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My step dad is back to doing yard work, and anything else he can think of to stay busy. I do admire that. While my mother is whining, laying around, won't take a shower, won't get dressed.
I let the 2 horses into the front yard to graze (automatic lawnmowers). I heard something on the front porch, and there was Omaha standing looking in the window. If I had opened the front door I do believe he would have walked right in. He only weighs 1200 pounds, but he thinks he is a lap dog.
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Close enough to smell but not see, except the dark skies. have had a few smuts land here, but Spokane is at least twenty miles from the closest fire I think.
Irrational seems to be the theme of the "age"....And people think toddlers are exasperating?...
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Mom and Step Dad are taking turns hitting the floor. Step dad had an insulin reaction last night. Took my sister and I both to get him up off the floor. When his blood sugar gets low he is totally irrational. Hard to even get him to drink some juice or eat anything. Mom still not walking. She can, but she won't.
Jen, hope those wildfires are not close by.
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Hey Deef, heat AND smoke, July, 2014, Washington State has broken a record for wildfires, we have gone over a million acres burning and hundred homes destroyed. Guess we were due for a whopper...I hope it is good for the soil, it sure isn't good for much else. My pen pal in the U.K. said we made their news... That's bad...
Love to join in the berry washing, pass on the extra care giving....Mopped in anger here, so sick of coming home and the house reeks of old man piss...mom just doesn't get it... he needs a diaper pail...Literally...
Have a good week everyone....Jen
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I'm still here, just up to my eyeballs in gardening, berries, and care giving!!!
Kuli!!!!! So happy for you and soooooo jealous! My only daughter has chosen not to have children and I am devastated, but understand her thinking.
Linda!!!!!!!! So sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope your husband get's better soon. It's so good to hear from you. I miss the old crowd. But all the new people are awesome!
Mame! You don't have to apologize for anything here. We've all vented to each other many times. It's good to get things out of your system and this is the place where we all understand where you are coming from. All those NH things you speak of are why I never placed Mom. It's a terrible thing that we should have to be there every day to make sure they are taken care of properly, especially with what they charge by the day!! I'm still in limbo here and hoping that my BIL will see that his mom needs more than I can do for her. I'm already stretched to the breaking point running back and forth twice a day, 7 days a week.
I now spend at least 2 hours a day in the gardens and picking berries. Then I'm with Blanche 3-4 hours/day. I don't get any housework done and I'm barely keeping up with jam making and now canning beans, etc. My sister will be here on Saturday and my house is a disaster! I have to at least get the spare bedroom ready for her. She'll be here for 2 weeks, then I'll fly back to Va. with her for 8 days. I can't wait to get away from here!!! Glad to hear your husband is back to work! That's a big load off your mind for sure! As for the NH problems, choose your battles carefully and make sure your mom gets the proper care. Hope you can learn to relax and get back into life again soon!
Meanwhile, sounds like you have your hands full too! I don't know how you work and do the house rehabs and keep and eye on mom and step dad! It's nice that you still find time to get out and ride.
Jen, what's up??? Looks like you are having some nasty heat out there! Been hot here too, but the last few days were at least humidity free! Supposed to be heating up again starting today. Can't wait!!
Sharyn, hope your daughter can hang in there for as long as possible. You must be so afraid for them all! Know what you mean about hiding out in the house during the hot temps! I try to get out by 7:30 am to do gardening and water after the sun goes down. It's just too hot during the middle of the day. I even get in the pool at 10 in the morning as it's too hot later on.
Juju, you okay?
Rosella, so sorry to hear about your mom. Read your post from Facebook and it sounds like you will be okay.
Bobbie!!!!! Catch any crab?
Okay, off to clean black raspberries for jelly and pies!
Love Deef!
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eeewwww...
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Mom had waffles for breakfast. Her hands were sticky from the syrup. Instead of using the napkin, she spit on her hands, rubbed them together then wiped them on her pj's....
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Peace to your mother on her passing Rosella and my thoughts are with you...Jen
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Rosella, your a good daughter. Thanks for sharing. You've made so many sacrifices these past years looking after your Mother. I hope the next stage of your life is easy and happy. I'm sure your Mother would want it that way.
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Here is what she sent me that she had posted on facebook.

