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Very funny, I am LOL!! Cuz, we have natural wet lands here, in the winter the Sand Hill Cranes over winter, Blue Herons, Egrets, mud hens, lots of ducks.
Juju~We have come across an error my parents made when they converted the garage to a family room back in 1964-65. They did not get permits to do it. If they had...the additional sq. ft. would show in the public county records. Now we are looking at having to get the permits to correct the problem...$720 plus we have to provide 2 covered parking spaces which mean we will have to get a carport for the driveway. Do you know how unattractive it will look with a carport right out in front of the house??? I am hoping that whoever buys mom's house has the option of using the carport or not using it. Maybe the real estate agent will have more info on how to get around the carport. We are a little disappointed with this turn of events.
Deef~How great of you to give her the Polly Flinder's. My dil will most likely not be able to have children. It is something the seems to run in the family, her grandmother and mother had the same issue, but they did eventually have children..so we are hoping my son and dil will too. My daughter has a boxer dog named Buffy. My daughter just loves her dog...I found a one piece body suit for 12 months old, with a silhouette of a boxer saying, I ♥ My Boxer. My daughter will love it!!
Have a good night everyone...tomorrow is another day and I hope it is stress free.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Sue..........Sue…" "Is that you, George?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful!? What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud – lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, George, are you in Heaven?" "No, I'm a rabbit in Kansas ."
"You don't stop laughing when you get old, You get old when you stop laughing"
A Senior Love Story
Sarah and Bill both 91 lived in a retirement community. They met in the social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Bill asked Sarah out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town and Bill gave Sarah a gift to show his affection. Despite his age, Bill was still a charmer.
Afterward, Bill asked Sarah to join him at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Sarah soon joined Bill for a most enjoyable romp in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magical moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Bill was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I would have been more gentle."
Sarah was thinking: "If I had known he could still do it, I would have taken off my pantyhose."
Love those herons! Have the blues here and a couple white ones. The white one likes to sit on the rocks below the dam and looks really cool in the bright moonlight. Otters!!!! they are so sweet! Does anyone remember the Muppet's "Emmet Otter Jug Band X-mas"? One of my daughter's favorites!
And here's to the new posters and dodging spraying food and those things that have been seen and cannot be unseen.
I remember the last time I took my mom to a restaurant. It just didn't work anymore and the looks on the faces of the other diners were too much for us to bear.
Aging and the indignities it brings. Oy.
On a lighter note:
This morning in the predawn glow before the sun was up we saw: 3 dolphins 3 otters (yup… in the same water.. welcome to the salt marshes) pelicans Great Blue Heron Egrets various and sundry ducks 5 Rednecks 2 Crackers 6 Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Ladee, I'm sitting hear almost peeing my pants after reading your comment and remembering many similar incidents happening with my Mom. Ahhhh! those were the days! Over time we learn that invaluable instinct of when to GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!! One time Mom got the stomach flu and I didn't get her onto the toilet fast enough. Let me just say that it looked like someone dumped a bucket full of poo on the toilet, the back of the toilet and the floor all around it. Fortunately I was laughing so hard at the sound effects that I didn't even start gagging like I usually do. Mom and I just sat there and laughed our asses off. What else could we do? Juju, Bonnie is right! Things will work out and you will find a way to survive like we all do. You definitely have had a time of it and all alone, too. Just the fact that you have made it this far should tell you how strong you really are and that you are a survivor. You will do fine! Bobbie, it would be great if we could all get together someday! I'm still hoping to get to the boat and visit you and I will definitely get back out to Seattle to Rip's and over to Spokane to spend time with you Jen! And if anyone needs to get away, I have no plans to rent out Mom's apartment, so I have a place for you to stay. Meanwhile, this house was originally built as a boarding house by the Otis Company. My town is 250 years old and has a river running through it, so it became a mill town and the company that owned the mills built boarding house for their employees. It's very similar to most New England mill towns. The main house is 3 stories tall and then there are 2 wings off the back of the main house. There are 2 doors in every room in the main house with one leading to the hallways so that the boarders each had their own private entrance. Lots of history here! Used to be outhouses out back too! Sharyn, my best friends daughter just gave birth to a little girl in the wee hours of the morning. She is my daughter's best friend and also never wanted children, but didn't plan right and got pregnant anyway! She is in the process of finishing up for her PHD and plans to get a good paying job so that the father can stay at home with the baby. I found some of my daughter's Polly Flinder's smocked dresses in the attic today. Guess I will give them to her! Drained the pool cover again today while it was warmer. Rained yesterday and was sunny and in the 40's today. Supposed to be in the single digits by the weekend. Austin, I'm working on another neck wrap in cotton yarn. Always knitting when watching TV! Okay, got the decorations off the tree today and hauled everything up 2 flights of stairs to the attic. Tomorrow I have lots of errands to run and I need to get to Blanche's with lunch and then take her shopping. That should be fun!! Off ti finish the dishes and clean the litter boxes! Hope you all have a good night!
I had a beautiful moment like that Ladee C yesterday, but it didn't get as exstream as yours, I'd like to think she was just blowing me kisses, lol!!! Oh good grief, the clean up. bless you!!!
She's on her side, I'm bending over her, cleaning her private parts, and what started as a fart, turned liquid. I never moved so fast, because my face was bare inches away from the explosive stream that followed. Ewwwwwwwwwww.
