The reason I am saying to ask your aging parents to downsize is to do so while everyone still has the energy to help sort, donate, and move into something more manageable.
My parents were in their mid to late 90's and still glued to their single family house. Once Mom passed a couple of months ago and Dad decided last month it was a good time to move to Independent Living, he now wants to sell the house ASAP.
Dad only took what he needed for his new apartment.... there is still a lot of furniture left in the house, kitchen cabinets with lot of cookware and glassware, not to mention the stuff in the garage, and everything in Dad's workshop in the basement [found a very old computer down there] and more stuff. I already tossed out a lot of clothes that I couldn't donate, and have bags of clothes to donate. I do plan to call an Estate Sale person to sell the items. But I need to throw the junk out first.
Whew, after work I am tired and that only give me maybe an hour each day to tackle one corner of one room. Oh my gosh, all the dust !!! Let's not forget about all the paperwork that ones elders keep. Like warranty booklets for things they no longer have. I dragged home several dozen 3-rings binders with financial info, as I now need to do the finances as Dad doesn't want to bother with it. Oh fun.
And there are things I would like to keep so now my family room at home looks like a flea market :P And there is more to cart home when I get the energy. Oh my gosh, as here I was trying to limit the things I have as I am senior myself, and would like to downsize before too long. It's hard to part with things that were part of my growing up.
So, once your Mom and Dad start to slow down, and you start to notice that they aren't keeping the house up, try to get them to sell and move into something smaller [it can still be a single family house but half the size], that way they would need to either donate, sell or toss out "stuff". I know it won't be easy. I would try to get my Mom to donate items, and to her that was one knick knack each year.... [sigh].
Come to think of it, donating might be the best route as my Dad will eventually need to sell some stock and if there are profits, the donations would be a good write-off to counter balance the profits.
It's just sooooo much work :0
Of course the pool of water decided to head to the boxes of basement "stuff" I had packed to decide what to do next with it. Those boxes were like sponges. I was so heart broken that the water got into a large antique radio, so that had to be trashed.
Now I got an appointment with a gutter company to come out and give me estimates on new gutters and downspouts. Also had to set a time with a plumber as one of the toilets isn't flushing. Wonder what will haunt me next :P
Is this in an area of the basement that's lower? If there's a drain in that area, it could also have been a backup.
My parents spend the winters in Texas; my sister and I took care of their house. I lived about 30 miles away, fortunately not too far. They also owned a rental house across the street.
Tenant (not a good one) called one afternoon in the winter and advised the furnace was out, and that he was going out of town for the weekend. My car was in the shop; I had to ask the HVAC repairman to pick me up from work.
We arrived to a very cold house. Furnace out, crawl space, pipes in danger of freezing. Needed immediate attention. Fortunately the HVAC contractor was flexible.
HVAC man fixed the furnace; I said I'd drive my father's car home; he left. Surprise - battery was dead. Neighbor came over and charged the battery. Eventually I left, I think sometime around 9 or 10 - I know it was late, dark, and very cold. Long day.
I told my parents that I thought it would be a good idea if they sold the cottage; it was just too much for me to keep up my house, theirs and the cottage as well. They did sell it and one of the greatest neighbors ever bought it.
I'm not familiar with underground gutters, but am thinking that even if they were leaking or cracked, there might be some tree roots in the system that prevented flow and caused a backup. If the ground in that area freezes deep enough to reach the level of the basement, or if there were some clogged leaves in the exterior portion of the gutters, that may have been a factor as well.
As for gutters, the bottom of the downspouts are buried underground where the water would come out maybe 3 to 5 feet away from the house. My gutters/downspouts are the same way, and mine are broken, too. Will get an estimate for my own house, also.
Yesterday while at my Dad's house trying to tidy up the basement chasing the cobwebs, and other rolling matter on the basement floor, I noticed the sump pump wasn't speaking to me... normally during a rain it would be running frequently. Hopefully the plumber can replace it today.
A handyman can into my office this morning and I mentioned what was going on in the basement as he's familiar with the house, he said that a waterproofing contractor can come in and drill holes into the concrete floor and fill it with a material that would spread under the foundation. Whew, glad to know there might be a Plan C, if Plan A and B doesn't fix the problem.
