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hit 1000 comments, 10 ys 10dys from dads death....idk....waiting on counter- offer to come in.....due any minute...turning on tube, catch up on 3 wks of "The Voice" only saw 1 news in several weeks...love my news n coffee in the AM!
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MAMMA ASKED ME "WHAT ARE WE GONNA HAVE TO EAT TONITE" this is huge.... and the dog is jealous of the puter he has had enuf wants his mama back! and is letting me know!

ok I am so embarrassed now I just looked at facebook for something, and as I mentioned I had a blowout with a girlfriend there...I had more I think....I have had hardly any sleep stressing out...I want to sleep but cant so was sitting with computer looking up stuff and I think I was sleep typing again....I am so tired I am awake sitting in chair...but asleep...I have a vague memory of it Thought it was a dream till I saw this post I did...ouch...about god n seth rogan...I think I was making notes of things to do should have been in notepad not fb I don't knw what I was doing. I remember doing that once before here...when I first came and same thing much stress released afterwards but omg I don't know what else I did,,,ouch! anyway It is kinda funny cause I obviously had been thinking of ways to get thru to ALZ ORG...and now I did. I got that letter shortly after. no wonder everyone was worried about me, now it makes sense!! All I am sure of is I was spitting pacing mad when I got burned and could not fall asleep fully no matter warm tea milk 1/2 Xanax...I just doze for bits until last nite was pretty good hoping for better tonite. can one get too tired to sleep.that is what it seems like here. my head keeps hurting!.
Planning on catching up on your posts everyone, been tied up in this mess, just hop on here and don't read, feel bad bout that

XOXXOXOX
Juju

so anyway I forgot to mention this morning
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oops that was a computer gliche this time

Anyway, mom n I are having the best day in a long time she is just better cause I am and that is not something you can fake....I love it!!!
NOW I must keep faith that it will continue this way.....I cant believe it really, I never have been this lucky in my whole life....my BFF says it is because I committed a portion of my plan to the greater good on my own! so I am done stressing, things couldn't be better that way..... so maybe now the rest of this crap I hate doing but do out of love, wont be so bad and I can make this work.
MY cousin called today because I blew up at my friends on fb and I was so scared to talk to her cause my life was shambles for so long, but gave my number the other day,turns out we are soulmates...practically, she Is unemployed and ready and willing to help..with everything I need...she lost my aunt/her mom to cancer and did it all herself without the sibs....we are planning a get together very soon to work things out!!
now I will rest well I feel it coming!
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Well all is well again....I got my goal of the day done and I have never been more stress freee....well that I can remember anyway..life has been a fog for so long. but I feel like I can step back and process it, make some sane logical decisions now. I definitely learned the lessons I needed to know who is gonna get the job done....I got my help person finally on the inside of my old Tour Operater job" air going and setting up acct with some tour operators
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I was able to exchange email addresses with a women I had met on AC-the powers to be arranged it and it worked out well for us both so it can be done as long as both parties want to do it-I do like the usual form but sometimes you want to have private conversations with another AC person.
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living the crazy here...not a good morning for anyone...I got up 5 put towels in dryer wait for fp to get up...he gets up...mom gets up, something about water starts it off, He doesn't want to take his pills he doesn't want to drink water he doesn't want to eat the body is %70 water He doesn't need to drink water! He yelled he is 93 years old...like he was disgusted with it and I am wondering can we just let it go? Can he just stop taking any meds and let nature takes it's course or is this neglect? Mom's response was a "I'm sorry daddy this is just how things are you have to take your pills you have to eat you have to drink water!" gah...does he, does he really...jen
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Jen I would like to put my email and phone up on PM for you but you said you could not access that? Let me know if you get the one i am sending in a minute here.
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Morning
wow life is crazy no kidding...today i woke up and found my solution to a lot of my current issues! too much to explain but i tell you i am sure of my plans now, yesterday their was doubt , today it is confidence! don't know where I will end
up but learning to trust my instinct......
JEN the message i think was about writing/journaling when i think about it i not sure how you can help me from afar i was drowning and grabbing at straws....
well back to sleep for me
XOXOX,
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well i have a funny story to describe one of the relentlessly obtuse conversations i have had to endure with the cruiseline to get this straightened out....
Today i woke up decided i will give them one more chance to make right and then that is it.. went about the call....the nature was for me to just tell them i am no longer interested in this cruise...i need to have the problem solved "in this phonecall" or i will cancel and get my attorneys involved. so he responds "did you want me to add any gratuities,gift baskets candy, snackbags yada yada.....i swear i cannot bite my tongue when i need toi kinda did this time but had to do the "are you kidding me"?
in the late 90's when i last was an agent, they were were "my" favorite and now i don't know what they could do to get me to place another booking there. it nearly killed me this weekend hours on hold, going in circles, i am going to set up a meet with the DSM (district sales manager) and discuss this because it was horrific what was going on in that res center! i cannot waste days upon days to accomplish things. they are going to have to get me my own computer link in or something it was that bad... isn't even bout the cruise anymore. i fear for the sole who has to deal with that place, especially those not familiar with it....they are so rude and sales driven it is mind boggling!
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Feel better bob! XOXOX
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Hey well like I said it was all part of a well thought out plan, the only problem was the friend who flaked on me....
I just opened an email from ALZ ASSN which means a lot.... they wrote a nice letter of apology and will be following up with me shortly to see how they can best meet my needs.... we will see but I was impressed the phone rang at 9am!
I guess what people don't know each other they make some assumptions...between travel my other job was program/production management..it was my job to get stuff done hell or hi water so I thrive in fast paced environment.craziness. loved it but had no passion. It is when logic goes out the window that disturbs me, when stuff just doesn't make any sense .I get down and depressed if I have no goal. I was in that caregiver coma for so long I lost all my goals and dreams... each person has there thing I wish I could garden or can like deef, read n write like Jen n bob but I cant

