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Could the reno workers have taken them Juju????? I hope you find them. Once, mom dropped her pills all over the floor and threw them out! We had a very hard time getting replacements-they said next time to just pick them up and take them. (Understand, mom had several cats and gross issues with cat boxes and feces...I wouldn't have eaten anything at her house let alone something that had been on the floor! Ugh) Anyway, I hope you come across them & soon! Bobbie-so sorry for what you are going through. The first time I heard about a fecal transplant, I thought it was a joke! But, I guess it works! Good luck!!! Jen-I am thinking about you and your mom. So unfair and hard. Meanwhile-I hope step dad is ok! Hi Austin-beautiful weather we are having here in NY state! Deef-um-I am worried about you with Blanche...this really is a ton of work... Be careful-you don't have to be the one... I know it feels like you do-but her family really needs to know how much work it is and maybe they should do something different. I really say this out of concern for you. Hello Glad and Veronica and Alesia. Hey Cuz-how are you doin? Mom is doing alright at the NH. It has been really nice weather so I try and get her out every day that I can. I am still trying to "get my life back" but after 13 years of caregiver exhaustion and isolation etc-I am just not sure there is anything to get back to. Everything has changed, friends have moved on, my resume has this huge gap... So, I guess I need to change that to I am trying to "get a life." Just keep plugging along...this too shall pass I guess. The leaves are changing and they are beautiful. Wish we could keep this nice weather for much longer tho! Have a decent day all! Mame
Just one more thing....Thank you, I just saw the private message option few days ago! I don't mind sharing with this thread at all !!! I definitely don't feel comfortable putting it in a public forum or I guess on the internet, is what I mean, even my email come to think idk.......I think I may have become a bit unusually suspicious in this situation but it occurred to me anything I put out there is fair game! Well feels good to get it off my chest in the vaguest way, maybe I can move forward just a bit! Gotta bake a cake is now gotta buy a cake!!!! Thanks all!!!
Good to hear from you Bobbie~take care of yourself!!!! I can barely mop a deck but surely we will do our best to keep the boat from running aground. Only until our Capn is back at the helm!!! I'm not even asking about the transplant, Oh my goodness, wishing you riddance and a soon as possible!!!
It was Boni.(bonichak) from "What's for dinner"...she is recovering from a heart attack. You are def the one and only Bobbie!
Gotta go, caregiver day, got a schedule today, lol, no time for my chitty chatty longwinded posts.... except I am fried about the Meds....they have grown legs and left the building! come to realize also if they are gone over $100 worth of oops!!!
Sorry Bobbie my mind is going ! mixed you up with Boni but everything I said applies to you too. I don't think you need to find your own donor for the fecal transplant i believe it is produced commercially these days in a nice sterile capsule (no gagging required) it has taken me a year to recover from my two week stay in the hospital last year and a lot of hard work. Part of the reason I post so much on AC - great therapy! Yogurt goes down well and I love the large curd cottage cheese Metamucil helps too I mixed in OJ. think positive this too will pass.
Juju, you are not self absorbed. I have a sibling that is and she makes up every reason in the book to not help with anything. We are all giving people to be able to do this. I think we would all like to get our lives back. And many of us realize this will not happen until they are gone. The ones we care for are coming to the end of their lives. When that happens then we can become self absorbed. And for me, I know, I have always been a loner. Probably a good thing and helps with the isolation that so many of us feel. But, you know, I feel that right now I have more friends than ever before in my life. I have a excellent team of people that help with Mom, sibs excluded, and all the people here on AC.
Juju, your posts are great. and express a great deal of caring about others. Please feel free to write. OK, I know I don't write much, I think, what have I got to contribute? I guess it is human nature.
Deef, funny whenever my mom needs to give a specimen they always catheterize her. I stayed in the room with her while she had that done and held her hand. While she did not scream or yell, I had mom, the doc and nurse laughing when, to ease mom's tension, told her I hadn't had that view of her in nearly 60 years. Mom got it and all thought funny with the exception of family members that just do not have a clue what care giving is all about. I actually think they were appalled to say nothing of disgusted that I would even say such a thing, and then tell them about it!
OK….I know I been posting a lot this past week, selling used reno stuff thru internet so have to check computer often to try to get this stuff gone! I been drawn check in and getting involved again, feels good and I am thinking little clearer already. So maybe I just get it this out and done and then I can relax a bit! Here is the underlying root of all my stress the past year, and it is not the reno (directly)!!! There is this pressing issue I desperately need some help with/kept putting off due to reno, etc. Time has slipped away at an alarming rate again. It may be too late or impossible to get it done. The issue so delicate I don’t feel comfortable posting on the internet! My gut tells me this community/thread would have the best support and advice needed to get thru this. What can/should I do??? In my frustrated and overwhelmed state I could not even think to of forming this question, I just WANT to share it all, but cannot, therefore frustrated I don’t even check in!! Anyway any help would be truly appreciated! And lastly This is what I don’t like about me. My post to Jen I should write “we” could take care of our mom’s, “we” could get our lives back, but I write/say I (sign of self absorbtion) My mind is picturing HER free, so it should be a “we”, but out comes as “I”! Why do I do that, am I so far gone, so isolated, me is all I know! OR have I been like that always and caregiving making it worse explaining why I have so little friends. Only sure thing is I never noticed it until joining this site and I wrote things down. I knew I have comprehension issues, found that out reading books while back, and now I have seen the articulation issues, Whoa! Another reason I stay away…it is scary to me, how things come out so wrong!!! Never did that when I was writing a business letter, lol!!!