Inspection went swimmingly! Seems things may be going better again, there was a big issue pending and I believe we are going to be able to overcome it and benefit a bit by doing some of the cosmetics our self, which the mortage agent said may not be possible! So I can use the cosmetic funds to help repair roof not covered! Don't want to jinx it but looks good so far! Now I will have to get superbusy again getting the rest of this moving! better than limbo! I am irritated now over the weekend they brought in backhoe's and more and are hard at work, looks like they are putting a road or drive right thru my beautiful mountain view in the backyard, but looks the housepad if that is it is above to the left and not much of an obstruction to me but my neighbor is gonna have someone on top of them. My peaceful yard retreat is overcome by heavy equipment fumes n noise! and seeing trees being demolished....hope they do not wreck my entire view!
Sharyn, I had so much fun shopping for my dear friends little boy to come! I got the cutest collection of Monkey theme clothing and found a piggy bank, that matched the set perfectly, in the middle of all the Xmas candy just sitting there, calling me to put him in our cart! What fun what fun it was even just wrapping everything up! You are going to have so much fun with this!!!
Bobbie, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I agree with Sharyn, it was very touching, and personal and relatable, Thank you for your support. I am so grateful to your light in this storm! Jen, Deef, Meanwhile, Austin, everyone, thank you for reaching out and sharing in my time of need. I especially wish I could meet up with you all sometime since you are more family to me than I have in real life!
So I guess I gotta get going here and start planning the rest of this repair out! THanks again and hang in there, hope for a good day! Peace, Juju
Thank you Austin, Jen, Bobbie!! We are excited with being grandparents. I bought some clothes online at 50% off...I will keep picking things up in various sizes for the first year. Plus I have to get out my crochet hooks and get some blankets made.
Things are moving along now, we will have an estate sale for the contents of mom's house on March 1-2. We decided to let an estate liquidator handle it as they will do all the work, what is left will be donated so we won't have to deal with anything. With sis's health issues this makes it easier, plus I think we will do better price wise even though we have to pay a commission. Then we plan to have the house on the market by March 15th. The agent doesn't think it will be on the market for more than a month since it is so well maintained. This will be a huge load off my shoulders as I won't have to be running back and forth to mom's house, taking out yard clippings for pick up, picking up any junk mail or newspapers, and not having to prune the roses.
Bobbie, your journey with your mother was very touching. I so respect all of you who are and have been 24/7 caregivers.
And I would not have reacted well to this situation if it were not for the love and support and strength I have gained here at this site, thru all of you! Thank you for being here for all of us! Peace, Juju!
Thank you everyone, I love you! I had another cry this morning which Is a good thing as I said I cant even cry anymore...I think I need the release! I made a Dr appt yesterday! Trying not to let that image swell into more than a wake up call....been so absorbed in the house, nothing else is happening...maybe now I can prioritize some other stuff in with it as construction smoothing out a bit here. Speaking of that the inspector we have been waiting for (and holds a lot of key answers to how I can proceed) is due out at 9am today so I gots to go.... for now! Take care! Peace, Juju
love you back Bobbie-I will never forget the support and friendship and love I got from you guys when I was in the black hole and thought I could not go one more day or hour.
Hey there Juju, I had a terrible time after my mom died and some things I did made it worse because I didn't know any better. There are things I would have done differently and I can appreciate what you are going through with the construction because I had to manage mom's dementia as well as hard core repairs on her house as well as other properties that she owned that were in dire need of repairs. I went through every dime I had as well and because there was not enough to deal with dementia, construction, you name it, I found myself doing things like repairing a 3000 sq ft flat roof on a building that she had in a squalid little soul-killing town and many other repairs to that place because she never stopped begging to have it done in addition to repairing her house and her yard to the point that it physically and mentally broke me. I didn't understand Dementia and that she would grind me into powder without really knowing she was doing it. By the time I figured it all out it was too late and I was shot out. I know that I am still not right but I do the best I can and sometimes that just isn't enough but it will have to do. While I was caregiving I called the suicide hotline, had to go on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, lost my career, lost my financial stability and everything I had worked for for years and years due to dementia caregiving and everything that went with my particular situation.
After her death and my selling family treasures in the front yard, which was as heartbreaking as it sounds, I scraped together what I had left and put it in a little U-Haul truck with my old car on a trailer behind it and left. I have a photograph I took of me laying on my mom and dad's graves crying with that U-Haul in the background. That was the saddest day of my life and I am crying now as I write this. I was so alone and sad and broken and my recovery is not complete and I don't know if I will ever be able to recover and I just have to live with that. I have worked so hard to stay positive even though I was in the depths of despair for years.
Things have gotten better since the summer and I can only hope that it all continues to improve.
I will never be back to where I was financially or physically and I have to accept that. I try to take it as easy as I can, I find myself getting tired so quickly and I choose my battles with physical work. Sometimes it all doesn't get done and there you have it.
Warren Buffet said that in economic times like these all we have are our skills and abilities. I have never forgotten that and I applied my skills and abilities to get a little job doing something that I can handle. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to survive and have a place where I can dock my old boat and a purpose other than wondering how am I going to get through the day.
Juju, you will figure it out and it will be hard but you will be able to do it. There is no way that you could have made it this far without some considerable skills and abilities. When your mom dies it will leave a hole in your heart but you will know that your prime purpose is to continue to live your life. You will work hard on not giving in to the despair and the grief and you will let that grief wash over you like the tides that come and go.
Just like I cried a few moments ago remembering that last day I was able to see my parents' graves, the tide of grief recedes and I make myself think about you and Jen and Kuli and Deef! and sharynmarie and austin and meanwhile and all of us and how we have reached out to pull one another away from the black hole. I think about how cool it would be for you guys to visit each other and maybe visit me. I make myself think about these things so I don't spiral down with sad memories and regret about how I didn't do this or did do that and what a flaming idiot I was or wasn't.
