My "whine moment today." What's yours?

My DH got me a weighted blanket for my birthday. I love it. I like heavy blankets anyway though, even (or especially) with the A/C on. I'm pretty cold-natured. The pellets inside can be a little noisy every now and then if I'm tossing and turning, but it's not too bad. The only drawback to it for me is that it's so comfy it makes it hard to want to get up when the alarm goes off.

Why are doctors so worthless in helping a caregiver? I could write down 4 examples for every BVFTD behavior my Dad has but all he got today was a basic memory test and did ok on it. So it was a complete waste of time & money and lots of tantrums for absolutely no help. I just wanted a mood stabilizer and maybe Ativan for when he’s really getting crazy. Its So frustrating.

I feel for you. I'm not sure frustrating covers it!

The simple answer, though, is that you're not the patient.

Did you at least get the chance to describe the patterns you've been observing? What did the doctor say about them?

CountryMouse; I tried to tell her but she didn’t seem to know what I was referring to. I think she primarily knows about Alzheimer’s and general memory loss but nothing of the scope I’m going through. Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia isn’t really well known. There’s definitely short term memory issues & lack of understanding at times no matter how many different ways I explain it. The tantrums and potential for physical abuse concerns me. He has a history of physical violence against my mother. Now I’m in waiting mode & desperately hoping something shows up in his Ct scan.
Then maybe just maybe I can get him on some mood stabilizers. Unfortunately I can’t use CBD products or I’d have been putting it in everything including shampoo!

I thought things would be better now that mom is under hospice and has an extra worker. Hospice is fine. But my sister and dad are still working against me. And now the new caregiver has basically made herself a sitter. I come in to find no diapers and no fresh clothes to start my week. Then I get there to find mom had a ruptured blood vessel in her eye and no one noticed.

Fast forward to yesterday and dad is accusing me of putting mom (whom has dementia) against the sister whom lives at home with her. Then told the state worker how we come in late all the time and don’t do this and don’t do that. He feels what he says should go. The state worker kind of pressured me to comply and so I told them both I’ll call my supervisor to resign.

I had already given away almost all of my days. Now I’m to the point of walking away completely and trying to get unemployment. But I’m depressed and torn yet again at the thought of leaving mom behind. The other two can go to that fire place where they belong. And the caregiver only does bare minimum.

That's my whine moment that has lasted all day.

My non-whine moment is we also watched the fireworks, enjoyed a non-scary movie, and attended a wedding out of town. Trying to find some things to take some of the stress off of caregiving.

anawry,, I am confused. Do you take care of your mom, through an agency? I know others who do this. If your family is working against you,, then yes . Pick up another client, and let dad and sister call the shots with a new CG. Who is "we" ?

pamzimmrrt, yes it is through an agency. Two elders in the home (mom and dad). For five years I took care of both even though I was only on payroll for one. My daughter came in a year ago to help. Daughter was very part time with dad.

My whine - since I am now in my 70's, I am finding the doctors, dentist, etc. that I have used for decades and decades are now retiring. OH NO !!!

Oh, how I miss the dentist I have had since 1973. I believe I was one of his first patients right out of dental school. The new dentist I have now looks the age of Doogie Howser.

Next month my dermatologist is retiring. Not only was I her patient for many decades, so were my parents. She and I use to compare notes when our parents got up into their 90's.

Wonder who is next on the list. I've just gotten too old to train someone new :P

Boy,I hear ya FreqFlyer!
I just hate starting all over again with a new doctor,etc. I think,where do I begin and with which ailment.

luckylu and freqflyer, I'm there too.  New to me doctor, 15 minutes for a wellness visit!  Where do I start.

It's been a very troublesome day. My department manager left a note for me about a cake order. I had confused decorations on an order. She had said that mistakes are inconvenient for her and the customer. I make every effort not to make mistakes but I am human and I get that we are short staffed and I can't do anything about the short staffed thing. I am tired of getting yelled at by customers because I have to say no to them when I can't take any more cake orders for the weekend. I am just burnt out with my job and it's only a part time job at a grocery store. They expect the moon but don't give enough resources to succeed.

My Dr. who I had been seeing since I was 22 retired just around the time I started menopause. She knew me inside and out (literally).

New physicians are hard to come by here in Canada. I started seeing this new male doctor around the same time and he barely looks at me. He just types into his laptop while I talk. I'm sure he wouldn't recognize me on the street if he saw me. Since I don't like getting paps done with male doctors I went for my last one with a female Dr. that belongs to the same practice. I swear it was the most painful pap smear I've ever had. I'm sure they heard me groaning in the next office. My old Dr. knew to be gentle with me cause I fainted once when I was getting one with her.

Ah getting old.............the joys!

Evermore, sorry for your stressful day. Does your boss know you are only human?

Won't it be great one day when you win the lottery and smash a cake right in her face before you leave. Just keep dreaming of that day.