Ok take care all and just got a text, free bday pizza today only at our fav place! Don't have to cook xcept she cant eat pizza I will have to shred it for her somehow or something else but how can I turn down free! Love and peace-Juju
Oops forgot Meanwhile....no worries, take care of yourself, rest, and just keep an eye on the Stepfather, best you can, if he wont communicate! I think my tired eyes this week were beginning of something, lymph node is swollen and bit painful now on right or it is that bad tooth getting worse! Anyway take care!!!
Yes I miss Bobbie, hoping she is focusing on getting better! I know she is out there, I've seen the thumbs up!!!! Sometimes it is hard to write when you don't feel good!!! Hope we all haven't become too desolate / boring for her and she abandoned ship, I got some boat time coming!!! Deef oh my yes you do keep yourself busy but also have a lot on your plate....caregiving again, yes what where you thinking, lol???? Maybe one reason is most likely you are good at it!!! Take the lessons you've learned and don't get in too deep if possible and don't do it if you truly don't want to.,...start forming a plan of retreat! Sounds like getting some hired help is a step in the right direction!!! Your gardening sounds absolutely lovely and so fruitful, I bought a tomato plant this year, that's all i'm going to say! lol!!! I am envious of ALL of your energy! Thanks Veronica...I know I should have just forgot about it, I tried, but of course obsession was the emotion of choice. I spent more than 5 hrs non stop searching! Visualizing me walking down hall with them in hand and that is it, which then turned disturbing for me...I've wasted good part of a day and then it's "is this the first episode for me?" well finally, had a half Xanax with a Kahlua n milk..(Kahlua was only thing "in house") and was able to stop pacing the house, finally!! (haven't needed a Xanax in months, thank goodness I save em for special occasions like this) Still cant find tray but I found spare pills so least I got her taken care of! But seriously where did these things go???ERRRRR!
BTW thx Austin for the hairbrush tip!
Well today is mom's Bday! Having a cake tomorrow with my caregivers! Got to get busy n make up for yesterday, get her cake baked and cook her a nice dinner tonite! Love to you ALL, Mame I miss you too, Stay Tuff! Peace, Juju
Deefer I a exhausted reading about you daily activities-there should be teenage girls who would love a job of being there a few hours a week to babysit Blanche to give you a break-I hope Blanche appreciates what you do for her on some level
Juju when you loose something like the pill box try this. Visualize it and concentrate very hard on it for a short while. Stop looking and don't think about. Go away and do something else and later there it will be hiding in plain site
First of all, Miss Bobbie!!!!! Are you okay??? Just give us a little sign that you are still alive and kicking and screaming..... As for me, I have been knee deep in Blanche land!!!! So sorry I agreed to take on care giving AGAIN!!! so soon after Mom passed. As if 7 long years wasn't enough, I jumped right back into it! What was I thinking??? She now gets meals delivered 5 x's a week and a PCA comes an hour a day 4 days a week. She actually lectured me about choosing my battles when arguing with Blanche!!!. I told her it wasn't about the battle but about relieving MY stress! Jen, I'm sure the chair pads are pushing your mom's buttons the same way Blanche's crazy habits are pushing mine. It's funny what kinds of things can push us to the breaking point. So you would think having more services would make things easier for me right? Nope!! More trips across town than before. PCA comes different times and it can vary due to client cancellations etc. So if I make plans to be somewhere else while she is with Blanche, she ends up coming at a different time! This past Saturday night Blanche seemed very confused and disoriented when I went back in the evening. She ended up sliding to the floor in the bathroom while changing for bed, so I called the ambulance to take her to the ER. I was not going to try to lift her and let her talk me out of going to the ER. Must have been scared enough because she asked to stay overnight. First time she has been in the hospital in years. They kept her until Monday afternoon, so you would think I had a couple days of peace. NO WAY!! I was the only one available for information, visitation, and spent those 2 days on the phone with my bil and sister in Virginia and doctors and nurses, etc. I was at the hospital from 6PM that night until they got her into a room at 11:30. Then I had to go back to her house and make sure everything was closed and locked up. They are not sure what caused her "episode", could have been a TIA, a bad case of 'sundowning" or her low blood count. She got IV fluids and a transfusion and we all kept repeating "you wouldn't be here if you drank more water!" The ER nurses took a urine sample with a catheter. I left the room because I knew she would go ballistic and she did! I nearly peed myself listening to her swearing, howling and yelling at the nurses. I know I'll get flack for this next comment, but all I could say to the nurses was that she probably hadn't had anyone up her skirts in over 40 years! They thought that was hilarious. The best part was when the young and handsome PA told her he needed to get a stool smear to check for blood. I thought Oh know! Here we go again! But she just smiled and rolled over and didn't utter a peep!!! While she was in the hospital she gave the nurses a hard time complaining about anything and everything. But when the male nurses took over, once again all smiles and no complaints!! 