I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
this lazy jerkwad bum has lived off of them his entire adult life minus one year and he just threw a fit because my dad paid him ONLY $67 to help the handyman build the gate. Dad said it was for 4.5 hours of work. Brother got mad and said he worked 5 hours and wanted $120! I cannot believe this! He’s lived here rent free, no job, they’ve paid for his clothing, basic necessities, food, alcohol, cigarettes, paid for his car and his car insurance......why is my dad even paying him? If my dad wants to pay him, that’s not my business, I just fail to understand why my dad even felt obligated to pay him!
and then he has the nerve to complain my dad didn’t pay him enough? My God. I have no words for this. My blood is boiling! All week I’ve watched him treat them aggressively and with hostility. He’s been bossy and controlling and now this? I just don’t understand. How did he get so entitled? Is this what happens to people who sponge of their parents for 16 years? Unbelievable!
I hope he sees the light one day. Thank God you balance out your family.
I do have a small flip-phone with a slide out keyboard. It's tiny so I don't need to carry-on luggage to haul it around. If anyone sends me photos, they are the size of a postage stamp. Oh well, the cell is mainly for emergencies, and robo-calls.
Methink with all this modern technology, our younger generation will be in rocking chairs by the time they are 40. I never see kids outside playing. Sig other grandkids are so glued to their Smartphone, and trying to catch up with celebrity gossip. Thank goodness the Kardashians weren't around when I was a teen-ager.
Oh dear, I took up a lot of whine space.... I will get off my soap box :)
Don't really think you were looking for answer; I just thought I would answer your question anyway!
She still has such an entitlement attitude and doesn't feel she should have to work for anything. She's never had to because she's always had people to enable her. I've been guilty of enabling aka trying to help her in years' past, until I realized that I would never see a dime of it back, and that she was going to keep coming back with her hand out. No "thank you" or anything, more like "you owe me".
Frazzled & shell, thanks for sharing your stories! Glad I’m not the only one who has an ungrateful sponge but at the same time, I wish none of us did! It’s really amazing to me. You would think they would be grateful to those who enable them! I do have to say, my BIL doesn’t have an entitlement issue (yet), he just keeps making the same bad decisions over and over and has no problem asking others to bail him out!
My brother has gotten so bad that he thinks he has a say in the things my parents do! My mom had to get a new car earlier this year, and it had to be a small 4wd SUV. My brother told her she couldn’t get a Jeep because one of his best friends died in one! You should have heard him, he really thought she had to get his approval before she decided on a car. And his friend didn’t die because he was in a Jeep. He died because he and his female companion who was driving, were drunk and high on meth & lost control of the car while speeding down a 2 lane highway and they hit an elderly man head on and all 3 were killed instantly! Had absolutely nothing to do with the type of car they were in!
FF i laughed at that too!! I’m not THAT young and do remember making phone calls on the good ol rotary phone! My mom does OK with her iPhone, she uses a stylus because it’s easier than using her fingers. She was just so flustered and annoyed with my dad that she was having trouble with the phone, she wasn’t using her stylus either!
I do agree with you on electronics, kids and how future generations will be in their rockers by 40 but I will say that there are still a lot of us who make our kids go outside to play! My kids do spend a lot of time on their iPads but both are active in sports, can rollerblade, skateboard, ride bikes. We go hiking regularly. So there’s still hope for SOME of the youngesters! I do have a nephew that will be stuck in his recliner at 40 though. Don’t think he’s ever roller skated or skateboarded. Can’t ride a bike without training wheels (couldn’t peddle until he was around 6). He is just not used to being outside. On one occasion when we were asked to babysit him, we went to Starbucks with a couple friends, which we do once a week. We get tables outside and all the kids run around and play on the grass nearby. My nephew lasted about 20 minutes before he started begging to go back to the house every 5 minutes! And he’s at the house, and we are all outside, he sneaks back in to the house to watch TV or get on a iPad! I fear there are a lot of kids like him! And it’s the parents fault.....