Today I am drug free except for the occasional stomach acid pill and I hurt like nobody's business due to the arthritis and the fact that I did physical labor a 20 something guy should have done.
Sometimes I still cry and still feel despair and I know that will be with me probably forever. It's called grief. We can't go through what we have collectively gone through and not feel grief.
There is a life after caregiving and I am proof and Austin is proof and Deef! is proof and others are proof. We will all prevail.
Jen get well soon. Juju, post away, hopefully it will help you figure out what path to take. Deef, that house is huge. Porch sounds awesome. I love a big porch.
I hear you juju, been there and went to the psychiatric ward over that....Don't go there I am telling you! I can really understand you feeling of loss, I try and stay even and NOT think about losing my mother, mostly I pray Literally that I go first and she is in a good care facility when the time comes. Mostly I wish grnpa would go NOW so we can have a life again...And money...beh
take good care of yourself post here and share we all have been there, or close to there and can understand!
ew Deef pass on stomach bug, mouth breathing isn't fun but ralphing.bleeeckers...
i can't stand eating with my grandma!!! first, she can't hear so sitting across from her in a restaurant i have to scream everything three times for her to actually hear me. then, while sitting across from her i have to stare at her 3 "gma hairs" that stick out her chin like a goat-ee! after that is hearing her rude comments about other people near us that she thinks she whispers about when she's talking loud enough for everyone to hear but the real reason i hate taking her out to eat is because she talks with her mouth full of food as she's talking to me and i'm constantly having to dodge flying food or wear safety glasses to avoid food being spit in my eye!!!
Sorry for being a debby downer this morning, AGAIN...I hate living in the negative but cant seem to escape it, ugghhhhh I feel like I got the dementia as well as her! THank you deef for sharing your story with me XOXOX I love you all and hope you have a good day.... Sorry Juju
I just have to add...these are all things i know. what was so disturbing is having this vision..the vision of life after mom...it was so real....so freaking real.......it shook me to my core I saw actually having to pack up and get out of the empty house.... It is not all about the money too...the money is what is the fear and failure but the truth is where will i be without my momma, my last family member!!!! That is my worst fear to be without my momma!!! I have no one else in the world!!! she is my everything, literally, truthfully, she is my whole world, the reason i get up in the morning. What am i going to do without her.... This vision was so scary!!! All i can do is pray!
Thank you Deef, you made me cry I don't know why but I sure needed a cry... I have not been able to cry for a long time... Well just a little background I have been caring for my mother since my dad got ill summer of '04 so it is nearly 10 ys for me....Dad passed away that October and I found myself having to decide to put mom in a home or care for her myself, I had just lost my job so I took on mom....I had no idea, what was to come. During this time my 2 brothers falsly reported me to APS for abuse then when that was cleared they went to court to try to take mom and everything, which didn't hold up, I prevailed again...anyway so I decided to move us away from the terrible neighborhood mom n dad were in...went to a more rural country community a state away, sorta just drove north till I found a place. I have no other family that are close too...any cousins aunts and uncles..etc....I have not seen or spoken some since childhood...they are all distant other states etc....so now in this new community is not the greatest place, it is beautiful right on the river and I have a lovely view from our home. The community is small with a bit of mix of drug n alcohol abuse in there. Anyway been here almost 8 ys and have not really forged any real freindships or have a support network. Thank goodness i do have a couple paid helpers 3hrs/3xWeek...but that is it....that is my only break from 24/7 doing everything to care for and run this household cars yard etc....it is all me! and when they are here i go do laundry or shop/errands for us n the house...it is not for me for the most part, least i get out of the house/ I am so burned out...SO i am it, everything! if i am sick i must go on, if i am tired, i must go on, if i need a break, i must go on!!!! it is just me and her out here on our own. Also during this time my fiancé split up and i have not been able to date much....maybe few times and not for years! SO ya I am feeling lonely and very isolated this year especially since she is not able to walk now, wheelchair bound and frail from severe osteoporosis...she is a toothpick...four broken bone incidents this year starting with the hip/shoulder together, then back, then ribs, then leg! (not to mention the nightmares we went thru with our hospital during these incidents)These incIdents made me see the few freinds i had forged here were not going to be of any support or help to us so i hardly see them anymore now that i cant get out to see them...god forbid they come see us! anyway so i just don't keep in touch anymore! well fast forward i was not able to get working like i thought i would and have went thru every dime i had, been flat broke for several years....I am sure if i put mom on Medicaid i will not lose the house to the estate recovery program but what my problem but i must have a job and daycare lined up and somehow started before i can make the change and jobs that would pay enough to afford to do it are few and far between, min wage or close is the norm here...or i can get paid to take care of her but we would end up with significantly less monthly therefore difficult to make work work. But I guess I am going to have to look into that.again..anyway the most important part is the mortage...i cannot pay or qualify for the mortage, i cannot take it over....it will take me a while to clean up my poor credit and then i have to have some income history, it will take years.... but i guess i have to start somewhere..... I am interested in what you may know about caregivers being protected in the home....I am thinking it has nothing to do with the mortage owed,
Well i guess that wasn't short story but i think i am glad i had that outburst to be able to reason thru this and see i may have an options...at least something to check into...