97 and still playing the game!!! She's pretty much been a b!tch about everything since she came home! Tuesday was the lawyer to sign paperwork naming me medical proxy. Wednesday was an appointment with her primary care, Thursday was the oncologist for her anemia and Friday was the visiting nurse! She's a bit tired from being confined to bed for 2 days, but I'm exhausted and just worn down from it all. I need to find someone who can sit with her for 3-4 hours a couple times a week so I can get my act together here. My kitchen sink has been out of commission for 2 months now. I carry all my dishes across to Mom's old apartment then carry them back home. I need to get all the pipes in my kitchen and bathroom replaced down to the waste pipe and the tub removed and replaced with a shower before winter. I don't want to be paying for fuel for 2 apartments if I don't have to! Jen, I ended up making over 9 gallons of salsa, 11 quarts of pasta sauce, over 100 jars of jams and jellies including black raspberry, red raspberry, peach melba, grape, grape jalapeno,peach and apple. also made 8 pints of applesauce and 3 quarts of raspberry and grape cordial. I froze 4 dozen ears of corn and fresh blueberries too. It's not been easy since I only have 2-3 hours at a time to get things done. I was up until after 1AM twice this week, cleaning up the kitchen after doing more canning. Juju, I know all about not being able to get things done around here! I can't believe how much you have done on your own in that house! I admire your abilities to get things done. Alesia, my mom used to pick her diapers apart in bed. I finally started to put her arms over the top sheet and tied the sheet to the bed rail so she couldn't get at her pants. It worked very well! Also, look up Wellness diapers online, They were the best on the market and the only ones that kept mom and the bed dry! Kuli, I am so jealous!!! Hug that baby for me please! I too remember all the times I was short with Mom but then I also remember all that I did for her and how she was able to stay at home until the end. I truly believe they know we did our best for them. Hello to everyone out there! Sorry to be away for so long, but just trying to hang on to my sanity here while I try to juggle Blanche, a huge garden, an even huger house that needs tons of work, and now a husband that has been enjoying retirement so much by laying around all day watching TV and eating! He is having lots of trouble with his legs and walking. I just ignore and tell him he needs to get up and moving before he can't!! Bet he's taken 10+ years off his life by being sedentary for most of the last 4 years. Okay, got 5 hours sleep the last 4 or 5 nights, so I'm heading off to bed after I feed my cats. Now that the garden is winding down, I'll try to keep up here with everyone when I can. Wish I had service at Blanche's, it sure would kill time while I'm sitting there with her! Night, hope you all have a nice weekend. It's in the 80"s here right now! Love Deef
Step dad seems out of sorts. He is usually so cheerful, but last couple of days he is grumpy and doesn't want to do anything. Afraid he is feeling bad, but doesn't want to admit it. Kuli, so glad you have the new grandson. I bet he is more fun everyday. Sorry, I should write more to everyone, but getting over a sore throat, and an earache. Going to bed early. Hope everyone has a quiet Sunday.
Diamond Depends, a sparkle for you, to distract from the Stinky EWWWW!
Yes you certainly do deserve a lotto ticket, and if there is karma out there, you just might get lucky!!! I never much was a gambler, but I am thinking maybe a few lotto tix here n there might not be bad idea, it is my best hope at this point also! Get ma all taken care of, and me some freedom to try to be me again!!! DREAM BIG Jen! I'm thinking your Ma is doing what I do... you get so flippin upset bout what the disease is doing, get furious because you just need to get furious and it was the thing that was there at that moment!! Whether it makes any sense or not! Has mom ever tried a support group? Maybe you could find her someplace another online or in person (assuming this one would not be good idea!!!) ? Idk if you been down that road yet with her already.
Well my problem today is just really pissing me off.....I was loading up her pill trays, do 3 weeks at a time. The guy doing the drywall showed up unannounced and wanted to do couple things so I put the tray somewhere it would not spill as we scramble to get this done and I cannot find it for shit...I have been searching hi and low for hours I have no clue where I put them. Crap,some I have no meds till I find em or pharmacy opens up Monday, I've been thru cabinets and fridge, even checked washing machine....everywhere I can think. WTH....I am losing it??? Help!!!
Juicy Couture takes on a totally different vibe here and I am thinking sticky eewww... Glad the baby is doing good kuli! Beh, if anyone told me to "Buck Up!" I think I would tell them to "Buck Off!"