we went to the moved to see The Lion King. Mom used her rollator and when the movie was over, she needed to change the battery on her Inogen oxygen tank. Unfortunately the extra battery was dead. So she panicked and said if she had to walk out to the car, she was gonna die because she couldn’t breathe. I told her to sit on the rollator & I would go get my brother (who was outside smoking) and have him push her out to the car. This theater doesn’t have the best ADA set up and there is curb in front of the theater and the ramp for wheelchairs and rollators is way off to the side. So I run outside and tell my brother what is going on and to go push mom outside and all of a sudden there is my dad pushing her towards us! Quite fast I might add. And he didn’t realize that the curb went straight down, he thought there was a dip like most stores have and he could push her right out to the car! My brother started yelling at him to stop because of the curb and he kept going! My brother sprinted over there and got him to stop just in time! If he hasn’t stopped, my mom would have gone backwards over the curb and slammed her head on the ground and with her COPD and no oxygen, she likely wouldn’t have survived the fall!! My dad wouldn’t have been able to stop the fall, he lost 3/4 of his left arm in a car accident so he has one good arm and one hook! But bless his heart, pushing my mom out to the car!
I totally get it! I’m the one who grew up with the junkie brother. As I have stated before he was a good kid before drugs. He fell into peer pressure. I wish with all my heart he could have beaten his demons. He beat it for awhile, even owned his own business. But kept falling down again. So sad.
Now if I want to see him I have to visit the cemetery. He died in 2013. He was only in his 60’s when he died, HepC.
It was a confusing and complicated childhood which stretched into my adult years as well. I tried so hard to help him.
Hey, for what it’s worth, while I suffered tremendously as a child and an adult. I also grew in many ways from the situation. Look at you. You are nothing like your brother.
Some are fortunate and have good examples to follow. Others like us had brothers that wrecked havoc in their lives. Through the grace of God we didn’t follow their example. We saw firsthand the damage caused from their behavior. It enabled us not to repeat it. We’re blessed because some people follow in footsteps because it has been their frame of reference.
It was hard watching my hard working ethical parents have to deal with it all. Back then. parents never knew how to deal with such things. Who thought to speak to their kid about heroin in the 1950’s? There was a lot of shame and secrecy in those days. No one truly understood in those days.
Many didn’t even view addiction as a disease, which we now know it as today, especially with the opioid crisis.
My husband has had major surgery where opioids were barely prescribed and physical therapy was bumped up to help with the pain. Doctors are not doling out the pills like they once did.
It’s very sad when the wrong choices are made and innocent people get hurt. Sad for everyone involved.
I know this though, Cali. I wish none of us had the unnecessary pain that we endure but sometimes it is precisely because of that pain that we are able to be grateful for the smallest of things.
That’s the case with me, anyway. I find joy in hearing birds sing, seeing flowers blooming, a beautiful sunset... I guess what I am saying is that while I have my down days, for the most part I don’t take life for granted.
I suspect you are the same way and appreciative for what you have in your life.
There have been many times I thought surely my parents would outlive him! I definitely learned from him. The havoc he wreaked on us when I was in my late teens/early 20s has helped make me who I am today. No doubt about that! Neither my husband or I has had anything in life handed to us. We’ve paid for our educations, worked hard to pay our debts, we’ve never had to ask friendship or family to co-sign on a loan and that is because.....we’ve had to survive on our own all these years. Unlike our brothers, we had to get ourselves out of financial jams. We learned NOT to overextend ourselves financially and NOT to do things we couldn’t afford, because it would be entirely on us to get ourselves out of that situation. Our brothers, not so much. My MIL enabled him the entire 18 years I knew her. She was always willing to help him out. We never asked for help but it was a Given, she wouldn’t have done it. She felt BIL needed her help. She never felt we did, and it was evidenced by certain things that happened over the years, the way she treated us compared to how she treated him. We knew we couldn’t ask her, so that was motivation to be good and live within our means. And then there’s my BIL......MIL has been gone for a year and he hasn’t changed a bit! He’s still making the same bad decisions. If SIL doesn’t completely take over MILs role, then maybe he will finally learn his lesson and fix his own messes & stop making the same bad decisions.
my brother.....is a lost cause. His mental health is not good. Lots of pent up anger. He didn’t drink all last week when I was there, he drank non-alcoholic beer. But I don’t know if that’s just because I was there....or if he’s really trying to beat alcoholism. I pray he will beat it & get his life together soon. He’s really not a bad person. He’s had a rough life but it’s not too late to turn his life around.