Ok you all have the best day possible! Bobbie, Hope Angel had a nice bday! Jen glad your feeling better, Meanwhile purple n lime green sound great...i am leaning toward something similar in our bath...mine purple green and brown, in a softer tone, i have a swatch of the combo and it looks so pretty. Well time to get up and get that diaper changed! take care all, love you XOXOXOX Peace, Juju
Juju, All I can say is we have all been there many times! Lost my Mom in July after close to 7 years of caregiving. She signed the house over to me just over 3 years ago and I had much anxiety over whether I could afford to keep it. I have been out of work for over 6 years and my husband lost his job 3 years ago. He just turned 65 and I turned 62 in August. We are both collecting SS early due to these circumstances. I had applied for benefits before she passed because we had no idea how long she would live. I do have some rent $$ coming in from 2 apartments but the expenses are enormous as it is a 130 year old, 3 story, 4 apartment house. The fuel alone has been close to $3000 already this winter and the taxes jumped way up again. I have 6 siblings who did not help with Mom, in fact most of them hadn't visited her the last 6 months of her life and they all live close by. I'm in Mass. and there are laws that protect family caregivers living in the home of the person they are caring for. I was pretty sure we couldn't lose the house, but I was constantly worried about it. I now care for my sister's mom in law as they live in Va. and there is no other family here for her. I didn't want to do it so soon after being free from years of caring for Mom, but my brother in law offered to pay me for my services and the thought of trying to find a job at my age, especially in this economy, made me decide to do the one thing I said I would never do again. the only good thing is Blanche doesn't have dementia, she suffered a mini stroke, and I can go home and get away from the caregiving for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time and deal with the rest when it comes along. Try to do something you like when you can. Read a book, take a walk, etc. I used to just go and sit outside whenever I could, even in winter. Shoveling can be very cathartic. I don't know your entire story, but it sounds like you have been through a lot lately and could really use some down time. I hope you can find some peace in all the madness. Jen, stomach bug got us here, but only a mild case. It was warm today, high 30's and now is in the low 40's with rain soon to start. Gotta love that coughing and peeing combo!! Bobbie, boat dock life sounds like fun. At least you are near the water all the time. Glad to hear things are better with the Boat Angel. Meanwhile, if you have some spare time, you could come up here and light a fire under my arse so I can get some things done to this house! There is so much to do and I have no ambition to do anything. The first story front porch floor is rotting in places and needs to be replaced. It's 40' long and 5' deep. I want to use the composite stuff so that the next time it need to be done, I will be long gone! I'm hoping the sub-structure is okay. I also still need to replace 22 windows. There are 67 windows in all! I replaced the 9 outside doors 4 years ago, along with the 4 inside doors to each apartment. I need wiring and plumbing done and much painting and replacing of carpeting,etc. the list is endless. Austin, sounds like you are busy with your laprobes. I'm still knitting away whenever I can. Scarves and felted mittens are at the top of my list right now. Okay, didn't realize how late it is and I have to get up and make something to take to Blanche for lunch. My 103 year old fil called tonight and wants my husband to take him for a haircut tomorrow morning, so I'll have the house to myself for an hour. That is a rare thing!
I am having an anxiety attack again tonite.. Things are looking up a bit, moving along and I freak out...I have thought about this reading your past few post bobbie....I am not in a total coma like before but I am so scared about how much of me I have lost. I had this overwhelming feeling that my life is just a fantasy...all this work and suffering, I feel like a robot my only comfort taking comfort in a roof over my head...then it hits me...I have a vision of life after her and it is very clear how all this doesn't matter for me anyway...the day she Is gone I will be in a very bad position...a houseful of stuff and no house, I will have to sell and leave immediately...I will not even have any money to live for a month or two...OMG.. all this time tied up in this home repair I have been swallowed again by the coma and cannot seem to do much but get by day by day. I need to work on my life...and situation..Among some other very important issues with mom and her health and doctors.....I wish I did not have this vision.it was so real it was frightening...and the pacing and panic and anxiety, set in...fear and failure overwhelm me...I have no future after mom....my current purpose in life, job, and home ends the day she is gone, and I don't even get paid, I was suppose to get the house, I didn't think this thru realize I would not be able to work...I see I wont even have money to rent a storage to put our belonging in ..will have to sell or leave behind everything almost overnight my life will change dramatically and I have no clue what to do about it...how to help myself!!! things will be fine she will be fine she is happy and content with me and I take good care of her....it is the day she is gone that I fear, the fantasy family and life I have worked so hard will be gone. I really see no way out, SHit why do I do this to myself.....I will just have to do the best I can and if that day comes before I can figure something out I will just have to deal with it...the part that glares out at me is I truly don't have a clue how to help myself!! Praying not let this eery vision disturb me and make things worse I need positive energy to have a chance against this! Well besides that panic attack, things were going ok....starting to feel better having some privacy and my own space.... feel like I can stretch out!!
well mom needs dinner and a change, time for me to go...
Can't go anywhere just now...got really sick, but ears are popping and I can pee and cough at the same time, so must be near the end of it...Won't go back to the Y till it's gone, there are signs at the pool that say No contagious diseases... I agree...
The weekend was great, warm and sunny. Got to saddle up Cory Saturday and Sunday. Also put a new front door on the latest project house, and finished painting the living room, kitchen and dining room. It's a big house, with 3 bathrooms. 2 are in great shape, the 3rd is a complete redo. Starting that next. Picture limegreen and dark purple.
Deef glad you got to visit with Merry-Bobbie good to hear from you-I am fine-still enjoying cooking for my honey-10 week till spring can't wait-lots of snow-lots of days home-making lots of laperobes to donate. June
Cuz! funny as always and how are you feeling and how is your brother, my other Cuz?