The smashed cake in the mean bosses face gave me a good laugh and start to the day! I have been depressed the last few days especially. I had a couple of bosses like this and picture them getting a pie in the face or a car towed, bird poo covering their windshield, etc. I would imagine the old boss in comical or disaster scenes from movies and it felt better, pies in the face, dinosaur attacks... silly maybe, but it all made me feel better imagining it.

I dream about moving out of state someday, but dread the change of doctors especially, if we decide to go. My old dentist did retire, was replaced by another dentist we didn't like, so I made a change after the hygenist cracked my tooth with a cleaning tool, and we are much happier now. Keep looking if you don't like your doctor. Also the gynocologist can use different sized speculums....I didn't know this until I almost passed out it hurt so bad when a larger size was used. Next time I reminded him to use the smaller one and it went well. I had a female gyno once and she began practically yelling "what is that?? What is that??" when she went to do the exam. Just about scared me to tears! It was just razor burn on my leg!! I have very sensitive skin and sometimes get razor burn when I shave. I never went back. I don't care who does the exam as long as the doctor is calm and competent. Who needs hysterics at a most vulnerable moment like an exam!!

Ah doctors. Around here you are still lucky to find any taking on new patients so you take what you can get, I'm wary of mine because he comes across as arrogant as well as young and might not take it well when I question his advice - hopefully it never comes up.

And nasty bosses - it's bad enough having to go to work every day without having to put up with attitude. It's one of the reasons I've retired early, I'd rather live like a pauper to stretch out my savings than put up with that.

I worked at an office once where people got fired for leaving the coffee creamers out overnight.

I got a memo once cause I yawned at my desk. I was summoned into the boardroom and handed the memo. It said "I must comment on the disgusting noises and the way you presented yourself at the desk" For yawning?

I don't know if you've all seen the commercial for the candy Malteasers where these two women stand at attention on either side of a desk at a very corporate office. One of them points the fan towards the other and the fan blows the candy over and she quickly pops it into her mouth before the boss notices. That ad always reminds me of that office I worked at. We weren't even allowed to suck on a mint.

They went out of business shortly after I quit. Yay!!!

Hello and Good Morning Everyone,

I am new to this site/forum. I have been reading
through some of the comments, and I will be
keeping everyone in my prayers.

I had been receiving occasional emails from this
site, but I hadn't paid any attention to it until
today. Maybe it is a sign from GOD. An answer
to my prayers.

I have been asking GOD for support not only for
my elderly parents, but for me and my husband
and our family.

As many of you, we have a lot going on. Elderly
parents, children & grandchildren. Divorced
children. 1 child who is homeless in another
part of the country. We are grieving the loss
of family members. I suffer with depression,
but I don't really have time to deal with it,
because I'm dealing with other things.

I don't get good sleep, and I'm a little overweight.
My husband and I have downsized already. I didn't
want to fall into the situation my elderly parents
are in. My Mom doesn't want to move, but
my Dad does. They can't afford to live in the space
they are in, and it is causing a financial hardship.

If anything, this is teaching me how I want to age.
I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I don't want
to make it hard on my children & grandchildren as I
age. Even though we are considered seniors now
ourselves, outside of the depression & chronic fatigue,
I'm doing great! I have to fight for a good day everyday!

I had to create work for myself, because I couldn't find
a job that would work around my depression & fatigue.
I tried applying to Social Security, but they denied me
twice, so I gave up. I have an over 40 year medical
history, and they denied me still. It's almost as if they
don't even look at your case. They just let you file, and
hit the deny button, and move on. So I rely on my husband's
income, and the money I bring in from my online sales.

It's still a struggle, because we are torn between our
obligations, my parents, our children & grandchildren.
I can see why seniors get depressed. I would love
to be able to go back to work, but I don't want to get
out there and not be able to keep up.

I have great skills. I'm very computer literate. I've been
selling online for 13 plus years. Sales have slowed, but
I still hang in there. Maybe I can find a company that
would allow me to work from home in a call center
capacity. That would really give me a sense of accomplishment.
No one ever wants to stay home and not contribute to
the overall needs of the home. My parents taught all of
us growing up that everyone in the household had to
do something. Even down to the littlest one who were
just starting to walk. My Mom would give my little
siblings a towel in their hand, so they could wash
the hand prints off of the doors. We were a large family,
so she was really smart. She put us all to work in the
house, and gave us all age appropriate chores. My Dad
worked everyday for the military, and my Mom was a
stay at home Mom with occasional outside work
cleaning and cooking for other people. She also
would visit the sick at our Church. I guess that's where
I get my love for helping others from. From my Mom
and Dad. They were always helping someone. Always
giving a helping hand. Always volunteering to help
others. It's almost as if GOD gave them superpowers.
The more they gave, the more energy GOD gave them.

