I'm so exhausted. I know he's suppose to be my dad and I have to take care of him but it's so challenging. I wasn't trained to take care of anyone suffering from his disease. My mom lives with us but every chance she gets, she leaves the house. Yes she's the only one providing for the family but every time I would get a job. She'd guilt me into quitting to take care of my dad. I haven't had a job in 8 months and my mother is giving me crap about not contributing to the family forgetting that I'm the one taking care of her husband. And when I would ask her for a little help or a shoulder to talk to, she'd brush me off saying that she has bigger problems. And when I would recommend getting a nurse or putting my dad in diapers, he sh*ts everywhere, she'd act like she's so offended. I don't know what to do. I've been having suicidal thoughts just to end this. So I would not have to deal with my family's just be patient crap when it comes to dealing with people with Alzheimer's and Dementia.
Give mom notice to quit. She will forgive you on time. You can help her problem solve caregiving without being the caregiver.
Also look into free support groups for caregivers. Often hospital community education departments either have the groups or know where they exist in your community.
Sending Hugs to you!
You can only be a doormat if you lie down (I think that's from Dear Abby). If your mom won't consider any resonable changes (Diapers, Meals on Wheels etc) then you need to leave.
Have you dinished school? Ever held a job? What is going to happen when dad dies? Will you be employable? How will you support yourself?
These are hard questions. Think about them.
Your father's care is actually your mother's responsibility. She's palming it off to you - to be the full time caregiver. What's worse, she's not even supportive for you. Remember - this can last for decades. I think You need to find a job and make your way in the world. You can still help your dad by putting aside time to be with him - you decide how much you want to do this.
I'd start by contacting the various organizations: Alzheimer's org., your local government elderly division , Meals on wheels, etc... Find as much programs as you can to which your father may qualify. If he's on Medicaid, I believe they cover diapers. Why won't your mother have your father wear diapers? Pride? Ashame? Denial that he has dementia? Of course, if She was the one cleaning up after his mess, I'm positive she would be fast to get him on the diapers. As it is, you're doing all the work, and she thinks you have it easy. I mean, you stay home all day doing nothing. {eyes rolling} As long as you're home taking care of your father, your mom has no incentive to make any changes. She likes the current status quo.