said she wanted to take her family...
i did learn tho..because i used the public phone number (and didn't have the travel agent id till day 2) how they tried to bully me into submission...then it just became a point of principle...to see how bad it was gonna get and it did get bad...point being...I will never call them again as for if that is how they are treating people, and if it got that cutthroat in the 13ys i was away...i don't want anything to do with it...we will just think on that one!

Well have a good rest of weekend! XOXOXOXOX
Peace, JUju
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Just Ewwweeee!
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That definitely would *not* be high on my list for a manure replacement. Too many really bad things in human waste that could be transmitted.
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doggies..Pretty sure you are NOT supposed to use human feces for manure...I don't care how he tweaked it...
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Grossed out- just got an email from a guy called 'the practical prepper" How to grow food with human manure" My grandparent always fertilized their garden with that and chicken poop and they and an uncle that lived with them all died from cancer. Now I do know how the properly compost the contents of an off grid composting toilet just in case and if anyone wants those instructions message me. My family also used "night soil" during WW11 when we had an outhouse. Mum dug a hole once a week and after dark emptied the bucket and covered it up. she did this in a row across the garden then grew her beans there the following year and moved up a row. We moved to running water when I was 7 but a cousin who lived next door to the old house died from lung cancer but she was a smoker and worked somewhere in Africa. so unless the SHTF big time i waon't be using that knowledge.
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gliche again....

I am going to focus on the plight of the unpaid family caregiver, compassion fatigue syndrome, respite! any feedback would be appreciated!

Thanks!
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ps... I walked away from the house....too much drama around it....if it is there when I get things figured out then so be it..... right now I have a meeting to prep for!
If you could say anything or convey any message to the alz org what would yours be.
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well got my long awaited counseling appt. yesterday by surprise, got the reminder thurs and was in there with bells on punctually for sure! I have finally met a doctor with commom sense and not just wanting to shove pills in ya!
Turns out I am A OK besides being extremely exhausted and burned out! Just got a little quirk as I already knew...I have an extremely fast thinking mind without a mental disorder, which makes perfect sense to me and what I live in!!!
what a relief.....just some a/d's for the burnout and then to deal with the back, arthritis, teeth, and glasses then maybe I can get healthy again!
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and sorry just realized that comment about me being a doer and the "lalalaala" sounded offensive...to us here. I did not mean it that way I just meant talking bout things with the internet doesn't really help me much, it is not my forte. I just like to keep busy and stuck in house and depression keep me from that. I am my own worst problem! and the icing....today is my long awaited counselor appointment!
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oops that did not come out right
"Thx V -for the feedback on arthritis" Crazy but bout two weeks since I remember dropping something or yelping!
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Momma is talking so much more, she made a sentence today unprovoked...she said "I love you, my baby girl, you are the best thing out there" that is the only voice that matters to me!!! not all the negative crap that was thrown at me!

thx V-
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Juju depends if your arthritis is RA or OA. With OA your joints are simply worn out from use but stress still makes it more difficult to tolerate the disability and keep on moving. With RA there is an autoimune/allergy componant and stress definitely plays a huge part in those diseases
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I just thought I would mention....my elbow that was getting so bad, making me stress about all this that is going on now....and I am much better spirits, I have nooooooo elbow pain anymore or in the feet/toes that was aching so much.

Dr said while ago arthritis can be stress related! maybe something to that effect
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and the sweetest letter from the reporter who helped me find my way to my permission slip.(don't have that but I have a packet from the DWD peeps coming, and if that is the way I have to do it, then so be it, make it bigger than what it is so I can not feel the pain as much! ) anyway she invited me to join her and her family's church services with my momma...how sweet!!! I am crying right now!!!
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Man o man I am loving life today...I just got a one on one consultation appt with the Executive Director of the Portland Chapter of Alz.org!
1 cap and 1 feather please!!!! OMG What am I going to say?? yikes what have I done???
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from here to The Seychelles it is 9,000...It feels like it...
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289.90, Miles...just looked it up.
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No sex since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by
a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to
"relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's
only 2130 now."

(Gotta love military time)
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and I although I like to read I have difficulty with it....anyway

love to you all!
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it just all came together for me In my mind....I have been frustrated about so much but the reading/writing was really eating at me...
now it makes sense....I had to meltdown to figure it out....
I am not a thinker/literate....I am a doer- problem solver...it is where I do good so that is why I am so uncomfortable in this arena I don't like to talk about stuff I like to just get it done! that's why I hated myself in such a state of motivational mayhem! and why I make such plans to I cant just sit around and think or talk about what I want If I want something I am going to get it, not dream it!! that is just me...so just lalalala along doesn't work for me...that is how I got in such a state in beginning was shutting down for a rest that never pulled out of... anyway...still chores..no catching up on me and all!
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hello....a bright new day today....MOM and I are having the best time. I have never been so loving and relaxed with her since I can remember, life is good that is the most important emotional goal!! not to have her pass and her last day was me being short with her. and she is responding so much better to the stress free environment!
I promise to catch up on you all, but I must get chores done first!! man those realtors are really on Hawaii time...waiting for counteroffer en route since Monday morning! tic toc tic toc....

XOXOXOX
Jen how far are you from Portland? I will be up there with mom soon at AA and new boss...was gonna do some siteseeing around area columbia gorge maybe...
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