Meanwhile! How did the ride go? Did he remember how to wear a saddle?
Austin! How are things going?
Kuli! What is new and how are you coping?
Jen! are you getting to swim?
Mame!, Assanache! (aaa7! ) New Folks! FLEX!!! Everybody!
DEEF!!! Boat Time! Hope that shoulder mellows out so you aren't in so much pain.
It was the Boat Angel's birthday yesterday and he had a great day. I hope things are getting better for us just like I hope things are getting better for all the caregivers still in the trenches as well as those who are suffering the aftermath of caregiving and the grief that goes with it. Oy.
Watching the docks again. We are getting used to it. Life on a dock. It's Good.
Oops! Sharyn!!! Congrats on the grand baby news!!! I have one daughter and she does not want children, ever:( I'm very sad to say I will never get to be a grandmother. You are so lucky and that is the best news ever!!!
Had 2 days of warm weather here again. Close to 60 on Saturday, but lots of rain and wind. Had to drain the pool cover again. The darn pool is 25 years old. Just waiting for it to collapse some winter! Went out to dinner with Merry and her daughters last night. they used to help me with Mom. It was good to get out and we hadn't seen each other since September. Brought Blanche some lunch today and vacuumed a few rooms for her. Also got some bills done and had a heart attack when trying to figure out her check book. Told her I would do all her bills for her from now on. My brother in law is eternally grateful as he has been very worried about her finances. He is in Virginia and didn't realize how bad she had gotten with her paperwork. Juju, wow, sounds like things are finally getting better for you! Meanwhile, glad to see you still get out with your horses. Jen, calling for help to get FP off the floor is a good idea. All those times O lifted Mom on my own ruined my shoulder for life! I should have surgery again, but I'm holding off until it's absolutely necessary. Don't want to go through all that again! Hey there Mame, Austin, Assan, Bobbie, Digger and....
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Juju~We have come across an error my parents made when they converted the garage to a family room back in 1964-65. They did not get permits to do it. If they had...the additional sq. ft. would show in the public county records. Now we are looking at having to get the permits to correct the problem...$720 plus we have to provide 2 covered parking spaces which mean we will have to get a carport for the driveway. Do you know how unattractive it will look with a carport right out in front of the house??? I am hoping that whoever buys mom's house has the option of using the carport or not using it. Maybe the real estate agent will have more info on how to get around the carport. We are a little disappointed with this turn of events.
Deef~How great of you to give her the Polly Flinder's. My dil will most likely not be able to have children. It is something the seems to run in the family, her grandmother and mother had the same issue, but they did eventually have children..so we are hoping my son and dil will too. My daughter has a boxer dog named Buffy. My daughter just loves her dog...I found a one piece body suit for 12 months old, with a silhouette of a boxer saying, I ♥ My Boxer. My daughter will love it!!
Have a good night everyone...tomorrow is another day and I hope it is stress free.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first
would come back and inform the other
if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear
was that there was no after-life at all. After a
long life together, the husband was the first to die. True
to his word, he made the first contact:
"Sue..........Sue…" "Is that you,
George?" "Yes, I've come back like we
agreed." "That's wonderful!? What's it
like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I
have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a
couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud
– lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course,
then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After
supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's
more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep
and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, George, are you in Heaven?"
"No, I'm a rabbit in Kansas ."
You get old when you stop laughing"
A Senior Love Story
Sarah and Bill both 91 lived in a
retirement community. They met in the
social center and discovered over
time that they enjoyed each other's
company.
After several weeks of meeting for
coffee, Bill asked Sarah out for
dinner and much to his delight, she
accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined
at the most romantic restaurant in
town and Bill gave Sarah a gift to
show his affection. Despite his age,
Bill was still a charmer.
Afterward, Bill asked Sarah to join
him at his place for an after-dinner
drink. Things continued along a
natural course and age being no
inhibitor, Sarah soon joined Bill for a
most enjoyable romp in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of
the magical moments they'd shared, each
was lost for a time in their own
thoughts.
Bill was thinking: "If I'd
known she was a virgin,
I would have been more gentle."
Sarah was thinking: "If I had
known he could still do it,
I would have taken off my
pantyhose."
Does anyone remember the Muppet's "Emmet Otter Jug Band X-mas"? One of my daughter's favorites!
And here's to the new posters and dodging spraying food and those things that have been seen and cannot be unseen.
I remember the last time I took my mom to a restaurant. It just didn't work anymore and the looks on the faces of the other diners were too much for us to bear.
Aging and the indignities it brings. Oy.
On a lighter note:
This morning in the predawn glow before the sun was up we saw:
3 dolphins
3 otters
(yup… in the same water.. welcome to the salt marshes)
pelicans
Great Blue Heron
Egrets
various and sundry ducks
5 Rednecks
2 Crackers
6 Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
one of the Rednecks lost out haha.
lovbob
Juju, Bonnie is right! Things will work out and you will find a way to survive like we all do. You definitely have had a time of it and all alone, too. Just the fact that you have made it this far should tell you how strong you really are and that you are a survivor. You will do fine!
Bobbie, it would be great if we could all get together someday! I'm still hoping to get to the boat and visit you and I will definitely get back out to Seattle to Rip's and over to Spokane to spend time with you Jen! And if anyone needs to get away, I have no plans to rent out Mom's apartment, so I have a place for you to stay.
Meanwhile, this house was originally built as a boarding house by the Otis Company. My town is 250 years old and has a river running through it, so it became a mill town and the company that owned the mills built boarding house for their employees. It's very similar to most New England mill towns. The main house is 3 stories tall and then there are 2 wings off the back of the main house. There are 2 doors in every room in the main house with one leading to the hallways so that the boarders each had their own private entrance. Lots of history here! Used to be outhouses out back too!