Thanks for your kind words, I still don't know what to do with my life but it's too soon. The only thing I am sure of, is that I have to work.
Here is the post (quite Rossella style).

So here I am, the adrenaline rush stopped yesterday afternoon, and as soon as it finished (I have been walking back and forth and talking no-stop for 4 days) I decided I needed to sleep and so I did. It was very fast for my mother, I am happy for her, and totally unexpected. Last Monday morning she was well, and Monday afternoon her blood pressure dropped suddenly with no reason and it continued to drop in spite of what we did, but the last day the doctor said clearly to me "let her go". So she didn't die at the hospital: the doctor, the nurse who came to help me, my brother and I all agreed that there was no point in torturing her. And now I am telling you all the strange and magic things that happened these days.
I continue to talk to my father who died 20 years ago and I ask him for help to find work. And he helps me. My father was a practical man. While my mother was all emotional, southern woman, warm, temperamental.The most important thing in her life has always been the family, and mostly her family of origin, so she was very close to her brother and sisters and nieces and nephews and so on. I think my mother from upthere decided to send my brother and me support, so we (my brother and I ) have been literally flooded with affection and hundreds of telephone calls from our relatives which helped us to pass through the first days. I expected some support, but not at this level. And I am sure that this is due to my mother. 2)nd magic thing: my mother died at sunrise, and as soon as she started the agony all the birds in the garden started to sing and sing and sing, and half an hour later when she died, they stopped singing. This Is not my impression, the caregiver who was with me noticed the same thing - by the way she (the caregiver) was wonderful in this occasion. And as my father loved birds because they could fly, they were his favorite animals, I felt my father had come to rescue my mother! 3rd) magic thing. A little dog entered my house 15 days ago, he had no name at the beginning, but now he has a name, Hugo, and he is the dog of the year for all my family. He stayed on my mother's bed during all her last week, during her last night, during the day after her death. He has been with her all the time. When my brother, my uncle came to see my mother and saw this little dog close to her, they cried and thanked him. Hugo has been looking for my mother all the last days, he goes up to the street and comes home 1000 times a day. I hope that soon he will accept what happened and he will be content to stay with me! 4th) magic thing. When my mother box was already on the car which had to bring her to our home village where we buried her, and the men were closing the door, ready to go, my dogs who were shut in my room (and so they hadn't seen anything) started to howl like a pack of wolves and I said "They are saying goodbye to their grandmother" and even the men of the funeral agency agreed....5th) magic thing: when I came back from our home village I went to thank the caregiver who has helped me during that terrible days, because she has been really perfect. And I found in her house the little girl (she is 3 years old now) who loved my mother a lot, she helped her to eat, she kissed her, and my mother loved her too. The name of this little girl is Bianca. When she saw me, Bianca asked me "where is Gaby?" (my mother's name was Gabriella) and I told her that Gaby was in the sky with the angels and they were having a lot of fun. Bianca was not very convinced with that, and she looked at me as I were crazy. So we all went in the garden and I said all the children to say bye-bye to Gaby. And all the children waved their hands, looking at the sky. Bianca sent kisses to the sky and said: "Gaby, come down!" It was so sweet..... . - And that's all. I am sorry it was a very long post, but I thought they were nice stories to tell.
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I got this from Rossella in a e-mail she sent me last night.

Oh my cuz! I was just thinking of telling you and ask you to tell Bobbie. I am very sad and selfishly I would like her to be still with me, even in those conditions. But I don't feel her presence in this house at all, and as I am kind of a psychic I feel she has passed very well and she is with her parents and my father now, and she wanted it so much.
If you want I can copy for you the post I posted on Facebook (we have created a group where we talk and vent like in Grossed Out, which I can follow because the communications are much shorter and faster = I miss GO but I didn't really have the time to follow it anymore, people wrote too much!)
(I wrote too much, too, on GO)
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Thank you Linda for letting us all know. If you can tell Rossella that I still think of her often.