Are we having fun yet?
Off the subject, but the old rat was jealous of my father (who had passed away in 1975) and he secretly threw away everything of my father's. I will never forgive him for that. There was nothing left from my Dad!
My mother just passed, and we had gotten rid of almost everything when she went into the NH. My basement and living room were full of things like collectibles, limited edition art, porcelain dishes, etc. I tried and tried to sell it - no one wanted it. No one in the family wanted much. I even brought her elephant collection to her memorial lunch and invited everyone to take one as a rememberence. It broke my heart to take most of the rest, including very expensive china to charity stores. Since then, I have been going through my own drawers and all the rooms, getting rid of stuff.
If something happened to me and my husband, our children would have a mess to clean up. I would really love to find a nice little cottage to buy and get rid of this 9 room house full of stuff we don't use or don't need!
Nope, sorry, Dad, the sofa can't come with you, no space.... same with Mom's dresser... his desk... and computer desk. Dad understood. We are able to move his bookcases and all his books so he was happy with that. I did promise Dad I could get him a lift recliner so he let out a huge smile.
I was able to toss some items, donated some, trashed some. But it was backbreaking work for me. Thank goodness Dad's regular caregiver was more then happy to help me. She found a cart we could use. That helped with all of Dad's books, even his two sets of encyclopedias.
Then last week my Dad passed unexpectedly. He was only in his studio apartment one month and he loved it there.
Now I am trying to empty out his apartment before the end of the month. Oh gosh, what to save, what to donate, what to trash all over again. The lift recliner I had rented so that Dad could give it a test drive before buying it, oh how he loved that chair :)
I don't want to leave a lot for my kids to deal with, so it will be downsizing with every move. I moved my mother 4 times in the last 6 years and it was awful. Fortunately she is down to one smallish room now and a rented hospital bed, so there will not be that much to deal with when she passes - just a few bits of furniture and some clothing. You almost wonder if it would be worth renting a furnished place as it would be easier on everyone to move out of.
Good luck to everyone. This is a difficult stage in our lives.
PS- one thing I'll never understand- 6 months after my Dad died, all his belongings were gone. When I asked here about it, she said "I complied with my marriage vows". ???
When my Mom passed, a couple days later my Dad wanted me to take all of her clothes out of the house. So I complied. But that was all that he wanted removed.
Making a note, a mental note, and also writing it down about how to clear stuff, what has to go, and starting the process, before we are unable to do it ourselves.
Taking it slow, even though I would have been able to clear a 3 bdrm. home in a couple days in years past, today it will take a lot longer due to body aches and pain. I thought it was only me that had to experience throwing somethings away and they reappear from the trash-getting so very frustrating-it has become one of my pet peeves. However, I must be true to my principles and not throw out other people's belongings without their permission, making this all so very much harder.
Thank you FF for letting us all know.
My life, OTOH, has been just the opposite. I have very little. I lost everything I had when I left my ex to move here. He did give me $3K for everything. (roll eyes) Now all I have is my computer, my rabbit, my books, and my inventory. Kind of pathetic. :'( The bad thing is that I still have a hoarded house to try to clean out. I'll have to wait until after my mother is gone and hope I'm not too old to get it done. I've had a lot of fantasies about a huge bulldozer just demolishing everything, then rebuilding. But I know it won't be that simple.
CaringRN, it sounds like your mother is an obsessive hoarder. Those are the hardest kinds to work with. My mother was a little easier. Most of her hoard came from thinking something would be needed again and from being too lazy to toss or donate. Her only stronghold has been her old clothes, which fill three closets and one bedroom.
The bad thing about a hoard is that it makes the house impossible to clean. I've given up even trying because it takes too much of my physical and emotional energy to work through it.
Yeah yeah, it's dementia. Can't take it personally. Try telling that to my blood pressure! Lord what a ride.
We initially downsized and moved our parents out of our big family home once Dad was retired and they no longer wanted the yard and upkeep of a big home. They went to an Apartment nearby, and lived quite happily there for about 8 years. Next they downsized again, to one of my sisters attached MIL apartment. The began declining and the fact that it was small and conveniently located was helpful, as we all (6) live only minutes from each other, then our Dad died, and a few months after, our Mom went onto Hospice, she was moved into my eldest sisters home, never to return.
