Mother is very ill with advanced heart disease and dementia. She was always very loving and sweet natured. Now she gets angry all the time. Seems like she is most angry with me than my siblings. So doubly hard. When she gets angry, she takes what I have said and twists it into a different meaning. I cannot explain what I meant and so I end up agreeing with her saying "yes, I did that and I am sorry". It is not a good way to handle things so I need advice.
Hope its okay to add a second issue and it is this. She seems to have sundowning in the morning rather than at night. Doctor has called it sundowning, but can it happen early in day? this is the time she is most agitated and upset How do I help her with that?
If her anger has some validity, agree with that part, and distract. If she says "You are so mean to me! You keep me cooped up all the time. I'm not in jail you know!" acknowledge the feeling. "I think I know what you mean, Mom. It makes me sad and angry too that your health is bad. I know what a great active person you've been and it must be awful not to be able to easily get around. It sure isn't fair, is it?" In other words, don't agree that this is your fault, but don't get defensive either. Acknowledge her right to be angry and move on. Don't get into arguments.
And don't ever take her accusations seriously. She is not in her right mind, remember? None of this is your fault. Keep reminding yourself of what she was like when she was cognitively healthy. That was the real mom.
Sundowning describes a set of behaviors. It got its name from when those behaviors most often occur, but "most" isn't "always." For your mom it is apparently early in the day. I haven't had to deal with sundowning, but many members have and I'm sure some will have advice.
Hearing problems are especially exasperating to deal with in those with dementia. Be sure you have her attention before you start talking to her. Speak as loudly as you can without sounding angry (which is very tricky to do). I'm glad that my mom at least repeats what she thinks I said, which can be quite funny, and I have a chance to say it again.
Be aware also that sometimes what appears to be a hearing problem is really a comprehension problem. The words got to the brain ok but signals are getting mixed in figuring out what the sound means. You might try shorter sentences and less information in one sentence.
There is an enemy in the house. It is not you -- it is mom's disease. Help her realize that but even if she can't, keep it in mind yourself. Be patient. And treat as the sweet, loving person she still is at her core.