My parents never skipped a beat. I was their sickliest
child, and my Dad would often have to take me to the
hospital several times a week after getting off from
work working the graveyard shift for the military. He
sometimes would get a few hours of sleep, then get
up and take me to the Doctors office, or if I had an
medical emergency, he would have to come straight home,
and take me to emergency. He never complained!
He never got short tempered with me. Never got
angry at his workload as a husband, father, worker.


Thank you for allowing me to have my "whine moment" lol :)

To be continued.....

Sis had a boss that actively bullied her trying to make her quit - changing her duties at a whim, piling on an impossible work load and openly chastising her when she couldn't get through it all despite putting in 3, 4, 5 hours overtime (unpaid of course) every day. Of course everyone else in the office abandoned her so that the ogre wouldn't look their way. She truly came to believe she was too old and slow and used to cry damned near every week when Monday rolled around.

I was daydreaming of handing in my resignation yesterday - I can't take the long hours anymore

then, I got an email from a former co- worker of more than 30 years ago - he's networking and looking for work -
now granted this guy has changed jobs nearly every two years his entire career and is now having to cover it up with lies on his resume -
but, he can't get an interview - overqualified = too old

so, my wake up call, that no I can't quit - no pension or health care benefits

the house is a mess, laundry and grocery shopping to do, and weekend caregivers for the Viking have called off so I'm off to hoca and then will head into the office for hours on a Saturday - cover breakfast and lunch on Sunday with the Viking and head back into the office ......

My grumble for the day.... I saw on the news the other day that food manufacturers of condiments are leaning more toward those upside down light plastic squeeze tubes, and not using glass or heavy plastic containers for ketchup, pickle relish, mayo, mustard, sour cream, etc. NOOOOOO !!!

Have those manufacturers ever asked what seniors think of that idea? If someone has any type of pain issues in their hands, might as well start learning how to eat food without condiments :P Or pocket the little packets when eating out at fast foods !!

I tried one of those upside down sour cream containers and it took two hands to get the product out. Felt like I was adding thick tooth paste to my taco chip. Eventually I had to toss the product out before it was half way gone, my hands just couldn't take it.... and here I have zero pain issues. Give me the old fashioned round tub and spoon.

Also tried a pickle relish upside down container. It made a very unappetizing sound, and eventually the relish got all stuck in the tube opening. Another one into the trash.

It looks like the theme is bosses. I worked for a boss over 20 year never made more than 15 dollars a hour. I had very flexible hours and I was sick with crohns disease. He was always spending more than he had. And brought the company down with his abuse of credit cards and he did drugs to win over young girls. I was slowly working less and getting more sick enough to go on Disabilty but how do you live on 1300 a month to much for insurance help. Right at the beginning of my Disabilty I found out my boss had a major heart attached and died leaving everyone holding the bag. The ex girlfriend and his daughter came in and took everything. Poor customers. Now I live in 96 yr old MIL House with my family of 4. I have all her caregivng problem plus I just found out my sister has stage 3 lung cancer. And 4 year old dog a inoperative tumor 3 months tops I am so depressed. Thank god its summer it helps a little. (I mean I could go on)

Wow Nurserygirl that's some whine - I'm speechless.

((((Nurserygirl)))))

Welcome mom and dad. Keep reading here and vent or talk about whatever you care to. We have all been there.

Bad bosses, the worst, my last position. Got written up for an untied shoelace once. Seems so hard to believe that was three years ago.

Then the runner up, a very close tie the real job before starting to care for mom. What is it with female bosses, I think she felt threatened by me. I was working for a large, international contractor that knew I was doing my job well. B u t, the bit, was the client for a large company, so I was laid off. Then on to caring for mom.

Ugh

so so frustrating when a good product is bought out by another brand and cost cuts ruin it

the lanolin / beeswax barrier cream that I've been using on the Viking for nearly two years has been replaced with an inferior formula - no beeswax

bad enough the packaging no longer contains a sealed covered but the 12 jars I ordered through Amazon must have been stored in extreme heat on their sides

I pulled a jar out of the box only to have the unscrewed lid come off in my hand and to see the product was stinky and mis-shapened, not at all the emoilient cream that has kept the Viking's bottom free of redness and sores since the awful fungal infection she suffered from the antibiotics with sepsis

grrrrrr😡

Well that's going straight back to the supplier, MsMadge, no?

See if anyone's been hoarding the old formula on Amazon to tide you over while you find a replacement. Are you allowed to name names?

I HATE it when accountants meddle!

Madge, what is it? I can be magic when trying to find discontinued items. A Burt's Bees product?

You could place this new product in the case, in the trunk of your car, on a hot day, to at least try to get the shape back.

Waaah, Microsoft made me update my accounts this morning, now I'm worried that I won't be able to log on to my computer tomorrow - it's happened before.

So sorry you are suffering NurseryGirl, I hope life turns around for you and your family soon. {{{hugs}}}