My mom lives with us and she is dirty. She has only been with us for a month and a half and she has just taken a sponge bath one time.She has also been in the same clothes day and night. I have tried talking to her and even laid out her clothes and personal hygiene items in her own bathroom and I ran the tub. She just let it get cold and did not clean up. She needs a little assistance getting in the tub but it can be done and she is not shy. Her hair hasn't been washed in months and we were out in public and I put her in a wheelchair and when I was pushing her I could smell her hair yuck. Her hair is long and she keeps it put up. I guess that she thinks that if she combs her hair then that's enough well it's not . Other people are noticing too. She does not qualify for in home health care so it's up to me to try to fix this situation. She has totally taken over our livingroom and we can't even watch what we want to on TV because she hates our programs. All that she wants to watch are VERY old. We put cable TV and a very large TV in her own room and it is beautiful in there. I wish that somehow if she wants to watch something to her taste that she would use her TV that we got for her. She is set up in her own beautiful room but leaves her lamp on all night and her TV runs really loud all night. It is keeping us awake and we have tried many times to tell her it's too loud but she disregards it and turns it up when she can hear just fine. Help. I love my mom but this is my house too.
Get your self ready to talk to her truthfully about being part of this family. That it means bathing and clean clothes. That you like spending time with her around the TV but that everyone gets some TV time choices in the family room. If she doesn't want to abide by the basic hygiene and turn-taking rules, she is free to stay in her room. That she taught you about how to be a participating member of the family when you were a kid, and now she needs to do it, too.
Sometimes elders don't want to bathe because they can't smell themselves, because they are afraid of slipping, afraid of being cold, or want SOMETHING in their lives (their body) they can control. Given that she is pretty recently in your home, that could be the case. Also, there is a no-rinse bathing product (liquid no rinse shampoo, as well) you can get from a medical supply store that might be useful. BUT you will have to monitor its use, I'd bet. My own Dad used to stand in front of the running shower and never get in until I figured it out (the smell was the give away!).
So maybe launch the conversation with a discussion of why she doesn't want to bathe. Then move into the "no bathing is a deal breaker for staying here" discussion.
Things have flipped. It sounds like you are balancing respect for your mother with wanting respect for your position as homeowner. And, my guess is, you need to tip the balance toward a place that puts your household and family's needs above her singular desires. Good luck. And keep reading here...you will find lots of useful ideas!
We have the problem of the dirty hair, too. My mother-in-law was used to having her hair done every week, so she never washed it herself. Now that she hasn't been to the salon for months, I KNOW she hasn't washed her hair. She tells me she does, but I know. I'm going back down to help her move into an assisted living facility later this month and I'm going to approach this subject by asking her if she would like me to "do" her hair. She loves having it styled. I'm hoping she'll go for it, because honestly, I don't think it's very healthy to never wash your hair! Yuck!
It sounds to me like you need to set some boundaries with your mom, especially when it comes to her taking over the tv. She has a nice room with a tv, if she doesn't like what the majority wants to watch, she needs to go watch what she wants in her room. I think you might be giving her too much power in your own home. Also, if she has the volume up too loud at night, just go in and turn it down. Take the remote away or just unplug it, whatever it takes. She needs to respect the others in the house. Having dementia or whatever it is, is no excuse to treat everyone like this. Take control and set boundaries.
My Parent Won’t Shower or Change Clothes. What Should I Do?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elderly-parents-who-wont-shower-or-change-clothes-133877.htm
Good Luck :)