Stay strong Linda. I can still lose it at a second's notice when I think of my mom and dad. Here's hoping for peace in all of our hearts.

lovbob
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saw it on facebook ,,,, rossella s mom has passed away . rest in peace mom ...
went up to see my mil , she looks good , nibble lit bit of food , legs wont work anymore , skinney boney ,, has a purtty smile , held my hand alot . oh lord i love her ! i sat on her bed and tears started foamin , i got up and went outside and bawled my eyes out . flashback of my daddy , it just hurt so much , tld my bil that i will try to come as much as i can . oh lord have mercy .....
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How is everyone doing this weekend? Hot here too just hiding out in the house. Made spaghetti sauce...a 3 hour job which I didn't want to spend the day cooking, but that is what hubby wanted for dinner, I won't have to cook tomorrow though.

Hubby got in a fender bender and his truck is in for repairs. The air bag came out and he drove it which we didn't know you are not suppose to drive your vehicle after the air bag come outs...I guess it can mess up the steering. No injuries involved, hubby has a rental car to get back and forth from work......Just rambling here because my cat wants some TLC and won't let me go to bed, LOL!! Have a good restful weekend!
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"released from the crazy" all I can here is "Release the Cracken!" Much better!
gonna be uber hot tomorrow...
fp went to bed without telling mom again, no pills, no diaper change, no heads up...she is pissed... just ,making herself crazy...Jen
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Thanks Cuz.
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Stray Thoughts

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people.
I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

I changed my car horn to the sound of gun shot.
People move out of the way much faster now.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands.
If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.

I don't like making plans for the day because then the word
"premeditated" get's thrown around in the courtroom.

I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.
I feel so much better saying I went to the jim this morning

Paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers
- if you find one, what's your plan?
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Poor Aunt Mildred

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast.'

Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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Good Morning Crew!

Mame! Kuli!

ok, Mame,
Call the State and get reassured that they won't say it was you who called. They can do that y'know. Figure out how to get a sneak inspection. Tell them about the diapers and the tornado issue and see what they say.

Sometimes it's the only thing that works and I know it's scary because you think maybe the NH will find out and take it out on your mom. I know from experience that a State representative can do it and make it come out of the blue. Hopefully it would work in your state.
See what you might come up with and go with your gut.

I was and still am forever amazed at how 'professional' caregivers say they understand that they are caring for a Dementia patient but when it's convenient for the 'professional', that same patient suddenly has all the reasoning ability of a 40 year old brain surgeon. whatta crock.

Combine that with mankind's general dislike of accepting responsibility for their own actions and you have the frustration that you are dealing with on an hourly basis.

Maybe you can bake the staff an Ex-Lax cake so in about 8 hours time they won't be so full of sh!t.

Kuli! Congratulations on the grandbaby to come. There will be babies born to this thread to remind us all that the wheel keeps on turning whether we are on it or not.

Sure have missed you Kuli and Linda!

My dad used to say the same thing about water too. It's in the coffee. It was also in the Bourbon.
Meanwhile! Sharymarie! Deef! Austin! Glad! Jen! Cuz! SusanA43!

I have already done the dock work for the day and just now chased off some lookyloos. No one allowed on the dock except boat owners! It's thought provoking to consider how vunerable a boat is. Loosen a few lines and catastrophic results.
I walk the dock a few times a day just to make sure something stupid hasn't happened, like a failed bilge pump or 6 teenagers having a beer blast… you know, stuff like that.

Jen! Here's hoping again that you will be released from the crazy soon. Oy!
Meanwhile! I forgot to post that you got boat time a few pages back. Sorry!