Sharyn, my best friends daughter just gave birth to a little girl in the wee hours of the morning. She is my daughter's best friend and also never wanted children, but didn't plan right and got pregnant anyway! She is in the process of finishing up for her PHD and plans to get a good paying job so that the father can stay at home with the baby.
I found some of my daughter's Polly Flinder's smocked dresses in the attic today. Guess I will give them to her!
Drained the pool cover again today while it was warmer. Rained yesterday and was sunny and in the 40's today. Supposed to be in the single digits by the weekend.
Austin, I'm working on another neck wrap in cotton yarn. Always knitting when watching TV!
Okay, got the decorations off the tree today and hauled everything up 2 flights of stairs to the attic. Tomorrow I have lots of errands to run and I need to get to Blanche's with lunch and then take her shopping. That should be fun!!
Off ti finish the dishes and clean the litter boxes!
Hope you all have a good night!
Oh good grief, the clean up. bless you!!!
She's on her side, I'm bending over her, cleaning her private parts, and what started as a fart, turned liquid. I never moved so fast, because my face was bare inches away from the explosive stream that followed. Ewwwwwwwwwww.
Sharyn, I had so much fun shopping for my dear friends little boy to come!
I got the cutest collection of Monkey theme clothing and found a piggy bank, that matched the set perfectly, in the middle of all the Xmas candy just sitting there, calling me to put him in our cart! What fun what fun it was even just wrapping everything up! You are going to have so much fun with this!!!
Bobbie, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I agree with Sharyn, it was very touching, and personal and relatable, Thank you for your support. I am so grateful to your light in this storm!
Jen, Deef, Meanwhile, Austin, everyone, thank you for reaching out and sharing in my time of need. I especially wish I could meet up with you all sometime since you are more family to me than I have in real life!
So I guess I gotta get going here and start planning the rest of this repair out!
THanks again and hang in there, hope for a good day!
Peace,
Juju
Things are moving along now, we will have an estate sale for the contents of mom's house on March 1-2. We decided to let an estate liquidator handle it as they will do all the work, what is left will be donated so we won't have to deal with anything. With sis's health issues this makes it easier, plus I think we will do better price wise even though we have to pay a commission. Then we plan to have the house on the market by March 15th. The agent doesn't think it will be on the market for more than a month since it is so well maintained. This will be a huge load off my shoulders as I won't have to be running back and forth to mom's house, taking out yard clippings for pick up, picking up any junk mail or newspapers, and not having to prune the roses.
Bobbie, your journey with your mother was very touching. I so respect all of you who are and have been 24/7 caregivers.
Take care everyone!!
Sharyn
Thank you for being here for all of us!
Peace,
Juju!
I made a Dr appt yesterday! Trying not to let that image swell into more than a wake up call....been so absorbed in the house, nothing else is happening...maybe now I can prioritize some other stuff in with it as construction smoothing out a bit here.
Speaking of that the inspector we have been waiting for (and holds a lot of key answers to how I can proceed) is due out at 9am today so I gots to go....
for now! Take care!
Peace,
Juju
I had a terrible time after my mom died and some things I did made it worse because I didn't know any better. There are things I would have done differently and I can appreciate what you are going through with the construction because I had to manage mom's dementia as well as hard core repairs on her house as well as other properties that she owned that were in dire need of repairs.
I went through every dime I had as well and because there was not enough to deal with dementia, construction, you name it, I found myself doing things like repairing a 3000 sq ft flat roof on a building that she had in a squalid little soul-killing town and many other repairs to that place because she never stopped begging to have it done in addition to repairing her house and her yard to the point that it physically and mentally broke me.
I didn't understand Dementia and that she would grind me into powder without really knowing she was doing it. By the time I figured it all out it was too late and I was shot out.
I know that I am still not right but I do the best I can and sometimes that just isn't enough but it will have to do.
While I was caregiving I called the suicide hotline, had to go on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, lost my career, lost my financial stability and everything I had worked for for years and years due to dementia caregiving and everything that went with my particular situation.
After her death and my selling family treasures in the front yard, which was as heartbreaking as it sounds, I scraped together what I had left and put it in a little U-Haul truck with my old car on a trailer behind it and left.
I have a photograph I took of me laying on my mom and dad's graves crying with that U-Haul in the background. That was the saddest day of my life and I am crying now as I write this.
I was so alone and sad and broken and my recovery is not complete and I don't know if I will ever be able to recover and I just have to live with that.
I have worked so hard to stay positive even though I was in the depths of despair for years.
Things have gotten better since the summer and I can only hope that it all continues to improve.
I will never be back to where I was financially or physically and I have to accept that. I try to take it as easy as I can, I find myself getting tired so quickly and I choose my battles with physical work. Sometimes it all doesn't get done and there you have it.
Warren Buffet said that in economic times like these all we have are our skills and abilities. I have never forgotten that and I applied my skills and abilities to get a little job doing something that I can handle. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to survive and have a place where I can dock my old boat and a purpose other than wondering how am I going to get through the day.
Juju, you will figure it out and it will be hard but you will be able to do it. There is no way that you could have made it this far without some considerable skills and abilities.
When your mom dies it will leave a hole in your heart but you will know that your prime purpose is to continue to live your life. You will work hard on not giving in to the despair and the grief and you will let that grief wash over you like the tides that come and go.