anyway I cried when AA sent me an apology...I am so sick of BS and that was BS! I am done, really done with it all!!! I know why you live out on a boat now BOB!! BTW we did get on the original cruise just us a small group. I really wanted New Orleans this time for a reason. Well keep us posted if you get any more gigs!
anyway if the friend had not flaked I would not have made the call for help and got that job. life is weird.... this passed few weeks are weird, good but crazy.....nice to relax with momma...i swear she can sense the difference! she was so cute today she is still momma! i had a bit of a meltdown cry spell this afternoon i had to hug and snuggle her and she tried to comfort me!!!! she got it! and we were talking about the ideas, she retained something and asked it bac a few seconds later, that is huge!!! we had a conversation!! I am so glad not to be stressed anymore i can enjoy her now i hope!
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Hope the show goes really well bobbie.
juju hang in there. I know what crazy desperate, how do I fix this feels like!
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Hi Crew,
Juju,
Having a very rough day and have to rest. Glad to hear that things are moving where you want them.

The show is not a big deal, I will fly in, do the time and fly out. It's work for me so I usually don't make a party out of it. If I was doing it all the time it would be different.
Thanks for thinking of me though!

Ok, back to laying down.

lovbob
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AND best of all I get to finally enjoy mom.....we are back where we were before I saw the real truth in hospital situation here....which thank you now I can put that as one objective of our goal....good hospital care available!!!

also I think the drama sometimes has its purpose once one can take the emotion out of it....I would have been pacing and waiting for the answer on the house all weekend and now between the offer going in and the deadline....the support plan emerged$$! I totally forgot about it so now I am happy again I only have a couple hours to pace and a plan I am confident in!
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Bobbie I would love to see your show and now that our cruise plans are so messed up I was just looking for another cruise to take with my peeps that love me! so I was wondering where was the comedy seems I thought it might be at a cruise port town if I remember, maybe we could just switch and catch your show I would love that (and bring as many who WANT to be there) don't panic everyone I know the xmas penalty rules now real good, lol!!! Idk just thinking BTW that was what created the problem that made us rush decide.
I call it a dry run.learning experience and now know I can do it!!!! I am just trying to look forward to my goals again! even if it don't work out I will learn something in a sane fashion this time!!!
so tell me bob where is it at and what dates and maybe we can pop in, maybe not!!! its up to you all, I will definitely I just want some one to cook n clean and serve me for a week WTF Is wrong with that and then make a business out of it even better in my eyes and get the capital to support my goals