One day a couple of weeks after Dad had passed, and at our Mom's request (this was before her health crisis and Hospice), we all met up at her place to go through our Dad's things, his clothes, closet and dressers, to really go through it all, as he was known to secret things away, and it was in on of his suit coat pockets, that we found an envelope with several thousand dollars in it! My Dad, such a sneaky little squirrel, but he had to be because our Mom had always kept him on a strict allowance, while raising 6 kids on one salary!
So, Here's the funny part.......
Upon further going through Dad's closet, my prankster little brother K and I found an interesting box containing A Penis Pump! Yes, a Rx medical device type pump, issued by his Urologist, along with instructions gel and everything! So now, both K and I were laughing hysterically, but trying to keep it under wraps, so, K decides to write a little note, as if were from the grave from our Dad, "Gifting" this Penis Pump to my Oldest brother J, now in his 50's, stating he knew that he would "soon be needing this". So, with the note tucked safely inside the box, K made sure my older brother would open it. The confused look on his face when he opened it was Priceless! And then we All broke out in hysterics! Then, to hear our Mom try to explain away that she knew Nothing about it was even funnier! She was never a good liar! Lol! The laughter continued throughout the afternoon, bringing a lot of relief to the sadness of having to go through his things, and us all there doing it together helped too.
Interestingly enough, the amount of money Dad had tucked away in his suit, was the exact amount that it cost to bury him, within a few dollars, almost as if he planned it that way.
My husband and I, now 56 and 60, are in the downsizing stage of our lives. My husband has a bad back, and I have arthritic knees, and we want to sell our home this next spring, and get out from maintaining a larger home. We are ready to travel, enjoy our kids and Grandies, their homes and their improvement projects, as hubby does still enjoy this. We have a sports car and a new SUV, and we're ready to travel the open road! We intend on buying a Condo, hopefully for cash from the proceeds from our paid for home, and not leave a burden for our kids to go through. But STUFF! We have loads of STUFF, as both hubby and I are "collectors"! In hindsight, I'll never know why we thought we needed all this, but it's almost embarrassing how much we've accumulated over the years! Time goes by much faster at our age, and there are only a few months left til spring, and I am feeling very mentally motivated to get rid of it all, now if only my ass weren't so stuck to the couch, we could get through this much more quickly!
Jessie - you can't clean when there are piles of hoarded stuff. I am so glad I have hardwood floors as they are easier than carpet, but you still can't clean them when they are covered with stuff. The flooded basement has been a blessing in a disguise. Lots of stuff was tossed. Yay!!!
I have given myself a break for a while from tossing stuff and need to clean out the vanities under the sinks next. It will feel good when it is finished,
Love the comment a few months back about the royal doulton with the periwinkles
I loved that show along with its mate - every Saturday night so many years ago
I have a stockpile of unused contact paper - I can't even get up the motivation to go to the grocery store let alone clean a cupboard and lay down new shelf paper - lol
I know my mom never threw anything away from being raised during the depression - but isn't always after you get rid of something you haven't used in years you suddenly want it and think why did I get rid of it?
The good thing my mother did was have us help her downsize her stuff for years before she was ready to sell her house and move to a community. We did this for about 10 yrs., one small item at a time.
She offered things to the children and grandchildren, but she handled it in her usual way -- offering everything to my sister first. The rest of us got offered sis' rejects, which were often garbage-worthy. There was some resentment and hard feelings. Sis got a lot of our late father's things.
