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I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.

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BOJ, not a chance!
I’m gonna swipe your yarn and leave you a list of names!
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🙂
I crochet
so I don’t
choke people.

Save a life…Send yarn.
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My whine is, my body is starting to forget the fun and sun I felt last week 😔 . I'm in reality now, and don't like it at all. Blustery, snowy and cold this morning
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groundhog day on Sunday 🤞☁️🌧️🌨️
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Golden, February 1st tomorrow, we are getting though winter.
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((((way))))how's it going? Are the sibs still pressuring you? Did mil go to rehab? Hope the antid's are kicking in for your dd. It's such a time of stress for both you and dh. Are you able to take a break soon? Even a small one!

psue - thinking of you and your dh. Hope the meds are helping to calm him down ,and thus you and his sibs. Meanwhile you are adjusting to a new normal which isn't easy.

You mentioned somewhere I am very grounded. - Lots of practice in crazy situations, and a love of reality. I could never see why anyone wanted to take a mood altering (recreational) drug. I found reality was quite interesting enough. And writings of people such as Julian of Norwich , “All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Stay grounded in love -for yourself and others.

Eva and BOJ - I'm with you on chocolate!

Didn't get much sleep last night so I will take an easy day. It's snowing a lot here. Everything outside is white
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Alva ,
I ignore Probate questions . Estate Attorneys are needed at that point .
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Here's my whine.
Is there ONE question that you will NEVER answer again on AC?
Because I will never again answer
"How can I get paid to take care of my mother at home".

What's your favorite oft repeated? The one that makes you want to scream!
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I will join you in that BOJ.
Somedays chocolate is excellent choice.
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😉
...Someday I will solve my problems with critical thinking, but today it will be with chocolate.
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😉
“I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”
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I hate to say it , but it feels like Groundhog Day . Same as it was dealing with my late FIL and his second wife , a few years ago including with push back from “ step “ family about placement in AL . We wanted to do an intervention , and address it , both families united . The other family are letting the parents with dementia rule .

For now we have MIL willing to go to rehab tomorrow . The problem is MIL may begin wavering again because her partner with moderate Alzheimer’s is home alone with friends and the partner’s daughter stopping in .

At least we know now from experience , there is not more we can do at this point . We hope she goes to rehab and fails , so it will facilitate placement. MIL is very frail , face is bruised from another recent fall in the shower at home that she did not tell us about .

I am so glad this is the last of our parents . I’m so done with stubbornness .
DH and I hope we don’t do this to our children .
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Ooooh, Way - hard day! How are you holding up?
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Hospital social workers who say someone is lucid when they are not .

Extended family who think it’s easy to “ do the right thing , and lay down the law “, for a stubborn woman with undiagnosed dementia who will not move from her home .

Family wants us to travel to MIL for a few days . We are going for one day only tomorrow . She will undoubtedly sign herself out AMA on Friday instead of going to rehab . We will not enable this . We will not bring her home etc . She will have to get home from a friend and take care of herself or fail . Extended family will not understand why we don’t help her get home and stay with her a few days . We are not propping her up .

Thanks for letting me whine .😢😢😢
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casole - sounds wonderful. Have a great time and sure you can borrow my orange outfit! Happy Birthday!!!
Thankful for you that your bro is a help.
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An advance warning...
People with dementias or Alzheimer's will mess with their own mail, or that of their spouses or household.

They can discard it, hide it, or other fancy things.

Have a good birthday Casole.
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Psue - It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.
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Golden, I had never been a lover of bluegrass music HOWEVER, after I saw Oh Brother Where Art Thou something started tickling me in the brain and I couldn’t let it go. The “origins of the origins” are like sandbags to me, rooting me to the ground; Irish, Scottish, even African! When you listen with your heart you can hear it!
I still don’t love to listen to it but my appreciation is off the charts!
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casole, I’m so jealous! How lovely to leave all this behind, if only for a weekend. Happy Birthday!
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Thanks Golden 23, trying!

She retrieved the tax form online yay (and had opted out for paper in 2022 so we will work in going back to paper... I'm all for online stuff mostly but will NEVER have tax forms sent online. Seen too many elderly folks miss them, lock themselves out and adult kids (like me now...) have to find passwords etc in my financial career.

Self care - check! I am going away for two nights for my bday next Thursday and Friday. My brother will be on call.

The hotel we are staying at has a spa with mediation loungers and I cannot wait to sit in a zero gravity chair with a weighted blankie and eye pillow with noise canceling headphones and listen to mediation sounds for a FULL HOUR!!

I've also reserved a "grounded earth" session that includes guided breath work, face and scalp massage topped off with pressure point foot massage.

I'm very blessed to be able to do this, and my parents want me to have fun and my brother is happy to help and he's been a huge help clearing out their storage unit.
He's laid off during winter months. So I'm grateful for good sibling relations.