ok I love you guys sorry I got so mad! IT HAS BEEN JUST AS SCARY FOR ME THAT WHY I WAS SO STRESSED. I AM KNOWN FOR EMOTIONAL FINANCIAL DECISIONS AND POOR DECISIONS. But now I know what I want to do and save myself.....so I am thinking very cautiously inside but bursting at the seams outside! k I am done with it now!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOOXOOXOX
peace juju
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ok just so you all don't worry but then that is it....I am done with sharing my heart and drive.... the plan was to wait a week before offering just to make sure and then if not accepted, which probably wont cause i didn't offer much. then that would at least justify a scouting trip and reunion with my second mom which i deserve a couple weeks in Hawaii with someone who can finally help me!! then once relaxed we are gonna put together a plan....and she is ohana can do so much for me, i need to be near hazel or angel and angel is too busy with her lil family and struggles... HAZEL is retired boss and second mom wonderful person i love charity community minded, the perfect thing for me now

so my dilemma, i have been listening to little signs here and there...and today woke up to the lava flow....so now i can really have more objective view...and learning more every day!
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oops hit wrong button again....I ment bobbie jen and the crew here on this thread who have been thru all of it with me!!!
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so if someone wants to help me, really cause I am so busy now catching up on my rest and time with mamma they can figure out and delete my cruise promotoion posts and we will start from scratch and I will keep more to myself next time cuz I love you all and \cant do it without bobbie jen and the dream of the big trip!!!
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it is my only hope to make some money and I learned a lot and now I can plan what will work best! I am happy and in no hurry any more! it worked!!

I learned who my go to peeps are! now I can make logical decisions with what I have learned.... I am in a hurry cuz like I said weird things are happening here and mom doesn't look well so I am scared to death to be unprepared for the event now I am!!! I was making sure I don't blow it....I have good people to help me and we will put togher a 5 yr plan so I don't mess this up....that Is my problem I lead with emotion and I had to get excited about something to get me out of the funk so I would not die! so to those who were concerned never messaged me to help guide me , so idk.....I really don't know what to think bout this place right now....I know who I can count on tho! and I just solved the whole cruise problem thank you!
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Bobbi, don't know how you remember everything that goes on. Thanks for asking about Indio. His eye is not good, and have to find a different, hopefully better eye doctor. The one he was referred to just keeps saying it is fine, come back in a month. He can barely see out of that eye now, and it looks like a cataract has formed . However his ribs are almost completely healed. He is horseback riding again. Won't even let me saddle for him. Say's if you can't saddle your own horse, than have no business riding.
Hope your feeling better, Bobbi. Wish I could see your comedy act, you'll be great
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Juju, everything you've accomplished is amazing, really it is. It's hard for me to keep up. Seems like your going 100 mph. I hate to sound like an old mother hen. Just don't want you to crash. I know I'm too cautious most of the time, afraid to put myself out there, and take a risk. You have a lot more courage than I do.
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sorry guys but i need to get this out so i can sleep...who i am really upset with is my old friends..... who always post of FB how great we are and she is proud of me..but have never picked up the phone. well now i need tickets n stuff to Hawaii i go to classic of course, and as both had touted if i ever need anything, so i give emr brief rundown trying to move over to open a hospice need flights and after the first one blew up at me cause it was the busy hour when i called with a complicated air routing....and the other i went to next dropped the ball, never called back as arranged and i never got an email then posts again....anything you need you let me know I have been waiting for days for you to find my air! but of course that facebook is such a wonderful place to pump yourself up, sometimes i just cant take it..........
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just to clarify not everyone is negative but it is the majority reaction, is nothing or mild acknowledgment....only couple stand out as positive,bob! .that is why I was trying to not tell anyone. I needed help (so i had to tell ev why to try to get her to stop whining about nothing and embrace something) I ended up with the only option I had knowing it would backfire and still going in...I needed it to get mind flowing again, now I have so much.
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it seems to me like I was so proud of myself till I shared my success here on aging care.......now I feel like crap! the one place I thought might apprecieate my efforts, understand how much I want what I posted since I gave out every detail I knew to help me get what I need and make my effort valid to someone besides momma, someone who understands what I am doing!!!! to try to exist again and allow myself to want something again.....but it is just momma I guess! what was I thinking, help haha???? Now I sound just like my momma did in her day that'll shut one up....tomorrow is another day and for me literally another shitty day!
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What is wrong with this world.....when did doing something nice turn into such a nitemare....well the season of learning has finally begun...no wonder I get depressed when it seems the whole world is so dang selfish and negative. Here I thought maybe if I post about what I feel important and my needs since I have no one else in the world than you guys who understand...I just thought maybe someone would care about something for me, not put your own feelings into it just for once say wow she must really mean it, maybe I could do something....get my back, sorry for being hopeful that I matter!!
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He isn't dead yet bobbie, neither are we, but I am in hibernation mode.
juju I don't know how to access my message board...Hope you are doing OK there.
More school shootings locally, great great, young people die, fp goes on and on and on...
Have a sane week all...
Just not "in" right now I guess... Jen
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Yup thanks for the reality check, timing is everything, and mom still shits, lol!
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what don't you all get, I am just fine....calm downs that are causing the problem, or your disturbed... i am just fine,,,,and would love person to say wow awesome you did it.....i have been trhu h*ll here and am touchy that is all...i did not mean toward you bobbie. i am sorry but i have no one saying good job here in person so that set me off....who the heck would not be excited and rightfully so to know they have accomplished re-entry nearly seamlessly....In ratio to the goal! i am sorry if i snapped at you all it was the "calm down" I do apologize and do need to go rest now so i can get serious on the move i will be gone for a few days or a while, that was the plan anyway,,,, sorry guys i do love you, just bad timing issue and i thought i could just be happy for once! I could not process anything incoming cause i am happy and tired!!!! Not upset!!! I will let you all know how the house goes....i am pretty sure i found another i like better anyway so we will see when i get there.....Again i am sorry it just hurt me, felt like my friends all do knock you down.....message me an address if you want a postcard ok and that is all i can handle for a while,,,,,the only reason i came back on is to delete my posts bout cruise i guess i was misunderstood, but then that would prevent someone getting the help so i wont but i am not even gonna ever mention it again that is for sure!! when i come back sorry guys
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OK, thought I was being considerate. I try my best.