Am hoping Bobbie is doing better. Know you are down with C diff and hope that it has ?cleared up? Eased off, moved on, dried up?... Left the building! How putting up preserved Deef! Hope you make good money! Seriously should, by simple word of mouth you will sell out fast! Yes, mom had another melt down yesterday...She was soooo upset....She Actually Admitted she was soo upset it was bad for her high Blood Pressure!...That she shared anything, tells the level of pain she was in! God it makes me so mad how much he is ruining our lives. God is he kills my mother from all this stress. I swear I will Damn him to Hell for ever! She is about at the end of her rope...I do all I can and I will do more if I have to! Se went bug house over his having turned his wheel chair cushions the wrong way round again...I mean she was breathing hard and stomping around, practically tearing her hair out...I just listened and commiserated and did NOT ask why this is such an important issue. the tags Must go in the back! or, yes, nuclear war may break out...My Mom is gonna give herself a stroke over little white pieces of fabric on a cushion...that is so far into "Sweating the small stuff" as to be INSANE! God when does this end? When can it just be us again and quiet, and free, and the house Not stink and my Mom not be upset and tired and worn out and angry all the time!? Have to get off here, mom has gone on-line (also driving her crazy, she snaps at me when i try to help then has to call me back to...you know...help!) to find fp yes, some more clothes! She is wearing his ripped socks now, but Daaaadddeeee gets new clothes what three times a years? four? I don't know...I stole/borrowed another dollar off the grocery money to buy a Lotto ticket. No, I don't deserve it, but who does. Least I could take care of my mom for good... have a safe sane weekend and a good next week everyone, Happy Autumn!
When I say duh above with reference to moms coffee....I mean "oh mamma my heartbreaks every day watching what Is happening to you. There are only three or 4 phrases you will speak "on your own" so of course I know them and I treasure them, more that you will ever know." I am so braindead sometimes I just use one word to describe it. Duh! I had to clarify that.... The spittoon rapper jewelry got me to thinking I bet if we could get creative the things we could develop/market from our experiences make the rounds at the NH circuit make a killing! Blinged out Depends-The slogan "gives 'Juicy Couture' a whole new meaning"!
Fall Is here for sure....need my socks n sweater for the chilly mornings again!
Kuli- Babies are such joy, good to hear your grandson is improving! What a nice distraction to help bring back some normalcy to your life!!!
Alesia- I see you got some help with the pic. I laughed about the can't and won't and coffee..... I used to have that same frustration. Coffee is my only negotiating tool, for what it is worth anymore...she loves her coffee, It is the only thing she will ask for....never food or drink or i'm hungry....but when I hear the "you know what I want...and then we say it together "a hot cup of coffee" and she just giggles "how'd you know that??" im like duh....."oh mamma, I just know what you like"!!! Well with the I can'ts that has passed for the most part or my frustrations about it.....Finally thru the help of all the learning I did here I can let go of my expectations and wants.... although the I cant was so frustrating as it was something I heard all my life" I finally came to separate it from her....now it TRULY is the disease and her body, I finally let go of the stress of trying to make her do things she is incapable of doing/remembering, I have to remind myself at times because I still do get frustrated who wouldn't but it is the disease! I share this to let you know you are not alone, and we can learn from each other! As a matter of fact I should share some gratitude as it was you Jen-something you posted about your Ma n FP going at it, and how doesn't she get how fruitless it is! From that day forward had a different attitude. So simple as one of your precious "one-liners" changing how we exist everyday, for the better !!!!
And of course there is Bobbie....she, with the help of the thread, pulled me out of bad bad place I had found myself in when I came here...words could never justify how grateful I am to her!!! been ups n downs since and will be till this is done but it is her kind thoughtful words that kept bringing me back, she has a special gift! I love you guys really do....everyone even if I don't mention you!
Ok I meant to do 2 lines and wrote a book again! Stay strong! Peace, Juju
Bobbie - I'm sooo sorry to hear what you have been struggling with. Hoping that you are doing a little better at this point! C-diff is a tough thing to beat, no matter how healthy you are. Jen - you are so right that depression is not a simple fix. And when you add taking care of an elder, it adds a whole new dimension. I have a friend who, when her daughter was started on antidepressants, was very upset, not understanding why her daughter couldn't just buck up and get on with life. When I explained to her that an antidepressant, that no pill, would not suddenly make everything sunshine and happiness but instead would hopefully just bring a depressed person to even, she began to understand the struggle. I sometimes wonder how I made it through it all ( and now looking back, a deep depression ) while watching my dad decline( who was very good to me, in contrast to your situation ) and watch him become a person he never wanted to be, dependent on anyone. I look back on that time now and realize I was in survival mode, as you probably are now and have been for some time. Once they have passed, people think you will feel such a sense of relief ( and you may very well feel that based on your past with FP ) but I also had feelings of guilt for all of the times I was impatient or frustrated and knew that I had let it show. None of this is easy. But in hind sight, I do feel a sense of satisfaction, a pride in myself, that I was able to be THE person who was there for my dad, who made the commitment to care for him when he no longer could care for himself and noone else would, and was able to fulfill his one wish to remain at home until his death. Again, I understand your situation is completely different from mine but, regardless