I agree, we are definitely blessed. And I don’t take that for granted. I do feel a lot of sadness when I think of what my parents have been through but I also know, they were the best parents they could be. My dad may have had major anger issues and a bad temper but for someone who didn’t have a “dad” figure until he was around 12, he was still a pretty good father. Minus the short temper and anger issues.
Sounds like our husbands have been through something similar with surgery and doctors who are afraid to prescribe opioids.
You have a beautiful outlook on life! I wish we could all have that outlook. I don’t wish a life of pain and misery on anyone.
Don’t blame you one bit. We do what we have to do. We can support those who want our support by helping them learn how to help themselves. I had to cut my brother out of my life at times too.
They have to be ready for it to work. You simply cannot help someone who isn’t capable yet of accepting help. It’s a long process. They are in denial. It takes time. For some it never happens so I get that you need to do whatever is best.
By not allowing him to manipulate others, in the long run you are helping him too.
My brother overdosed several times.
When I was about 6 or 7 years old my younger brother and I saw him overdose on our front porch. It was terrifying.
We didn’t know that he was using drugs then. Things were hush hush about the drug usage until we got older.
We thought he was dead. We ran into the house to tell mom that he collapsed on the porch.
I too thought he would end up dead from an overdose. It’s a bad feeling, isn’t it? HepC was a sad way to go but he’s at peace now.
You said it well. It is craziness. As a child I used to climb up the huge live oak tree in my back yard to my tree house. My safe zone, I suppose. I would look up at the clouds and dream. Want to know about what? A happy life where there was no more fighting between my daddy and my brother. Was terrifying to me as a young child. Plus, mom and dad were not always on the same page about how to handle it, so I would hear them fight. Off to my treehouse I’d go.
I was too young to take off by myself yet. Later on, I’d hop on my bicycle and ride for miles.
A revolving door, right? Druggies and alcoholics keep going through a revolving door.
So sad. Breaks my heart and those around them are helpless unless they are willing to receive help. All we can do is step out of the way so we won’t get trampled on anymore.
I think it becomes easier for siblings to walk away, for parents it is tougher.
I’m with you. Socks are a big deal to some people! Hahaha. My mom hates if I lose a sock. I’d rather buy more too. I have enough on my plate. Socks are not a freaking priority for me either!
I get that crap too from my brothers. I can’t stand ‘know it all’ people who really don’t have a clue because they aren’t around daily. If they were there daily they would change their tune, right?
I was in Burger Kings weeks ago and the young lady at the counter could not understand me talking to her in English.
What is wrong with the American workforce that some people don't or can't understand English?
It isn't an immigration thing, either. Recent immigrants are still interested in having their children taught to write and speak correctly, which is more than you can say for the rest of the population.
WTF IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY????!!!! WHERE ARE THEY FINDING THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY EMPLOYING THEM????
I'm sure she's a lovely girl and jolly good at her job. When she's not distracted by having to answer the phone or give information to anyone or anything complicated like that.
You're old, your hearing isn't the best, you are on the phone so there are no visual clues, and unless you are just doing a monthly check in you are probably under duress. Is it asking too much to have someone without a thick accent and an imperfect command of english on the other end of the line?
My best friend in the sixth grade came to the US with only the clothes on her back. Her family worked hard and studied to become citizens of the US. They came from Cuba. Her mom took a job working in downtown New Orleans with a neck tie company. She sewed the ties.
The other women working there spoke Spanish like she did. She was reluctant to learn English and it drove my friend crazy. She was embarrassed that her mom was not interested in learning English. She was tired of having to read everything to her mom. Her mom said that she did not need to learn because everyone at her work spoke Spanish and that my friend could continue to read to her. My friend loved her mom dearly but was growing resentful that her mom refused to learn English. It was terribly frustrating to her.