lovbob
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Mame~Sorry for all the troubles. That is unacceptable. Even the NH my dad was in did not do that. The worse the did was not take care of his teeth with brushing and flossing. The inside of his mouth would get red and sore from the gingivitis. My mom would go over 2x's a day to brush his teeth and floss them. The memory care unit mom is in is very good. The only problem we have is they are not good at returning phone calls and my sis get very frustrated with them when she calls about billing issues. You do have make a presence and let them know you will not tolerate it. Complain as you are doing...the tornado issue is unacceptable and so is the soaking of her diapers and clothing...an UTI waiting to happen.
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Mame, so good to hear from you. I read your entire post. Sorry to hear about the problems with the nursing home. That has to be frustrating. You would think they would know what they were supposed to be doing. My mom and step dad are getting to the point were I think they would be better off in assisted living, But, there is no facility close by. How would I check and see they were being taken care of? Scary. Step dad had an insulin reaction today. It was bad, he couldn't talk, had to spoon feed him glucose gel. Right now they kind of keep an eye on each other, and can call my sister or I for help. Guess we just have to take it one day at a time.
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Hi everyone! Sorry I have been MIA. This summer has been really busy with both boys around...plus 5 weddings (one of them my own sons which was thrown together in 3 weeks! And no, she is not pregnant!) and a funeral. Plus, I am just lost. Thankful hubby is back to work (YAY) but now I am alone a lot. The realization that friends are gone from too many years of caregiving. Siblings are taking their turns going up to see mom-which is great! But at least the couple sibs were visiting mom here when she was at the house and so now, never come here anymore...It was all the social interaction I got here ya know? I guess I am lonely. Plus the nursing home is ...hmmmm...what word would describe it? Dysfunctional is too strong... I don't know but everyday is a new aggravation. Just when I think we have a good schedule going-it somehow gets screwed up. Mom likes to sleep in in the morning. So, they would get her up for lunch (fed b'fast in bed and then back to sleep) and then she would be up for the day. So, I go for lunch and would take her outside or to the gift shop or to whatever activity they had going on... Well, come to find out, since she is a two person assist with a lift to get her in and out of bed to the wheelchair-no one was changing her diaper until she went to bed! Seven or 8 hours in the same diaper! So, I had to have them put in her "care plan" that she had to get up a bit earlier, and then be laid down after lunch for a diaper change... then get her up after a couple hours and definitely before dinner... Well, if she mentions she doesn't want to get up...they leave her there, giving her dinner in bed and then she is in bed till the next day! Nothing like spending 20 hours in bed!So, I had to go make it clear in her "care plan" that I wanted her up every afternoon for dinner. I mentioned that she has dementia and that even tho she may say she wants to stay in bed, she really has no idea how long she has been there and they need to tell her she has to get up. This is not rocket science! If she said she wanted to ride the elevator and go outside would they let her? NO. I have a good rapport with the aides and nurses, but sometimes I come in and her oxygen is either not turned on to 2 liters, is empty or, is not on her face. Of course they get defensive and twice they have told me she turns it off herself. Yea, I would like to see how she turns herself around-in the wheelchair-grabs the machine, finds the button and turns it... and the days I found her with the canula not in her nose-they said she must have taken in off... It was wound around the handle of her wheelchair...again-I would like to see her take it off and turn herself around and wind it around the handles... She cannot do that. If she took it off-she would just drop it. She can barely move her body to do anything she is so deconditioned and weak. I am just so sick of the daily crap. OH! We had severe weather here in Central NY with Tornado warnings Tuesday. Because they didn't get mom out of bed for dinner....cause she said she didn't feel like getting up... when the directive came to get the residents out of their rooms and into the halls and away from windows-THEY LEFT HER IN HER BED! She has the window side of the room and they didn't even close the drapes-not that it would have helped much if the worst had happened. My brother got up there during the craziness and witnessed this. He said he was about to wheel her in her bed out into the hall but the storm came quickly and was gone-thankfully with no damage where she is. East of us-4 people were killed and homes demolished! We were getting alerts on our phones and the TV was telling everyone to go into their basements-it was so scary. Two people have said, "well, if the tornado hit at the NH and she was killed... " I said-Ummmm-there are worse things than death! Had her window blown in from the high winds, and she had shards of glass in her face and eyes?!!! And lived? Or the bed blown over and her body broken but lived??? No, I am sorry-this was negligent even if nothing did happen. So, I am making phone calls and letting everyone in the chain of command have it! I feel like we have to be there every second to make sure she is being taken care of. OK, not every second but a lot of the time. I just hate this! Not that I really want to get a job or could with not working for the last 14 years, but I still feel my "job" is taking care of her-or making sure she is taken care of. So, I still can't move on even tho she is not in my home anymore. I go there for lunch and feel the mornings are a waste for me cause if I start something, I have to leave in the middle of it...and in the afternoon, I am spent from dealing with the crap up at the NH so I have no energy to do anything! Maybe I am depressed. I don't know. I do enjoy the weekends-as I don't go see her and the siblings all take turns at lunch & dinner on the weekends. They all work, so I go every weekday at lunch. They have a schedule and go for dinner on weeknights and then weekend meals. It works out nice. It has been nice to be able to go visit my in laws on weekends and take a swim at their place. No rush to get back or anything. I guess it is just gonna take time to get in my groove. Someday I may just roll with the punches and get on with it...but I am a fighter of all the injustice and BS-but I can't control any of this and that is prob what is eating me up. If people would just do what they are supposed to do...and do the right thing... Can you imagine someone leaving a baby in a diaper for 7 hours? When I went to the RN in charge and told her mom wasn't being changed and was soaked and soaking through or caked in poop at bedtime she walked out in the hall and just started yelling at all the aides. Yea, that is a good way to handle it. (Both my siblings and an aide have told me about the soaking through-that is how I know about it-cause I am not there in the evening-but it is left to me to handle!) So, aren't ya glad you wondered about me? I am sorry to just dump on you-but maybe I will feel better now! All of you are going thru your own stuff-and I do read and keep up, I just don't want to dump all the time to you! I feel for each and every one of you and what you are going through but some days it is just too much so I stay away for a while... Sorry to worry you. Thanks for listening....Mame
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Meanwhile,
My mom does better with water if I flavor it with Mio. It is a little bottle that comes in various flavors, in my grocery they have it with the juices. But, I still have to remind her to keep drinking, but it goes down easier. At least your mom will drink milk. Mine is allergic to dairy, so use almond milk with her cereal. It is pretty good,
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Meanwhile~My hubs dr. referred him to an endocrinologist for his diabetes because even with the insulin and pills, he can't control it. I am learning so much more about diabetes that I normally thought was because the person was not managing their diet...like when low blood sugar hits suddenly. It is a complicated disease.

