So as many of you know I have been looking into getting my NPD mother out of my home. While she helped around the house with chores and bills (much needed) it was her constant unpredictable and explosive temper. Had to call the Police. I've talked to a couple of attorneys who aren't keen on evicting 'mom'. Here in the South, old people come first. I don't have a POA so can't force anything. One lawyer wanted me to do a conservatorship, which means it would be back to my responsibility to vetting a place, getting her on a list, paying for it, until when and if social programs kicked in and the wait list could be 2 - 3 years for Senior Housing. She's super capable so I resent that she is intentionally forcing me to do all this extra work, on top of my job, house, cancer dog and everything else. Now I see she has some sort of barricade against her door and hasn't been out for a couple of days. Knowing how cunning she is and smart, I'm betting she bought a mini-fridge and is keeping it up there, she's very strong, stronger than me actually. She has her own bathroom and shower. She told me I was going to have to force her out and I guess she is taking a stand. Is it me or is this legitimate crazy? That she has locked herself in? By the way still looking for attorneys. No one will call me back. One attorney told me she's mentally ill and no one will force her to leave.
I haven’t seen one single person agree with this nonsense of taking up for an abuser!
This kind of posting where someone takes up for an abuser honestly turns my stomach.
The mother is an abuser and one way or another she needs to go! Whether the OP is successful at evicting her or she sells her home, she needs to be gone, out of her daughter’s life forever.
The OP deserves to live in peace! Period!!!
I agree with Lealonnie! This is a SUPPORT forum. No one should come to this forum for help and be subjected to more ABUSE from a poster. I am thrilled that Lealonnie reported these insensitive posts that have occurred.
To the OP, I am very sorry that you have seen such foolishness. Please ignore it. We are all behind you 100 percent! Do whatever you need to do to remove your abusive mom from your life!
Save your “Be blessed.” That comment comes across in a very condescending tone.
You are not an attorney. You can’t give out legal advice.
I am going to ask you a question point blank. Think long and hard before you answer. Please let your conscience be your guide and try to be totally honest.
Here is my question for you.
WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION?
Any answer other than ‘No!’ is a crock!
You would not want to be abused! No one in their right mind would.
So why in the world would you want this loving and generous daughter who has truly tried to help her mom to be abused?
You owe her an apology. You owe all of us who are truly trying to help her an apology.
As far as you stirring the pot, it surely seems like the shoe fits.
This is the last message that I will type to you because I just can’t stomach any more nonsense.
My suggestion still stands though, since you are so fond of mentally ill abusers, then please offer your assistance by caring for the OP’s mother.
Then you will be the one who will be abused and be crying out for help and I am sure that you wouldn’t like it if someone tells you that she has rights to do as she pleases with you.
Please speak to someone that can help you find empathy for the abused person and not the abuser, you need professional help. Speak to a therapist.
I am not trying to be cruel to you. I sincerely want you to seek help. Maybe then you will see that you are wrong in this matter so you won’t continue to badger people who come to this forum for help.
This tale is a serious & challenging one. I know I personally wish the OP some change in circumstance.
But I'm sure no-one wishes ill or abandonment on an old lady to achieve that - whether sweet, sane, difficult or demented.
Strong feelings regarding abuse have been triggered by this thread. Which is understandable.
Notgoodenough has a really excellent reply. I hope the OP can really read that & take steps.
Detaching from abusers is essential for self-survival & growth.
The OP took her Mother in - but it hasn't worked for a long time. How to effect change? Very hard.
You say in your profile, you have rental property. I assume you are using that as a source of income. Sell it. Take the money and find yourself a small 1 bedroom apartment, as far away as you can possibly afford to go. Then let the house mom is in go either to the bank in foreclosure or to the county for non payment of taxes.
Then getting mom out becomes (one of) their problem.
I won't lie. This is an extreme solution. At the best you have a foreclosure on your credit report for 7 years. I don't know what exactly your financial situation is, but most of us would have trouble with that. And then there's the guilt you might end up with should moving mom out becomes, let's say, contentious with whichever agency ends up with that part of this scenario. Only you can decide if this is worth your freedom from mom and the misery she seems to love to cause you.
Again, I wish you all the best and send (((hugs))).
To the OP,
I sincerely wish with all my heart that you get your fresh start soon.
I have been in your shoes. Years ago I wanted to help a friend by sitting with her son. He physically attacked me and I experienced pain and was bruised very badly. He also head butted me. I was terrified! I came to realize he was abusing his mom and elderly grandmother too.
I don’t care what medical diagnosis someone has. They don’t have the right to abuse others!
The worst part is his mom told me that I was attacked because I couldn’t get away from him fast enough!
I am just over 5 feet tall. I weigh just over 100 lbs. He towered over me at 6’ 2” and weighs well over 200 lbs. I didn’t have a chance of defending myself.
So trust me I know how abuse feels. I thank you for confiding in me earlier in the beginning of this post in private messages. I totally understand your situation. I have enormous compassion for you. I wish you all the best.
Walk away as I had to do from my friend’s son. I was the only person that was willing to help her. This young man was controllable as a child. I had no problem with him then. I felt sorry for her because she was a single mom. As he grew into his later teens he became very aggressive! He was 19 years old when he attacked me. He could never be left alone due to his condition. As sad as it is he needs to be institutionalized.
You are smart! You recognize it’s abuse.
I made excuses for my abuser for awhile because his mom’s behavior caused me to second guess myself. After all, we had been friends for over 20 years. We aren’t friends any longer.
I went to a therapist to sort out my feelings. The first thing my therapist said to me was, “You’re being abused. Get out of this situation. This woman is not a friend.” He was right.
I will never side with an abuser. The rest will take care of itself. That’s why we have facilities!