of what FP is, you will be able to look back and NEED to take pride that you, no matter what, did what you could despite it all, to do the right thing, to be there for your family, for your mom. You NEED to make sure you take credit for that!!! FYI - Grandson ( Baby Carter ) is doing well. Gaining weight - up to 8 pounds -but still struggling with tummy issues. Mom ( my sweet daughter ) is struggling with thinking she is a good mom through all this, as all new mom's do. He is such a sweet, wonderful blessing and I can hardly begin to describe how wonderful it is to be a grandma for the first time. I keep all of you wonderful, ever patient, always giving, caregivers in my prayers! Although my elder caregiving days are over, I will never forget the struggles, the ever present fatigue, the everyday issues, that I not only endured, but survived while caring for my dad for 8 years and so appreciate the strength and determination it takes to get through each and every day! Peace and strength to each and every one of you ~ Kuli
thanks juju i honestly felt alone until a few days ago...i have read some of the things to my hubby mostly to show him i dont make these things up...we woke up today with a diaper full squished up to her waist ...and yes she had to put her hands in it..and refuses to cooperate in the cleaning process ...i ask her to stand and she says ...i cant , big difference between cant and wont! she got up just fine when i told her i had coffee lol ..btw im in the midwest beautiful day today
Alesia Welcome and let it out.....vent it out! oh ya... that is what does it for me....I can take the poop. It is the mucous and slimy things that get me. She no longer asks/reaches for the tissues anymore for her chronic runny nose. It is the sleeve, or whatever is handy like the bib full of crumbs which then are dumped all over the place. What is especially bad when she coughs up a wad, if I don't hear her and come running with a tissue. I will find it by somewhere later, I am going to date myself but in the words of Gomer Pyle "surprise, surprise, surprise"! MOm fingerpaints but with her food not the other, thanking the lucky stars. Still constant laundry battle... and gave up on furniture, spotclean and throw out when done...However she has put her hands in the poop couple times n I stopped her couple times during diaper changes I found if she see's the discolored material she wants to explore/play/pick at it, as she does with her food! if she was able to diaper/toilet on own I'm sure she be a full blown fingerpainter, and I def would not have such a tolerance for it..... I don't know how you all deal with the extended mess, honestly!!! Stay strong and you are not alone!!!!! Peace, Juju
yep catch her blowing her nose into her sweater , blanket and the arm chair cover ... i do a lot of laundry...also had an idea, went to gordons and got disposable aprons for mealtime ..they cover clothes and the new chair we got her from spills and smearing hands they work great!
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Bobbie-so sorry for what you are going through. The first time I heard about a fecal transplant, I thought it was a joke! But, I guess it works! Good luck!!!
Jen-I am thinking about you and your mom. So unfair and hard.
Meanwhile-I hope step dad is ok!
Hi Austin-beautiful weather we are having here in NY state!
Deef-um-I am worried about you with Blanche...this really is a ton of work... Be careful-you don't have to be the one... I know it feels like you do-but her family really needs to know how much work it is and maybe they should do something different. I really say this out of concern for you.
Hello Glad and Veronica and Alesia. Hey Cuz-how are you doin?
Mom is doing alright at the NH. It has been really nice weather so I try and get her out every day that I can. I am still trying to "get my life back" but after 13 years of caregiver exhaustion and isolation etc-I am just not sure there is anything to get back to. Everything has changed, friends have moved on, my resume has this huge gap... So, I guess I need to change that to I am trying to "get a life." Just keep plugging along...this too shall pass I guess.
The leaves are changing and they are beautiful. Wish we could keep this nice weather for much longer tho! Have a decent day all! Mame
Just one more thing....Thank you, I just saw the private message option few days ago!
I don't mind sharing with this thread at all !!! I definitely don't feel comfortable putting it in a public forum or I guess on the internet, is what I mean, even my email come to think idk.......I think I may have become a bit unusually suspicious in this situation but it occurred to me anything I put out there is fair game!
Well feels good to get it off my chest in the vaguest way, maybe I can move forward just a bit!
Gotta bake a cake is now gotta buy a cake!!!!
Thanks all!!!
It was Boni.(bonichak) from "What's for dinner"...she is recovering from a heart attack. You are def the one and only Bobbie!
Gotta go, caregiver day, got a schedule today, lol, no time for my chitty chatty longwinded posts.... except I am fried about the Meds....they have grown legs and left the building! come to realize also if they are gone over $100 worth of oops!!!
Love n peace! Juju
Metamucil helps too I mixed in OJ. think positive this too will pass.
I am alive and still pretty sick. Thanks for all the sweet posts.
Hi there Veronica but that is not me. no brother and no sil. And no roast chicken. wah. That would have been nice.
This is my only post in a long time and I usually just post here and won't post anywhere else until I have checked in here.
Love all you guys and you are right in that it's hard to concentrate on anything when you feel this way. Think of all of you all the time.
I am in my second relapse and am running out of options to beat this. I had no idea it could be so devastating.
It sure makes me feel good to see from you guys and I read this thread daily and am so happy to see you guys checking in and checking on each other.
I haven't abandoned the boat and when the Cap gets sick others step up to drive just like what we have seen here.
Will have to try and get a fecal transplant. Last option. Will need a few healthy donors.
They will be on my Sh!t List. Ha.
Learned a bunch on a site called the power of poop dot com. Wow.
There's another Bobbie there too but not me.