I liked her mom. She was sweet but she always had to tell my friend in Spanish what she wanted to say and then her daughter had to interpret for her. Her mom thought I was too skinny. I am thin. She insisted that I eat to ‘fatten up.’ I knew how poor they were and didn’t want to eat at her house but my friend begged me to eat just a few bites to make her mom happy so I did. She made fantastic beans.
It would drive me crazy not to know the language of where I lived.
My friend picked up our language more easily than her parents, kids learn languages faster.
I am not sure why some people are reluctant to learn a language but some are.
There have always been ghettos within cities where people of similar backgrounds and languages congregate and feel at home, and often the older generations have little ability or need to adapt to the culture of the majority. I'm not against cultural diversity, I just wish that people won't berate me or make me feel afraid to ask them to repeat something or I if fail to grasp cultural nuances. IMO there is altogether too much of an "us against them" mentality these days.
Went to Mc Donald on are way home from camping trip. We order our food and it came to $14.71. I gave the young lady $20.01. She looked at what I gave her and said, " you are short by .70 cents." I said, "No, I am not." She looked so confuse. She didn't know what to do, so she repeated "you are .70 cents short." I final said, "no, you owe me $5.30." Then she had a light bulb moment. She then said, "oh, I get what your doing" then she punch the amount into the POS system and it showed that she owed me $5.30. In total it took her 15 mins to figure out all she had to do was type in $20.01.
I AM easily hurt, and I DO mind.
If I start listing it all I'll just end up feeling even sorrier for myself, but oh I am tired.
"Mud can take you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry
Snow can burn your eyes but only people make you cry..."
And I miss Lee Marvin too. That's another thing I mind, what passes for a film star these days (grudging admission: there are honourable exceptions).
Very sad, isn’t it? Don’t try and order anything that isn’t standard on the menu either. They aren’t trained for anything other than pushing buttons. If brain cells are used to perform a function it’s going to be troublesome.
I love diversity. I agree with you. I did feel badly that her daughter had to constantly read everything in English to her and tell her what others said when they spoke English. She had to translate everything for her mom.
No one should berate you, cwille if you ask someone to repeat. That’s sad. It’s happened to me too. I get what you’re saying.
CM, I don't think people don't need any real talent to be a movie star and people today have no honor. That is just my opinion for what its worth! And CM it is ok if you don't want to pretend anymore.
Frazzled, I am not very good at pretending either. It always comes out.
CW, I agree with you. Whenever I have to call AT&T I get someone who I can't understand and I ask them to repeat and then I am treated like I am stupid or something. No one should be treated that way. And you are right "there is to much 'us against them' mentality." So sad! 😵
Mind you, I was in the supermarket on Sunday (emergency coffee shortage, I don't normally shop on Sundays) and noticed that the assistant was going at a regular gallop putting my items through the checkout. She's normally a bit hopeless and slow, this lady, but you'd have thought she was in a race; and she had her teeth clenched.
So... knowing I might be sorry.... I asked if everything was okay? To my horror, she at first managed to think I was criticising her for mishandling my coffee, but in a moment or two it emerged that the previous customer had been horribly rude to her, yelled that this was the slowest supermarket ever in history (that might be true, actually) and that she'd never experienced worse customer service (which I really cannot believe. No way. Hasn't the woman ever been to IKEA?).
Now this particular assistant has always looked to me like she's got emotional history of some sort. You know that anxious, hesitant, nervy type? How *anyone* could pick her to shout at in public I can't understand - it would be like kicking a kitten.
She would not stop saying sorry - sorry for rushing, sorry for being upset, sorry for having answered back (she didn't talk back. She told me what she said. She told the rude customer that she was not used to be spoken to so disrespectfully. If our assistant thought that was answering back, then I dread to think about when she *hasn't* stood up for herself) - and yes I did begin to be sorry I'd asked :/
There were customers waiting. All I could say was take a few deep slow breaths, and report the verbal abuse to your line manager, but I bet she didn't.
I don't remember why I started this anecdote...? Oh, rudeness, unkindness, lack of consideration. So it's everywhere, I suppose.