I've seen a lot of posts about parents' hoarding problems. It's almost like my mother had the flip side of hoarding -- she got rid of too much, things that she really needed. She was 84 when she decided to sell her house, and I thought it was already pared down enough. But she said she was going to get rid of most of what was left and buy all new things when she moved to her new place. That would've made sense if she was moving to AL or living with a family member and only had a bedroom and bathroom. But she moved to 2 bedroom condo and decided she was going to go shopping to furnish and decorate it and restock her linens and wardrobe. How did she think she was going to do all of that shopping, for all of those things -- at her age, her health problems, falls, surgeries, mobility problems, and barely drives? I told her she should keep what she thought she'd need in her new place. She didn't. She got rid of most of her furniture, all the pictures on the walls, the tvs and cabinets (so when she moved in, it was a scramble to replace them), all her winter coats (she told me this in the fall after she moved, so it was a scramble taking her shopping for a new coat), etc. She got rid of her living room furniture. Her condo has a living room, didn't she think she needed her furniture for that?
Since she moved, she's expected it to be one long shopping spree, with no end in sight. I spent the first 6 months after she moved running myself ragged taking shopping all over the area. She didn't buy much because she's insanely picky, like OCD-level pickiness. I took her to stores as much as an hour away because she rejected the things I showed her at stores nearby. She says: "Well, I want what I want!" I stopped doing that kind of shopping for her, I can't stand it. (she won't buy furnishings or decorations from a catalog or online, she needs to see it in person)
It's been over 2.5 yrs since she moved and she still complains that her place is too empty, her walls are empty, she needs to go shopping. (she had plenty of pictures on the walls of her house, she got rid of them). I told her she should've kept some of the things she had at her house, she says: "Well, it's too late now!"
There were pieces of furniture at her house that she insisted she was keeping, right up until a few days before she moved. After she moved in, I didn't see those things and asked her where they were. She had the junk guys take them, along with everything else. There were sentimental family items and things our family had given to her as gifts that I haven't seen since she moved and don't know what happened to them. Did they go out with the junk guys too? If she didn't want them, I would've taken them. There were some sentimental items from her parents/my grandparents that she insisted she was keeping. Since she moved, she hasn't been able to find them. Maybe they got swept away in her frenzy of getting rid of so much so quickly. So now some sentimental things from my grandparents are gone.
How sad that your Mom got rid of sentimental family heirlooms, it like she wanted to erase her history for some reason. Or was she trying to impress neighbors by having new things?
When my Dad moved from his house, he took as much stuff as he could over to Independent Living, he didn't need to buy a thing. But I bought him new bedding and new towels as what he had my Mom had bought probably 25 years ago... good grief, the pillows were so flat it was like sleeping on a Kleenex.
I am afraid that there never was a time for me to have done this. Until June Mom was the care giver. dad was already dealing with dementia by then, so he was not much aware of how the place was getting.
After Moms stroke, it was necessary to move them. Wow...I couldn't be everywhere at once...I just hired mowers that came in, packed everything and moved it...then unpacked at the other end. They did a great job...but there is a mountain of unpacked stuff stacked everywhere. Wow. Wish I had realized what was going to happen
Since Mom couldn't come home from rehab without a handicap place to come to, and since Dad was completely unable to be alone at all....the move had to happen like that
Now... We have to sort this place out. We have to get rid of the mountain of tools and books, and hobby stuff, and computers (5 of them..I think). Cables like you would not believe. Quilts. By the hundreds. Fabric in piles to the ceiling. I don't think a towel or pillow case was ever worn out or donated in 40 years!
Stuff.....everywhere. Stuff
The job to sort it out. Donate..give away. Sell. And down size into a 1 bedroom place is daunting. Now add to this all of my Dads stuff too. His stuff fills a large walkin closet all by itself! Just Wow!
Good point about the neighbors. When her new neighbors started to invite her to their condos, she compared her place to theirs and says they're full of things and big pieces of furniture and her place looks too bare. I told her that's because they kept their things from their houses and she didn't. She said again: "Well, it's too late now!"
I've never heard of an elderly parent doing what she did. The more I think about the situation, the more I wonder about problems with her judgement.
Dad's books and bookcases were like a cocoon for him.
So I am on my third move with all these books, now back to my house once I get the bookcase set up I can empty all those boxes and bags of Dad's books. If they are neatly placed in the bookcase, then I can deal with them later on. I did throw out the most current encyclopedia, it was 1960. The other set is over 100 years old, so some day I will go through the books.
I think my cats have OCD, they tend to get upset if there is something new brought into the house, or if there are bags/boxes of "stuff" on the floor.