Kuli~congrats on becoming a grandmother!!! Your situation sounds similar to ours...my daughter has preeclampsia so it is a week by week situation. Tomorrow she will be 30 weeks...On Tuesday, her dr sent her back to the hospital because she thought the amniotic fluid was too low, but the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) specialist did an ultra sound at the hospital and said it was normal for twins. Her blood work came back as the same as the week before when she was hospitalized for 4 days. I think this is how it will go until the boys are born. Hopefully she can get to 35 weeks.
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Linda, that is exactly what my mom says.
Don't have to work tomorrow, and Indio is making beer butt chicken. Got Indio to ask the Dr about a glucose monitor. The Dr thought that was a good idea, if we can get his insurance to pay for it. He takes his insulin, and checks his BS, but it is just all over the place.
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Query on the side of the blog is the "What funny thing has your "loved one" said lately?" Here it was Do you want to go out for dinner for your birthday...?" G asked mom, in ALL seriousness...Old man, we have not gone out to eat in three years and you are why. Where as YOU eat out three days a week at Adult Day Health and THEY have you at the "choking issues, must be monitored when eating" table. By what stretch of your dusty imagination are we "going out to eat?" What ever. she made them a burger and leftovers and had a slice of pie. I ate later. separately and gave mom my gift.
Just too hot here and gonna get more so till at least Sunday. Yowza.
Hoping for a break soon, somehow, somewhere, some way..I don't know. Good rest of the week all, thinking of you all, when I get a mo' free from being dissatisfied and resentful about my life...;) Jen
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i agree with ur mom , she does drink water , its in the coffee ! lol
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Kuli,congrads on the soon to come grandchild. Hope all goes well.
Glad, my mom won't drink water, period. She lives on coffee and milk. She tells the Dr she drinks water, and if I bring up that sitting a glass of water on the table and letting it evaporate doesn't count. Well, then she gets furious. So I give up.
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Still kickin here to kuli just haven't had any good jokes to pass along. Hugs to ya.
lovCuz
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Still kicking Bobbie! Have had alot on my plate the past 6 months with work and stuff. Daughter is pregnant with my first grandchild, has been having contractions for the past month or so, now is on bedrest. Hoping she can keep him in until the end of August. Still lurk, just don't know what to post. Think about you guys all the time! Hang in there!!! Kuli
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