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My mom was a wonderful person. She had many flaws, yes, but she tried and cared for me the best she could. When she died, one of her closest friends told me she may have given you birth and raised you, but it didn't take long before you became the mother. She didn't want me after losing two other children but she told her friend God knew best and provided this lovely person to see her through life.

Two days before she died I prayed with her. She was so miserable and her breathing was a struggle even on while on a ventilator. She was terrified of death, even as a Christian, so I talked about Phil 4 and anxiousness. I said God your child is anxious and scared but you are here with her guarding her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, please relax her and reassure her of the great life that awaits her. I told her everything would be okay and don't worry, you're in the best of hands of the one who can give you an abundant life eternally. She smiled and I kissed her forehead. I thought well done mom, you good and faithful servant. Go live in that awesome mansion and have a great time!
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jbo928...You did a good job letting her go.It was wonderful of you to pray with her.
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I wish I was putting in Mother's curls tonight and I wish I could hold her and tell her I Love her and she'd hold me.Hopefully Dad is holding her,in Heaven.
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Lucky I was just having a moment thinking that today last year was Mom's last conscious day. May 9th is the anniversary of her death. I have been feeling out of sorts all day today. I guess thats why.

I wish you were putting in your Mother's curls tonight too Lucky. :(
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I still can't believe Mother is gone sometimes and that it is truly all over.For 9 and a half years,I fed her,medicated her,changed her,bathed her,did all the hostpitalizations with her,radiations,falls,trips to the E.R.,surgeries,all the extra dishes and laundry,took her anywhere and everywhere she wanted or needed to go,took our daily walks,and all the Hospice the last 3 and a half years with people constantly coming-the nurse,the pharmacy,the oxygen,the bathaid,ETC. and now,Nothing.......suddenly.It's So quiet now...too.Mother's belongings surround me in every room and this big old home I love has Never seemed bigger or emptier.I am still amazed that one little human being needed so much care.I never stopped and I never got done.I always slept beside her with one eye open.I ran on adrenalin I guess.I was always scared.Then it really happened.She died.I thought she would come back......she always did before....but not this time.I don't know what I'm going to do without her....she was my purpose for so long.I'm trying though and somehow I'm still surviving.I really miss her...........................tonight I will try to go back to my old bed,again and I'll eat dinner withmy husband instead of by myslf next to Mother's empty chair.I realize she's not coming back.
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This entire thread was missing when I came over to see what you wrote, Lucky and Gershun. So happy this special space is here again-a good place to share feelings!
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My mom was 101 and three months when she passed. She was born in NJ, Worked in a store for a few years after high school and then married my father when she was 21. First came my sister, than me - 9 years later. Mom never worked after she married. She was a homemaker all her life, loving and devoted to my Dad and my sister and me. She had no other interests or hobbies, which is unusual. My father passed away from pancreatic cancer when he was only 65. Mom was never the same. She didn't know how to be by herself without someone else.
Mom was always there for us. She cared for my niece, she helped me out both financially and emotionally when I went through a divorce. She was always there for me, always cared. She was my best friend.

Fifteen years later she married my father's ex partner and she became a different person. He was a horrible horrible man: misogynist, selfish, domineering, jealous of my father and arrogant. She was married to him for ten years and during that time she was like his pet, his dog, his servant, and he did all her thinking and controlled where she went, what she ate. He never let her be alone with me or my sister. We were glad when he passed away because Mom had developed anxiety attacks and he scared her telling her she was having a heart attack and shoved nitro in her mouth. She would never have lived more than a few years had he been around.
But, when he was gone, she still was lonely. We finally talked her into moving to independent living where she resided for 8 years. She was never a happy person, always shy and bored with herself. When dementia got too bad we moved her to assisted living.
She was independent, stubborn, strong and healthy. She was blessed with a loving heart, devotion to family and almost perfect health, never sick, never took any medication except antidepressants.
She refused to use a walker and finally fell badly enough that she was no longer able to walk and ended up in a nursing home.
She spent the last 5 months of her life there, confused and struggling to get out of bed or wheel chair, refusing to give up. They called her the energizer bunny, Finally a fall that fractured her pelvis put her on her final journey. By then her dementia left her confused and deafness even with hearing aids made communication impossible. We wrote notes on a white board. To watch her fail was the most painful thing I have even experienced. She was a shell, not my mom any more, just a very very old lady who was mentally suffering. We were relieved when she passed. She had always said she didn't want to ever be in a nursing home, she was fiercely independent and strong and proud. So when God called her, it was a life well lived but time to go and be with my Dad and for us to get on with our lives and try to remember the person she really was.
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Thanks for sharing your Mom's story AmyGrace. I am glad for you that she is at peace now.
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Xxx
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I just got home from going to Mother's grave.Her name had been engraved on the stone and the dates,Her Birthday in 1929 and the day she died,my Birthday in Dec.2015.Now I'll have to see that everytime I go and it hurts so bad.I'll never understand why of ALL days,and after fighting so hard for so many years it had to be that day......and nobody should have to pick out their Mother's casket on their Birthday either.I just don't get why.
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Lucky hun I feel for you. Dad died 2 days before my birthday and they wanted the funeral to be on my birthday but I declined. I couldn't face that as well. I think that is really why I don't want to be buried - that and I would contaminate the earth in all likelihood - well thats what Mum says. It is difficult sweetheart but trust me whatever day it had been would be etched in your mind xxxx
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The earth just cannot hold some persons, spirit, or angels. I can think of One.
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Luckylu that is too bad that your Mom had to die on your Birthday. My Mom died just 4 hours short of Mother's Day. I guess it was Mother's Day somewhere in the world.
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I hate the way it all played out.Getting to and through Christmas was so difficult with 2 birthdays before on top and I almost lost her Dec.13th and I felt our time running out and I saw her fading and then we stayed up the entire night Christmas Eve and wished each other "Merry Christmas" at midnight and I wrapped gifts all night long until everyone came for our usual Christmas morning celebration but Mother couldn't move out of her lift chair and she couldn't make it to the living room where the tree and gifts were to see all we'd done together and the 3 of us "kids" brought her our big gift to her and I opened each one for her and she smiled and thanked us and then fell asleep and my Uncle came and he and I knew she wouldn't make it to his home that night for our Christmas dinner so we hoped she'd be better the next day but the next morning at 11:10 she began her awful breathing and began to leave us but Mother didn't want to die and leave us and she was scared to go off by herself she said,so she fought against death for 16 and a half hours straight.And then she left forever and then just hours later,I had to help plan her funeral and pick out her casket,write her obituary,the visitation and funeral and then the burial and suddenly everything as I knew it changed.I just hate how it all played out and I never dreamed it would be like it is now.
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Oh Lucky and others my heart goes out to you guys. Even though I knew my mom's time was short, I was glad I got to see her on Easter this year, as it was the last time I would see her. When I got the call early Monday, I knew what happened. She fought hard too, scared to die, but the body can only fight so long in that condition.

