I've been caring for my mom in my home for 4 1/2 years. She has alzheimer's and was diagnosed with lung cancer 5 months ago. She has been on the brink of death a number of times and always seems to bounce back. Although I have lots of support with hospice and friends and family, this back and forth emotional roller coaster is too much. When she is doing poorly, I feel like I can muster up and keep going because I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I gear up for the end, but then she has miracle style comebacks. The stress is causing me medical concerns of my own. I don't even know what my question is...needed to vent this morning. Anybody experience this??
To answer your question, you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I have just given up on trying to anticipate and plan on Mom living to 100. She beat Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and C-Diff.
It sounds like you have really devoted yourself to her. I haven't been in your exact situation, but I do know how much of a roller coaster ride it can be. It's so stressful. I've cracked at least one tooth from the stress. I'm not sure how to relieve it. I'm going to see my doctor and may start some meds or meditation sessions. It's not healthy for us to stay so tense and worried.
Do you have anywhere that you can go to get away and relax for a week? You sure do need some respite care. Perhaps other on this board can get you more details on how to arrange for respite care. God bless and I wish you and your mom peace.