May I borrow your orange dress? 😹
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((((casole)))) Sounds like a merry-go-round. Hope the nurse psych appointment goes well and helps both of you. Paperwork and errors related to it is the pits. You will get it sorted. Hope the move goes well. You are looking after your parents well. Be sure to take care of you too. Give yourself a break once in a while.
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Mom is having an anxiety attack over her social security report of benefits for 2025 and her 1099. Dad got his, she didn't get hers. It's odd because dad also got his notice of future rep payee a month or so ago, after we filed it but mom didn't get hers.... So three things he's gotten and she hasn't. I hope the didn't mistakenly decease her Clearly this anxiety is hereditary 🤷🏻‍♀️

So we will call or go online together tomorrow. Sigh.

I'm a little concerned as well but trying to keep her calm with the facts i.e. We will get it resolved, there are numerous ways to get it, they are not going to keep her refund etc etc. She worries about money terribly. It's just another hassle/step bc the new login.me etc blah blah and blahhhhh..

Plus my dad running around here like a banshee bc of the snow and his endless chatter about himself and all of his tasks doesn't help her (or me lolll)

Luckily we have nurse psych practitioner at 4 so hopefully that will calm us all down. Mom almost canceled bc she's afraid to walk outside after a storm, I don't blame her but she really needs this appointment today.

Plus we are in the middle of preparing thrm to move..

I knew I shouldn't have brought over the tax form from their mail today.. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I hope everyone has a calm and peaceful day. 🕊️🙏
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Tired pixie, I feel the same. Hang in.
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Thx send. We afre trying.

Ask AI if an inaccurate lie is the truth lol.

Whatever floats your boat. You're having fun. That's what matters. Free helps too.
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Golden,
You are quite fashionable. Your outfit sounded great! You are living the good retired life now. I like the idea that you can never be too dressed up.

My dH and I are entertaining ourselves by trying to test Ai (AI) with strange questions.
We have found that Ai has a few readily identifiable characteristics.
1. In videos, AI will repeat the story over and over, using slightly different words.
2. There is always an inaccurate lie in there somewhere.
3. It contains material that is often characteristic of how a foreigner would speak.
(foreign to us in the U.S.)

So, people, if you want to find out if the world is ending, google this:
Does Chicken Little have Cassandra Complex?

Scroll on by if you just don't find our silly pursuit funny. At least it's free.
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dredk and tiredpixie, I'm sorry for your situations. The future can look bleak. It's hard to understand why life lingers, and why there aren't better resources for the increasing population of elders.

A little humour here. On the weekend, R and I went to a Bluegrass Festival in the city. We enjoyed the performances from the little kids who played, to the award winning band. it's not my favourite type of music but I think that any music played well is worth listening to. And the festival had a good family atmosphere.

Having never been to a bluegrass event, a few days before I asked R what I should wear, and he said what you have on now is fine. There will be people there dressed very casually to others dressed up.

OK!

I was a little mortified once we were settled in our seats to see that people were universally very casually dressed, is mured shades of light grey and beige to dark blues and black. R was the best dressed man is a dress shirt and slacks but at least he followed the general colour scheme - blue and beige. I, on the other hand, stood out like lava flowing from a volcano at night. Yes, I was dressed in orange, not a dark dignified autumnal orange, but an almost fluorescent spring orange reminiscent of the colour of some african daisies I have grown.

R said, "There's nothing wrong with standing out."

I guess there isn't if you plan to, but I hadn't.
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Tired Pixie, you might like the ‘New Decalogue’ by a lesser poet at the time of the potato famine in Ireland, Arthur Clough. “Thou shalt not kill; but need'st not strive Officiously to keep alive”.

Sarcastic then, but now it can be applied literally to many in the medical professions.
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Welcome TiredPixie,
The slow decline is so hard for Mom and for you . (((Hugs)))
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My whine today. I’m 66, working fulltime, and caregiver fulltime too. Nothing makes me more atheistic than watching my mother slowly deteriorate, day-by-day, without the mercy of an easy death, after years of being a “faithful servant.” On the pastoral trauma team in Shanksville 2001. Medical missions work. Served a congregation for years. Watching her inexorably slip into confusion and helplessness. Her church doesn’t visit or call or text. It’s me, her atheist daughter who is here for her, not her god, not her church, not her “brothers & sisters in Christ.” She doesn’t deserve this indignity.
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dredk,
The waking thing is normal to everyone. Mothers with little babies, people with jobs, teachers, school kids. Once Mom is gone you will worry about what may happen to you. The darkness scares us all.
Divert yourself. Whether white noise, soothing music, of whatever, divert you mind. Hey, I do true crime podcasts when/if I wake up. One therapist's book suggests you change that night monster into a real monster, acknowledge and welcome it with its boring and repetitive nonsense. Let it go on and on and tell it "But you already SAID all this". Decorate it, tell it it looks silly, whatever.

WE ARE ALL AFRAID sometimes. We are ALL WORRIED sometimes. And you have circular thought out this thing about Mom over and over.
As Dr Laura says, not everything can be fixed.
As the Serenity Prayer says "Serenity to accept what you can't change, courage to change what you can, wisdom to know the difference."
Happy dreams.
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