Now that it's been a few months, I feel the grief is more profound. Her birthday has passed, and holidays are hard I'm coming to see. I miss her terribly and it's really settled in that she's gone. Even in my grief though, I still am thankful the Lord took her, rather than for her to suffer long. Several weeks after the funeral, I was sleep and saw her approach me and blow in my ear, something she used to do when I was a kid. It was her body but it wasn't. It was like she glided over to me. It felt so real I woke up and sat up in the bed. At the time it freaked me out, but now it brings me some comfort.

I try to look at old photos and other times before she got sick, as not to get caught in no man's land too long, and focus too much on the last few years. Her life was much more than that and worthy of the space in my head to think on those things. It doesn't make the grief go away, no, but even in the grief are times of smiling and joy over her life to make it more bearable. God bless you all for the love in your hearts.
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I love you dad.
everyone hated(s) me because I was your favorite.
I am sorry i didnt protect you from her.
You gave me all of you, and I gave all of me to you.
You trusted me and me only.
I am sorry I didnt protect you.
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mom, dad died and I wish i could talk to you... I guess it is better for you to not know... but i miss you and miss our talks...
I wish you could comfort me.
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Bringing this back to the top.
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Happy First Birthday in Heaven Mom.....
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Lu, What a positive and sweet expression to honor your Mom, in heaven, on her birthday today!
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Mother's Beautiful Hands
Those beautiful hands......
Decorated cupcakes for school and Halloween
Picked me up when I fell down
Changed my diapers
Nursed me back to health,over & over
Sewed the most beautiful clothes for me
Cooked the best meals & mainly best desserts
Made candies remembered by everyone
Did beautiful needlepoint & embroidery
Cleaned & made our house a home
Played dolls with me
Taught me to hold a book & read to me
Rubbed my back
Curled my hair and tied my bows
Held mine and made me feel safe and loved
Clapped for me
Drove me to my marimba lessons
Did crafts with my Girl Scout troup & helped me with Tiny Tots
Wrote me letters when I was far from home
Wrapped my wonderful Birthday gifts
Rode a bike to Springfield Lake and back home
Priced tags to sell our stuff we collected as"sh%t search'n sisters
Carried me to bed
Stroked my forhead and tucked me in
Performed "Charlotte" the spider in "Charlotte's Web"
Drove my friends and I around town
Wiped my tears away
Rocked me to sleep
Prayed for me and with me
Comforted me in troubled times
Dressed me for church
Loved me
Thank you Mother
I love you
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Bringing this back up to the top for YOU who have lost someone.
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Posting
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In memory of your loss...
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lost my son 2 days ago .
my letter to him would simply says " suck balls " .
thats man / son talk that means everything but what you might think .
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Okay Cap.........some of us say I love you. You say suck balls. Whatever works for ya.
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Thank you for your heartfelt contribution to the memory of your Son, Captain.
Too young to die, age 26.
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It took ALL I had in me to go to the mall,but I needed a top to wear for Thanksgiving so I forced myself to go.So many times I went to show Mom something or ask her something and then I'd remember and my heart would sink realizing she'll never be beside me again,I'm alone from here on.The Christmas music made it even harder and a flood of memories from last Christmas washed over me.The holidays I have dreaded are now here.
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Lucky I know how you feel. Going to the mall is the hardest for me. Mom and I spent so much time browsing together, stopping for coffees, then browsing some more. When I walk through the mall now I imagine the things she would say when I pass certain stores. We used to stand outside this store that sells bridesmaids gowns and fancy frocks. I'd always say, oh, you should wear that one on Christmas day and I'll wear that one and then the two of us would laugh imagining everyone's face.

This time of year is the hardest for people who have lost loved ones Lucky. Just try to think of your Mom fondly and cry if you want to. I get watery eyes quite a bit these days. But somehow when I am feeling the sadness for her, it makes me feel close to her too in a weird kind of way.

Take care Lu!
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Thank you Gershun~
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