Just like I cried a few moments ago remembering that last day I was able to see my parents' graves, the tide of grief recedes and I make myself think about you and Jen and Kuli and Deef! and sharynmarie and austin and meanwhile and all of us and how we have reached out to pull one another away from the black hole.
I think about how cool it would be for you guys to visit each other and maybe visit me. I make myself think about these things so I don't spiral down with sad memories and regret about how I didn't do this or did do that and what a flaming idiot I was or wasn't.
Today I am drug free except for the occasional stomach acid pill and I hurt like nobody's business due to the arthritis and the fact that I did physical labor a 20 something guy should have done.
Sometimes I still cry and still feel despair and I know that will be with me probably forever. It's called grief.
We can't go through what we have collectively gone through and not feel grief.
There is a life after caregiving and I am proof and Austin is proof and Deef! is proof and others are proof.
We will all prevail.
Love you guys more than you'll ever know.
lovbob
take good care of yourself post here and share we all have been there, or close to there and can understand!
ew Deef pass on stomach bug, mouth breathing isn't fun but ralphing.bleeeckers...
Another week moving along here...
first, she can't hear so sitting across from her in a restaurant i have to scream everything three times for her to actually hear me. then, while sitting across from her i have to stare at her 3 "gma hairs" that stick out her chin like a goat-ee! after that is hearing her rude comments about other people near us that she thinks she whispers about when she's talking loud enough for everyone to hear but the real reason i hate taking her out to eat is because she talks with her mouth full of food as she's talking to me and i'm constantly having to dodge flying food or wear safety glasses to avoid food being spit in my eye!!!
THank you deef for sharing your story with me XOXOX
I love you all and hope you have a good day....
Sorry
Juju
I saw actually having to pack up and get out of the empty house....
It is not all about the money too...the money is what is the fear and failure but the truth is where will i be without my momma, my last family member!!!! That is my worst fear to be without my momma!!! I have no one else in the world!!! she is my everything, literally, truthfully, she is my whole world, the reason i get up in the morning. What am i going to do without her.... This vision was so scary!!! All i can do is pray!
Well just a little background I have been caring for my mother since my dad got ill summer of '04 so it is nearly 10 ys for me....Dad passed away that October and I found myself having to decide to put mom in a home or care for her myself, I had just lost my job so I took on mom....I had no idea, what was to come. During this time my 2 brothers falsly reported me to APS for abuse then when that was cleared they went to court to try to take mom and everything, which didn't hold up, I prevailed again...anyway so I decided to move us away from the terrible neighborhood mom n dad were in...went to a more rural country community a state away, sorta just drove north till I found a place.
I have no other family that are close too...any cousins aunts and uncles..etc....I have not seen or spoken some since childhood...they are all distant other states etc....so now in this new community is not the greatest place, it is beautiful right on the river and I have a lovely view from our home. The community is small with a bit of mix of drug n alcohol abuse in there. Anyway been here almost 8 ys and have not really forged any real freindships or have a support network. Thank goodness i do have a couple paid helpers 3hrs/3xWeek...but that is it....that is my only break from 24/7 doing everything to care for and run this household cars yard etc....it is all me! and when they are here i go do laundry or shop/errands for us n the house...it is not for me for the most part, least i get out of the house/ I am so burned out...SO i am it, everything! if i am sick i must go on, if i am tired, i must go on, if i need a break, i must go on!!!! it is just me and her out here on our own. Also during this time my fiancé split up and i have not been able to date much....maybe few times and not for years! SO ya I am feeling lonely and very isolated this year especially since she is not able to walk now, wheelchair bound and frail from severe osteoporosis...she is a toothpick...four broken bone incidents this year starting with the hip/shoulder together, then back, then ribs, then leg! (not to mention the nightmares we went thru with our hospital during these incidents)These incIdents made me see the few freinds i had forged here were not going to be of any support or help to us so i hardly see them anymore now that i cant get out to see them...god forbid they come see us! anyway so i just don't keep in touch anymore!
well fast forward i was not able to get working like i thought i would and have went thru every dime i had, been flat broke for several years....I am sure if i put mom on Medicaid i will not lose the house to the estate recovery program but what my problem but i must have a job and daycare lined up and somehow started before i can make the change and jobs that would pay enough to afford to do it are few and far between, min wage or close is the norm here...or i can get paid to take care of her but we would end up with significantly less monthly therefore difficult to make work work. But I guess I am going to have to look into that.again..anyway the most important part is the mortage...i cannot pay or qualify for the mortage, i cannot take it over....it will take me a while to clean up my poor credit and then i have to have some income history, it will take years.... but i guess i have to start somewhere.....
I am interested in what you may know about caregivers being protected in the home....I am thinking it has nothing to do with the mortage owed,
Well i guess that wasn't short story but i think i am glad i had that outburst to be able to reason thru this and see i may have an options...at least something to check into...
Ok you all have the best day possible!
Bobbie, Hope Angel had a nice bday!
Jen glad your feeling better,
Meanwhile purple n lime green sound great...i am leaning toward something similar in our bath...mine purple green and brown, in a softer tone, i have a swatch of the combo and it looks so pretty.
Well time to get up and get that diaper changed!
take care all, love you XOXOXOX
Peace,
Juju
I have 6 siblings who did not help with Mom, in fact most of them hadn't visited her the last 6 months of her life and they all live close by. I'm in Mass. and there are laws that protect family caregivers living in the home of the person they are caring for. I was pretty sure we couldn't lose the house, but I was constantly worried about it.