OK, back to being quiet. No energy. Takes all I have just to cope with this and keep disinfecting my environment.
lovbob
Bye the way Bobi posted last night( somewher) and was up in her room waiting for the roast chicken she smelt her bro and SIL cooking!!!!!!
Must not be how you come across juju I have no idea what you are referring too. I am glad to have you here to chat with!
Man your house must smell good Deef!!! How is Blanche? sounds serious?
gladimhere, You hit on a major theme that...People who have never been care givers DO NOT HAVE A CLUE!!!
Wondering how Bobbie is too Deef!
There goes September...Hope October goes well, somehow...
Not a number on the Lotto, just not gonna happen...
Oct money this week, and I can give mom $100, to start to pay off the $400.00 vet bill.....
Have a good week everyone...Jen
Here is the underlying root of all my stress the past year, and it is not the reno (directly)!!!
There is this pressing issue I desperately need some help with/kept putting off due to reno, etc. Time has slipped away at an alarming rate again. It may be too late or impossible to get it done. The issue so delicate I don’t feel comfortable posting on the internet! My gut tells me this community/thread would have the best support and advice needed to get thru this. What can/should I do???
In my frustrated and overwhelmed state I could not even think to of forming this question, I just WANT to share it all, but cannot, therefore frustrated I don’t even check in!! Anyway any help would be truly appreciated!
And lastly This is what I don’t like about me. My post to Jen I should write “we” could take care of our mom’s, “we” could get our lives back, but I write/say I (sign of self absorbtion) My mind is picturing HER free, so it should be a “we”, but out comes as “I”! Why do I do that, am I so far gone, so isolated, me is all I know! OR have I been like that always and caregiving making it worse explaining why I have so little friends. Only sure thing is I never noticed it until joining this site and I wrote things down. I knew I have comprehension issues, found that out reading books while back, and now I have seen the articulation issues, Whoa! Another reason I stay away…it is scary to me, how things come out so wrong!!! Never did that when I was writing a business letter, lol!!!
Ok take care all and just got a text, free bday pizza today only at our fav place! Don't have to cook xcept she cant eat pizza I will have to shred it for her somehow or something else but how can I turn down free!
Love and peace-Juju
I think my tired eyes this week were beginning of something, lymph node is swollen and bit painful now on right or it is that bad tooth getting worse! Anyway take care!!!
Deef oh my yes you do keep yourself busy but also have a lot on your plate....caregiving again, yes what where you thinking, lol???? Maybe one reason is most likely you are good at it!!! Take the lessons you've learned and don't get in too deep if possible and don't do it if you truly don't want to.,...start forming a plan of retreat! Sounds like getting some hired help is a step in the right direction!!! Your gardening sounds absolutely lovely and so fruitful, I bought a tomato plant this year, that's all i'm going to say! lol!!! I am envious of ALL of your energy!
Thanks Veronica...I know I should have just forgot about it, I tried, but of course obsession was the emotion of choice. I spent more than 5 hrs non stop searching! Visualizing me walking down hall with them in hand and that is it, which then turned disturbing for me...I've wasted good part of a day and then it's "is this the first episode for me?" well finally, had a half Xanax with a Kahlua n milk..(Kahlua was only thing "in house") and was able to stop pacing the house, finally!! (haven't needed a Xanax in months, thank goodness I save em for special occasions like this) Still cant find tray but I found spare pills so least I got her taken care of! But seriously where did these things go???ERRRRR!
BTW thx Austin for the hairbrush tip!
Well today is mom's Bday! Having a cake tomorrow with my caregivers! Got to get busy n make up for yesterday, get her cake baked and cook her a nice dinner tonite!
Love to you ALL, Mame I miss you too, Stay Tuff!
Peace,
Juju
As for me, I have been knee deep in Blanche land!!!! So sorry I agreed to take on care giving AGAIN!!! so soon after Mom passed. As if 7 long years wasn't enough, I jumped right back into it! What was I thinking???
She now gets meals delivered 5 x's a week and a PCA comes an hour a day 4 days a week. She actually lectured me about choosing my battles when arguing with Blanche!!!. I told her it wasn't about the battle but about relieving MY stress! Jen, I'm sure the chair pads are pushing your mom's buttons the same way Blanche's crazy habits are pushing mine. It's funny what kinds of things can push us to the breaking point.
So you would think having more services would make things easier for me right? Nope!! More trips across town than before. PCA comes different times and it can vary due to client cancellations etc. So if I make plans to be somewhere else while she is with Blanche, she ends up coming at a different time!
This past Saturday night Blanche seemed very confused and disoriented when I went back in the evening. She ended up sliding to the floor in the bathroom while changing for bed, so I called the ambulance to take her to the ER. I was not going to try to lift her and let her talk me out of going to the ER. Must have been scared enough because she asked to stay overnight. First time she has been in the hospital in years. They kept her until Monday afternoon, so you would think I had a couple days of peace. NO WAY!! I was the only one available for information, visitation, and spent those 2 days on the phone with my bil and sister in Virginia and doctors and nurses, etc. I was at the hospital from 6PM that night until they got her into a room at 11:30. Then I had to go back to her house and make sure everything was closed and locked up.