lovbob
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Haha Veronica!
ya, been braless for a looong time. I wear work shirts with 2 pockets. Never was that big and now just a chubby so actually have decent boobies as long as you don't pay attention to what my butt is doing….
I tried wearing something yesterday that didn't hang from my shoulders and I couldn't stand it. I can't even imagine a bra. Yikes!

Haven't tried that drug but making a note so if this nerve pain keeps up and the Tylenol loses its effectiveness. Thanks!

Wow on the trip from England to Norway! One of those things that I would totally love to watch a movie about while sitting in a nice recliner in a warm room…

I have always wanted to take a cruise which is why this is so weird about the timing. No one has asked me to do anything for a few years now and the 2 offers I get are on the same week. I would have been down for it as long as I knew that there would be other caregivers so we all would have something to swill boat drinks over!
Little umbrellas!!

Juju! Veronica is right. Resume normal breathing and get that even keel thing going. Nothing is worth you getting so upset over even though we have all been there with the high expectations and low realities of caregiving.
Hug your mama and enjoy the beautiful sky if everything else is making you nuts.
I have stared at some sky in my time trying to get my balance and that's for sure.

Cuz! How is your mom and brother and sister and wife?

Meanwhile! How are you and how is that eating maching of a horse making out with his dietary restrictive halter? How are Indio's ribs? And didn't he have an issue with an eye? Am I totally off the rails? (Probably)

Austin! What is new with you and the crew at the Senior Center? How are you doing girlfriend.

Mame! What is up? Are you doing ok? People treating you right?

Deef!! How is the situation with Blanche? Have you put your beautiful gardens to bed for the winter yet?

Jen! Is he still alive? How is your mom and most importantly, how are you?

SharynMarie! How is it going? Are you still coping ok with the crazy that you had to endure? My respect gurl.

Kuli! Don't know if you still read on a regular basis but I think of you so often and how you miss your dad. Grief is a wave coming to shore and going back out to sea. Sometimes the waves are so big and sometimes they are just ripples but we feel them all.

Susan! Tell us more of your story! How are you coping?

Mitch! Are you reading? Go ahead and Vent Vent Vent and tell anyone who bugs you to get Bent Bent Bent. This is a walk that can't be appreciated unless one has walked it. Talk is just that.

Veronica! Tell us some more of your story too! I know that you are adventurous and have a good sense of humor!

Well, I guess I am feeling a bit better since I can string a sentence together without getting a headache.
Now all I have to do is get over the Shingles, not relapse with C-Diff and write an hour and a half comedy set and then memorize it and knock it out of the park.

Ok, now have headache….. not proofing this so I hope I didn't say anything especially idiotic.

lovbob
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