I now care for my sister's mom in law as they live in Va. and there is no other family here for her. I didn't want to do it so soon after being free from years of caring for Mom, but my brother in law offered to pay me for my services and the thought of trying to find a job at my age, especially in this economy, made me decide to do the one thing I said I would never do again. the only good thing is Blanche doesn't have dementia, she suffered a mini stroke, and I can go home and get away from the caregiving for a while.
All you can do is take it one day at a time and deal with the rest when it comes along. Try to do something you like when you can. Read a book, take a walk, etc. I used to just go and sit outside whenever I could, even in winter. Shoveling can be very cathartic.
I don't know your entire story, but it sounds like you have been through a lot lately and could really use some down time. I hope you can find some peace in all the madness.
Jen, stomach bug got us here, but only a mild case. It was warm today, high 30's and now is in the low 40's with rain soon to start. Gotta love that coughing and peeing combo!!
Bobbie, boat dock life sounds like fun. At least you are near the water all the time. Glad to hear things are better with the Boat Angel.
Meanwhile, if you have some spare time, you could come up here and light a fire under my arse so I can get some things done to this house! There is so much to do and I have no ambition to do anything. The first story front porch floor is rotting in places and needs to be replaced. It's 40' long and 5' deep. I want to use the composite stuff so that the next time it need to be done, I will be long gone! I'm hoping the sub-structure is okay. I also still need to replace 22 windows. There are 67 windows in all! I replaced the 9 outside doors 4 years ago, along with the 4 inside doors to each apartment. I need wiring and plumbing done and much painting and replacing of carpeting,etc. the list is endless.
Austin, sounds like you are busy with your laprobes. I'm still knitting away whenever I can. Scarves and felted mittens are at the top of my list right now.
Okay, didn't realize how late it is and I have to get up and make something to take to Blanche for lunch. My 103 year old fil called tonight and wants my husband to take him for a haircut tomorrow morning, so I'll have the house to myself for an hour. That is a rare thing!
I had this overwhelming feeling that my life is just a fantasy...all this work and suffering, I feel like a robot my only comfort taking comfort in a roof over my head...then it hits me...I have a vision of life after her and it is very clear how all this doesn't matter for me anyway...the day she Is gone I will be in a very bad position...a houseful of stuff and no house, I will have to sell and leave immediately...I will not even have any money to live for a month or two...OMG.. all this time tied up in this home repair I have been swallowed again by the coma and cannot seem to do much but get by day by day. I need to work on my life...and situation..Among some other very important issues with mom and her health and doctors.....I wish I did not have this vision.it was so real it was frightening...and the pacing and panic and anxiety, set in...fear and failure overwhelm me...I have no future after mom....my current purpose in life, job, and home ends the day she is gone, and I don't even get paid, I was suppose to get the house, I didn't think this thru realize I would not be able to work...I see I wont even have money to rent a storage to put our belonging in ..will have to sell or leave behind everything almost overnight my life will change dramatically and I have no clue what to do about it...how to help myself!!!
things will be fine she will be fine she is happy and content with me and I take good care of her....it is the day she is gone that I fear, the fantasy family and life I have worked so hard will be gone.
I really see no way out, SHit why do I do this to myself.....I will just have to do the best I can and if that day comes before I can figure something out I will just have to deal with it...the part that glares out at me is I truly don't have a clue how to help myself!! Praying not let this eery vision disturb me and make things worse I need positive energy to have a chance against this!
Well besides that panic attack, things were going ok....starting to feel better having some privacy and my own space.... feel like I can stretch out!!
well mom needs dinner and a change, time for me to go...
Sorry for a negative post again, I hate this!!!!!
BUt I love you guys.....
Peace
Juju
congratulations Sharyn some happy news that!
Hey Deef glad you are out of the deep freeze!
Bobbie Happy B to the A...
Can't go anywhere just now...got really sick, but ears are popping and I can pee and cough at the same time, so must be near the end of it...Won't go back to the Y till it's gone, there are signs at the pool that say No contagious diseases... I agree...
Have a good safe warmer week everyone...Jen
Juju! finally starting to turn around!
Cuz! funny as always and how are you feeling and how is your brother, my other Cuz?
Meanwhile! How did the ride go? Did he remember how to wear a saddle?
Austin! How are things going?
Kuli! What is new and how are you coping?
Jen! are you getting to swim?
Mame!, Assanache! (aaa7! ) New Folks! FLEX!!! Everybody!
DEEF!!! Boat Time! Hope that shoulder mellows out so you aren't in so much pain.
It was the Boat Angel's birthday yesterday and he had a great day. I hope things are getting better for us just like I hope things are getting better for all the caregivers still in the trenches as well as those who are suffering the aftermath of caregiving and the grief that goes with it. Oy.
Watching the docks again. We are getting used to it. Life on a dock. It's Good.
lovbob
Went out to dinner with Merry and her daughters last night. they used to help me with Mom. It was good to get out and we hadn't seen each other since September. Brought Blanche some lunch today and vacuumed a few rooms for her. Also got some bills done and had a heart attack when trying to figure out her check book. Told her I would do all her bills for her from now on. My brother in law is eternally grateful as he has been very worried about her finances. He is in Virginia and didn't realize how bad she had gotten with her paperwork.
Juju, wow, sounds like things are finally getting better for you!
Meanwhile, glad to see you still get out with your horses.
Jen, calling for help to get FP off the floor is a good idea. All those times O lifted Mom on my own ruined my shoulder for life! I should have surgery again, but I'm holding off until it's absolutely necessary. Don't want to go through all that again!
Hey there Mame, Austin, Assan, Bobbie, Digger and....