They are not sure what caused her "episode", could have been a TIA, a bad case of 'sundowning" or her low blood count. She got IV fluids and a transfusion and we all kept repeating "you wouldn't be here if you drank more water!" The ER nurses took a urine sample with a catheter. I left the room because I knew she would go ballistic and she did! I nearly peed myself listening to her swearing, howling and yelling at the nurses. I know I'll get flack for this next comment, but all I could say to the nurses was that she probably hadn't had anyone up her skirts in over 40 years! They thought that was hilarious. The best part was when the young and handsome PA told her he needed to get a stool smear to check for blood. I thought Oh know! Here we go again! But she just smiled and rolled over and didn't utter a peep!!!
While she was in the hospital she gave the nurses a hard time complaining about anything and everything. But when the male nurses took over, once again all smiles and no complaints!! 97 and still playing the game!!! She's pretty much been a b!tch about everything since she came home!
Tuesday was the lawyer to sign paperwork naming me medical proxy. Wednesday was an appointment with her primary care, Thursday was the oncologist for her anemia and Friday was the visiting nurse! She's a bit tired from being confined to bed for 2 days, but I'm exhausted and just worn down from it all.
I need to find someone who can sit with her for 3-4 hours a couple times a week so I can get my act together here.
My kitchen sink has been out of commission for 2 months now. I carry all my dishes across to Mom's old apartment then carry them back home. I need to get all the pipes in my kitchen and bathroom replaced down to the waste pipe and the tub removed and replaced with a shower before winter. I don't want to be paying for fuel for 2 apartments if I don't have to!
Jen, I ended up making over 9 gallons of salsa, 11 quarts of pasta sauce, over 100 jars of jams and jellies including black raspberry, red raspberry, peach melba, grape, grape jalapeno,peach and apple. also made 8 pints of applesauce and 3 quarts of raspberry and grape cordial. I froze 4 dozen ears of corn and fresh blueberries too. It's not been easy since I only have 2-3 hours at a time to get things done. I was up until after 1AM twice this week, cleaning up the kitchen after doing more canning.
Juju, I know all about not being able to get things done around here! I can't believe how much you have done on your own in that house! I admire your abilities to get things done.
Alesia, my mom used to pick her diapers apart in bed. I finally started to put her arms over the top sheet and tied the sheet to the bed rail so she couldn't get at her pants. It worked very well! Also, look up Wellness diapers online, They were the best on the market and the only ones that kept mom and the bed dry!
Kuli, I am so jealous!!! Hug that baby for me please! I too remember all the times I was short with Mom but then I also remember all that I did for her and how she was able to stay at home until the end. I truly believe they know we did our best for them.
Hello to everyone out there! Sorry to be away for so long, but just trying to hang on to my sanity here while I try to juggle Blanche, a huge garden, an even huger house that needs tons of work, and now a husband that has been enjoying retirement so much by laying around all day watching TV and eating! He is having lots of trouble with his legs and walking. I just ignore and tell him he needs to get up and moving before he can't!! Bet he's taken 10+ years off his life by being sedentary for most of the last 4 years.
Okay, got 5 hours sleep the last 4 or 5 nights, so I'm heading off to bed after I feed my cats.
Now that the garden is winding down, I'll try to keep up here with everyone when I can. Wish I had service at Blanche's, it sure would kill time while I'm sitting there with her!
Night, hope you all have a nice weekend. It's in the 80"s here right now!
Love Deef
Kuli, so glad you have the new grandson. I bet he is more fun everyday.
Sorry, I should write more to everyone, but getting over a sore throat, and an earache. Going to bed early. Hope everyone has a quiet Sunday.
Yes you certainly do deserve a lotto ticket, and if there is karma out there, you just might get lucky!!! I never much was a gambler, but I am thinking maybe a few lotto tix here n there might not be bad idea, it is my best hope at this point also! Get ma all taken care of, and me some freedom to try to be me again!!!
DREAM BIG Jen!
I'm thinking your Ma is doing what I do... you get so flippin upset bout what the disease is doing, get furious because you just need to get furious and it was the thing that was there at that moment!! Whether it makes any sense or not! Has mom ever tried a support group? Maybe you could find her someplace another online or in person (assuming this one would not be good idea!!!) ? Idk if you been down that road yet with her already.
Well my problem today is just really pissing me off.....I was loading up her pill trays, do 3 weeks at a time. The guy doing the drywall showed up unannounced and wanted to do couple things so I put the tray somewhere it would not spill as we scramble to get this done and I cannot find it for shit...I have been searching hi and low for hours I have no clue where I put them. Crap,some I have no meds till I find em or pharmacy opens up Monday, I've been thru cabinets and fridge, even checked washing machine....everywhere I can think. WTH....I am losing it??? Help!!!
Glad the baby is doing good kuli!
Beh, if anyone told me to "Buck Up!" I think I would tell them to "Buck Off!"
Am hoping Bobbie is doing better. Know you are down with C diff and hope that it has ?cleared up? Eased off, moved on, dried up?... Left the building!
How putting up preserved Deef! Hope you make good money! Seriously should, by simple word of mouth you will sell out fast!
Yes, mom had another melt down yesterday...She was soooo upset....She Actually Admitted she was soo upset it was bad for her high Blood Pressure!...That she shared anything, tells the level of pain she was in! God it makes me so mad how much he is ruining our lives. God is he kills my mother from all this stress. I swear I will Damn him to Hell for ever! She is about at the end of her rope...I do all I can and I will do more if I have to!
Se went bug house over his having turned his wheel chair cushions the wrong way round again...I mean she was breathing hard and stomping around, practically tearing her hair out...I just listened and commiserated and did NOT ask why this is such an important issue. the tags Must go in the back! or, yes, nuclear war may break out...My Mom is gonna give herself a stroke over little white pieces of fabric on a cushion...that is so far into "Sweating the small stuff" as to be INSANE! God when does this end? When can it just be us again and quiet, and free, and the house Not stink and my Mom not be upset and tired and worn out and angry all the time!?
Have to get off here, mom has gone on-line (also driving her crazy, she snaps at me when i try to help then has to call me back to...you know...help!) to find fp yes, some more clothes! She is wearing his ripped socks now, but Daaaadddeeee gets new clothes what three times a years? four? I don't know...I stole/borrowed another dollar off the grocery money to buy a Lotto ticket. No, I don't deserve it, but who does. Least I could take care of my mom for good...
have a safe sane weekend and a good next week everyone, Happy Autumn!
I am so braindead sometimes I just use one word to describe it. Duh! I had to clarify that....
The spittoon rapper jewelry got me to thinking I bet if we could get creative the things we could develop/market from our experiences make the rounds at the NH circuit make a killing!
Blinged out Depends-The slogan "gives 'Juicy Couture' a whole new meaning"!
Fall Is here for sure....need my socks n sweater for the chilly mornings again!
Alesia- I see you got some help with the pic. I laughed about the can't and won't and coffee..... I used to have that same frustration. Coffee is my only negotiating tool, for what it is worth anymore...she loves her coffee, It is the only thing she will ask for....never food or drink or i'm hungry....but when I hear the "you know what I want...and then we say it together "a hot cup of coffee" and she just giggles "how'd you know that??" im like duh....."oh mamma, I just know what you like"!!!
Well with the I can'ts that has passed for the most part or my frustrations about it.....Finally thru the help of all the learning I did here I can let go of my expectations and wants.... although the I cant was so frustrating as it was something I heard all my life" I finally came to separate it from her....now it TRULY is the disease and her body, I finally let go of the stress of trying to make her do things she is incapable of doing/remembering, I have to remind myself at times because I still do get frustrated who wouldn't but it is the disease!
I share this to let you know you are not alone, and we can learn from each other!
As a matter of fact I should share some gratitude as it was you Jen-something you posted about your Ma n FP going at it, and how doesn't she get how fruitless it is! From that day forward had a different attitude. So simple as one of your precious "one-liners" changing how we exist everyday, for the better !!!!
And of course there is Bobbie....she, with the help of the thread, pulled me out of bad bad place I had found myself in when I came here...words could never justify how grateful I am to her!!! been ups n downs since and will be till this is done but it is her kind thoughtful words that kept bringing me back, she has a special gift! I love you guys really do....everyone even if I don't mention you!
Ok I meant to do 2 lines and wrote a book again!
Stay strong!
Peace,
Juju
FYI - Grandson ( Baby Carter ) is doing well. Gaining weight - up to 8 pounds -but still struggling with tummy issues. Mom ( my sweet daughter ) is struggling with thinking she is a good mom through all this, as all new mom's do. He is such a sweet, wonderful blessing and I can hardly begin to describe how wonderful it is to be a grandma for the first time.
I keep all of you wonderful, ever patient, always giving, caregivers in my prayers! Although my elder caregiving days are over, I will never forget the struggles, the ever present fatigue, the everyday issues, that I not only endured, but survived while caring for my dad for 8 years and so appreciate the strength and determination it takes to get through each and every day! Peace and strength to each and every one of you ~ Kuli
oh ya... that is what does it for me....I can take the poop. It is the mucous and slimy things that get me. She no longer asks/reaches for the tissues anymore for her chronic runny nose. It is the sleeve, or whatever is handy like the bib full of crumbs which then are dumped all over the place. What is especially bad when she coughs up a wad, if I don't hear her and come running with a tissue. I will find it by somewhere later, I am going to date myself but in the words of Gomer Pyle "surprise, surprise, surprise"!
MOm fingerpaints but with her food not the other, thanking the lucky stars. Still constant laundry battle... and gave up on furniture, spotclean and throw out when done...However she has put her hands in the poop couple times n I stopped her couple times during diaper changes I found if she see's the discolored material she wants to explore/play/pick at it, as she does with her food! if she was able to diaper/toilet on own I'm sure she be a full blown fingerpainter, and I def would not have such a tolerance for it..... I don't know how you all deal with the extended mess, honestly!!!
Stay strong and you are not alone!!!!!
Peace,
Juju